Need help with getting my hubby on board with the new life I'm trying to live

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queen833
queen833 Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just started using MFP and am trying not to lie while logging my meals. :p I've been over 200 lbs all of my adult life and want to make a change in the way that I am living and the choices I make. This is challenging, especially because I love certain types of food. I don't need to eat fried food and sweets EVERYday, but I still love them. My challenge is at home and preparing meals with my husband. He is the main chef in the house since he works from home, so by the time I get home from work, dinner is usually ready. I told him I'm trying to cut back and lose weight and not eat certain types of food, but he doesn't think I'm fat and the changes are necessary. I don't want to not eat the meals he prepares for us, but when I tell him about different recipe ideas I'd like to make (like zucchini lasagna) he doesn't look too impressed. :D I'm not interested in fad diets that I want him to be a part of, just a healthier diet. He did show some improvement last night when he used my wheat bread for my sandwich instead of his white bread. LOL I know my husband loves me and wants the best for me, but we've been doing the same things for so long. Has anyone else experienced this challenge and what changes did you make together?

Replies

  • ajff
    ajff Posts: 986 Member
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    My husband occasionally cooks and it is not the type of food I can eat much of! When I started on MFP I would delicately suggest sides to go with his dishes. Then I would eat mainly those (vegetables) and SMALL portions of his food. After a year and a half and almost 90 pounds, he is much more aware of my restrictions and we work together to meal plan. My advice would be to take the focus off of HIS food and YOUR food; people get crazy defensive about their ideas of good food. It was also quite an education to him to see how small or large a 500 calorie meal can be, be patient and work with him, not against him!
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,779 Member
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    Why not eat a little of what he makes along with a big salad?

    For dinner, I generally do lean meat/vegetable/potatoes or beans rather than something like zucchini lasagna. Why not suggest doing that a few nights a week?
  • verymissk
    verymissk Posts: 262 Member
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    There's a good chance you're going to have to make your own food and do your own thing for a little while. He can be supportive and caring without changing his habits (whether he needs them or not...) and if you try to force him in to something he's not interested in doing, it could cause resentment. Food and diet is such a personal and emotional thing for so many people that IMO it's best to focus on what you need, model healthy behaviors, and express you interest in your partner joining you in a better lifestyle.. and hopefully he'll come around.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Cook for yourself.

    Eat half a plate.

  • noclady1995
    noclady1995 Posts: 452 Member
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    Maybe meal prep a couple times a week so that you have your dinners ready. Hubby can continue to make regular recipes and maybe he'll see how important it is to your goals. I did that and now we mostly only make foods that I prefer to eat, and my kids and hubby actually really like most everything I make. Every once in a whole I'll have pizza or burgers with them....I just plan my other meals around that. Not every meal has to be grilled chicken and veggies.
  • sashayoung72
    sashayoung72 Posts: 441 Member
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    Almost none of my family eats the same, and it's no big deal. I'd prefer a frozen low calorie meal over something I didn't need or want . My son eats high carb, my daughter has been eating her weird concoctions and I fix something easy for my husband, it's really hot here so sometimes a sandwich and fries will do.
  • MAnthonyEvans
    MAnthonyEvans Posts: 28 Member
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    Baby Steps with your significant other is always important so it won't be too dramatic for either one of you. With a slow progress together then the chances are better that things will work out for the long run. That way it's also easier to work out being more activive together as well or getting some much needed time to yourself to do activities that you enjoy and are getting exercise at the same time.
  • OldHobo
    OldHobo Posts: 647 Member
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    queen833 wrote: »
    I just started using MFP and am trying not to lie while logging my meals. :p I've been over 200 lbs all of my adult life and want to make a change in the way that I am living and the choices I make. This is challenging, especially because I love certain types of food. I don't need to eat fried food and sweets EVERYday, but I still love them. My challenge is at home and preparing meals with my husband. He is the main chef in the house since he works from home, so by the time I get home from work, dinner is usually ready. I told him I'm trying to cut back and lose weight and not eat certain types of food, but he doesn't think I'm fat and the changes are necessary. I don't want to not eat the meals he prepares for us, but when I tell him about different recipe ideas I'd like to make (like zucchini lasagna) he doesn't look too impressed. :DI'm not interested in fad diets that I want him to be a part of, just a healthier diet. He did show some improvement last night when he used my wheat bread for my sandwich instead of his white bread. LOL I know my husband loves me and wants the best for me, but we've been doing the same things for so long. Has anyone else experienced this challenge and what changes did you make together?

    I think that if he is under obligation to prepare your meals in the manner you prescribe, then by all means, continue to demand he follow your instructions.
    If not then:
    1. Be grateful for the food he prepares that you choose to eat.
    2. Be gracious about that which you choose not to eat.
    3. Make your own sandwich
  • NoIdea101NoIdea
    NoIdea101NoIdea Posts: 659 Member
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    My boyfriend is supportive of me wanting to lose weight-he is constantly telling me he doesn't think i need to, but he also understands that I am the one who needs to be happy about my weight, not him, (which is amazing). He is on the whole quite a healthy eater, but there will be those times when we have a not-so-healthy meal (he is so supportive of me in every way, and there is no reason he can't enjoy food just because i'm counting calories). When those occasions to arise, i just have a smaller portion of whatever it is and add a salad to it. It's a pretty good compromise.

    Also, i save most of my calories for the evenings to allow for anything 'large' we might be having. It works pretty well :)
  • natajane
    natajane Posts: 295 Member
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    My husband is slim and when he cooks a couple of times a week he doesn't think so much about my calorie restrictions either. He never will think about calories, its just not a problem in his life, and i've come to accept that. In the past, this has led to me jacking in my diet because i've felt like i've not had control or haven't been able to guess what I've eaten calorie wise.

    So this time I've thought about it, and I have tactics! I've taken over the food shopping. :smiley:

    I plan all of our shared meals around healthy protein and 2 or 3 types of veg, and a bit of carb. I order online and have our shopping delivered on a Saturday night. I send the meal plan to my husband, and he just cooks what I've planned. No thinking from either of us! If its his turn to cook, I tell him if i can only have x amount of certain foods and he either weighs it out or leaves it on the side for me to do.

    We have our own breakfasts, and only share the same lunches on a weekend, so if he wants to eat high calorie stuff he has it for his own meals/snacks or as a supplement to the base dinner I plan.

    Working so far!
  • WellingTX
    WellingTX Posts: 617 Member
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    Queen

    Like others on this chain, my spouse was much healthier than I. She is a runner and one of those annoying people who eat for fuel and when she does overindulge in a treat makes it up through increased exercise or by cutting back on food the next day.

    One thing I had to recognize was that just as I had long standing habits and behaviors, so did my lovely bride.

    For years and years, she knew that bringing home a box of girl scout cookies or baking lasagna for dinner made me happy. I certainly reinforced that behavior by often picking on her if she didn't do these things.

    In my case, continuing to ask, saying I truly wanted and needed her support, allowed her to recognize that I was serious and she could play a big part in my journey.

    Sometimes when we make a change, it takes time for others to recognize that we're committed.

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