young, depressed, overweight - motivated yet not enough?.

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dianka759
dianka759 Posts: 3 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hello this is my first time doing something like this but life is all about trying new things am I right.

I'm 5'1" currently 120lb which to some may not sound like a lot but I started off at about 170lb. I've been overweight since I can remember. I gained most realization in 6th grade when I reached my highest weight. I was in a tight family situation under a lot of stress which resulted in stress eating. I've stopped growing and been depressed since then (6 years), self esteem as low as it can get. I've been trying desperately for years to lose weigth. I've been starving myself for some time but gained it all back soon after resuming my eating. After some time I began starving myself yet again in addition of cutting off junk foods, soda, and sudden stomach virus which made me vomit for about a week which did help me lose some weight but because I did not exercise at all I have excess skin which in my mom's opinion makes me look all chubbish and sluggish.
My main problem is I'm very inactive. I have so much motivation but I'm not motivated enough to actually work out. I will cry every day and promise myself to do better tomorrow yet it never happens. Its the worst for me. I look in the mirror, cry, and eat.
I don't eat junk food. I don't drink soda or any juice. Most of the time I eat very little. Yet I just can't lose weight. I can't use the gym nor do i have any weights at home. Too shy to go for a run around my town. Doing home exercises feels like no help after not seeing effects after some time. I honestly don't know what to do. I just need to lose about 20lbs. Yet it's so hard.

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  • RobertCu
    RobertCu Posts: 33 Member
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    You should not be so hard on yourself because 20lbs is nothing at all. Lots of people here are struggling with 100+ to loose. Loosing weight is a slow process and it takes patience AND time. I suggest listing all the things you enjoy doing and list them. For example, shopping burns calories and so does cutting grass or a 15 min walk. You don't have to run a marathon. Once you get into a routine of things that keep you active, pounds will start shaving off.
  • langelieremma10
    langelieremma10 Posts: 6 Member
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    Same
  • Osiris275
    Osiris275 Posts: 228 Member
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    Have you tried walking? I was 252lbs when I started. I have 3 dogs so started taking them for longer walks. I do a bit of cycling on an indoor bike which is not hard as I can watch tv or listen to music too! Mostly, I have lost 42lbs through walking though and it's easy once you actually get started. Do you maybe have a friend or family member with a dog you can go for walks with, or offer to walk the dog for them? I promise you, it will help and you will gain more confidence with time.
  • Marcus_2015
    Marcus_2015 Posts: 119 Member
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    I think your depression and self esteem issues are getting in your way. You are motivated for the wrong reasons - you need to want to be healthy and happy. 20 pounds is not going to change your life.

    Sorry to get too deep her, but you need to eat right and exercise because it is good for you and feels good. Try to find an eating pattern that works for you and talk to your friends about how you feel.

    I am sure you are a great person - self esteem issues usually exist inside of us but were caused by experiences or people in the past. Work on yourself in a positive way without getting angry at yourself and the world will follow.

    R
  • dianka759
    dianka759 Posts: 3 Member
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    Thank you for the people who replied.
    I want to be fit because I want to feel better about myself. For 6 years of my life I've given up on almost everything. I've stopped being social (avoid people as much as possible because I'm ashamed of how I look like), refuse to have anything less on me than a black sweater, long black pants, and sneakers (be it wintr or summer you can never see me without a sweater and long pants. No swimsuits. No shirt sleeves. No shirts. No flip flops), rejected all of my hobbies....
    I have a dog but barely go on walks. Why
    ? Of course because of that one annoying thing everybody struggles with - excuses. I will make any possible excuse. I hate making those but it's stronger than me. Instead of walks I always find myself either on my computer watching YouTube or sleeping.
    6th grade (the start of everything) was the time I moved to USA (originally from Poland). I had no friends, ate a lot of junk food because in Poland it's seen as luxury (where I lived), became depressed because of family issues... During the first three years I became very antisocial and all I did was ate, slept, cried whole day long. Barely come out of my room. I had no friends to motivate me. No one to help. Just family and school stress.
    I've tried to do different workouts at home. I don't have any machines, no weights, I live in a two family apartment so jumping is also a nono. At one point I actually did daily exercise for about a week or so but I didn't see any results so I became depressed all over again and ate more than ever. Another time I did see results on the scale and I was so happy. But then I noticed I let myself eat more because of it and I've stopped working out? Like I lost all my motivation. Sometimes I want to work out so bad I do so much. But the next day it's all over. I feel sleepy and tired and not determined. I want to go back to the time when I could enjoy life.

    I realize there's so many people who struggle ever more and have so much more to lose because they're just beginning... But this is my own struggle and it feels like any other person's no matter how much they're trying to lose. And the goal is the same, to finally enjoy life and feel comfortable in our own bodies. In today's society it's a struggle and I know it more than I should.
  • cragglecat
    cragglecat Posts: 58 Member
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    I'm no expert but it sounds to me like getting physically fit is only part of the story for you. There are some resources here that may help you as well: llttf.com/index.php. By all means add me if you want some new MFP friends.

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