Helping a loved one

txsarge17
txsarge17 Posts: 50 Member
edited September 28 in Health and Weight Loss
My fiance has lost quite a bit of weight over the last couple of years, but still has some areas she isn't happy with. She decided after seeing my progress to get serious and is now doing ChaLean X. Last night I helped her with her starting measurements and body fat %, and pics, and she got very upset. I honestly think she's beautiful, and because she was an athelete in college she carries herself very well (and I love her butt!).

How do I help her feel excited about what she's doing for herself instead of depressed about where she is now? Oh, and I had a very long talk with her yesterday about why my getting in shape didn't mean I was going to leave her for a hot blond!!!!!!!! I want to make sure she doesn't leave me for some stud!

Replies

  • tishaloses
    tishaloses Posts: 234 Member
    I'm sure she likes having you notice that she is making progress!!! I know I was on cloud nine the other day when my husband noticed that my underclothes were getting baggy!!! Just keep reminding her how incredible she looks and that you love her and she'll come around!!!
  • autumnbottom8
    autumnbottom8 Posts: 74 Member
    Women are always going to be insecure about their weight. Being supportive and saying when you see progress is what I like. My fiance is very supportive of my weight loss, and he tells me he can tell.. maybe he's just saying it or really means it, but it shows that you're paying attention. Maybe try going to the gym with her or maybe a class together would be nice.
  • almorrow1s
    almorrow1s Posts: 33 Member
    You can tell her exactly what you've told us, that she is beautiful and you love her butt! Nobody loves their starting #s! That's why they are starting #s and not finished #s! Somedays she'll be willing to hear it and other days she won't, but be there to say it. By helping her out with her weight loss you are doing both of you a favor. Make sure to work out with her and just keep encouraging. She's lucky to have such a supportive guy. Good luck to you both.
  • Mommyof3loves
    Mommyof3loves Posts: 276
    I agree just keep telling her how beautiful she looks and how proud of her for taking care of herself. Congrats to the both of you for wanting to get in shape good luck to you both! Also if she hasn't joined here yet encourage her to :-)
  • sandyfeet10
    sandyfeet10 Posts: 280 Member
    empathize with her. don't compare your numbers to hers because men lose weight much differently than women. read "men are from mars, women are from venus" to help communicate better with each other.
  • flyingwrite
    flyingwrite Posts: 264
    Compliment her realistically and specifically. Like, "I'm really proud that you did ....this today." or "I like how that shirt looks on you, now." I hate empty, generic compliments. They sound fake and don't make me feel any better about myself.
  • scante60
    scante60 Posts: 106 Member
    I've been in a similar situation, in reverse - my boyfriend suggested, then (somewhat unintentionally, and out of frustration) demanded, I lose weight, and it sent me a bit off of the deep end. What I heard was "You're fat, and I don't love you the way you are, so change." What he was trying to say was "I love you and want you to be your best, and I'm feeling like I don't know what to do to get you to let me help you, but I want you to be healthier." After much discussion, and sorting out of where each of us is coming from, I've decided to make a concerted effort to improve my diet and exercise habits, and he's there in a very supportive (not judgemental) way.

    My point, I guess, is just to continue to affirm that you love her no matter what, but that you will be there to help her to become a more healthy person.
  • l3ugjuice
    l3ugjuice Posts: 233
    The commercials say that you should eat a Twix bar, and by the time you finish chewing and swallow it...your wife will have moved on to a less landmine-filled subject.
  • lanasimm
    lanasimm Posts: 12 Member
    As a Mil Spouse I can kind of see where she is coming from. My husband is very fit and surrounded by fit co-workers. I was pretty intimidated by the women he worked with because they were.... well... fit and I was not. My husband reassured me that he wasn't just with me because of the way I looked. He was with me because he knew I had the strength, courage and stability to get through numerous TDY's, Deployments, crazy work schedule and PCSing across the world. He reassured me often that I was what he wanted in a spouse, and I think that over the years, this is something I had to get through myself and stop worrying he would leave me over my physical appearance.

    Congrats on the engagement!
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