Crippling self confidence - help, please!

Fitdoge · August 2015

My new semester of college started yesterday, and the first day was a whirlwind of crippling self confidence. During the two hour gaps between my classes, I was wandering around campus trying to find the place with as little students as possible to just hide away. I went as far as tucking myself in a corner between a building and some construction on campus. I just don't want to be looked at.
I feel terrible. I have to and will go to college, but all I wanna do is run away from it or anywhere public. I'm really glad to have my family here, as my sister goes to college with me as well, but nothing seems to be helping me not feel as depressed when I think of needing to be at college and wanting to learn but wanting to hide myself away because of my weight.
It's also very hot here and my campus is largely concrete and grassy hills with very little shade - so I need to wear shorts and tank tops, but that doesn't help my situation at all. I just want to put myself in the biggest coat I own and hide in it like a frikkin' turtle.

This is all exacerbated by a bully - I found on the first day of my US History class that a bully from last semester is also taking the course. He's called me "fat life" and "french fries" and an assortment of other teases I don't care to repeat, as well as humiliating me in front of a group of people he was trying to impress. I dread to think of what he'll come up with during History.

I don't usually have issues with large crowds or groups of people. I don't talk to people very well but I can walk through a crowd without batting an eye. I don't understand this sudden aversion to everyone and why it's making me feel so terrible.

JennyLee1956 · August 2015

Fitdoge, you must try to take deep breaths, and tell yourself how much you matter in this world. As for the bully, he is so insecure he has to bellow out to the world about what a jerk he truly is

. Hold your head up high, and march on through your difficulties. I hope you have someone you can talk with about it all. Blessings

DBrooks1979 · August 2015

From someone who doesn't know you but knows bullies... When they are teasing you and making fun of you.. try your best not to react.. just ignore it and keep walking... when they see they are not getting to you.. it will stop.. while this is easier said then done it can help with that...

Also remember this.. you took the first step of coming here to get better.. to get healthy for yourself, your boyfriend, your mother... and most of all so you can flaunt that skinny happy healthy self and put that abuser who said you couldn't to shame....

You CAN DO IT!!!!

Marine Corps saying.... GET SOME... you can do it.. get some healthy eating.. Get some Pride in taking steps to get better, being healthy, taking pride in bettering yourself with school as well as weight loss...

Keep that head up and keep going...

spicy618 · August 2015

I'm really sorry to hear this.

Can you wear your headphones at all times while on campus?
I did this when I first started using the gym... I put my headphones on and it didn't matter who looked at me or what was said, I couldn't hear them. lol

Good luck

caroldavison332 · August 2015

Normally bullies want to get a rise from you, so if you ignore him he should go away.

kellycasey5 · August 2015

Sounds like harassment (bullying) to me. I'd go to class, and if said person did anything remotely like that, take it up with the teacher and administration. If it continued, I'd go all the way up to the dean. You have a right to learn and not be discriminated upon because of your weight/ appearance.

My other thought would be to check in at student health and see if they offer some type of counseling for students. College life is stressful, and help is available for students to help them succeed. Good luck with your studies

hekla90 · August 2015

/r/thathappened but if your self confidence is that low you should probably go visit the student counseling center.

nicjbar73 · August 2015

make urself a playlist of positive upbeat music & put in earbuds between classes! that way ur head is up high when u enter ur classes;) & with all the walking u have to do ur going to start seeing some results that also will boost self esteem!!!go get ur education, u deserve it!

Fitdoge · August 2015

Walking around the campus is hard but great! I am also at college from 10-12 in the morning all the way until 7-10 at night, monday through thursday. I pack food purposefully so that it's impossible for me to overeat, and I can preplan my day and treat myself with a frozen juice bar or a cookie when I've come home.

I didn't think of a playlist - I could definitely do that, and it would help tremendously with my social anxiety and self confidence walking between classes. I also found a couple places today where I can sit quietly and read or finish homework without worrying about my appearance buzzing around in my head.
We have a student health center. I vape zero nicotine fruit-flavoured juices to curb my snacky hours and it is quite soothing, but I don't know if it's allowed on campus. I would never vape indoors or near windows or buildings, but I still should ask. I remember a student tried to vape in a class! Rude. The professor tossed him out.

thank you everyone for your support and ideas. I'm taking these to heart and will be using most of your advice to help me get through this semester.

999tigger · August 2015

Go and talk to your college counselor about the confidence and self esteem issues. You arent going to sort it out on your own. Because of your low self confidence/ low self esteem then its unlikely you cna see things clearly or are self aware enough to make the right decisions. Youve been brave coming here, but you need help to share it with people and then a plan of action to deal with the issue.

There might be some courses dealing with self esteem that can focus on giving you confidence.

The diet thing is straightforward and if you wish to lose weight then anyone can you just need to eat less and move more so you are at consistent deficit. What you would need to avoid is comfort eating which will only make your situation worse. There may be an on campus weight loss program or social weight loss group which you cna make friends with and get support.

As for the bully then nip it in the bud now and talk to one of the student advice helplines. If they are following you and name calling ask them clearly to stop, but maybe have your mobile on to record the refusal out of sight and then make a complaint about them if they do not stop. Bullies carry on bullying until someone stands up to them.

You are young and these are very importnat decisions to make. Stand up and act rather than hide away from this and future issues. Be brave and good luck.

Ps 60lbs you cna lose in a year if you put your mind to it.

999tigger · August 2015

There are some good articles here on self esteem, self confidence and bullying. Please take time to read them as it should help you appreciate whats going on.

http://www.uq.edu.au/student-services/counselling/self-confidence
http://www.uq.edu.au/student-services/counselling/self-esteem
http://www.uq.edu.au/student-services/counselling/bullying

Patttience · August 2015

Can i suggest you seek out the college councillor asap. I think you will need and benefit greatly from the support of a councillor at the college. Losing weight if you have excess will probably help you a little but if you suffer from low self-confidence, losing weight will not be the only cure. Get professional help. If you don't like the first councillor you talk to, go to another one. Try to explain yourself as honestly as you can. If you are woman, i suggest a woman may be the best councillor for you unless you feel more comfortable with men.

Crippling self confidence - help, please!

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