Dealing with an over sensitive co worker.

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  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    Speaking from her perspective as one who is morbidly obese, my guess is that her comments really have nothing to do with you whatsoever, and everything to do with what she hears in her head, or has heard from people she cares about. Somewhere inside her she recognises what you're saying as true but she's not ready to face up to them, so she feels she needs to defend herself.

    Nothing you can do or say at this point is going to change much because you've likely become the personification of her inner demons.

    My suggestion is to try your best to avoid such topics around her, though don't let it bother you if you fail to accomplish this. It's not your fault if she misinterprets.
  • twinlikeme
    twinlikeme Posts: 32 Member
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    Don't let her get to you! Her insecurities are no reason for you to keep quiet about your journey. Sure, there are certain lines of sensitivity, but if you need a 'Good job' from your friends at work, then don't hesitate to get one!

    Just remember that she probably suffers from low self esteem and a lot of insecurity. She is probably just jealous that she doesn't have the will power and determination to do what you do. So just keep doing what you're doing! And Good Luck!
  • DaniJeanine
    DaniJeanine Posts: 473 Member
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    I realized after a while that if I am on a path to lose weight, I should not tell anyone about it. Most people will try to tell me that I am already thin (I am not overweight, but I want to be more in shape) Some people will tell me that I am doing it wrong (No I'm not, they just havnt done enough research) and others will try to ask me why do I not eat this or that...which just leads to a lot of discussions about the issue and all that leads to is them thinking I am obsessed.

    It is pointless arguing about health with people who don't care and have never tried to be healthy.
    This is what I would have answered your co-worker.
    Why don't you eat McDonalds? I dont like the taste. (This will prevent any ensuing arguments)
    Why are you trying to lose more weight? I want a better shape to my body. (Again, this prevents arguments because its a matter of opinion not fact)
    So, basically the less info you give the better. Giving more info will just give people ammunition against you.

    I'm exactly in the same position...I'm not overweight, I'm actually thin--but the reason why is because I'm so health conscience. I used to be a chunky teenager, so I started this journey years ago and I've been able to maintain a healthy lifestyle by being so vigilante.

    But I have learned one important thing: other people are very opinionated and sometimes jealous of that. So from now on, I agree that you should answer the questions short and sweetly..."I don't eat McD's because I don't like it" and "I don't want ____ because I'm not really hungry right now". As for bringing it up yourself, I'd probably stop making comments about weight/diet all together. This way, no one gets offended and your business is your own. I hope you situation improves!!! :-)
  • seemichellerun
    seemichellerun Posts: 219
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    I realized after a while that if I am on a path to lose weight, I should not tell anyone about it. Most people will try to tell me that I am already thin (I am not overweight, but I want to be more in shape) Some people will tell me that I am doing it wrong (No I'm not, they just havnt done enough research) and others will try to ask me why do I not eat this or that...which just leads to a lot of discussions about the issue and all that leads to is them thinking I am obsessed.

    It is pointless arguing about health with people who don't care and have never tried to be healthy.
    This is what I would have answered your co-worker.
    Why don't you eat McDonalds? I dont like the taste. (This will prevent any ensuing arguments)
    Why are you trying to lose more weight? I want a better shape to my body. (Again, this prevents arguments because its a matter of opinion not fact)
    So, basically the less info you give the better. Giving more info will just give people amunition against you.

    This is basically my approach. I don't talk about my weight loss/fitness goals with other people (except for my core support group who are in the same boat as I).

    Do you want to grab some lunch?
    -"Sorry, I just ate / brought my own lunch from home / have other plans"

    There is cake/donuts/ice cream in the break-room, want some?
    -"No thanks, just ate / don't like the specific flavor / have sensitive teeth and can't eat really sweet things / etc."


    If you don't want to talk about health or weight loss with someone, you don't have to.
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
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    I realized after a while that if I am on a path to lose weight, I should not tell anyone about it. Most people will try to tell me that I am already thin (I am not overweight, but I want to be more in shape) Some people will tell me that I am doing it wrong (No I'm not, they just havnt done enough research) and others will try to ask me why do I not eat this or that...which just leads to a lot of discussions about the issue and all that leads to is them thinking I am obsessed.

    It is pointless arguing about health with people who don't care and have never tried to be healthy.
    This is what I would have answered your co-worker.
    Why don't you eat McDonalds? I dont like the taste. (This will prevent any ensuing arguments)
    Why are you trying to lose more weight? I want a better shape to my body. (Again, this prevents arguments because its a matter of opinion not fact)
    So, basically the less info you give the better. Giving more info will just give people amunition against you.

    This is basically my approach. I don't talk about my weight loss/fitness goals with other people (except for my core support group who are in the same boat as I).

    Do you want to grab some lunch?
    -"Sorry, I just ate / brought my own lunch from home / have other plans"

    There is cake/donuts/ice cream in the break-room, want some?
    -"No thanks, just ate / don't like the specific flavor / have sensitive teeth and can't eat really sweet things / etc."


    If you don't want to talk about health or weight loss with someone, you don't have to.

    I agree with both of you, totally! I'm vegetarian so I get away with saying that most of the time.

    Less is more. You don't have to explain yourself to her or educate her in anyway. It is her life, this is yours.

    I would advise only talking to her about work things or currents events. You can be friendly without trying to be friends.
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    Tell me where you work and I'll come kick her in the head. :D
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
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    Opinions are like *kitten*, everyone has one. :)

    Yeah and they all stink! lol
  • MeliciousMelis
    MeliciousMelis Posts: 458 Member
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    My opinion- humble as it may be- is this. You should go on living your life, being enthusiastic about your weight loss and healthy goal, and let your co worker be responsible for their own reactions. You cannot control her response, or her attitude-- only your own. And to quote:

    "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you." - Marianne Williamson.

    I always think of this when faced with people who would have me change myself to help them feel better. Ultimately it serves no one. BE YOU. OWN your success and your goals and your positivity.
  • kaylaCdewire1311
    kaylaCdewire1311 Posts: 110
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    My advice... WHO CARES if she gets her feelings hurt? SHES the one that's overweight, and it's not your fault. Say what's on your mind (NICELY) and be proud of what you are!!
  • KimbersNewLife
    KimbersNewLife Posts: 644 Member
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    Yikes this is a tough one- trust me I feel your pain. It's so hard because I want to help people so bad. In this case you are actually not even bothering her at all or even addressing most of it at her. I am bad about saying Oh my gosh you have to know about this website I am on it's free. And on and on I go- I am so bad. But I want to help EVERYONE. I do not believe anyone is really happy like that. I don't care what they say. Sounds like there are some jealousy issues here and the best thing you can do is what I call the "avoid and ignore" Do not talk to her about anything not business related and if she butts in your converstion pretend you don't even hear. Do not make any gestures or anything just go about your conversation. It works. I pray this girl gets the help she needs from somewhere. Good luck dealing with this. :flowerforyou:
  • daisymae9801
    daisymae9801 Posts: 208 Member
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    I realized after a while that if I am on a path to lose weight, I should not tell anyone about it. Most people will try to tell me that I am already thin (I am not overweight, but I want to be more in shape) Some people will tell me that I am doing it wrong (No I'm not, they just havnt done enough research) and others will try to ask me why do I not eat this or that...which just leads to a lot of discussions about the issue and all that leads to is them thinking I am obsessed.

    It is pointless arguing about health with people who don't care and have never tried to be healthy.
    This is what I would have answered your co-worker.
    Why don't you eat McDonalds? I dont like the taste. (This will prevent any ensuing arguments)
    Why are you trying to lose more weight? I want a better shape to my body. (Again, this prevents arguments because its a matter of opinion not fact)
    So, basically the less info you give the better. Giving more info will just give people amunition against you.

    Ugh, I have the same problem. I get the same "why do you need to diet? You're already skinny" because I'm not technically "overweight" -- just not where I'd like to be. And then you get people (like my in-laws) who think they know everything giving me advice like "If you work out you can eat whatever you want" (very false) and if I don't eat something (like a salad) they say "oh yea because lettuce is so fattening." I want to scream, "It's the dressing and the croutons and the cheese you put on it!"

    But anyways, you will always have people who do this kind of stuff. The McDonalds lady -- just let it roll of your back. You can't change the way she feels and if she wants to be sour about someone elses eating habits - which are none of her business - then she can. Don't let that bring you down.
  • Kimbie500
    Kimbie500 Posts: 388 Member
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    "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you." - Marianne Williamson.

    OK, stealing this quote. Perfect. Thank you!
  • BettyMargaret
    BettyMargaret Posts: 407 Member
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    My opinion- humble as it may be- is this. You should go on living your life, being enthusiastic about your weight loss and healthy goal, and let your co worker be responsible for their own reactions. You cannot control her response, or her attitude-- only your own. And to quote:

    "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure about you." - Marianne Williamson.

    I always think of this when faced with people who would have me change myself to help them feel better. Ultimately it serves no one. BE YOU. OWN your success and your goals and your positivity.


    Absolutely BRILLIANT! I was going to say this very thing... but not quite so eloquently!
  • l3ugjuice
    l3ugjuice Posts: 233
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    Good rule of thumb from an HR perspective: If you are having a discussion about something completely unrelated to work, and someone is offended by it...then dont have that discussion anymore.

    Do you REALLY need to discuss your diet at work? I've lost 60 pounds, and have been very careful to not bring it up at work at all; intentionally, for similar concerns.

    The thing you have to keep in mind is, at least if you are in the good 'ole USA, we have recently revised the ADA to include damn near everything: up to and likely now including morbid obesity. Welcome to being a non-protected protected class! You are one of the boys now.
  • YummyTpn
    YummyTpn Posts: 339 Member
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    YOU have to be YOU. I wouldn't change my behaviour just because of one new person. If you've worked at this place for five years, you are a part of the culture at that workplace. If talking about weight-loss, healthy eating, exercise, etc., is something that was acceptable in that culture previous to this person's arrival, then it should remain so. She is an outsider coming in, so rightly, she should adapt to the already-established culture. YOu aren't going out of your way to be mean, nasty, or offensive to her, so rightly, if she has a problem with something you say, that is HER problem, not yours. You shouldn't change a thing.
  • biggiwig
    biggiwig Posts: 76
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    Wow, I am really surprised how friendly you are all are and how much crap you take from other people.
  • l3ugjuice
    l3ugjuice Posts: 233
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    Wow, I am really surprised how friendly you are all are and how much crap you take from other people.

    Professionally, men in particular, frequently have no other choice. I'm not arguing this is either a good or a bad thing to be honest (there's a reason we got to this point...and that's a really long off-topic subject anyway), just pointing out the reality as it is today.

    You just have to be careful how you interact with people at work, if your actions are interpreted as offensive by/to another then you may have problems up to and including termination ("reasonable person" is a pretty vague...and broad...criteria). It's just best to avoid it all together if possible, in my opinion.
  • SommerJo
    SommerJo Posts: 258 Member
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    I have to say I'm glad I don't work with some of you.

    There's a phrase about walking in other people's shoes. I know I'm overly sensitive -- and I get defensive sometimes. I know that the crap I deal with internally is alot worse than what goes on around me. I know that a look or a comment often has less meaning behind it than I attribute to it. But I also know that it doesn't take the sting out.

    I know that I've dealt with my own guilt and shame for the way I look -- the anger and frustration of being dismissed. The hurt and sadness when you try to reach out and feel rejected. I know what its like to feel left out -- to not fit in -- to know without a shadow of doubt that I'm not accepted.

    I'm morbidly obese too. What I would have loved -- is for someone to befriend me. Take down one brick in the wall and teach me that friendship, understanding, and respect comes in all shapes and sizes. If I worked with this girl -- I would invite her out. I would take the time to get to know her.

    What I wouldn't do -- is dismiss her opinions about health because she's morbidly obese. What an amazing opportunity to help someone -- to teach her. So work isn't the best place to do it -- invite her to go for a walk with you later. You'd be amazed what time and kindness can do for a relationship.
  • robertf57
    robertf57 Posts: 560 Member
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    One way to diffuse her comments that you don't need to lose weight is to attribute the need to your doctor. "yeah, my doctor says I am not at at health weight and that I need to be at least 8 lbs lighter and preferably 20 lbs. I personally would not go out of my weigh to encounter this women. Additionally, I would not let HER problems get you down or sabotage your efforts to get healthy. I can understand SummerJo's position; but, you need to take care of yourself first.
  • jakemg
    jakemg Posts: 42
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    I realized after a while that if I am on a path to lose weight, I should not tell anyone about it. Most people will try to tell me that I am already thin (I am not overweight, but I want to be more in shape)

    Oh god, this. I'm thin, and have a good physique (lean muscle), but I keep track of my food and want to lose just a little more fat that I know about. So I track food, visit MFP regularly, and workout every day (sometimes 2x a day). I still get the "You're so thin, you're in shape, why are you drinking diet coke and eating yogurt?" I've learned that people just don't get it. I don't diet. I do this because I want to live a healthy lifestyle.

    My problem is I'm one of those people who wants to tell everyone about the things I love, so it's difficult to just ignore or hide the fact that I'm losing weight using a fabulous tool with a fabulous community behind it. Oh well. I'm coping.

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