Fatshamed by family
LisaKorkode
Posts: 2 Member
I know I'm overweight. I know it's not healthy. I know I do not look good.
I am actively trying to improve.
But how do you deal with your own parents fat shaming you and telling you how disgusting you are and that you shouldn't even go outside because you are embarrassing them.
I have never had a good relationship with my parents and it is also one of the reasons why I always reached for food as a form of comfort.
Ever since I was a teenager I've had a tendency to rebel against what my parents said and it is now the same with losing weight. I logically know I do need to diet and exercise but every time they give me a long, nasty speech about my weight and appearance there's that little voice in my head saying 'screw them, don't listen to what they say, have a pizza and you'll feel better'.
I guess what I'm looking for here is some advice on how to self-motivate myself better and how to not let my family make me feel like a complete pile of cr**.
I am actively trying to improve.
But how do you deal with your own parents fat shaming you and telling you how disgusting you are and that you shouldn't even go outside because you are embarrassing them.
I have never had a good relationship with my parents and it is also one of the reasons why I always reached for food as a form of comfort.
Ever since I was a teenager I've had a tendency to rebel against what my parents said and it is now the same with losing weight. I logically know I do need to diet and exercise but every time they give me a long, nasty speech about my weight and appearance there's that little voice in my head saying 'screw them, don't listen to what they say, have a pizza and you'll feel better'.
I guess what I'm looking for here is some advice on how to self-motivate myself better and how to not let my family make me feel like a complete pile of cr**.
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Replies
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I would warn them, and then stop talking to them.0
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If you are 21 years old, I would say move out, get your own place. Then you don't need to deal with your parents.0
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LisaKorkode wrote: »I know I'm overweight. I know it's not healthy. I know I do not look good.
I am actively trying to improve.
But how do you deal with your own parents fat shaming you and telling you how disgusting you are and that you shouldn't even go outside because you are embarrassing them.
I have never had a good relationship with my parents and it is also one of the reasons why I always reached for food as a form of comfort.
Ever since I was a teenager I've had a tendency to rebel against what my parents said and it is now the same with losing weight. I logically know I do need to diet and exercise but every time they give me a long, nasty speech about my weight and appearance there's that little voice in my head saying 'screw them, don't listen to what they say, have a pizza and you'll feel better'.
I guess what I'm looking for here is some advice on how to self-motivate myself better and how to not let my family make me feel like a complete pile of cr**.
That's just letting them win.
If they are really this hurtful and mean to you, move away from them, and get healthy. Physically and emotionally. You need to learn to love yourself and you can't do that while people who are supposed to love you for yourself are causing more damage.0 -
You need to work out a different way of responding that dioesnt have you in this self destructive comfort eating loop.
Take responsibility for what you eat.
Be more resilient and react differently when your parents are mean, go for a walk , talk to a friend or as suggested move out or better still make a deal with them that they stop being mean and you will commit to making every effort with their passive support to lose weight. Tbh they just dont sound nice and id go for the moving out.
I wouldnt mistake the fact that rebeling with pizza is rebling at all, but instead just undermining your own efforts to get to somewhere better.0 -
I'm really sorry that your parents make you feel that way. My parents are also overweight so they would never think to tell me those kinds of things. I just want you to know that you are worth it and you can do this! You need to change your mind set to be that you aren't going to rebel against them but you are going to get healthy for yourself. That's what people mean when they say it has to be about you and no one else. I finally learned this at 23 and I have decided to change my life even without the help of my family. My family emotionally supports me but they still bring sweets and things into the house. Be selfish and make the right choices for you. Add me if you would like some continued support.
Amy0 -
Well as a parent, there's 2 sides to every story. If they are fat shaming you, then shame on them, however if you've rebelled and that MAY be the reason the relationship isn't good, then it may be on you. Again, I know neither so I can't know what the actual situation is, but if you want to lose weight, it's your uptaking. You do what you have to do to lose it. Whatever they say to discourage you shouldn't matter if that's what they are actually doing. COMMITMENT is what it takes.
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You are 21, when the crap talk starts, walk away. Go for a walk, go to a friends house, go to the gym, anything but stay and listen. You are not helping yourself by eating your feelings away. You need to want to lose weight for yourself, not because of your parents meanness. Having a parents support is nice, but you don't NEED it. You just need to believe in yourself.
I don't know your financial situation or why you are living with them, if you can move out. If not, limit the amount of time you are around their negativity.0 -
Granted, we don't know the entire story in context. At the same time, that doesn't excuse the response of your parents. You also have blame in this as well, as you admit your attitude hasn't been good either. And turning to food as a weapon against your parents isn't hurting them, it is hurting you.
It sounds to me like there is a lot of dysfunction with you and your parents. It isn't one-sided. Unless you and your family seeks some counseling so that all of you can learn some personal and family dynamic skills, that will teach you how to interact in a healthy manner with yourself and others, the wheels on the bus are going to keep going round and round.
If your parents don't seek the aforementioned path for the sake of the family unity and peace, you have two choices, you can remove yourself from the situation completely, or you can resolve in yourself to not be destructive towards yourself and others, by overeating and acting out, which only takes you farther in the wrong direction. Even if your parents don't change, you need to love yourself enough to not want to keep being part of the dysfunction.
Seek out a counselor, pastor, or someone that you feel comfortable with, who is stable in their own life to talk with.
I wish you well.0 -
Punishing your parents by failing is a lousy strategy. Trust me, I've tried it.0
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As a parent did you ever think that maybe your parents are not trying to be mean but are genuinely concerned about your health and well being ?0
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It's terrible that they make you feel that way.
I agree with the rest of the people here - get away.
If you can't yet do it permanently (move to your own house), do it temporarily (go for a walk, or to the gym).
Speak up. Tell them what they're saying is hurtful, not helpful.
I did a blog post about fat shaming, including links to various research & articles.
Not surprisingly, the conclusion is that it doesn't help people lose weight.
Feel free to explain that to your parents.
If they can't say something nice, they should shut up.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MKEgal/view/2014-09-21-fat-shaming-696874
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23731874
Weight discrimination and bullying
Research spanning several decades has documented consistent weight bias and stigmatization in employment, health care, schools, the media, and interpersonal relationships.
For overweight and obese youth, weight stigmatization translates into pervasive victimization, teasing, and bullying.
Multiple adverse outcomes are associated with exposure to weight stigmatization, including depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, suicidal ideation, poor academic performance, lower physical activity, maladaptive eating behaviors, and avoidance of health care.0 -
My sister has always hateful things about my weight, even though when I was younger I wasn't over weight.. But didn't realize it due to her hateful abuseing words . A few years ago I lost some weight to "show her up" but that didn't last this time i know I must do this for me ! It may be difficult but you must begin to love yourself ! I know you can do anything you want to do. Now you must believe it also0
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As a parent I say screw your parents. You are old enough to be responsible for you. If your parents are showing tough love, move out, get a job or education and reach your potential. It's not about what anyone else thinks, but about how willing you are to make changes to improve your life in adulthood. Love yourself enough to walk away from all negative things in your life and focus on being great for you.0
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Tell your parents you just found out you are adopted and that you are going to go find your real parents....... that should shut their pie holes for awhile0
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Pretty shameful behavior on their part, I have to say. Sad part is, even if you lose the weight, they might find something else to berate you about. You have to let them know their behavior is unacceptable. And I agree, there's no need to stick around and listen to that drivel0
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In my opinion, when you reach adulthood try to rely on your own instincts. You are capable, and driven and screw them. You have the power now not them. Rely on yourself for motivation and drive. You can do this. Ps I am adding you. I'm a big 'ol hug *kitten*0
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I was your age, and felt like a failure because I was not thin. Why bother to have any goals, when you are fat?! The only focus is on weight...not college, career, travel, fun, friends...just treated like a beast that should hide in the closet.
Once I got away from the toxic environment and started a life, I was happy. But, still had the toxic memories...anyway, at least I focused on something other than my weight. I went to college, had a job, met a man, who did not focus on my weight...
You can have fun, and a life, even if you are not size 10, or 2...
Now, I am not the "Fat Acceptance" mantra...I work to stay fit. I will never be petite. I accept that.
My Mother will never change...I just tune out her pathology. It no longer affects me. Ha ha...she often wonders how I have a man, a job, a home, travel, and am happy...even though I am a "beast"....0 -
Absolutely! There are other ways to convey that concern. I had a few family members say similar things to me, and I had to let them know how those words hurt me. You'll get on the right track with losing weight when YOU are ready. When you are ready, take baby steps. Baby steps will help you change your habits gradually, and those habits will be easier to maintain in the long run.0 -
Parents don't change whether you do or not. It's taken me thirty years to realise that if I do one thing to make them happy, they just find something else to get on my case about.
Do it for yourself, and balls to anyone else's opinions of you0 -
Parents don't change whether you do or not. It's taken me thirty years to realise that if I do one thing to make them happy, they just find something else to get on my case about.
Do it for yourself, and balls to anyone else's opinions of you
Hahah yep
And nothing good comes out of being that bitter adult who blames their parents for anything - no matter if you really think it's their fault or not! They're just human beings like any other, they're not perfect, they have their flaws. I love that the OP is so young. Just read what everyone else is saying and the sooner you realize this, I just know you'll feel so free and your life will take off!
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Wow, that is so hurtful. I remember distinctly being a senior in high school and my Mom telling me that her and my sister were cute but I was the beautiful one and that if I lost a little weight I would be a knockout. I walked away feeling weird and heavy even though at that time I was a regular thin teenager. She never said anything like that again and never called me disgusting. I don't know how anyone could recover from that. There are so many bad relationship posts here. Doesn't everyone know you can't bully anyone into a healthier lifestyle? I'm in the camp who believes you should only attempt to get healthier if you feel your health is holding you back in any way. I know plenty of heavier high energy people.0
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My father used to fat shame me when I was younger, called me things like the Pillsbury Dough girl even though he himself was obese. Years later I finally asked him why he did that to me and he told me he was trying to toughen me up so that when kids in school teased me it wouldn't bother me, I told him how it made me feel, that instead of toughing me up my life was hell getting teased at school and at home. In his own twisted way he was doing what he thought was best.
You need to either tell your parents how what they are doing is effecting you or get away and don't look back. In the end you need to do what is best for you.0
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