Alone in this

Elliebellii · July 2015

Hi guys,

I will be starting for the thousandth time on MFP and my weight lost journey losing weight. I have no motivation or support at home whatsoever. Like today my significant other bought home a fried seafood platter for me. I did not eat it all just a little because I did not eat all day. He knows I am needing and trying to lose weight as Ive been in the 200's for the past five years. Especially just finding out family members have health issues including cancer, fibroids, diabetes, ect. However, is all into what he wants for himself lifting weights to buying supplements for his own needs. I have talked to him countless of times about how I need support, don't buy me certain foods, and help but it goes over his head. I'm in this alone. I dont even know where to start anymore. I have no friends or family. Its like I want to give up but I don't. I cant allow myself to do so. So I'm starting again tomorrow!!!

kvansteen · July 2015

Start again today. Even if today is a wash where you go over your calories and make every mistake possible, just start putting your things into mfp. There are days when I know I am going to go over, but I still record so I don't go as far over. Or I get to lunch and think wow I really need to change my plans for dinner. Or that I should probably go for a walk or something. If you want to do it start today, and do it every day. I'm alone too, watching my husband eat pretzels and hummus or chips and salsa. It's hard, but determination gets me through (almost) every day. Good luck and you can do it!

Elliebellii · July 2015

kvansteen wrote: »

Start again today. Even if today is a wash where you go over your calories and make every mistake possible, just start putting your things into mfp. There are days when I know I am going to go over, but I still record so I don't go as far over. Or I get to lunch and think wow I really need to change my plans for dinner. Or that I should probably go for a walk or something. If you want to do it start today, and do it every day. I'm alone too, watching my husband eat pretzels and hummus or chips and salsa. It's hard, but determination gets me through (almost) every day. Good luck and you can do it!

Thank you so much. Tomorrow will be a better day

shadowfax_c11 · July 2015

People in your life who don't support you, are not worth keeping around.

Anyway you can do this. I don't get any support at home either. Neither of the dogs has anything useful to say to encourage me. And to be honest the cat just thinks I live to serve her whims. Now my horse OTOH is all for me loosing weight but she doesn't live with me and due to my work life and the distance to travel to get to the stables I don't see her as often as I would like.

Anyway. Don't expect other people to help you. This is something you have to do entirely for you and the drive to suceed needs to come from inside of you.

Elliebellii · July 2015

shadowfax_c11 wrote: »

People in your life who don't support you, are not worth keeping around.

Anyway you can do this. I don't get any support at home either. Neither of the dogs has anything useful to say to encourage me. And to be honest the cat just thinks I live to serve her whims. Now my horse OTOH is all for me loosing weight but she doesn't live with me and due to my work life and the distance to travel to get to the stables I don't see her as often as I would like.

Anyway. Don't expect other people to help you. This is something you have to do entirely for you and the drive to succeed needs to come from inside of you.

Your right. I have to do this for myself and cant expect him for anything. My cat is all in for me. He lets me know Ill be alright.

RajwaJ · July 2015

It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if you WANT to lose weight then do it for you. You control what you eat and what you do. Other peoples actions can make you weaker but learn to say no.

There are plenty of people on here who will help, support and motivate you. Just reach out ......

tottie3912 · July 2015

When I first put my mind to dietary changes (was before I opened this account) my hubby was bringing home all kinds of things...things he knew I liked. Had become habit for him. I chalked it up to him being sweet and attentive. However, I reiterated that I was making changes. When he continued to bring home the same things, I just let it sit in the fridge...till it went bad and needed to be thrown out. Then he saw I meant it.

foreverslim1111 · July 2015

My husband is much the same. While he tries to be supportive, but he loves to deep fry foods - like it's his hobby. He always offers to make us fried shrimp, chicken, pork sausage and French fries. Also broiled lobster with hot garlic butter sauce. I have learned to look up these foods on MFP and then let him know exactly how many shrimp I can have and still maintain my cal deficit. He'll have 10 and I will have 3. Or fries, same thing. So he is happy and I don't feel that I'm depriving myself of these foods. I have learned to dip my lobster in my own version of butter sauce. It's about 1 teaspoons of melted butter, chopped garlic and a couple tablespoons of lemon juice. Granted he eats a lot more of these foods then I do, but he loves to share them with me and I have learned how to adjust the portions. He does go out to Costco and buy me protein shakes and that is his way of being supportive. I think your husband is trying to be loving and supportive in his own way. But you can still eat small amounts of that type of food and make it fit. You just need to be firm about how much you are willing to eat of it and he will get used to it. Just be firm and loving and thank him for bringing you the food. Then eat only what you want and or know that will fit your program. He will catch on. I how this gives you so good ideas.

Qskim · July 2015

I stopped and started diets so much over the years it wasn't any wonder that my partner would not have taken this time seriously. So I just didn't say anything. He noticed me modifying foods but I was eating healthier I told him - needed more veggies. So if he brought home something like a fried food, I'd have it but I'd have less than I would have and add a great stomping load of veggies. Sometimes I peeled off the fried coating.

When I lost weight and it was noticeable, he respected my wishes a lot more. I had leverage. The thing was, in prior times he could never be certain I wouldn't flip because he didn't bring something home for me. It was confusing for him. Now, if it's chocolate or whatever, I'll say thanks and either fit it in that day or it sits on a shelf till I feel like it. I don't make a big deal either way.

I didn't want anyone to know this time because I knew there'd be times I'd want cake and I didn't want anyone slapping me on the wrist for that. Most assume when you "diet" you give all that up and their support is like having food police around. Well intentioned but no thanks.

One of the best pivotal moments for me was finally understanding that I had complete control over this. The blame game went kaput. It was a kind of freedom actually. It is a solo effort ultimately. I even stopped planning walks with friends because if they had an excuse not to go, it became my excuse. And I got sick of timing around their routine and vice versa. I needed to go as soon as the opportunity was available in a busy household. I really had to assert myself with that because my partner wasn't always conducive to being left with the kids while I did but after time, he started to see the mental benefit for me and was happily pushing me out the door. He's quite proud of me for sticking to my guns now and is very supportive because I taught him, I guess, the level of support I needed.

Alone in this

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