What do you do when weight isn't an excuse any more?

jmgj27
jmgj27 Posts: 531 Member
edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
So- I'm single and have been for a while. Hasn't worried me at all until recently. I just always used my weight as the reason- you know, who would fancy someone as fat as me etc.
Now I'm pretty much normal weight and a UK size 12, I don't feel that I can legitimately use the 'I'm fatter than all my friends' excuse.
Which means...what if it's me and I just have a horrible personality or terrible BO that no-one's told me about. And before anyone says it's just a matter of time- I'm 29 and I've been single for nearly five years. Yikes. Any sympathisers out there?

Replies

  • Heatherbelle_87
    Heatherbelle_87 Posts: 1,078 Member
    Ok I will and I wont sympathise with you. Because guys find girls of all sizes attractive, it just depends on the guy. but I have dated a string of bad guys and have finally found one Im taking it slow and nice with.

    What you need to do is analyze what you are looking for and how you are looking for it. Do you judge the guy based on appearance? even subconsciously? Do you even know what youre looking for? Where are you trying to meet guys? does your place of choice to meet them co-incide with the TYPE of guy you want to attract?

    Also. Where is your confidence level? Are you still shy? unsure about your body? Unsure about how to dress you body? I dont know how many times I have been told (and passed along because its true) CONFIDENCE is HUGE in attraction level. If you dont feel like you look sexy, if you let thedress wear you, you arent going to attract a guy or the right kind of guy
  • jmgj27
    jmgj27 Posts: 531 Member
    Very insightful comments- you're absolutely right- I don't really know where to look or what I want- it just all seems so much harder now that I'm not a kid anymore! Also, I have no clear body image at all- weird how that happens. Particularly I notice that when people look at me I automatically assume that I've got something on my face! My friends tell me that's not normal!
  • Heatherbelle_87
    Heatherbelle_87 Posts: 1,078 Member
    It is normal though, because Im sure you had it reinforced when you were bigger that you werent attractive, so you never thought a guy was "checking you out" and now youre unsure of the attention. You dont have alot of pictures so I cant really see how you dress your body but figure has alot to do with picking new clothes, especially after that big of a weight loss. Meeting people is different the older you gt, you dont have school to meet/see 300 guys pretty much at your will.

    I was lucky, I had a few guy friends (that are now exes but great firends now) that helped build me up and show me I was still sexy when I was bigger, they rebuilt my body image after had my son, but it was pictures that triggered me wanting to lose and they have supported me through all of it.

    But I dress for my body so most people guess my weight 10-30 lbs lighter because my clothes fit well and flatter my figure, you can be SKINNY and dress badly, and its less attractive and hurts your body image.

    You may actually need a night at a bar or club dressed pretty sexy with one friend you trust, just to get that re-programming ego boost.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I know plenty of people in your situation. My best friend is eternally single, and there's nothing wrong with him at all. He just hasn't clicked with anyone. Get out there, speed date, internet date, whatever it takes to meet as many people as possible!
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