What's wrong with me?

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CassiFoon
CassiFoon Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm sitting here in tears, absolutely disgusted with myself. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, nearing 300 pounds and I'm 24 years old. Today I looked at myself in the mirror and I was actually HAPPY with myself. My tummy looked a little flatter and my shirt felt a bit more baggy so I decided to hop on the scale but it told me I had gained. How could I let myself become like this? Everyone is throwing weight loss surgery at me, is that my only option now? I'm so scared, I tried this once before and failed after losing 20 pounds, I just lost motivation and gave up. What if it happens again? What will become of me?

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  • sebring2008ks
    sebring2008ks Posts: 25 Member
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    I feel like that too! I'm 218 today and I was 160 I have let myself gain all the weight back that I had lost 3 years ago! Don't cry about it..do something about it :) just imagine how happy u will be when u actually start losing
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
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    There is nothing wrong with you. You're the natural result of living in a land of limitless food with a body that wants to store excess as it can. Most Americans are in the same boat. No, you probably do not need surgery to lose weight.

    The technique is simple: Eat a deficit. It's the willpower that is hard.

    I don't even recommend exercise for people that start out as fat as you and I did. It's just not necessary and it's an additional mental burden to deal with in addition to the burden of eating a deficit.

    You need to start logging your food. Accurately. Ideally with a food scale - they are cheap - a digital food scale can be had for $20 or less at any big box store. When in doubt, over-estimate rather than under.

    If you have never done this before, you will be astonished how little food you should be eating compared to what you have been eating.

    The good news is you are *young*, and so it is going to be easier for you.

    Avoid the mentality that if you blow it for a day, then you have blown it for the week. "Oh, I screwed up today, I'll re-started next Monday." That will never do. Each day should be planned with a 1000-calorie deficit for a 2-pound-per-week weight loss (or whatever deficit you choose). So if you "blow it", even if you blow it by 500 calories you are *still* in a deficit. You haven't really "blown" anything. This was a very hard concept for me to believe in.

    You will almost certainly be hungry. That's just the way it is. If you find the hunger unbearable there is only one hunger suppressant currently on the market that works: Phentermine/Topiramate. You will need a doctor prescription to get it and not all doctors are willing to prescribe. Typically you need a BMI over 30 plus at least one co-morbidity such as pre-hypertension. I took it for the first 4 months of my latest weight loss attempt and then I felt like I could handle it on my own.

    Set small goals. I see every 10 pounds as a major victory.

    I recommend weight in every day. It keeps me focused on the goal and regardless of what the calorie tracking says it is irrefutable proof of eating too much or not.

    Understand this is going to take a long time. It took years to get to 300 pounds, it will take years to get to 200 pounds. The absolute best you might achieve is probably 2 pounds per week (I average 1.4 pounds per week over the last 24 weeks). 100 pounds will take 50 weeks at 2 pounds per week. 100 weeks at 1 pound per week. And weight loss slows as you approach a healthy weight. So realistically you are probably looking at 3-5 years to get to a healthy weight.

    Arm yourself with the information as to what makes people fail at weight loss so that you can be on guard against it. The key is start again every day and do not give up.

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  • Nuke_64
    Nuke_64 Posts: 406 Member
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    maillemaker wrote: »
    There is nothing wrong with you....

    That and the rest of maillemaker's post is good advice. I will reiterate that you just track what you eat as a start.

    You can do it.

  • CassiFoon
    CassiFoon Posts: 3 Member
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    Thank you everyone. I just bought a food scale and I'm going to begin meticulously using it. No more cutting corners or sneaking sips of my fiance's soda during dinner. I was, and still am, just so shocked that it came to this, to how heavy I am now. I never really thought about myself that way, and I suppose now that my life is changing and turning around, I'd better change and turn around as well. I'm going to keep trying and keep going no matter how hard it gets. I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and advice, it really means a lot to me that you all took the time to help.
  • KRocka1981
    KRocka1981 Posts: 59 Member
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    I just sent you a friend request. I have a lot of weight to lose too. If you ever want someone to talk to, send me a message. You can do this! Since I have started I have already lost 14 lbs! I bought a digital scale from Walmart for maybe $15 or $20. I started slowly walking in the evenings. I get that feeling "what if I fail again", but we are NOT going to fail this time. This is it. You made the decision to change and you are not going to go back to the person you were. You have to tell yourself that and believe it. I am not afraid of going back to the person I used to be because that person does not exist anymore.
  • loves86
    loves86 Posts: 88 Member
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    if you lose motivation here and there, why not make goals, at 10 lbs you get XX, at 20, XX, make them worth it to work towards!!!! That's what I did when I first started, the more weight I lost, the bigger the prize!
  • CarlydogsMom
    CarlydogsMom Posts: 645 Member
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    Here's another thought. So many people who let themselves not accomplish their goals think they have to depend on "willpower" and "motivation." Do NOT use willpower or motivation to get you through. They help, they may get you started (TODAY I will do X!), but truly, it boils down to making a decision in your mind. Willpower and motivation fade; a commitment you've made to yourself is, frankly, easier to keep! You brush your teeth every day, right? You don't depend on willpower or motivation to do it, you just....do it.

    Decide where you want to be, your long-term goals, and know that it's going to take time. But where will you be at the end of "that time" if you do not take action? Either decide you're going to get there, or...you probably won't.

    If you're going to weigh/measure/track your food, just do it.

    If you're going to initiate an exercise (I do agree with maillemaker above, you can think about this later), do it. Don't say "well, don't feel like it today, I'll do it tomorrow." No. Get your butt up and do it, even if it's just walking around the block.

    Next, with a long-term goal in mind, set short-term goals. Celebrate your successes! A week of tracking your food, even if you went over a day or two, or whatever....congratulations, you tracked your food for a week! Now set a different short-term goal.

    For me, I was DONE. I was done eating more food than I needed to and shaming myself into feeling guilty at every single meal. I was done with rationalizing to myself "oh, just this one brownie, tomorrow I'll be better..." or "I'll walk tomorrow, today it's kinda rainy."

    I was DONE being the size of a pro football player, and DONE hiding behind people when cameras came out.

    I decided that I had a great run of ten years eating whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted, by golly it was FUN...but I was done.

    And the SECOND I made that decision, my very first day tracking, I said "no" to (well, I can't even remember what it was, probably a blob of butter on some bread or something) some food, my confidence soared. I hadn't lost an ounce, I hadn't changed one iota in any measurement, but I didn't feel shame after a meal. I didn't berate myself into a guilt trip. But the confidence of that one decision, that one CHANGE in my normal routine, was all it took.

    I started tracking my food, following MFP guidelines, making better decisions....and to tell you the truth, this last bout of losing weight (75 pounds) was one of the easiest things I've ever done for myself that I thought would be THE HARDEST. It was not, because I had already decided in my mind to do it. What was my alternative???

    There are lots of stories in the Success Stories board of people starting at above 300 pounds. Truly, one of your advantages is that you're 24, you have youth on your side!

    Make your decision, whatever way you want to go (give up and stay status quo; change and possibly change your life forever; sit on the fence and berate yourself), and just get 'er done.

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