A hard few months.... time for change

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koylefam
koylefam Posts: 142 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Last year I lost 35lbs. Then became pregnant with baby #4. At our 20 week ultasound we learned she had a disorder called Trisomy 18. Which is not compatible with life. My husband and I chose to continue the prenancy not knowing whether our baby girl would live to term or not. Only 30% of babies with this condition survive to term and only 10% survive delivery. On March 7th of this year. Our beautiful daughter Mackinley was born at 39weeks. Weighing in at 3lbs and 14oz. And 14.5 inches long. We held her for 20 minutes before she returned to Heaven. The stress of living day to day not knowing if my baby would even make it to term took its toll. And I turned to food for emotional comfort. Now she is gone, and waking up every morning to clothes that don't fit and a body that looks like it had a baby, but doesn't have one to show for itis a painful thing. So here I am again with 36lbs to lose. Ready for change..... and healing

Replies

  • WorkoutWench
    WorkoutWench Posts: 1
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    My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm sure Mackinley is cheering you on though. Stay strong!
  • tam8374
    tam8374 Posts: 270 Member
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    Good Luck here. Sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you.


    Feel free to add me as a friend. I up until recently have been yo-yoing with job changes so I am ready to make a change.
  • EricaSno28
    EricaSno28 Posts: 20
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    I am soo sorry for your loss. Use Mackinley as strength to come out a healthier and stronger person. Prayers go out to you and your family.
  • mom23nuts
    mom23nuts Posts: 636 Member
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    Hugs to you and your hubby...I know how heart breking it is to go into the hospital and not come home with a baby after a delivery and to try to go on with the routine of daily life after your heart and your body have changed from it all.

    We are all here for you.
  • nfanning3
    nfanning3 Posts: 23 Member
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    my heart goes out to you immensely! you can certainly use some love and focus on you for a change. friend me if you would like! i am a mom of 3 boys, all high risk, but none lost. you are already stronger than you can imagine, now its just refocusing that. good luck and keep your head up as best you can. you can get alot of encouragement and ideas from some great people on here. i hope it helps and i wish you peace and success!
  • Kristin111365
    Kristin111365 Posts: 77
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    Mackinley was a gift, she may have been here for a short time but you will always love her. Do this for yourself, and no one eles. you are going to do great.
  • koondoggie_99
    koondoggie_99 Posts: 16
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    My heart goes out to you! You must know that I respect you so much for your courage to choose to let your baby live and aloow God to be in control. Although I can never understand how you feel I do know that God will bring you through it. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I KNOW that you can find it within yourself to get through this and know your baby Mackinley is watching you and cheering you on.
  • MeliciousMelis
    MeliciousMelis Posts: 458 Member
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    Sending you prayers and positive thoughts....MFP is a wonderful place to not only manage your weight loss- but the community you can build here is phenomenal.

    HUGS....
  • knelson422
    knelson422 Posts: 308
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    I cannot imagine what that is like, and am so sorry for your loss. Add me as a friend if you want!! Prayers and thoughts for you today. You can do this, not just lose the weight, but deal with your loss. I don't know why we go through some of the trials we have. You can be a huge inspiration to others as you come through this life changing time and have the strength you need. Food will NOT give you the comfort and strength you need, that can only come from God. Christ suffered all things for us, including our pain (emotional and physical) so that he would know how to help us. I am a firm believer that He knows us each individually and can help us. Not trying to get all preachy, just sharing the Love. Thanks for sharing with us.
  • sjbreeden
    sjbreeden Posts: 10
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    My heart goes out to you and your family, along with prayers for peace.
  • kare77
    kare77 Posts: 78 Member
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    i'm sooo sorry for your loss, reading that brought tears to my eyes. You have come to a good place for support, encouragement and motivation. Feel free to add me as a friend :happy:
  • ejhayes
    ejhayes Posts: 44 Member
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    I'm so sorry about your loss. I think you made the right choice going on with the pregnancy, even though she is no longer with you. Now I think you need to take care of yourself and you will find plenty of support, not only for your weight loss but also dealing with the terrible loss of your child. Please feel free to add me as a friend and we will help each other. My prayers go out to you and your family :smile:
  • sla0814
    sla0814 Posts: 240
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    I'm so sorry for your loss...You've come to the best community for support, encouragement, and positivity in your weight loss journey and your everyday journey. Feel free to add me for support!! God bless
  • Mary425jane
    Mary425jane Posts: 2
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    I'm sorry for your loss. You had the wonderful opportunity to carry that baby inside you and give it the love and care that it deserved. Even though you only got to have her with you outside of your body for 20 minutes, you had that whole 39 weeks of her knowing how much you loved her and cared for you that you didn't end her life when you found out about the disorder. Your hope for her was a huge expression of your love for her, and it says mountains about how wonderful of a mother you are. Despite the fear of what might happen, you had the strength to carry on each day. Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. I lost my second baby when I was about 15 weeks pregnant. It's a kind of pain that no one else knows unless they've gone through it.
  • koylefam
    koylefam Posts: 142 Member
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    I am humbled by the overwhelming responses I have received!!! Thank you for all of your support and encouragement.... YOu are all truely inspiring.... I look forward to this journey with you :happy:
  • aschirmer3692
    aschirmer3692 Posts: 11 Member
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    koylefam wrote: »
    Last year I lost 35lbs. Then became pregnant with baby #4. At our 20 week ultasound we learned she had a disorder called Trisomy 18. Which is not compatible with life. My husband and I chose to continue the prenancy not knowing whether our baby girl would live to term or not. Only 30% of babies with this condition survive to term and only 10% survive delivery. On March 7th of this year. Our beautiful daughter Mackinley was born at 39weeks. Weighing in at 3lbs and 14oz. And 14.5 inches long. We held her for 20 minutes before she returned to Heaven. The stress of living day to day not knowing if my baby would even make it to term took its toll. And I turned to food for emotional comfort. Now she is gone, and waking up every morning to clothes that don't fit and a body that looks like it had a baby, but doesn't have one to show for itis a painful thing. So here I am again with 36lbs to lose. Ready for change..... and healing

    I am sorry for your loss. My daughter also has trisomy 18. I am very very fortunate she will be 7 years old this year. She does have MAJOR medical issues however. I'm here if you need a friend. ♡

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