How to deal with barriers to health

I am a big exercise fanatic. Love it all-running, kickboxing, kettlebells, yoga. I hate sitting still. It works out well for me, because I love to eat.

However, almost three months ago, after a run, I decided to take a short break from exercise as I felt like my hamstrings were achy and wanted to give them a rest. I've been in PT for overuse injuries before and didn't want to go there again. Yet after a few days rest, my calves became very sore and achy. Stretching didn't help. They made it so I didn't want to even walk. I went to my physical therapist, who gave me the usual exercises to stretch and strengthen my muscle imbalances and sent me on my way. He tells me I should be fine in time for the end of the month race I signed up for and the running group I wanted to join.

One week goes by, and no change. Then another week. Still no improvement. I have now missed my running group, and the race is coming up in a week. I call my PCP and am told to go to urgent care to rule out something serious, like a blood clot. They run bloodwork and urine tests and give me a script for a muscle relaxer. I follow up with my PCP the next day and all my blood work is fine. No nutritional deficiencies. No rhabdo. Another week of muscle relaxers and some stronger NSAIDs than ibuprofen. I am told to come back in two weeks.

Those two weeks go by and still no improvement. If anything, I am worse. My calves feel swollen. They cramp, they twinge, they feel pinched. I use ice, heat, ace banages for compression. I stretch so much I could give Rodney Yee a run for his money. But I still ache when I walk, and I cannot do anything even remotely to where I was 6 weeks prior. Even a spinning class makes me sorry the next day. So I rest some more.

Now my PCP doesn't know what to do so she sends me to an orthopedic surgeon. They prescribe an NSAID gel for my calves and more PT. They note that I overpronate (which I was also told when I had a gait analysis done at a local running store last year) and tell me to wear my arch supports all the time. Goodbye cute shoes for work! I am told to come back in a month.

So that month goes by with no change. We're now looking at 2.5 months since this started and since my life was put on pause. I use exercise for my escape, my coping skill. It's been taken away, so I turn to unhealthy eating habits that I find easier to avoid when I've had a good workout. I've now gained back 13 lbs of the 30 that I've lost over the last few years. I feel sluggish, I am jealous of all my friends who are racing. I glare at the people I drive by who are out for their daily run.

Last week I went to my follow up at the ortho. She says I should have shown improvement (no kidding!) and we need to start tests. I have an Xray that day (nothing found) and am referred for an MRI, which is tomorrow. I have another appt this Thursday with her attending for follow up. She notes some symptoms of compartment syndrome, but not enough to make her feel comfortable with giving me the pressure testing yet. I am terrified. My mind goes to all the things it could be, the worst things, the degenerative diseases, the life-ending illnesses. And did I mention I am incredibly bad with blood, needles, pain?

So I'm in limbo, and wishing life was back to the way it was three months ago.