Overwhelmed

sandiegomommy
sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
edited November 22 in Health and Weight Loss
Ugh..... So frustrated and feeling depressed about weight. Knowing what to do and actually following through are to different things. Either love food or fear it. Having a eating disorder when I was younger and now being overweight today really makes me feel crazy. Its a fighting battle within,
dieting stirs up the fear of food, although I still need to nurse another year I don't know how to start. Im sick of being the fat friend, mother, and wife. Even with all the negative feelings I still want to eat just because...... I often eat in the closet so therefore I'm not embarrassed of the quantity and poor quality of food I consume. Sneaking food til after hours and everyone is asleep has became a addiction almost. I'm at my highest weight 212, 7 months post partum and just blah

Replies

  • hupsii
    hupsii Posts: 258 Member
    Hi there, I feel with you. Try to live a healthier life, first and foremost. Take baby steps and first of all, try not to eat alone anymore, hiding away in a closet. You are better than that ! First thing, eat at a table with your family. Once you have mastered that, the next step... and so on. The important thing is to start, one day at a time.
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, seeing this just caused water works. Lol.... Your right! Luckily my sister is coming to visit for a week so hopefully that will keep it at bay, and allow for this first step of not eating alone to set in.

  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
    I don't know you, but I can tell you this. If I knew someone I loved was hiding in the closet to eat, I'd tell them to call me, no matter when, 24 hours per day, and talk to me about their feelings while she was doing it or maybe instead of doing it alone.

    Maybe you have a sister or friend who's like me and would let you call.
  • hupsii
    hupsii Posts: 258 Member
    sandiegomommy wrote: »
    Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, seeing this just caused water works. Lol.... Your right! Luckily my sister is coming to visit for a week so hopefully that will keep it at bay, and allow for this first step of not eating alone to set in.

    This is great - talk to your sister ! Perhaps you are a bit lonely as well ? I know this happened to me when I stayed home to look after my kids for a few months. I started work again part time and this was so much better for me. I felt so cut off from the world staying at home. But as I said, take baby steps and change only one thing at the time.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    I would suggest you look for a therapist. You sound terribly stressed and a professional can help you cope.
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    Thank you for All your Support, after thus initial post I feel as though I can finally breathe. As funny as that may sound this site has allowed for me to be honest with myself and finally air out my dirty laundry as you might say. I've been with my husband for 17 years and never let him know my struggles with food. I guess the baby weight thus time around has been my excuse. Although over holiday I got called out on it, saying they haven't seen me eat and if I'm a closet eater. I laughed it off saying I'm busy with baby is all, but in reality it's true. Therapy is wonderful although in my situation I think its being home and disconnected. I need more OA meetings, or simply just to finally put it out there in a safe place such as this. I guess I'm embarrassed of eating in front of others because of my own distortion of feeling she's too fat to be eating. I feel everyone is looking at ever imperfection I have, besides this time being older and the baby weight sitting here so long after has thrown me for a loop. My first was 10 years ago and lost it within 2 weeks. I've always battled with weight but kept in under control.
  • hupsii
    hupsii Posts: 258 Member
    The babyweight is still with me... and she is 18 now hahaha
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    Lol
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    The OA sounded good for social support or you can just get similar friends here as it seems being able to share is a big help for you. Im not sure whether you are saying you have an eating disorder for which you should get help or you are just overweight.

    If its the latter then its all pretty straightforward and you have to decide if you wnat to change, then figure out how to transition and change your behvaiours to stop eating your feelings and do something else instead.

    One useful way that puts no pressure on you and teaches you a useful skill is:
    1. Just log your food, all of it, so you understand what you are eating.
    2. Start to weigh it, so it becomes more accurate.
    3. The next stage is to gradually reduce the amount by set calories until you are at a deficit and then you will start to lose.

    There are many other ways to transition and taking small steps, which will stop it being so overhwleming. Focusing on one day at a time will make it more manageable.
    Taking care of yourself and not worrying will make you more able to deal with everything.
    Once you get success then that will give you confidence and you start to feel more in control.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

    Is a good start

    http://www.b-eat.co.uk/assets/000/000/275/A4RecoveryTool_LowresPDF_pdf.log1_original.pdf?1423482099
    Is a downloadable guid to recovering from eating disorders.

    Good luck and dont worry. people on this site are losing every day and theres no reason it cnat be you.
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
    I started at 240. There's people here who started at a much higher weight. You are not alone.
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    WBB55 wrote: »
    I started at 240. There's people here who started at a much higher weight. You are not alone.

    Thank you
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    999tigger wrote: »
    The OA sounded good for social support or you can just get similar friends here as it seems being able to share is a big help for you. Im not sure whether you are saying you have an eating disorder for which you should get help or you are just overweight.

    If its the latter then its all pretty straightforward and you have to decide if you wnat to change, then figure out how to transition and change your behvaiours to stop eating your feelings and do something else instead.

    One useful way that puts no pressure on you and teaches you a useful skill is:
    1. Just log your food, all of it, so you understand what you are eating.
    2. Start to weigh it, so it becomes more accurate.
    3. The next stage is to gradually reduce the amount by set calories until you are at a deficit and then you will start to lose.

    There are many other ways to transition and taking small steps, which will stop it being so overhwleming. Focusing on one day at a time will make it more manageable.
    Taking care of yourself and not worrying will make you more able to deal with everything.
    Once you get success then that will give you confidence and you start to feel more in control.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

    Is a good start

    http://www.b-eat.co.uk/assets/000/000/275/A4RecoveryTool_LowresPDF_pdf.log1_original.pdf?1423482099
    Is a downloadable guid to recovering from eating disorders.

    Good luck and dont worry. people on this site are losing every day and theres no reason it cnat be you.

    I did suffer from bulemia growing up although now I suffer from the binge not the purge. Which the binge is a night alone when everyone is asleep. It's been hard and normally could keep the weight under control but now after baby, its out of control. I'm so thankful I've been able to be honest and forthcoming even if its not to my family. Just being able to put it out there and receive all this feedback has really helped put things into perspective for me. My family really don't have weight issues and looks really take priority, so you can see that image distortions are easy to come by. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and be able to look in the mirror naked. Lol
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Make a choice today to log everything you eat (including the stuff you're hiding). Tomorrow, do the same thing.....start there.
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    Make a choice today to log everything you eat (including the stuff you're hiding). Tomorrow, do the same thing.....start there.

    Thank you
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    hupsii wrote: »
    Hi there, I feel with you. Try to live a healthier life, first and foremost. Take baby steps and first of all, try not to eat alone anymore, hiding away in a closet. You are better than that ! First thing, eat at a table with your family. Once you have mastered that, the next step... and so on. The important thing is to start, one day at a time.

    This sounds like excellent advice. Focus on one positive step at a time. Small goals lead to big rewards.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    Get an appointment with a therapist who specializes in EDs. Work through this now, while your baby is still little.

    And log everything. Every single thing.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    sandiegomommy wrote: »
    Even with all the negative feelings I still want to eat just because...... I often eat in the closet so therefore I'm not embarrassed of the quantity and poor quality of food I consume. Sneaking food til after hours and everyone is asleep has became a addiction almost. I'm at my highest weight 212, 7 months post partum and just blah

    I agree with the post that a therapist could help. I'd really urge that.

    I also think that shame is extremely counterproductive and not warranted either. Coming to terms with yourself and your habits and normalizing them--and logging them and talking about them with others both likely help--can be very important. I highlighted above what I'm referring to. In my experience and what I've seen and talked about with friends this idea of eating as something shameful and that you need to hide, as abnormal, creates pressures that make it much harder to not overeat.

    So I'd stop by trying to stop beating yourself up and by trying to be as honest as possible about what food you are eating (and enjoy). There's nothing wrong--as you seem to think--with likely some less nutrient dense foods or eating them. You will want to get control over what you are eating as in the overall amounts and part of that is not feeling like you have public food and food you hide and sneak.

    You can totally do this, and you deserve it.

    For me one thing that helps is trying to have a radically logical, unemotional approach toward food. I know what my goals are and what eating choices will help me reach them, but I don't exaggerate the significant of something like going over my calories or having one less nutritious day or making a choice that wasn't the best. It's just food, it doesn't say anything about you or make you a better or worse person based on what you choose. And it's certainly not sensible or logical or serve any purpose to feel shame about eating choices or to beat yourself up.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited July 2015
    I hope you feel better soon :( You can definitely do this, but don't be afraid to ask for help. Maybe you might want to talk to someone to see if post partum depression might be affecting you.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    sandiegomommy wrote: »

    I did suffer from bulemia growing up although now I suffer from the binge not the purge. Which the binge is a night alone when everyone is asleep. It's been hard and normally could keep the weight under control but now after baby, its out of control. I'm so thankful I've been able to be honest and forthcoming even if its not to my family. Just being able to put it out there and receive all this feedback has really helped put things into perspective for me. My family really don't have weight issues and looks really take priority, so you can see that image distortions are easy to come by. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and be able to look in the mirror naked. Lol

    Youll be fine and you are doing a good thing recognising the situation and working to deal with it.
    http://www.b-eat.co.uk/about-eating-disorders/types-of-eating-disorder/binge-eating-disorder
    http://www.b-eat.co.uk/assets/000/000/444/Beat_Understanding_ED_Guide_WEB_original.pdf?1431349325

    The guide is very good and will help you understand whats happening and what you need to do.

    Theres also a guide for partners who might wnat to support.
    http://www.b-eat.co.uk/assets/000/000/105/Supporting_a_partner_with_an_eating_disorder_original.pdf

    Its one of the leading UK Charities that specialises in eating disorders.
  • davis978
    davis978 Posts: 103 Member
    Congratulations for having the courage to join MFP and post your struggle. That's a great first step. You will find many people on here who have been through similar things and are now in a better place.

    You sound like you might be experiencing some postpartum depression. It's very common. Many women who experience PPD still have symptoms a year after birth. In women who don't get treated, about 30% still have symptoms 3 years after birth. The point here is that PPD, left untreated, often turns into chronic depression. Please get an evaluation and see if some PPD services could be helpful to you. One strategy used to treat PPD is to get mothers additional social support. You have said you are lonely, and it sounds like you can really use some support. You can get some of this support online! Please look into it.
  • sandiegomommy
    sandiegomommy Posts: 16 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    sandiegomommy wrote: »
    Even with all the negative feelings I still want to eat just because...... I often eat in the closet so therefore I'm not embarrassed of the quantity and poor quality of food I consume. Sneaking food til after hours and everyone is asleep has became a addiction almost. I'm at my highest weight 212, 7 months post partum and just blah

    I agree with the post that a therapist could help. I'd really urge that.

    I also think that shame is extremely counterproductive and not warranted either. Coming to terms with yourself and your habits and normalizing them--and logging them and talking about them with others both likely help--can be very important. I highlighted above what I'm referring to. In my experience and what I've seen and talked about with friends this idea of eating as something shameful and that you need to hide, as abnormal, creates pressures that make it much harder to not overeat.

    So I'd stop by trying to stop beating yourself up and by trying to be as honest as possible about what food you are eating (and enjoy). There's nothing wrong--as you seem to think--with likely some less nutrient dense foods or eating them. You will want to get control over what you are eating as in the overall amounts and part of that is not feeling like you have public food and food you hide and sneak.

    You can totally do this, and you deserve it.

    For me one thing that helps is trying to have a radically logical, unemotional approach toward food. I know what my goals are and what eating choices will help me reach them, but I don't exaggerate the significant of something like going over my calories or having one less nutritious day or making a choice that wasn't the best. It's just food, it doesn't say anything about you or make you a better or worse person based on what you choose. And it's certainly not sensible or logical or serve any purpose to feel shame about eating choices or to beat yourself up.

    Thank you for taking time to comment on my post. I never thought my venting would receive so much support. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Thus morning marked my first step to a healthier me.
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