Sugar addiction & 84lbs to go! Venting & a plan!

QLifeCrisis
QLifeCrisis Posts: 3 Member
edited November 21 in Getting Started
Hiya everyone, I'm female & 26 this year. My friends call me "Netty". My MFP name stands for "quarter life crisis". Two yeas ago I was successfully losing weight with MFP & you, the amazing community. I was only 12st then. Then I lost a close family member and I gained more weight than ever, now sitting at 15.7st. I put weight on so rapidly, from losing family, losing my job and my fairly active lifestyle, that I now have very big, deep red scars on my stomach, back and underarms. My breasts, sadly?/thankfully? stayed the same! I know that I shouldn't feel ashamed of my weight gain, but I do and I have pushed ALL my friends away. It's like my life stopped. I am extremely poor, so poor that I have to cut my own hair and patch my shoes. I have MANY clothes, but none of them fit me now. The path to building my life from scratch, before I go to university for a career change (to a paramedic now), I believe starts from losing some weight and being able to fit in my huge size 12-14 wardrobe (I'm currently a size 18-20). I'm even ashamed to walk my dogs in my stained, patched trousers and t-shirts and my one pair of mank sandals. I, ofc, am trying to find work but in the meantime, despite not have CONTROL over ANYTHING in my life, money, life, death, happiness... I at least have control of my body. Or so I thought.

SUGAR CRAVINGS. I realize now that I actually have an addiction. I've never smoked or done drugs in my life. But I understand now. If I go a day without a biscuit, chocolate, coke or rum I feel stressed and can physically feel my heart pound in my chest and my ability to reason just goes out the window. The common factor? Sugar. If I craved a sugary thing I'd just eat a different one and guess what? The cravings went away. Add the cravings to my boredom (from being jobless) and being stressed at times (just randomly binging) I'm in a hard spot. I feel relieved that I can connect a few dots and am hoping its a start. Normally I eat 5-6 chocolate biscuits with my breakfast (so wrong now I'm typing it) but today for the first time I just looked at them in disgust and couldn't bring myself to eat one, despite even SALIVATING. It's just horrible :( In addition to a family that buys 90% junk food (I'm talking £300 a week on food alone for THREE people - cakes, chocolate, ice-cream, coke, frozen pizzas.....) my diet isn't exactly top notch.

SO it brings me to my PLAN. I want to say that I'll be exercising everyday, eating healthy but lets face it, that's not gonna happen. I need to be realistic. Some days I probably wont even cope. And I'm trying to accept that it's OK, sigh. Things I'm sure I can do:

- I can quit coke, rum & chocolate easily. But I need an outlet somehow and if I get a "true craving", the bad ones, I will have half a chocolate biscuit or a whole one, whichever sates me first. Right now though the thought makes me sick.
- definitely need to drink more, will set an alarm to remind me as time flies when your doing nothing.
- I put in that I'd exercise 3 times a week and I shall be aiming for that and nothing more at the moment.
- I can quit caffeine - this is dangerous stuff. I can stay up HOURS just off one drink and it ruins my sleeping schedule, making me tired and definitely less aware of what I'm stuffing my face with.
- Smaller portions: half everything. Seriously, the portions I eat unreal and I feel obliged to finish it because of my family. I don't feel good after. I prefer eating smaller portions but I will have to secretly throw the rest as it'll cause drama otherwise.
- saying "NO". My family often buys fresh cakes etc and constantly remind me of the end date as if i'm their walking disposal bin. I DON'T HAVE TO OR WANT TO EAT IT! So, for now, I might just take a slice and throw it away. They will be happy that it's not being wasted, and I wont feel pressured. At some point I will have to fight this, but one thing at a time.

I CAN'T go another year looking, mainly FEELING, the way I do. I can't control life or death, the coming and going of friends or partners. But I can control MY BODY. So consider this attempt number 2. xx

Replies

  • larali1980
    larali1980 Posts: 162 Member
    Bless your heart, you are going through a rough time! Your plan sounds great though. Good luck!!
  • 5midlohoos
    5midlohoos Posts: 10 Member
    Sounds like you are being VERY brave to take charge of your life! Good luck and just take it one day at a time!!!
  • gizmosmom02
    gizmosmom02 Posts: 29 Member
    I can relate to the sugar addiction. For me, if I have one bite, I'm done. But, I am trying to use fruit instead. Maybe you can get the rest of the family involved in buying healthier food. I feel better when I eat healthier - more energy and a better outlook.
    Good luck to you. Take it one pound at a time - that's what I am going to do.
  • dizzieblondeuk
    dizzieblondeuk Posts: 286 Member
    I can totally related. Up until the beginning of June this year, I was fat, jobless for 18 months, and utterly depressed (with a matching chocolate addiction, not dissimilar to your's). I had slowly started to tackle my depression, with counselling sessions, back in Feb/March time, and this helped immensely with being able to apply for jobs, but I did nothing about my weight. (BTW, your GP should be able to refer you for counselling, if this is something you think would be of benefit for you. Keep pushing - good mental health is essential to you achieving everything you wish to). I got a job offer at the end of May, and had a really awful moment when I realised all my office-suitable clothes were either too small, or fitted but were so ugly and unflattering. I had to start work with the clothes I had (no money, just like you), but day 1 of my new job was also day 1 of my diet!

    Just the fact that you've come back to MFP and have committed to losing the weight is an enormous step on the way to success, IMO. I'll offer my tips on the things I suspect will bother you in the beginning:

    Those chocolate/sugar cravings - they WILL disappear! You just have to want to lose weight more than eat a biscuit! For me, working full time in a location where I can't go out to the shops during the day has been a massive help. I have 30 minutes for lunch - which I make the night before - and is all I eat during the workday, along with a couple of pre-prepared snacks. So, no matter how much I want a bar of chocolate, there just isn't one to be had, and I have to suck it up, and have some grapes or nuts (weighed of course!) instead. I suspect, when you start you new course, that the free time you once spent grazing on crappy snacks will disappear, and you'll have far more filled days than previously. I have a friend who's a paramedic, and I think nearly half of her course was practical in the field - combined with the heavy lecture load as well, she certainly didn't have too much leisure time!

    Additionally, I can relate to living with family members who don't care about healthy eating - although it's just one family member, and the other is supportive of my efforts. It still means the house has all kinds of sweet and salty treats, that I have to ignore on a daily basis. Right now, I pretty much don't go into those cupboards that contain that stuff - I did a little rearranging! - so that helps. I've also instigated a weekly menu plan - primarily to help everyone understand who's cooking when, but I make the extra effort to be there for the weekly grocery shop on a weekend, and make sure each meal portion is within my calorie allowance.

    Similar to you, I've made very modest commitments to exercise - right now it's twice a week, it'll go up in increments to 3, then 4 times a week. I really do believe that gradual increases are best. Those 'everything at once' diet and exercise plans are set ups for failure! I think you're absolutely on the right track.

    Sorry for the very long reply, but I can totally relate to everything you've said, including the crappy dog walking clothes. Trust me, the dogs are the only people who don't care in the slightest what you look like! I walk my dog on the beach and my priorities are not fashion! Plus, the other dog walkers are VERY dressed down, and care far more about their dogs than other people!

    Good luck in your weight loss journey - I believe you can do it, and you should too!
  • coreyreichle
    coreyreichle Posts: 1,031 Member
    There is no such thing as "sugar addiction". In fact, a shocker: Your body requires sugars to function.
  • dizzieblondeuk
    dizzieblondeuk Posts: 286 Member
    edited July 2015
    coreyreichle wrote: »
    There is no such thing as "sugar addiction". In fact, a shocker: Your body requires sugars to function.
    You going to tell us next that there's no such thing as disordered eating? The body may not have sugar addictions, but the brain certainly can - and has been proven so. Psychological addictions - to all kinds of things - are just as real and difficult to rid as any alcohol or drug dependency. Of course, technically people shouldn't use the word addiction in relation to sugar - it's a habit or dependency, but really that's totally unnecessary in a thread like this. The OP has conquered some huge demons in making the first steps back onto MFP...

    [Edited by MFP Staff]
  • kortney07
    kortney07 Posts: 4 Member
    Hello. Your story stood out to me because I can relate. I am an emotional eater and will crave unhealthy food. Like I can't say no! I have never weighed this much. But I'm starting to count and try. I have to. We'll feel better in the end
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    I know you said you are so poor you have to cut your own hair and patch your own shoes, but if you can afford to eat such HUGE portions, you are not that poor. Trade food for things you hate doing - i.e. if you want a nice haircut, figure up what you would have spent on soda and cakes that week and skip them and spend the money on your hair. It will help with the weight loss, and make you feel not so poor. Sometimes motivation comes in a different form than you expect! I know when I finally looked at what I was spending on soda alone (about $75 /month), that was enough for me to say "whoa!" and make it easier to quit - knowing what it was costing me.

  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
    Your plan sounds like a reasonable restart. Don't forget to log and weigh, when you can.

    I would leave room for something sweet in your calorie allotment. It doesn't have to be big (a 60 cal square of chocolate), for instance. If you're used to and "addicted" to sugar, you'll end up feeling deprived if you leave it out entirely. And this might not be sustainable for you.
  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    Cravings do not equal addiction. That's the good news. You aren't addicted. The bad news it is that it can be tough to break the habit of things you are used to doing. Your plan looks like a pretty good start in my opinion.
  • dizzieblondeuk
    dizzieblondeuk Posts: 286 Member
    aylajane wrote: »
    I know you said you are so poor you have to cut your own hair and patch your own shoes, but if you can afford to eat such HUGE portions, you are not that poor. Trade food for things you hate doing - i.e. if you want a nice haircut, figure up what you would have spent on soda and cakes that week and skip them and spend the money on your hair. It will help with the weight loss, and make you feel not so poor. Sometimes motivation comes in a different form than you expect! I know when I finally looked at what I was spending on soda alone (about $75 /month), that was enough for me to say "whoa!" and make it easier to quit - knowing what it was costing me.
    I'm only guessing but I suspect the OP's family are supporting them right now. If they are about to return to uni and are currently jobless, I doubt they have any disposable income. I couldn't afford haircuts whilst unemployed, so asked vouchers for my birthday and Christmas. If someone is reliant on other people buying their food, it becomes more difficult to turn down that meal, and try to implement your own eating plan in a household where you can't contribute financially.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    That sounds like a reasonable start, and good luck! I'd suggest making a list of things you can do for yourself when you feel like you need a reward or would otherwise reach for some comfort food -- a lot of the time, when you crave sugar you're actually craving comfort or pampering. A couple of my favorites are taking a hot bath with candles/music or painting my nails.
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
    You are not addicted to sugar, just no self control.

    Your plan sounds good, good luck.
  • ks_mommaof5
    ks_mommaof5 Posts: 73 Member
    What a brave, authentic post! I really respect your genuineness. Please, please, please find a constructive outlet for your feelings - you and your potential are simply too awesome to sacrifice! Do you keep a journal? You have a knack for writing ... perhaps you could write your thoughts each day?

    Relative to the sugar, I too have struggled to control myself. I have no idea if it qualifies as a medically defined "addiction" ... but I woke up one day last month with candy wrappers all around me and realized that I was sleep eating. This was in addition to having consumed a disgusting amount of cookies and candy during the day. That morning was the low point. I made a promise to myself right then and there, without a lot of thought, that I would go 14 days without refined sugars. I still eat plenty of fruits and starches ... just no candy, cookies, white rice, white bread, pasta, etc.

    I'm 13 days into the journey and I struggle to articulate how different I feel. The first three days were pretty awful. I was tired and frustrated and antsy ... but by day 4 I was totally refreshed, sleeping soundly (without food) throughout the night, not craving the candy, and totally energetic. I've lost a decent amount of initial weight thus far while still feeling full every day. Even my skin looks better. People at work keep asking about my new make-up ... I just smile and say "thanks."

    I've found that staying full of protein can be a challenge ... I'm by no means doing it well and have lots to adjust yet ... I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that there is hope.

    *hugs* and best of luck!
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