Stress, love, relationships...I hate you.

herjourney444
herjourney444 Posts: 8 Member
in Motivation and Support
What to say? Let's start with the fact that I have been on this nasty roller coaster of weightloss for ages and it's been nothing but that, a roller coaster. I am nearly at my heaviest AGAIN! I feel Like I need the inner work of a miracle. I'm so tired of me, and the only way to change this is with....drumroll please...me. It's like I don't feel worthy enough of giving myself a healthy lifestyle I would rather continually just bury these real, raw emotions with just about anything I can allow myself to induldge in.

Love, relationships, why do I hate you? I am a STRESS eater, big time. I'm in this life...2 wonderful kids, but I am miserable, miserable deep down inside. I have been continually cheated on, and I have been told thats the last time, it won't ever happen again. and Guess WHAT, i BELIEVE, I believe it's all going to change. Until I catch him again, and there I am laying on the couch all day dwelling on how crappy my love life is, how I should have left the LAST time, how I am not gonna leave this time. All while I am sure I eat myself into a food coma, slowly.

I am so tired of just being a doormat, the fat friend, the lazy person. WHERE OH WHERE can I pull my motivation? Why does nothing motivate me.

I wish I had a man that looked at me and said "that's my girl" "my one and only"
I just wanna be seen as a pretty girl, not looked past.

I REALLY want to beat it this time, I want to finally give it my all and give myself the confidence and life I deserve. No more wallowing.

...and thats my struggle in a nutshell. I needed to vent. FINALLY.

I need friends, I need motivation. I need HELP. Sigh, well! Anyone who wants to chat/motivate please, I need all the help I can get ! :)

Much love!

Cheers!


Replies

  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    *hugs* be prepared for some tough love, because you will get those responses to your post. They may sting a bit, but don't discount anything until you've heard it through.

    A few points I'll make are these:

    - "I am so tired of being a doormat"... then stop. I know it sounds easier than it actually is, but really... your guy treats you how you allow him to, and if you are ok with being a doormat, then the guy you've picked has no problem treating you like one. Just like with kids, if you threaten an action, be prepared to follow through on that threat when the time comes.

    - "I wish". Don't. Don't wish for anything. Accept what you have, and if you can't accept it, then do what you have to do to change it. Again, easier said than done.

    You are right. It is all on you. You have to WANT the change more than you want the comfort of staying where you are. When you are ready, you will do what needs to be done.

    But don't blame anyone else for where you're at right now. You chose the man, you choose the food, you choose your level of activities. Where you are right now (good and bad) is a result of your choices.

    So... stop with the wishes and hopes and dreams, and start with the plan, and goal, and execution.

    You CAN do this!
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    oh... and really... you deserve better than being "seen as the pretty girl"... set your sights higher. Strive for badass. Strive for inspiring. Strive for victorious, determined, strong.

    Pretty is a waste of time.

    GO FOR MORE!
  • ms_smartypants
    ms_smartypants Posts: 8,278 Member
    I can encourage you and support you ....you have to find the motivation within you ...if you really want this then the motivation will get easier each day .....feel free to add me .....oh btw I was treated as a doormat and guess what I divorced him ...I am soooo much happier without him and now I am focusing on me ....wishing you much success
  • Darton2010
    Darton2010 Posts: 137 Member
    Sounds like you need to fix some things first, take all the things that upset you and get rid of them, than stop worrying about the rest and stay calm, you binge to release dopamine, it's the feel good chemical in your brain, when you feel bad you feel the need to release more dopamine and you have taught yourself the fastest way to do that is threw food, you need to find a new way instead of food, I promise you if you start a lifestyle change today you will be miserable, that's why people give up because like quitting a drug, when you completely change the way you think about food, eat food and crave food by retraining your brain for a few weeks maybe a month or more it really sucks, they say it takes 21 days to make and break a habit so in those 21 days your body will be throwing a fit and will fight you every step on the way until eating healthy, craving vegetables and losing weight becomes a habit and you will wonder how you even lived the other way. And trust me when I say eventually you won't miss it, you won't crave the foods you once did, you won't be tempted by foods you once were and when you get upset you won't binge on bad foods. It's really tough but if you successfully change your lifestyle you won't need dopamine from food, you will get it from losing weight or the confidence from the weight loss, it takes time and you just have to set your mind to it, nobody can do it for you, if your unhappy with your lifestyle than do as I did and change it, the biggest hurdle I had was not knowing how to do it until I did than it was easy and didn't seem like such a task, super rewarding.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I'm sorry your feeling down right now. I've been exactly where you are . its no fun. I remember having an infant , no money, no car , and was over weight and miserable. I would be depressed about my weight but still continued to over eat. It was a vicious cycle.
    Guess what, today I'm no longer over weight, have a nice car, money, nice things. All because I wanted it . I was finally ready to change so I did.
    Instead of feeling sorry for myself , I did something about it for once in my life. I was sick and tired of being miserable so I completely changed my life.
    It can be done. You just have to really really want it . motivation comes from within. Nobody can say anything to make you want this. You must do it for yourself.
    You are worth it and do deserve it. I hope you one day see how happy life can be. You have the power to change it. You have two choices , lay on the couch and continue to feel sorry for yourself or you can get up and do something about it.
  • 6502programmer
    6502programmer Posts: 515 Member
    edited August 2015
    You do have the power. You have the power to control yourself. You have the power to change your life. Even if you don't think you're worth it (you are, even if you don't see that at the moment), aren't your kids?

    Don't wish. Do. Just do.

    Don't be just a pretty girl. You already are. Be awesome. Be you.
  • herjourney444
    herjourney444 Posts: 8 Member
    edited August 2015
    Thank you all, and you all said in a nutshell basically the same thing, I need to find it In me and just DO it, not wish it.

    Sometimes it just takes a person finally venting , and really listening to the feedback. To go "ahh yes, no more pity party"

    Thank you all. Just thanks. It's been one of "those" days.
  • herjourney444
    herjourney444 Posts: 8 Member
    6502programmer wrote: »
    You do have the power. You have the power to control yourself. You have the power to change your life. Even if you don't think you're worth it (you are, even if you don't see that at the moment), aren't your kids?

    Don't wish. Do. Just do.

    Don't be just a pretty girl. You already are. Be awesome. Be you.




    Thank you. Thank YOU . Those words, they mean a lot .
    I think I need to save that comment, to remind myself. Thanks again :)

  • herjourney444
    herjourney444 Posts: 8 Member
    herjourney444 wrote: »
    6502programmer wrote: »
    You do have the power. You have the power to control yourself. You have the power to change your life. Even if you don't think you're worth it (you are, even if you don't see that at the moment), aren't your kids?

    Don't wish. Do. Just do.

    Don't be just a pretty girl. You already are. Be awesome. Be you.




    Thank you. Thank YOU . Those words, they mean a lot .
    I think I need to save that comment, to remind myself. Thanks again :)

  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    First of all.. You are pretty. Second of all.. Don't put so much of your self worth into being pretty. I know how it feels and boy am I guilty of it too. You have to do this for YOU. Do it for the way you want to feel about yourself and not for how you want others to see you. You can do this.
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    In addition to what everyone else said, I get the sense that you think losing weight will somehow "fix" things or make them better. Lose weight if you need to and want to, feel better about yourself, etc. But dont roll up your issues with men into your weight issues. I am sure many people here can attest that losing weight does not change people - cheaters will cheat on you skinny or fat. People who treat you like a doormat when you are fat are not going to become nice when you lose weight.

    Treat those as separate things, deal with them separate and on their own merits. Dont assume one will influence the other, at least not in the way you think. Many people who lose weight suddenly realize they "settled" for someone who treats them like crap because they thought they couldnt do any better... then realize they now have "options" and dont need to settle. There is no need to lose weight to come to that conclusion - you always have "options" and there are definitely more men who will NOT do that to you at any weight than you think. Go find one of those now, and work on your weight as a separate thing.
  • Ponkeen
    Ponkeen Posts: 147 Member
    6502programmer wrote: »
    You do have the power. You have the power to control yourself. You have the power to change your life. Even if you don't think you're worth it (you are, even if you don't see that at the moment), aren't your kids?

    Don't wish. Do. Just do.

    Don't be just a pretty girl. You already are. Be awesome. Be you.

    This right here.
  • ThysbeEverbloom
    ThysbeEverbloom Posts: 14 Member
    I totally agree with @aylajane - don´t excuse the way you are treated with the way you look? Take the pride to let go of that hurtful reationship and use that to fuel your transformation.
  • tiggerlove
    tiggerlove Posts: 225 Member
    WOW, it's time to let go of all the negative things in your life and move on to better things. Life is not easy but, you have to want change bad enough to go after it and it can be done. You have kids who need and look up to you and that's what's most important. You don't need a man to say those things to you, Look in the mirror and say it to yourself but, don't just say it mean it. You have the power to do anything you want to do. If it takes making a list of all the Negative and another list of Postive and a list of where you want you and your kids to be in the future. Small steps will get you there. You will fall but just pick yourself up dust yourself off and take the next step. You can do this. Stay Postive Stay Strong don't let anyone tell you you can't. The only doormat should be the one outside your door so don't let anyone treat you as such. Feel free to add me as a friend.
  • pointkoala
    pointkoala Posts: 66 Member
    The guy you're with is such a jerk and you deserve better. You can't just wait around for him to improve. No matter what your size, your partner should be your partner and love you for who you are.
    I went to my partner when i realized my stress eating was out of control and he is helping me and supporting me. Not cheating on me.
    You need to get out of a relationship with this jerk because there are people who will love you for you.
    My stressors in life are different than yours but you should find a way to work on those as will. Seeing a therapist has helped me a lot.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    You have more than weight issues to deal with. Get some professional help.
  • ghoti_fish
    ghoti_fish Posts: 63 Member
    MireyGal76 wrote: »
    oh... and really... you deserve better than being "seen as the pretty girl"... set your sights higher. Strive for badass. Strive for inspiring. Strive for victorious, determined, strong.

    Pretty is a waste of time.

    GO FOR MORE!

    This ^
    You have been strong enough to go through pain (probably coming from more than just your love life - we've all got our stuff to deal with), you're raising two kids who trust you and rely on you. I'm guessing there's much more to commend you than you've mentioned, maybe more than you will admit to yourself.
    If you're strong enough to deal with pain and difficulties you're definitely strong enough to make the change needed to fulfil your 'wishes' but it HAS to come from you. Put your strength and energy into the things that will get you what YOU want and please don't settle for being 'pretty' you are so much more than that!
  • hamelle2
    hamelle2 Posts: 297 Member
    Your children are watching you and learning from you. ...everyday.
    Be strong, not only for yourself, but for them. Show them how not to be a doormat. Show them how to love and respect themselves and others. It's your job.
  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member
    Do you want your children growing up thinking it's ok for a man to treat a woman like that? Would you sit back and watch your daughter be walked over by a *kitten* or your son treat a woman with such disrespect and distain.
  • getitreese
    getitreese Posts: 2 Member
    Been there and there and there too!!! I'm with you sister woman. If you want a friend I'm here!! :-)

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