My Story.... The Long Version.... The very long version lol.

Hey Everyone! I am in a mood write, so word of warning as the title says this is going to be long. This is my testamony; this is my story, the good, the bad, the everything. I feel there is no better time than now to put it to "electronic paper".

Ok so those of you that are on my friends list are pretty aware of my general routine, a pretty packed day to say the least, and it doesn't leave me with a whole lot of open time but I feel it's all worth it. For those that don't know me yet, I'll post an example of what an average day may look like for me at the end of this post.

I'll be the first to admit my routine is pretty difficult. In the beginning it was excruciating. I had no idea if I would be able to handle it, and I was often times feeling burned out before 5pm hit. I was dragging my feet as I walked in the door, I collapsed on the couch and just wanted to relax. Many times dinners were very simple because I really didn't want to do a lot of cooking. These days are quite a bit different, as you'll soon find out. Everyone here on MFP has the same goal; we all have the desire to improve ourselves. We all have a reason to make a change, and we all approach it the same way, but at different intensities (and that too is all for a good reason). My last 6 months have changed the way I see and do things. It is because I made the choice to hit this the way I do any major challenge with an intense learning curve..... I hit the ground running and I don't stop until I have full confidence in myself and what I am doing.

So why put myself through what I believe to be an extreme regimen?

Let me start at the beginning:

2008: I picked up the first gym membership that I've had in years. I had a scare.... I bought a scale and it told me that I was clocking in at 272lbs. It had been a couple years since I had a serious relationship, and the scale had just told me why. In about 4 months’ time I managed to kick off 30lbs and weighed in at 242lbs. It was at this time that I managed to find a girlfriend and she agreed, I didn't look bad at 242. We had so much in common I had to question whether or not she was a figment of my imagination... I have never met anyone that had so many interests in common with me (it was hard to find things that we didn't have in common; we know they exist but there are so few and they are so minor we never really have to deal with them). Turns out that our taste in music, movies, books, hobbies, art, etc. weren't the only thing in common... she had the same uncontrollable sweet tooth that I have. Let’s just say we couldn't help but laugh after as we had snuck an entire Boston cream pie into her room and killed the whole thing while watching a 30 minute TV show. (Yeah, there was a good reason I was a big guy, a delicious, tasty, sugary, reason of pure awfulness.)

Still I worked out, to compensate those bad days and managed to keep my weight around 242 - 245. Again I convinced myself that this was a good enough weight. As long as I didn't feel like a slug at the end of the day I was ok with this choice.

8 months later I had to move. I prepared to make the change, it wasn't easy, I hate moving but I did it. The morning of January 2nd 2009 I started the long trip... The evening of January 3 2009 I arrived.. I moved to the one place I never wanted to move.... back home.

2009:

My family is amazing. I can't say anything less. They are all amazing. The only issue I have is that food is a problem at the house. There is always a lot of food at the house, a lot of good, and a lot of bad food. My self-control as mentioned earlier is not exactly the best... so in moving back, I immediately did what I used to do.... make bad / unhealthy decisions.

So here comes the good news / bad news time of my life. The good news, I saved a lot of money very fast, and in 5 short months I was able to close on a house. This meant that my girlfriend and our son could now move with me and we would have our own place. So I flew back to get them and drive her to the new place. The bad news.... 5 months of bad choices.... it left an impact, one that I didn't actually see as well as I thought I could have. Clothes were tighter, some I couldn't wear anymore. But my thought was, so I gained 15 - 20lbs I can fix this!

We moved into the house, we lived our lives the first few weeks setting things up and getting everything in order. I thought about getting a gym membership again but decided against it.... till I went to the doctor. You see the scale I bought before, was still packed away and I didn't even think about hunting it down. I stood on the scale at the doctor’s office and.......

Well let’s say I got home and I thought about crying. 5 months away from my little family... 5 months at home with the family that raised me.... 5 months and I had gained 50 lbs. I had deluded myself into believing that I was only 20 lbs. heavier at most....

The scale had ready 293 lbs. The heaviest I had ever been. So I got the gym membership. I worked out 3 days a week, I started slow, but I did everything I could do.... 3 months later, I had so much going on in my life that I stopped going. My weight never changed in the 3 months that I was there, maybe a 4 - 5 lbs. but it didn't really change.

2009 slowly turned into 2010... I was still hovering around 290lbs... occasionally I would do something that would help me get down to 287 but a few days later I would see 290 or 292 show up on the scale again.

My girlfriend and I started talking about getting engaged and eventually married. Around March of 2010 she had begun to work out and get focused on losing weight. She had theories on how it would work and she really got interested in it. Here we were in the spring of 2010 and she said something to me that saddened me... it hurt me a little... but now that I look at it, it helped me as well.

She said: "I want to get married. I have a fear though. I don't want to be a fat bride. I look at the photos of people that I know or have seen and it kind of disturbs me to see a fat woman getting married. They look as good as they can, the dresses are always nice, but there is no hiding their weight. I don't want to be a fat bride." Then she looked right in my eyes and said, "We can't be a fat couple. I love you, but if we are going to get married we both need to lose weight. We both need to look good. I want us to look great, and unless we can both lose weight, we can't be married. We can't look the way we do. So we need to make an agreement, before we can set a date, we have to both lose as much weight as we can. We have to both try to look good. We can't be fat on our wedding day."

As I said I felt hurt... the only thing I could think of was "I've tried, I've been trying, but it’s not working for me. What if I can't lose the weight? What if I can't do it? Are you going to leave me? Are we going to ride this out for what another couple weeks? Months? Years? Only to find that I am still going to be fat and then you leave me because I can't be this person that you want in the photos?"

I did everything I could to convince myself that I was trying, I was working hard at losing weight. In the back of my head I knew that I wasn't working that hard. I wasn't being that strict. I was half-assing everything and expecting to see some kind of positive result to get me to push a little harder, and I saw nothing. So my reply to her had been this "half-assed side of me" trying to defend itself and what I was considering to be hard work.

It didn't convince her entirely... over the weeks she would tell me she loves me and maybe it didn't matter that much if I couldn't really lose the weight. It was at this time that I looked in her eyes and I could see that yes she did love me..... and if I didn't make any changes, she would remain with me. The other thing that I saw by looking in her eyes is that she would "settle" for me. This was something that she had never had felt before. I was never someone she had to "settle for", we always had so much in common and we were always on par with each other for everything... now that I had gotten this way and was struggling to change I knew the attraction she had before was not the same as it used to be... and that hurt as well.

Summer of 2010. I talked to my doctor and said I want to lose weight and I was thinking about a lap band. He had known me most of my life and agreed. He helped me make arrangements to talk with the hospitals and doctors involved.. I met all of the requirements, and they told me the first step was to attend a meeting that discussed all the options. The meeting would then end with a question and answer session. The meeting was interesting, lots of people showed. I was really getting prepared to get that lap band, it looked like my perfect solution! I really started feeling gung-ho about it all because it was a way out that catered to my half-assed defense and would turn back a result! HUZZAH! I can win this one after all! Everything looked perfect until a question was asked that made me stop and think.....

The question: I have a bit of a sweet tooth, and I am going to get a lap band, if I eat lunch, but still have something sweet later how will that affect the rate of loss?

The answer: If you snack constantly, or if you eat sweets often, you can cheat the lap band. We have patient’s everyday who opt for this surgery and come back to us months later heavier than when they started. Yes they do eat less food, but they eat the wrong food all the time. You will still have to make big changes in your life.

That very day I decided I wanted to think about my options again.

Christmas 2010 - spend the time at my grandmother’s house, surrounded by family. Had a great day.

2 days later, I got pictures and video sent to me of Christmas day.... I saw myself in the pictures, I saw myself in the videos. I immediately felt sick. My son was running around and playing with his cousin and I was slouching in a chair. When leaned over my stomach and chest got in my way. I didn't move more than a couple inches one way or another while talking or interacting with the children. My face was round and my neck was all but invisible. I decided that I had to figure this out now.

I had kept my gym membership this whole time, so I just started going back to it.

January 2011:

Kept hitting the gym 3 days a week and I was working on things. Half way through the month I had lost 10 lbs. I was thrilled but I could tell that I needed more help. The 10lbs was mostly water weight, the rest of the weight would be difficult. I would lose this fight if I didn't have some direction.

16 days into the new year and I stumbled across MFP. 283 lbs., and I created my account. I began to use it and realized after the first week and a loss of 4 lbs. that I had found the help I need.

I realized 2 things after the first couple weeks of using MFP.
1) My long term goals can always change so I don't need to worry about them just yet. This also means I need to keep kicking myself to hit my short term goals, and
2) The one thing that I never identified before, which I believe is my key to keeping up my weight loss is accountability.

When you are being held accountable for something it provides a challenge. The challenge is not "I dare you to work hard." The challenge is: "Your effort is going to be viewed by everyone on your friends list. Your friends have the same goals that you have. They are going to show you how much effort they are willing to put into achieving this goal. Those that see you half-*kitten* making a half-*kitten* attempt won't stick around on your friends list for long. Those on your friends list want others that will provide motivation. The harder you work, the more people will tell you that they see your effort. They see what you are doing and you will motivate them. In turn they will motivate you to keep pushing, to keep working hard, to stay on track and become successful. This is the challenge. Validate your effort to those around you and make yourself successful! Don't give up, never surrender. Prove to the few that personally know you here, and the many that don't, that you mean what you say when you want to be better. Give people your word, it’s the only thing you have to offer here... but if you can prove that your word is valuable, that is something impressive that cannot be taken away. The end result will be many more friends, and a healthy body."

Yeah it's a big challenge.... to those of you reading this, this is the challenge I have accepted. I push hard to motivate, and I push even harder to prove that I am worth something, my word is my bond and I am not someone that my fiancée needs to settle for.

I've been in a great mood all morning. I've felt this way quite a bit lately. I have so much energy I have a hard time containing it all. This blog is now over 6 pages single spaced (yeah I had to copy into word so I could make sure it was spell checked lol). I have hit this point and I realize that I need to stop writing. I know I could easily write another 6 pages the way I feel.... focused, and energized. I hit the gym today with a ton of energy and I couldn't even get close to burning it off. 75 minutes on the Elliptical and I managed to crush 1648 calories... that’s over 100 more than my average burn on the machine.

Just so you know at this point the scale clocked me in last week at 247. I am proud to say that I am in better condition than when I was at 242, clothes fit me much better, but I am in no way ready to stop. I've decided that I need to keep going. I need to truly see my body, I want to see what I look like without the fat on my frame. I want to see what I haven't seen since I was in grade school. I want to see me.

I won't stop until I reach my goal, and while I have a long way to go I refuse to quit, I refuse to stop, I refuse to half-*kitten* this ever again. You have my word on it. If you are reading this and I am not on your friends list, feel free to add me! I want more people to keep me motivated, I want to be someone who motivates those around me.

Now as promised in the opening paragraph.... here is an example of my daily routine.

4:30am - Alarm goes off, I move to get out of bed as fast as I can. I am one of those people that knows that if I stagger and take a little time to get going I will drag my feet, but if I put my feet on the floor within 3 seconds of hearing the alarm, I can stand up grab my clothes and hit the bathroom.

4:50 - Out of the bathroom, put together my protein shake, pack my lunch and snacks for the day, and take my vitamins.

(Vitamin Regimen: I have stolen a line from my father and altered it to suit the area I live: "I have the most expensive piss in Fremont!")
Here are the vitamins I take daily -

Vitamin C - 3000mg (6 vitamins) [on days that I am sick I take vitamin C every 4 hours]
Vitamin D - 2000mg (4 vitamins)
Men’s Multi-Vitamin -various (1 vitamin)
Lecathin - 2000mg (2 Vitamins)
Fish Oil / Omega3 - 3000mg (3 Vitamin)
Co-Q-10 - 200mg (1 vitamin)
Garlic Oil - 1000mg (1 vitamin)
Flaxseed Oil - 2400mg (2 vitamins)
Triple Strength Glucosamine, Chondroitin, & MSM - 750mg (2 vitamins)
Calcium / Magnesium (also w/ D3) - 2400mg (2 vitamins)
Complete B Complex - 2400mg (2 Vitamins)

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Total Vitamins consumed daily: 26

(Unpaid advertisement - check out puritanspride for vitamins... their deals on most of their bottles are buy 2 get 3 free, and their prices are great!)

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5:15am - Out the door on my way to the gym

On the way to the gym I drink the protein shake that I made earlier

6:15am - Arrive at the gym.


6:20am - Begin workout. My gym regimen is simple - I use the Elliptical. I don't use any other equipment right now, as my goal is to burn calories, and work my upper and lower body as hard as I can. I know the benefits of weight lifting, and yes my routine will change when I am ready to make it happen, at the moment I love the cardio and it is helping me make some big changes in my life. I work out for 1 hour 15 minutes 5 days a week and my average calorie burn according to my HRM is about 1500 in those 75 minutes. I keep my heart rate at about 168 - 170 during most of this workout because I use both my upper body, my lower body, and I adjust the resistance to ensure that my body cannot adapt to a pattern.

7:35am - Work out is over hit the showers.

7:50am - Head to work

8:00am - Arrive at work, and keep the network functional until 4pm.

Eating routine on an average workday: (note: I drink water throughout the day, no particular time)
8:15am - Dry Cereal, and a drink of choice (water, tea, or a diet Snapple no sugars)
11am - Kellogg’s Special K strawberry thins (2 thins)
1:30pm - Lunch
2:45 - Another drink with some flavor, but again nothing with sugar in it.

4:00pm - Head home
On my ride home I also eat a snack, usually a special K bar (chocolate pretzel is my favorite.)

5:15pm - Arrive back at home and spend time with the family. (Let the dogs out, give my son a bath, or begin preparing dinner, sometimes all 3 depending on the day).

7:00 - Dinner

8:00 - Put my son to bed.

8:30 - 9:00pm head to bed

10:00 - 11:pm - Asleep (it all depends on whether or not there is a good show on or a movie that I can manage to stay awake through.) [Side Note: I realize I don't get enough sleep according to what people say one should get. This will be changing eventually as well]

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Welcome to the end of May 2011. Just about 6 Months since I started working out in an effort to achieve my potential. About 2 years ago I began having serious discussions with my Fiancée about getting married. (She was my girlfriend at the time... but yes we did take the first step of making it official). She had a minor issue. She didn't want us to be the fat couple getting married..... Bebe.... I love you. I want you to know that I will do everything I possibly can to make sure you never have to feel that you'll "settle" for me, you have my word on this.



Ryan "TheWolf77"
May 27th 2011