142lbs and Heartbroken.

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MLTorres83
MLTorres83 Posts: 1 Member
in Motivation and Support
I was at 150lbs when I found out in June that my husband had been having an affair and sinking himself into porn to fill what I could not give him... a beautiful young woman with a skinny body and tight skin. I have dropped down to 134 lbs and hiked right back up to 142 since then. I am miserable, lonely, and discouraged. I know that no matter how much weight I lose I will always be ugly because of the access skin I earned dropping from 275lbs to 130lbs at 19. Then skyrocketing back to 300 after the births of my children and losing it all over again. I don't care what others think, but I do care what my husband and I think about myself, and quite frankly he has made me feel hideous, unlovable, unwanted, and unworthy. I just want to feel beautiful and healthy in my own skin. I just don't know how to get there. ~ Crying Inside.
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Replies

  • jlbrown1985
    jlbrown1985 Posts: 136 Member
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    IMO you are not the ugly one in this situation your husband is. You should love your body access skin and all. Your children are worth it! You are not alone. Your kids need a happy healthy mommy. All the more reason to continue on the journey you started. If your husband doesn't appreciate you for the wife and mother you are then fine! You'll make it without him. You don't need that negativity in your life anyway! Be strong and focus all your energy on yourself and your kids. That is what is important.
  • GetThatRunnersHigh
    GetThatRunnersHigh Posts: 112 Member
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    Dear, you are already beautiful. You were strong enough to accomplish so much with your body, mind, and life. What your husband (hopefully soon to be ex) did is only a reflection of how ugly he is as a person. You are lovable, you are worthy, and you are not defined by the actions of a coward.
  • eshnna
    eshnna Posts: 109 Member
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    You are beautiful! I just can't with that husband of yours. So his excuse for being unfaithful is putting the blame on you? He has a problem is he fixing it?

    You are a great motivation going from 300 to 142 that is a half of you gone! WOW
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
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    My heart just sank. I'm so sorry your husband makes you feel that way. He is the ugly one, through and through. I hope things get better for you.
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
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    MLTorres83 wrote: »
    I was at 150lbs when I found out in June that my husband had been having an affair and sinking himself into porn to fill what I could not give him... a beautiful young woman with a skinny body and tight skin. I have dropped down to 134 lbs and hiked right back up to 142 since then. I am miserable, lonely, and discouraged. I know that no matter how much weight I lose I will always be ugly because of the access skin I earned dropping from 275lbs to 130lbs at 19. Then skyrocketing back to 300 after the births of my children and losing it all over again. I don't care what others think, but I do care what my husband and I think about myself, and quite frankly he has made me feel hideous, unlovable, unwanted, and unworthy. I just want to feel beautiful and healthy in my own skin. I just don't know how to get there. ~ Crying Inside.

    That's an incredible loss! Gaining 8 of it back is absolutely nothing to feel bad about. After 150, you can lose 8 again!

    You might need to take a look at the source of why you're feeling this way. One hint: it has nothing to do with the scale. Regardless of whether or not you want to remain with this man, you could benefit from some professional counseling. At the very least, they'll help you sort out your emotions, but maybe they can help you with your continued relationship with food as well.
  • ThisIsRae
    ThisIsRae Posts: 13 Member
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    jlbrown1985 wrote: »
    IMO you are not the ugly one in this situation your husband is. You should love your body access skin and all. Your children are worth it! You are not alone. Your kids need a happy healthy mommy. All the more reason to continue on the journey you started. If your husband doesn't appreciate you for the wife and mother you are then fine! You'll make it without him. You don't need that negativity in your life anyway! Be strong and focus all your energy on yourself and your kids. That is what is important.
    This.

  • SonyaCele
    SonyaCele Posts: 2,841 Member
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    maybe its time to lose the excess weight that's in the form of your husband.
  • las07s
    las07s Posts: 150 Member
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    I saw your profile pic and thought "SURELY this woman does not think she is ugly!" You are incredibly beautiful! Wear that excess skin like a badge of honor, not only for your beautiful children (because that body bore them for 9 months and safely delivered them into this world) but for you! You. The strong, determined woman who was brave enough to face off with 158 lbs of excess body weight and WIN over cravings, back slides, and weakness! Regardless, I agree with the previous post about seeing someone you can talk with who will give you helpful and professional advice. Sometimes, you need just an objective person to express your feelings to. It's so painful to be hurt by those you love. I feel for you.

    As for your husband, I would say he is the only "excess weight" you need to lose. Be strong :heart:
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    I'm sorry that you feel this way and am sure you will get lots of sisterly report. Just a few points:
    1. Ever considered your husband could be a jerk and not as worthwhile as you seem to think he is? He has let you down by being unfaithful, which is quite some betrayal to do to anyone in a relationship.
    2. The weight issue you seem to have under control as well as having the knowledge to go from 140 to 130 if need be, but do it for yourself. Its not much weight at all and lots of MFPers would kill to be at 142, so please dont get it out of proportion. You are an expert at knowing how to lose weight. You should choose the weight you wnat to be at and lose it for yourself not anyone else.
    3. The loose skin seems to be something youve had for some time and hes known about it in a way if you recovered from your major loss at 19 and its just post baby weight then some of it will come back. We have no idea how much loose skin you have. There are many on MFP who have lost and have some loose skin. You can exercise the underlying muscle and be patient but at some stage if there is too much it may not go back to normal. If you arent lifting then you should try it and it will also ive you confidence and more belief in yourself. Its hypocritical of your husband as presumably its been largely a post pregnacy in which he played his part.
    4. Lose the weight for you.
    5. I do hope for your sake he grows up, but sometines people change. hes certainly shown himself to be a disloyal, unreliable, unsupportive, emotionally stunted, immature, selfish idiot.
    6. Whether you lose the weight or not things have changed, so you need to think about yourself and where you wnat to go. Maybe consider counseling if he is unable to man up and sort things out with you.

    I hope things get better. Take on friends from here if you need the support.
  • Great_Mazinga
    Great_Mazinga Posts: 214 Member
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    Porn and adultery are sure fire relationship killers. Are you willing to continue? Would he attend marriage counseling with you and be honest? I wish you the best sweety. You deserve love and to be cherished.
  • BasicGreatGuy
    BasicGreatGuy Posts: 857 Member
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    Your husbands actions, as egregious and slug-like as they are, are not a rejection of you. By that I mean that your weight journey over the years, is not what drove him to do what he did. His actions are representative of him, not you. The bad part of it is that his actions hurt you and the kids.

    Don't allow his bad actions, lack of respect for himself and his family, to take you down a negative path. His shame and burden should not become yours. And the reason I say that is because his actions were not done out of love for you or the family. They were done for more self-centered, selfish, destructive reasons.

    Self-worth does not come from the bathroom scales nor does it come from what is seen from our eyes. Self-worth (read: love) comes from our heart and soul. Finding self-worth in who we are as individuals does not mean that we see ourselves as perfect. It simply means that we see ourselves for who we are, complete with many foibles, and we still love and appreciate the love and gift we share with ourselves and with others.

    Keep loving yourself and your children. Focus on all the accomplishments you and the children have seen and experienced together as wonderfully unique individuals. Let your light shine even brighter because you are worthy by just being who you are.
  • hemmymomma
    hemmymomma Posts: 22 Member
    edited July 2015
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    Oh girl, I know this pain all to well ! I am still with him but he doesn't change. Dont let him determine how you feel about yourself !! Only recently I stopped letting make me feel less than what I am by his actions. I started making myself happy ! Now I look at everything different ! Don't let him bring you down !!
  • d08t
    d08t Posts: 43 Member
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    That's an incredible loss! Gaining 8 of it back is absolutely nothing to feel bad about. After 150, you can lose 8 again!

    You might need to take a look at the source of why you're feeling this way. One hint: it has nothing to do with the scale. Regardless of whether or not you want to remain with this man, you could benefit from some professional counseling. At the very least, they'll help you sort out your emotions, but maybe they can help you with your continued relationship with food as well. [/quote]

    Agreed!

  • SillyCat1975
    SillyCat1975 Posts: 328 Member
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    This is utterly heartbreaking, I know the pain that you are going through, my husband had that nasty affair too. I lost the weight when I finally lost him, That was 8 years ago. I found a new husband who treats me good, I gained the weight back but he's on an exercise program with me. Don't focus on what you have lost, focus on what you have now found, you are beautiful and he is will see one day that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, take care of you, your kids and moving on with life. You will be better off once the pain subsides, and it will. Don't beat yourself up over 8 pounds, you realize the problem with gaining the weight, now just get back on track and get it done. We all believe in you! Hang in there hon!! (((((((((Hugs))))))))))
  • DuckReconMajor
    DuckReconMajor Posts: 434 Member
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    ManiacalLaugh wrote: »
    You might need to take a look at the source of why you're feeling this way. One hint: it has nothing to do with the scale. Regardless of whether or not you want to remain with this man, you could benefit from some professional counseling. At the very least, they'll help you sort out your emotions, but maybe they can help you with your continued relationship with food as well.

    This 100%

    If you lose weight, do it for you. Take care of yourself to help you feel better in this *kitten* situation.
  • ffbrown25
    ffbrown25 Posts: 110 Member
    edited July 2015
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    MLTorres83 wrote: »
    I was at 150lbs when I found out in June that my husband had been having an affair and sinking himself into porn to fill what I could not give him... a beautiful young woman with a skinny body and tight skin. I have dropped down to 134 lbs and hiked right back up to 142 since then. I am miserable, lonely, and discouraged. I know that no matter how much weight I lose I will always be ugly because of the access skin I earned dropping from 275lbs to 130lbs at 19. Then skyrocketing back to 300 after the births of my children and losing it all over again. I don't care what others think, but I do care what my husband and I think about myself, and quite frankly he has made me feel hideous, unlovable, unwanted, and unworthy. I just want to feel beautiful and healthy in my own skin. I just don't know how to get there. ~ Crying Inside.

    Shame on your husband for not valuing you. You are beautiful. And CONGRATULATIONS for dropping so much weight! That is a huge accomplishment and speaks to your strength.

    As for how to get to a place where you feel your beauty -- first, try to stop caring what your husband thinks of you, because it's obvious that his head is so far up his ***, all he can see is his own ****. It is very difficult to feel beautiful when you are with someone who makes you feel the opposite.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this!!

    ETA:
    ManiacalLaugh wrote: »
    You might need to take a look at the source of why you're feeling this way. One hint: it has nothing to do with the scale. Regardless of whether or not you want to remain with this man, you could benefit from some professional counseling. At the very least, they'll help you sort out your emotions, but maybe they can help you with your continued relationship with food as well.

    Yes, this exactly.
  • Debmal77
    Debmal77 Posts: 4,770 Member
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    MLTorres83 wrote: »
    I was at 150lbs when I found out in June that my husband had been having an affair and sinking himself into porn to fill what I could not give him... a beautiful young woman with a skinny body and tight skin. I have dropped down to 134 lbs and hiked right back up to 142 since then. I am miserable, lonely, and discouraged. I know that no matter how much weight I lose I will always be ugly because of the access skin I earned dropping from 275lbs to 130lbs at 19. Then skyrocketing back to 300 after the births of my children and losing it all over again. I don't care what others think, but I do care what my husband and I think about myself, and quite frankly he has made me feel hideous, unlovable, unwanted, and unworthy. I just want to feel beautiful and healthy in my own skin. I just don't know how to get there. ~ Crying Inside.

    I think you are totally gorgeous. I truly believe your husband's actions have nothing to do with you. <3
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I'm really sorry that this happened to you and I understand all to well how you are feeling. But rest assured that there is NOTHING wrong with you and lots wrong with that lousy excuse for a husband. His actions are his problem and are a reflection of his issues. You deserve to feel beautiful, because you are.
  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
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    Not gonna sugar coat. Your husband is a shallow pig. Divorce his @$$ and move on for your own sanity.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I don't agree that porn has to be a relationship killer. All people have fantasies, and if they turn to porn to fulfill it, it doesn't mean they don't love and want you as well. Now, if that's ALL your husband is doing and they never want to have sex with you, that's bad. But don't assume your husband is turning to porn because of you or that you don't look like what they want. A lot of people want variety, and you can't be everything all the time. For me personally, I don't care if my husband watches porn. I know what his tastes are and I know that I'm always going to be top of his list. Really, as long as he's not going out to fulfill his fantasies with other women, I'm ok with it.

    Now, having an affair is a TOTALLY different thing. What you need to do is talk with him. If you're unable to or he just doesn't seem to care, go find a marriage counselor. You'll BOTH need to go, though, or it's not going to do any good. If he refuses to go, you need to take a good hard look and see if your marriage is worth it. If he's going to break his vows and go sleep with other women, do you really want to put up with that? Is staying in a marriage going to be worth that much misery? While I'm not a huge supporter of divorce, sometimes it's necessary. And if your mental health is being affected by this and he doesn't want to do anything to fix your relationship, it's probably best to move on.

    Second thing you need to do (though really, it should be first) is to find your own motivation. Don't base it on anyone else. You've made great progress towards where you want to be, and if you've backslid a little? Oh well! You're still ahead of the game, and so as long as you keep towards your goal, who cares what anyone else thinks, husband or otherwise?

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