Scared and having a meltdown.

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zoe263
zoe263 Posts: 14 Member
edited August 2015 in Food and Nutrition
im terrified. I can't bring myself to eat things but I'm hungry. I spat out my crackers and I'm just having a meltdown. I don't want to binge and purge again. I considered going up town to but I know is get a pie. I can't purge. It hurts my boyfriend and I can't do that to him.

Seriously my mind is going a million miles a minute.

I am in recovery and I am clean but it's at a hard time and I'm struggling to cope. Believe me when I say I spent four years in the eating disorder hell hole and I am NOT doing it again.

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    edited August 2015
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    Are you under doctor's care? if not there is help out there. Binging and purging is no way to live. You need to get help.

    read this

    https://myfitnesspal.desk.com/customer/portal/articles/1575987-eating-disorder-resources
  • zoe263
    zoe263 Posts: 14 Member
    edited August 2015
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    I am in recovery. 13 weeks clean. I don't want to do it again. I'm not under doctors care because my family are horrible. I am no longer with a psychiatrist because she was horrible. I'm fully aware that purging is no way to live because I lived in that hell hole or four years.
  • karliebethell
    karliebethell Posts: 53 Member
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    Thank you for sharing this...Very courageous. I think it's important to seek out help. I can't imagine how anyone would be able to overcome something like this without help.

    For the time being... I suggest starting by drinking some milk. Get something in your stomach. It'll help with the hunger. Once that's satiated you may be able to have something small to eat. Make sure it's something nutritional. Not a pie or a cracker. You may not feel the need to purge it. I'm really not qualified to offer advice. I just feel like this is something that would work for me. Please feel free to add me as a friend. You aren't alone in this.
  • worstcaster
    worstcaster Posts: 217 Member
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    Is there a support group in the area you can try? It might help if you talk to people who have been through what you went through.
  • zoe263
    zoe263 Posts: 14 Member
    edited August 2015
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    There is no one. My counsellor was a *kitten*. Trust me. I tried. I have nobody.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
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    zoe263 wrote: »
    There is no one. My counsellor was a *kitten*. Trust me. I tried. I have nobody.

    How about school counselors or your grandparents?
  • zoe263
    zoe263 Posts: 14 Member
    edited August 2015
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    Nobody They all treated me badly and I won't do it again. She told me *kitten* that made me worse. She treated me like I was "just another teen...very teen goes through down and anxious times". I won't do that again. I'm not going to my nana. She has cancer.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,986 Member
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    I've had a number of different therapists over the years. Some were great, some not so much. It's ok to move on if there's not a good fit.

    Meantime, try yoga.

    How Yoga Can Help End Binge Eating

    One breath at a time, end the suffering of binge-eating

    ...According to Juliano, yoga gives people the skills to stay with what they are feeling, rather than turning to food to escape. People who are obese or suffering from eating disorders have a tendency to dissociate from their bodies -- to choose not to feel what they are feeling when they are angry, anxious, or sad. Often, they turn to food to numb themselves. "There's this sense that I have to feel better right now, " Juliano says. "There is a complete intolerance of what is happening right now." This need to escape unpleasant feelings triggers a binge.

    When you eat to escape what you are feeling, you lose touch with the experience of eating, as well. This is one reason binges can spiral out of control. "You have no understanding that you are full, way past full, into uncomfortable, because you're so out of it," Juliano explains. "You have no connection to what you're eating. You're eating a pint of ice cream and can't even taste it. Or you go to make yourself some toast and before you know it, half the loaf is gone."

    Mindful yoga directly challenges the habit of dissociating from your body and your present-moment experience. "The whole point of yoga is to stay connected to your body. You learn it through practice, through breathing, and through breathing through the sensations."

    Read more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201007/how-yoga-can-help-end-binge-eating
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    zoe263 wrote: »
    I am in recovery. 13 weeks clean. I don't want to do it again. I'm not under doctors care because my family are horrible. I am no longer with a psychiatrist because she was horrible. I'm fully aware that purging is no way to live because I lived in that hell hole or four years.

    From reading your post, it sounds like you still need a support system . spitting out your crackers is disordered thinking. Please look for a psychiatrist or counselor that can help you work through these stressful situations.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
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    Caitwn wrote: »
    The National Eating Disorder Association has a hotline. Pick up the phone and call just so you'll have someone to talk to:

    1-800-931-2237

    Once you get past this immediate situation, it's time to branch out and build yourself a support network of people you can reach out to when and if this happens again. There are lots of good folks here on MFP who are in recovery from eating disorders. Start a post and reach out to them.

    I think this is a great idea !! Op - please call this number tonight and they will try to locate help for you in your area.
  • zoe263
    zoe263 Posts: 14 Member
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    Thank you guys so much for your support. I want you to know that I can't reach out in my area any longer because they either didn't work or its my family (I live in a small area, my family are not accepting at all)
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    I'm sorry hon. I understand! What about some chicken broth with the fat skimmed off. Would you be okay keeping that down? It has electrolytes and stuff, healthy for you. If you google there are probably many eating disorder hotlines where you can talk to somebody helpful, too. Someone not associated with the people who were bad to you. That won't cost money. ((hugs))
  • allaboutthefood
    allaboutthefood Posts: 781 Member
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    @zoe263 call the hotline.
  • zoe263
    zoe263 Posts: 14 Member
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    Ok. I'm sorry. I feel really stupid for putting that post up. It's so silly. I haven't had a freak out like that in weeks and it kinda came on fast. So sorry to you all.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,629 Member
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    Caitwn wrote: »
    The National Eating Disorder Association has a hotline. Pick up the phone and call just so you'll have someone to talk to:

    1-800-931-2237

    Once you get past this immediate situation, it's time to branch out and build yourself a support network of people you can reach out to when and if this happens again. There are lots of good folks here on MFP who are in recovery from eating disorders. Start a post and reach out to them.

    Also, the eating disorder support community on reddit is pretty incredible. You can reach out to them, but they DO screen posts until you are approved for making regular posts, as they don't want pro-ED stuff ending up there. In the meantime, the current posts or links there might be helpful to you:

    https://reddit.com/r/EatingDisorders

    Finally, Reddit has a private board for people who are in recovery from EDs. You need to be invited to join by one of the moderators. I'd suggest you look into it.

    https://reddit.com/r/EDrecovery/

    I am holding you in my thoughts. You've come this far, and you will be OK.
    THIS. There is ALWAYS help if you WANT it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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