Motivation & Determination

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caoimhefaelan
caoimhefaelan Posts: 3 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So, I have attempted to utilize this wonderful resource known as MFP before, but I always quickly fall off the wagon.

I'm going to make this perfectly clear BEFORE SOMEONE decides it's necessary to tell me I don't need motivation, I just need to suck it up and do it because it's necessary: I suffer from severe anxiety and depression. I also suffer from BDD (body dysmorphic disorder). I am also unmedicated, as I can barely afford paying rent and utilities, much less anything else. As a combination, these things all make it really, REALLY hard to stay motivated, and if I have to explain why then you should probably find a different post.

With that out of the way, hello there! I am desperately in need of people to stay on my case about counting my calories, logging my food, and doing my exercise. Friendly is always a bonus, but I could always use people who won't take no for an answer and will constantly push me to do the things I know I should. :) PLEASE, if you say you're going to push me and remind me, actually do so.

I have a weight goal, but it's rough, as I am hoping to gain muscle as I lose fat, and I know that comes with the territory of not losing weight as much as inches, and I'm okay with that. I'm aiming for around 50lbs, give or take a little.

I also am definitely looking for suggestions as to exercise that is arthritis friendly, and friendly for someone who's double-jointed. Please keep in mind that I'm really, really new to exercise routines, so most 'beginner' routines on YouTube aren't actually beginner for me (I'm sure some of you know what I mean).

Please feel free to add me!

Replies

  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    I am going to be brutally honest here and I hope it is taken the way it is meant (not to be mean).

    Only you can motivate you. Yes, support can be great, but at the end of the day the motivation and determination have to come from you. Someone can be your cheerleader all they want, but if you don't put in the work and determination, it does absolutely nothing.

    I would work on getting help for the psychological issues that you have. Since you say you can barely afford bills/rent, I am going to make the assumption that you either have no job or not a great paying job (not judging). If that is the case, look into sliding scale places in your area to get help. Many cities and towns (in the U.S.) have clinics that work on sliding scale basis, some are even free, so that those who need psychological help can get it with out worrying about how to pay for it. I would also encourage you to look into programs in your area that can help you finically right now.

    I know none of the above really tackle your weight loss goal, but I would irk on those aspects before, or in conjunction with an attempt to lose weight.
  • caoimhefaelan
    caoimhefaelan Posts: 3 Member
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    I am actually looking into some of those, but I unfortunately live in an area where most clinics don't like helping people with these problems if you don't fit a certain demographic (usually involving age or if you have dependents, or being a part of a minority). :) I appreciate the concern and help, and no offense taken whatsoever!

    On that note, I really am kind of looking for cheerleaders. There's something about hearing "you can do it!" and "you know you should do this" from someone other than your reflection that seems to work better. ^_^;
  • KathyKateKathy
    KathyKateKathy Posts: 7 Member
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    caoimhefaelan wrote: »
    I am actually looking into some of those, but I unfortunately live in an area where most clinics don't like helping people with these problems if you don't fit a certain demographic (usually involving age or if you have dependents, or being a part of a minority). :) I appreciate the concern and help, and no offense taken whatsoever!

    On that note, I really am kind of looking for cheerleaders. There's something about hearing "you can do it!" and "you know you should do this" from someone other than your reflection that seems to work better. ^_^;

  • Soopatt
    Soopatt Posts: 563 Member
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    There are people that enjoy being cheerleaders and perhaps you will find them but I personally have enough of a load to carry keeping myself in order, without having to nanny someone elses journey and I wonder how long any cheerleader can stand behind you cheering before losing interest, because, you know, they have their own lives to lead.

    What happens when they go on holiday and can't shout at you to stick to your diet everyday? Do you fall off the wagon, blame them and unfriend them on MFP?

    I know this sounds like the logical solution to your issues - make someone else your unpaid personal trainer and diet coach - but I don't think you have thought it through. It is not sustainable. People can't always be there. They can't be there at night when you are alone with the fridge, they can't be there with you inside your head.

    It is not easy for any of us, but I hope you can start to find some of the will and power you need from within.

    I imagine from your disclaimer that this will just make you mad.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    You might find people who support you for a while but motivation does come from within.
    Chnage your approach slightly and look at it as a lifestyle change. What you need is to take small steps that you cna manage, feel as though you are making progress and that you cna build on. Instead of looking at 50, then look at smaller tragets i.e what happens in the next week, the next llb, logging for a day etc.

    Exercise is very good for depression. Walking, gym or anything which pushes you a bit. Upi dpnt need money to make progress you simply have to adapt. There are plenty of charities with websites who deal with depression and anxiety, so its up to you to get smart and find out as much as you can or talk to people via their helplines. Its completely doable, but be realistic and patient. Work with yourself and not against.
  • coco_bee
    coco_bee Posts: 173 Member
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    It all starts in the head. Here's a little something which has helped me, hope it helps you too
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wKpDoUEIsc

    I wish we could just go to the shop and buy motivation. Wish it was that easy. I've been waiting for years for motivation to come to me and it has never happened. It is self discipline caoimhefaelan I'm afraid we have to be tough on ourselves and kick our own butts, no matter what we suffer from or how we feel, but I am not making light of the situation you're in as I do not know what it is like to have severe depression and anxiety but have suffered depression and from what I remember, the last thing I wanted to do is exercise but when I did, I remember feeling better, not just physically but mentally as well. Pretend you're in the Army and you have no choice. For arthritis, any sort of water exercise is good, aqua jog or aqua aerobics and when searching put in the words "low impact" for exercises that hopefully wont hurt the joints. If you want to gain muscle, lifting weights, dumb bells (I'm not an expert but others in here may advise you on this). I need a daily push as well so why dont we push each other? :) Please feel free to add me if you want to.
  • caoimhefaelan
    caoimhefaelan Posts: 3 Member
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    999tigger wrote: »
    You might find people who support you for a while but motivation does come from within.
    Chnage your approach slightly and look at it as a lifestyle change. What you need is to take small steps that you cna manage, feel as though you are making progress and that you cna build on. Instead of looking at 50, then look at smaller tragets i.e what happens in the next week, the next llb, logging for a day etc.

    Exercise is very good for depression. Walking, gym or anything which pushes you a bit. Upi dpnt need money to make progress you simply have to adapt. There are plenty of charities with websites who deal with depression and anxiety, so its up to you to get smart and find out as much as you can or talk to people via their helplines. Its completely doable, but be realistic and patient. Work with yourself and not against.

    I will definitely look at short term goals. I've been focusing pretty hardcore on long term; looking at changing it a little at a time will probably make it easier to manage, you're right. Also charities wasn't something I'd thought of, so thank you for that, too.
    coco_bee wrote: »
    I wish we could just go to the shop and buy motivation. Wish it was that easy. I've been waiting for years for motivation to come to me and it has never happened. It is self discipline caoimhefaelan I'm afraid we have to be tough on ourselves and kick our own butts, no matter what we suffer from or how we feel, but I am not making light of the situation you're in as I do not know what it is like to have severe depression and anxiety but have suffered depression and from what I remember, the last thing I wanted to do is exercise but when I did, I remember feeling better, not just physically but mentally as well. Pretend you're in the Army and you have no choice. For arthritis, any sort of water exercise is good, aqua jog or aqua aerobics and when searching put in the words "low impact" for exercises that hopefully wont hurt the joints. If you want to gain muscle, lifting weights, dumb bells (I'm not an expert but others in here may advise you on this). I need a daily push as well so why dont we push each other? :) Please feel free to add me if you want to.

    Absolutely! Looking up pools in my area right now, thank you very much!
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    Stop using your illness as an excuse

    Get up each morning and commit to logging that week and hitting your defecit

    It really isn't about motivation it is about commitment

    So, knowing that anxiety can be lessened by being fit and a healthy weight commit to that

    I haven't had a panic attack in about 8 months ...concurrent with fitness and dropping 56 lbs

  • KathyKateKathy
    KathyKateKathy Posts: 7 Member
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    I don't know how good of a cheerleader I am, but I'd like to help if I can. I have suffered with depression some of the darkest and meanest, but I have been free of severe depression for years now. So anyway I do have much compassion for you. For me it helps if I go easy on breakfast and lunch and then enter my dinner before I eat so that I can adjust my meal. That's just a suggestion. It does really work well for me. I'm not perfect about entering it that way all the time. No one can be, but when I follow it I do lose weight. It's been proven that exercise works even better than anti-depressants, so if you can manage it, start walking about 30 minutes a day. I'll just throw in one more suggestion. Through Amazon.com I purchased a rebounder, a (mini-trampoline) for about 30 dollars. If you get it, and it's worth the money, look at the blog from today. It says to start out slow for 5 minutes at an easy pace for the warm-up, then 30 seconds at a light pace, then 20 seconds at a fast but controlled pace , then 10 seconds at an all out pace and then repeat for 8 minutes. Then recover for one minute at a light pace. To be honest, I haven't tried it yet, but talking to you makes me want to all the more. Yeah for you!!!!!

    If you don't believe me about the exercise and anti-depressant thing, I'll look it up. It's in my Happiness book. I found it through a PBS show. It's called The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I ordered it through Amazon.com. The library surely has it too.

    Three groups of depressed patients were given different ways of handling their depression. One group was given anti-depressants, one group exercised 45 minutes 3 times a week and one did a combination of both. After 4 months, all three groups experienced similar results. But the story doesn't end there. The groups were then tested six months later to see who had relapsed. For those who had taken the medication alone 38 % had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group had done only slightly better with a 31 % relapse rate. The biggest shock was the exercise group. Their relapse rate was only a surprisingly low percentage of 9 % How about that? Those numbers are right out of the book. I hope that gives you some hope. We all need that.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    KathyKateKathy wrote: »
    I don't know how good of a cheerleader I am, but I'd like to help if I can. I have suffered with depression some of the darkest and meanest, but I have been free of severe depression for years now. So anyway I do have much compassion for you. For me it helps if I go easy on breakfast and lunch and then enter my dinner before I eat so that I can adjust my meal. That's just a suggestion. It does really work well for me. I'm not perfect about entering it that way all the time. No one can be, but when I follow it I do lose weight. It's been proven that exercise works even better than anti-depressants, so if you can manage it, start walking about 30 minutes a day. I'll just throw in one more suggestion. Through Amazon.com I purchased a rebounder, a (mini-trampoline) for about 30 dollars. If you get it, and it's worth the money, look at the blog from today. It says to start out slow for 5 minutes at an easy pace for the warm-up, then 30 seconds at a light pace, then 20 seconds at a fast but controlled pace , then 10 seconds at an all out pace and then repeat for 8 minutes. Then recover for one minute at a light pace. To be honest, I haven't tried it yet, but talking to you makes me want to all the more. Yeah for you!!!!!

    If you don't believe me about the exercise and anti-depressant thing, I'll look it up. It's in my Happiness book. I found it through a PBS show. It's called The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. I ordered it through Amazon.com. The library surely has it too.

    Three groups of depressed patients were given different ways of handling their depression. One group was given anti-depressants, one group exercised 45 minutes 3 times a week and one did a combination of both. After 4 months, all three groups experienced similar results. But the story doesn't end there. The groups were then tested six months later to see who had relapsed. For those who had taken the medication alone 38 % had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group had done only slightly better with a 31 % relapse rate. The biggest shock was the exercise group. Their relapse rate was only a surprisingly low percentage of 9 % How about that? Those numbers are right out of the book. I hope that gives you some hope. We all need that.

    I not knocking the benefits of exercise, but please do not suggest that it is suitable alternative to medication. That decision is between and patient their doctor to make. Making claims like this can actually do more harm than good because it leads people to believe they may not need medication , when they truly do.
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
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    Stop making excuses! Sort your *kitten* out!

    Don't wait around for other people or motivation. Just *kitten* do it!

    Motivation isn't some magic flash of light that fixes everything forever. You will always have negative thoughts that try to derail you. Just *kitten* do it!

    Do it.
  • leahcollett1
    leahcollett1 Posts: 807 Member
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    i get my motivation from my exercise - it gives you a feel good factor when doing it, i love how it makes me feel after a good workout, i use this feeling as motivation to do my next workout, im also the type of girl that uses the scales for motivation and measurements.. that being said its a right crapper when i dont lose. but it gives me the commitment i need to log everyday and exercise in order to see them scales go down. i jump on the boards when i need support every now and again and i love reading other posts on here too. the motivation comes from yourself and your goals whatever they might be.

    were all here to just bump each other up every now and again for advice and support.
  • Soopatt
    Soopatt Posts: 563 Member
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    I am not sure if the OP is still around, as I tried to reply to a (very nice and respectful) private message she sent and it would not go through and if I click on the profile it says "page not available". I will reply here instead, in case she gets to see it.

    For anyone not interested TL:DR, just skip it over :)

    Thank you for your message - really unexpected and appreciated.

    I think, even if we sometimes come across as angry or blunt, the people who comment on threads do have the best intentions and also relate to what you are saying because we are also in this boat, struggling against ourselves. What might not always be obvious is that many of the posters who have been around much longer than me, give their thoughts and then quickly realize that the OP didn't actually want to listen to anything new. I can see from your message that you are not that person.

    I wish I had all the answers! I have spent so much of my life pretending to be perfect, that I sometimes forget that it is ok to be vulnerable and ask for help. I have also needed support. Looking within for motivation does not mean you should live your life without a support system. What it means, for me at least, is that you have to find 80% within yourself and get 20% from the cheerleaders and those that love you (friends, family etc).

    If I seemed harsh, it is because I realized myself how transient the MFP support is and I do want to save you that. People comment on your posts and achievements for the first couple of days and then vanish. They comment in ways that reveal that they have not looked at your diary, or read you blogs. It hurts. I went through that myself in the first month and then only realized "hey, what did I think these people owed me?" Everyone is just on their own journey and it take so much effort that it might come across as selfish or too inwardly focused.

    By the way, a lot of people who look for external support like you have done are naturally generous and caring people. You want that helping hand because you would easily extend it. Is that true? Have you been taken advantage of in the past? Do you sometimes give and give of your time and energy to friends and get nothing in return? Maybe I am wrong on that part, I am just guessing.

    There are no easy solutions to motivation. I beat myself up internally. I call that my "Inner Mean Girl". Sometimes it works, sometimes I am too hard on myself. If I grind through, I find that things start to become habits instead of chores and then it all gets easier. I dare myself and I can't resist a dare. I want very badly to prove people wrong (people who think I can't lose the weight as I get older).

    You are very brave and self reflective for reaching out. I would love to continue this conversation if you do. No rush, no pressure on either of us, but maybe something to gain for both?

    Warm Regards,
    Soo
  • Bacchants
    Bacchants Posts: 92 Member
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    OP, if you come back and see this I have a forum I visit (which is much gentler than the MFP forums) which I think would be able to help keep you motivated. It's also a safe space to talk about your anxiety and depression until you can afford to get medical help.

    Send me a PM and I'll send you the details for it :)
  • arabianhorselover
    arabianhorselover Posts: 1,488 Member
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    Why is everyone thinking she'd gone when she just posted this today/
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
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    arabianhorselover wrote: »
    Why is everyone thinking she'd gone when she just posted this today/

    If you click on her username it just says "Invalid profile". Looks like she deleted it.
  • BWBTrish
    BWBTrish Posts: 2,817 Member
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    Well i am the maybe unfriendly ****

    What i do and did was did.

    1. i have no excuse to not lose this weight
    2. i promised myself to do this...i dont break promisses easily
    3. i suround myself with positive people
    4. i love myself and am a happy person because i am worth it
    5. i remove ( yes here is the **** part) people from my list with closed profile and diaries and with postings like " i am going to detox or wrap myself...or help i think i am in starvation mode etc etc
    so i remove the negative again.
    6. i pre plan and pre log
    7. i weigh everything on a scale...yes everything! so i know my calculation cant me off ( gives me more self confidence because i know it is right.
    8. yes ( some people find) i am big headed...i took a stand and put my foot down. But it is MY health! I decide!
    9. I am going to keep it off too. Just because i dont mind the little task to weigh my food and move a bit. what is the big deal about it?
    1


    And that result after 10 months in

    76145189.png

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