school coming up soon and I'm scared for the wrong reasons.

Maqneta
Maqneta Posts: 388 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I got into Blanche in Vancouver for Makeup etc the only problem is I never thought about the fact my picture will be taken, this is a dream school of mine and I still haven't managed to get past the body image problems I have.

as Therapy has not worked at all for me, my doctor has not put me on meds as much as I tell her about my anxiety.

my depression has gone down a lot since last year I guess that could be a good thing, but I am contemplating giving up my dreams because I can't get past this fear.

as for my insecurities it has a lot to do with the roundness of my face, I literally have no definition at all, my cheeks are not normal compared to the rest of my body they look really "chubby".
as I know my age has a big part apparently (19) according to anyone I tell about my insecurities tells me.
I refuse to let people take my pictures, I can't attend family events, I won't be around crowds of other males without feeling highly insecure. Today was actually one of the first times I have eaten my calories for the day, as I still am to scared to maintain my weight without wanting to drop another 10 LB.

it really is terrible :(
I'm 5'11 and a half and 147 LB.

Replies

  • momoharuno
    momoharuno Posts: 141 Member
    I genuinely wish I could say some magic words to make you feel better and fix all your insecurities and be completely cured but unfortunately I can't, no one can, but I would recommend you try to contemplate coping mechanisms you might have used in the past and had any measure of success with and to try them while you're there or even on your way there. If there is something you own that gives you any semblance of comfort or confidence I would consider finding a way to wear or bring it, (I.e. A shirt that comforts you or a small item that helps you to be near and bring it in your pocket) Most importantly though don't sacrifice your dream! You have obviously put work into getting this far, do you really want to look back on your life and regret not doing everything possible to achieve your dream? You can do this! I know it's really scary and it's easier to run away but sometimes you have to make a stand even to yourself and say "no! I will do this!" I hope this helps you and I will definitely be cheering for you!
  • Pinnacle_IAO
    Pinnacle_IAO Posts: 608 Member
    If I were faced with such challenges, the best cure is to simply face that which brings me the most fear.
    In time the fear and insecurity evaporate.
  • williamwj2014
    williamwj2014 Posts: 750 Member
    Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »
    If I were faced with such challenges, the best cure is to simply face that which brings me the most fear.
    In time the fear and insecurity evaporate.

    This.


    You need to quit worrying so much about your outer appearance of your face and start living your life. Everyone has their insecurities but it's best not to let those insecurities consume us from doing things. You got into a school that you really wanted to get into? AWESOME. Go git er' done then. Personally, I had my own problems growing up (still do) but I chose to face those fears and eventually, it became easier and easier. You just have to do it.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    I used to be self-conscious of the way I looked in pictures - and I may still cringe at a particularly unfortunate shot - but here's how I feel about it now: it doesn't really matter because the people who matter already know what I look like. I know this probably won't help as much as I'd like it to, but whoever sees your id picture outs likely to see you face-to-face. So they know what you look like. And if people see the id picture without ever seeing you in person, then you'll never have to know what they think!

    Have you tried more than one therapist? It's not uncommon to try multiple therapists before you find someone who's a good fit, both the person and the method. If your anxiety is keeping you from doing so many things, I think it's really important to keep trying to improve.
  • williamwj2014
    williamwj2014 Posts: 750 Member
    edited August 2015
    d
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Turn the other cheek.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
    But you do take so many pictures. Is the only issue when someone else takes it without your knowing?
  • Maqneta
    Maqneta Posts: 388 Member
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    But you do take so many pictures. Is the only issue when someone else takes it without your knowing?

    Nope generally I hate what I look like when someone else takes my photo, I take a lot of pictures because in my mind a day will come I'll take a picture I'm proud of :(
  • caffeinatedcami
    caffeinatedcami Posts: 168 Member
    It sounds like you might have some form of body dysmorphia. I second @distinctlybeautiful that it often takes a long time to find a therapist that is a good fit. Don't quit on your dreams now. But do put an emphasis on taking care of your mental health.
  • nicjbar73
    nicjbar73 Posts: 47 Member
    id definetly look for a therapist that deals with body image issues. couple modeling tricks though, chin up suck in cheeks a bit( practice how much)tilt head to side a bit. i see some gorgeous cheekbone def, but uve got to see it to count!;)GO rock that awesome school! u deserve it!!!
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
    I agree with all the above posters. It's easy sometimes to feel watched or judged for things we feel are wrong with ourselves. But something my mom tells me that I try to remember is: Absolutely no one is looking at you. Everyone is wrapped up in themselves, focusing on what they look like, how they're going to do in school, etc. you'll barely register, no matter what your picture looks like.

    Best of luck, and imo therapy takes a number of tries. Don't say "therapy doesn't work" try to think "that kind of therapy or that specific therapist didn't work for me". There are so many fields and approaches, maybe talk therapy didn't work but CBT will, for example.
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
    edited August 2015
    Play around in the mirror and find your best angles and practise posing until you find an expression you're ok with. Then you'll feel more prepared for when the pictures are taken
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    I would get another therapist. Working with the right person can make a difference in the rest of your life. It's not magic though. You have to really work hard in therapy.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Find a better therapist and get a psychiatrist -- one who can evaluate you for medication and other treatment. Good luck at Blanche :)
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,196 Member
    I agree with a lot of what has already been said:
    1. You are not seeing yourself as you really are. Your cheeks look normal and you are already quite thin. This really does sound like dysmorphia.
    2. Most people are so wrapped up in themselves that they really don't notice as much as you think.
    3. You can get better help--both your dysmorphia and anxiety need to be treated and CAN be treated. Don't let more of your life slip away--keep seeking out treatment until you find what you need.

    Good luck to you!

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