I'm addicted to food, and it's taking over my life. Help!

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cassandralepandaa
cassandralepandaa Posts: 66 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey all. I'm pretty embarrassed by this, so if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Basically, I am obsessed with food. Seriously. It's gotten to the point where it's the last thing on my mind as I fall to sleep. "What am I gonna eat for breakfast tomorrow? I know, I'll search Pinterest/Instagram for ideas!"

I come from a disordered eating background. I used to be 108 kilos. I lost most of that weight through laxative abuse in my late teens. Back then, my mind wasn't preoccupied with food though. Now, at 56 kilos (I'm 5"4 by the way.) it's all I can think of.

It started last year when I came home from traveling and wanted to create some of the exotic dishes I found overseas. Then it became a mass *kitten* problem. I binged like *kitten* crazy.

My diet to most would look very healthy. I don't eat processed goods. Fast foods are off limits. I haven't touched red meat in years, and most sweets bore me.

The problem is, once I have a bite of something, I can't stop. I need more. A good example is today when I decided to stuff a date with some almonds. It tasted so good. I ended up eating about 10. I feel so sick now, and that was after lunch.

I don't like talking about my food problems with people, as it's embarrassing. I hide it well, and I think the reason why I haven't gained weight through binging is due to how active I am at the gym and what not. But I know it will catch up with me. I want to have a grasp of this, and not have it bogging my mind every day.

Seriously, I remember once with my boyfriend he was talking and I could think was, "When I get home, I'm going to make the most delicious smoothie for dinner, even though it's a few hours away. Eugh, hurry up four o'clock!"

I honestly just want to have the mindset of, "It's just food." I want to be like those people who at restaurants actually engage in conversation, take their time with their meals, rather than scoff it down and eyeball everyone else hoping they don't eat all of theirs.

I know this will probably get down votes, or I'll get messages like, "Harden the *kitten* up." But guys, it's a serious problem. It's gotten to the point where after binging on my healthy foods, I take laxatives.

Help, please. I need to break free from my food addiction.

TL;DR- I'm obsessed with food, and need to stop thinking about it before it takes over my life even more.

Replies

  • symial94
    symial94 Posts: 6 Member
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    Hey,

    I don't think I can be of much help because I struggle with very similar issues, but I thought maybe it would be nice to know that you're not the only one dealing with food obsession. I developed anorexia kind of suddenly and rapidly my senior year of high school and went from 110 to 80 lbs (5'2") in just a few months. After almost two years of (forced) treatment, all that was fixed was my weight. My food issues went from bad to worse - before I was obsessed with eating healthy and so I just ate "too healthily," but now I'm still obsessed with it but am simultaneously addicted to junk food thanks to the crap I had to eat in "recovery." Thus I am stuck in an awful restrict - binge cycle that consumes every part of my life and prevents me from attaining the level of health and fitness I long for. All I think about is what I should eat, what I shouldn't, how to make up for my last binge, and how to get rid of all the nasty fat on my body there thanks to my stupid binges. It is truly unbelievable how despite wanting to be healthy and fit so desperately, I am simply unable to control what I eat. Like you, I just can't stop once I start regardless of what the food is. It is maddening.
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
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    OP, I think you need to see a psychologist who specializes in eating disorders. You are not physically addicted to food, but definitely psychologically. Please get professional help, nobody on an internet forum is going to be able to give you the help you need.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Edited
    cassandralepandaa wrote: »
    I honestly just want to have the mindset of, "It's just food." I want to be like those people who at restaurants actually engage in conversation, take their time with their meals, rather than scoff it down and eyeball everyone else hoping they don't eat all of theirs.

    I know this will probably get down votes, or I'll get messages like, "Harden the *kitten* up." But guys, it's a serious problem. It's gotten to the point where after binging on my healthy foods, I take laxatives.

    Help, please. I need to break free from my food addiction.

    TL;DR- I'm obsessed with food, and need to stop thinking about it before it takes over my life even more.
    You have a good goal - food is food. :)
    See a therapist who is trained in helping people in your situation.
    In the meantime, find a certified yoga teacher. You will learn about the body/mind connection and start to feel better.

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