Im drowning again

tarmlin01
tarmlin01 Posts: 18
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
I do not know how everyone stays motivated. I do good and then fall apart... Food is my vice and keeps me together.. I am a wreck and don't know why I am trying to even do this. The pain of losing my son is killing me... I don't even know how to go on... I try and do good then I fall apart.... Is there anyone out there that has lost a child and if so can u please get in touch with me and help me get through this. I am a WRECK... Again tonight I over ate to compensate for the pain... Now I am sick to my stomach... I feel so helpless.

tamm

Replies

  • kaytedawg05
    kaytedawg05 Posts: 209
    I'm sorry for your loss dear. i haven't been through it, i can offer little support... I don't know what I'd do... I really don't. God Bless.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Do you have a therapist or anyone you can talk to about your feelings, don't worry about the food right now, your feelings are more important. There is a guided meditation cd that I really love and has helped me with my emotional eating and also to take my mind off of the world for 30 minutes, please give it a try it really helped me. Kelly Howell's Sacred body guided meditation. I'm not usually into that sort of thing but I listened to it everyday or night for 30 minutes for six weeks and it really repatterned my eating habits on a deep level. You are not helpless, Just hang in there and let your feelings out it's the best way to come to terms. Blessings
  • bluemax87
    bluemax87 Posts: 71
    What if you got in the mindset of "running" from the pain? i.e. the more it hurts, the longer you run. I've known a few people to say this really helps to de-stress them...
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Please don't get discouraged if you dont' get a lot of answers to your post, your situation is very tender and people can feel like they don't have anything good enough to say to equal the loss you are feeling. Take comfort in your husband and children and friends they will be the best source of healing you have.
  • tarmlin01
    tarmlin01 Posts: 18
    I do see a therapist once a week.... It helps a little but the pain is horrible.... I have five other children and they keep me busy for the most part... I am trying to stay focused and busy but I just want to run away from it all. I know its crazy..
  • tarmlin01
    tarmlin01 Posts: 18
    That sounds like something I could do... I keep exercising and staying on track to help the pain, to ease the pain, keep running i like that... thank you.
  • pickleanmeangreen
    pickleanmeangreen Posts: 10
    Sorry to hear about your son, i understand how tough it can be. believe me my life has been a roll a coaster ride. yeah, my little brother fell into the pool when i was 10, he never really recovered, has had cerebral palsy his whole life, its been tough for him, he is 25 now, thats a miracle, i have s sister, she contracted the aids virus around 2007, thats a rough one i know, and a brother whom i looked up to growing up, served 5 yrs in prison, it was very tough for me, we were only a yr and a half apart, hes fine now, owns a multi media company , doing well. i gained weight in law school up in norther ca, and havent been able to lose it, i go back and forth, and i wanna quit, but you can do this thing! put a lot of chicken or turkey or fish in the oven, u can eat tons of it, when hungry, get that whey protein, it helps supply ur body with proper protein, your body is suppose to intake as much protein as you ideal body weight per gram, so if u wanna be 120, eat 120 grams of protein a day, and then 30% carb,30 % fat, low sugar, but sure u can cheat every now and then, its not the end of the world.


    Sincerely ,

    MIke B.
  • alifer
    alifer Posts: 387 Member
    Exercise is a wonderful stress reliever. I haven't lost a child, but I lost a fiance in a car accident many years ago. Not the same thing, but a still a serious loss. I found a bereavement group that I tried a few times.
  • tarmlin01
    tarmlin01 Posts: 18
    thank you emmy for that... It is hard for people to relate to someone who just lost a child....I don't have many friends or family there to support me... My husband is awesome, and my kids are too. but they are battling this loss as much as I am... Like tonight i came into my bedroom and my 15 yr old son caught me crying my eyes out.... He laid down on the bed with me and hugged me... He is like mom I don't know what your going through but we miss and love geoff also... We hugged for 5 min, and then cried together. It helped some but i just cant imagine my life without my son in it... he was a great kid, just finished highschhool and should of been looking at his future...

    tamm
  • tarmlin01
    tarmlin01 Posts: 18
    wow mike, thank you for the response... I am sorry for all you have gone through... I admire your strength.... I wish you could send it through the mail.. LOL... Whey protein? where do i get that....

    I will keep going, I am a tough woman, some days it just seems like the end of the world to me...

    tamm
  • AprilVal
    AprilVal Posts: 940 Member
    First of all, Im sorry to hear about you losing your son. Im sure there is nothing that any of us can do to ease your pain. With that, remember you are worth this. i dont know if you watch the biggest loser or not, but if so, do you remember Abby, who lost her entire family and had to start all over again. she looks amazing now days. She has a book out, about her journey.. maybe its something that would interest you. I cant begin to understand how you feel, but you need to find it within you to feel ok. food is always there to comfort and isnt there to judge. i think thats why many of us turn to food when we are in pain, depressed, suffering.. ect. Food becomes our friend instead of our enemy. There has to be something that you can do to make you feel better, and ease the pain at the same time. Im here if you need to talk.. hugs..
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I won't even pretend to understand what it must be like to lose a child.

    I think it's OK for your other children to see that you still feel this loss, as that lets them know it's OK for them to still feel it too. When I lost my father, one of the hardest things to understand was why people just stop talking to you about it after a few weeks. There's so much support while you're still in shock, and then when you are finally feeling the weight of the loss, everyone has moved on to other things or is afraid to bring it up. As if we'd somehow forgotten and they'd remind us. I know people meant well, but they unwittingly cut off support for fear of making things worse.

    Holidays are hard. Birthdays are hard. Anniversaries are hard. Sometimes you don't even know why you're feeling the loss more acutely until you look at the calendar and then it makes sense. At least that happens to me.

    Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve. Grief takes its own course and you have to just sort of let it happen.
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
    im sorry for your loss. its something i couldnt imagine. id say take it a day at a time. lean on your family and as others have stated dive into the workouts when you can. i know it may sound crazy but prayer works so be sure to pray ill be praying for you all too. and if you overeat dont sweat it i think you see that you eat to cope and just by knowing this you will be able to reduce that habit.
    best wishes and prayers to you and your family
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
    Have you contacted The Childrens Cancer Association? Amazing people that know what you're going through and how to help. They can probably help you with your non-for-profit as well.
    http://www.joyrx.org/
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how to help you other than letting you know who can.
  • thatgirlLeah
    thatgirlLeah Posts: 44 Member
    Hi Tamm,
    The thought of ever losing my son brings me to tears. I cannot fathom the waves of emotions and thoughts that you and your family must experience every day. I have no idea what your spiritual beliefs are and certainly don't want to sound like I'm preaching at you. I just know that in my darkest times, prayer, study, and meditation have been such healing balm to my broken heart and spirit.

    In thinking back to the darkest days from my past and how my food intake shifted during those terrible times, I can say that I responded much the way you've described. Sometimes I would go on auto pilot and, unlike a "normal" binge, I would just eat without thinking about it or taking any pleasure or satisfaction from it. It was as if I was trying to fill the emotional void of losing someone precious to me with food. There was NO food that ever accomplished that. There COULD NEVER be a food that could accomplish that. Don't allow your concerns about staying on track to override or distract from what's really going on in your heart right now as you grieve this terrible loss. If you have a "good" day with food, great. If you have a "bad" or hard day with food, be kind to yourself. The last thing you need is that internal, self-critical voice berating you for trying to medicate yourself and your grief.

    I really agreed with what Atlantique was saying about grief taking its own course and also about how other people unintentionally withdraw their support after some time has passed. I'd encourage you to keep reaching out to THIS community when you need to. I'm amazed at the love, support, encouragement, and understanding that the people here, virtual strangers, will offer to one another. I love it that everyone wants to see each other succeed in their health and weight loss goals. These are important things, yes, but it's also important for you to get through this tremendously painful time.

    Sending you blessings, prayers, and big hugs...
  • sister_bear
    sister_bear Posts: 529 Member
    Tamm,

    Check out these links:

    http://www.lossofachild.org/resourcesforparents.htm

    Several include online forums for parents who have lost a child. There are also some phone numbers. You need support from people who are going through what you are going through. Support groups are amazing. Please look into this. You're very fragile right now and can't do this alone.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
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