Being judged: Office "jokes" about training
Zippedydoodah
Posts: 26 Member
As I changed at work for the gym this week, some guys did a double take at me in my black nike workout gear and helpfully remarked "auditioning for Gladiators?" which I took to be 2 things:
1. Some acknowledgement that I was in fact working out even if I am overweight
2. Undertones of making fun of me - ha! Gladiators? You? and a bit of "you look really unfeminine".
I am sure that they didn't mean it in an awful and horrible way but it definitely left a bad taste even though I had jokingly responded "how did you know I was auditioning? I was trying to keep that under wraps, you have totally spoilt the surprise now!"
It just reminded me of my youth where I was repeatedly bullied by boys saying similar things and in fact just a harsh reminder of the fact that even if people are too polite to say anything about your weight to your face, many will silently judge you (if not gossip!!) in a very non-positive fashion. Some of them won't even realise they are doing this subconsciously.
However, as much as I am slightly annoyed, it won't be the first time or the last time I have to deal with this and as much as I want to say I will let the haters fuel my training, I still commit to:
1) Doing this because I want to do it (from a place of love) not because someone is judging me (all the negativity!)
The kind of person to judge me by my weight first and make fun of my efforts... Really isn't the kind of person I choose to have in my life as a real friend so why should I let their negativity fuel my positive efforts?
2) being a "gladiator" is ok because as my husband puts it "many of these women are really attractive with fantastic figures from their training"... And it conveys a message of a strong woman which is no bad thing to be! Muscle burns way more calories than fat too (bonus!)
3) Confidence must come from a place of self love and not be driven by others' opinions. Otherwise you are constantly at the mercy of your environment instead of having the solid rock within yourself. It isn't about being perfect, just acknowledging and constantly improving all the aspects within yourself that make you uniquely you.
Not saying I don't smart a little from being made fun of but there is no way I am going to let other people's throwaway comments derail me!
Sure other people have faced similar or even worse from others (and I have had my fair share!) so if you feel down about it - get out and do any kind of action that takes you closer to where you want to be fueled by
1. Some acknowledgement that I was in fact working out even if I am overweight
2. Undertones of making fun of me - ha! Gladiators? You? and a bit of "you look really unfeminine".
I am sure that they didn't mean it in an awful and horrible way but it definitely left a bad taste even though I had jokingly responded "how did you know I was auditioning? I was trying to keep that under wraps, you have totally spoilt the surprise now!"
It just reminded me of my youth where I was repeatedly bullied by boys saying similar things and in fact just a harsh reminder of the fact that even if people are too polite to say anything about your weight to your face, many will silently judge you (if not gossip!!) in a very non-positive fashion. Some of them won't even realise they are doing this subconsciously.
However, as much as I am slightly annoyed, it won't be the first time or the last time I have to deal with this and as much as I want to say I will let the haters fuel my training, I still commit to:
1) Doing this because I want to do it (from a place of love) not because someone is judging me (all the negativity!)
The kind of person to judge me by my weight first and make fun of my efforts... Really isn't the kind of person I choose to have in my life as a real friend so why should I let their negativity fuel my positive efforts?
2) being a "gladiator" is ok because as my husband puts it "many of these women are really attractive with fantastic figures from their training"... And it conveys a message of a strong woman which is no bad thing to be! Muscle burns way more calories than fat too (bonus!)
3) Confidence must come from a place of self love and not be driven by others' opinions. Otherwise you are constantly at the mercy of your environment instead of having the solid rock within yourself. It isn't about being perfect, just acknowledging and constantly improving all the aspects within yourself that make you uniquely you.
Not saying I don't smart a little from being made fun of but there is no way I am going to let other people's throwaway comments derail me!
Sure other people have faced similar or even worse from others (and I have had my fair share!) so if you feel down about it - get out and do any kind of action that takes you closer to where you want to be fueled by
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Unless these guys are known idiots, then you are letting past experiences influence how you see this comment. It sounds like just a silly conversation remark, regarding the outfit, not your body. If these guys are known to make hurtfull comments, offensive jokes etc then I understand the context, but otherwise, it sounds completely innocent.0
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Laugh it off.
When ol' Lance was all the thing, I used to have people make comments like "Hey, Lance" and "Training for the Tour?" when I kitted up for my commute home on my bicycle.
No biggy. It's just something people say in passing. No deep meaning behind it.0 -
:-/ well probably worth setting then the context that some of the people involved have been deliberately making life difficult for me in the office already for a few months! I usually take most comments on the chin but this one came in a little low and on top of a couple of months of grief0
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Yup gotta let it slide - just been way too used to adults generally being way more careful about what they say in the office! Most people I know may think something but take a rain check before they say it! 0 -
I haven't had any comments come across too hurtful yet, but I get a lot of "jeez don't go anorexic on us now!" from workmates which I know comes from a place of love and care.
I really feel that a lot of people get insecure when they see someone take an interest in having an athletic body. Even if they don't mean to be rude, I think they don't know how to handle it, even if they don't realise they can't handle it.
I also believe that and the growing "fat is beautiful/only a dog wants a bone" etc. movement, people are forgetting that hey, making fun of anyone's body is not ok.0 -
Unless these guys are known idiots, then you are letting past experiences influence how you see this comment. It sounds like just a silly conversation remark, regarding the outfit, not your body. If these guys are known to make hurtfull comments, offensive jokes etc then I understand the context, but otherwise, it sounds completely innocent.
I agree. I'd actually find that comment quite funny, but of course it depends on the relationship you have with your co workers. Then again I also have no shame at being seen in unusual get ups, either for training purposes or otherwise. I genuinely LOVED wearing a wetsuit for our office team-bonding retreat this summer.
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I would almost guarantee the guy who made the comment put approximately 99% less thought into than you have. It's probably more like, "I noticed you changed clothes. Aren't I clever?"0
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It sucks that these guys have been jerks ton you in general but I think the gladiators comments is just a generic sarcastic remark that they'd say to anyone in that scenario. I wouldn't take that personally. The rare times I've had to briefly be in the office in gym or yoga clothes it's usually something like "is that a new interpretation of the dress code?" or "are they teaching Pilates in the conference room?" It's just a harmless throwaway comment since people don't usually see you in gym clothes in the office.0
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It sucks that these guys have been jerks ton you in general but I think the gladiators comments is just a generic sarcastic remark that they'd say to anyone in that scenario. I wouldn't take that personally. The rare times I've had to briefly be in the office in gym or yoga clothes it's usually something like "is that a new interpretation of the dress code?" or "are they teaching Pilates in the conference room?" It's just a harmless throwaway comment since people don't usually see you in gym clothes in the office.
^This.
We have in the office one guy who comes using his bike, and since it is a long ride, he changes clothes. Every single time the office (not so) funny guy sees him (so almost every single day) he asks him "still training for iron man?" and then laughs at his own joke. I think he does it subconscioulsy at this point, like it has become his greeting to this man instead of Good morning.
I used to work with this girl who was very very fit (ex-athlete, long distance runner, aerobics trainer in the evenings) and still she got silly jokes about her appearance if she changed for the gym before leaving. She used to wear black a lot, and at least once a week there was some silly joke about her training to be a burglar and something about mission impossible. Got old really fast, but the guy making the comments looked convinced he was hilarious every single time.0 -
Right, so... They made a joke and you joked back with them. By playing along, you signaled that the joke was "ok" and encouraged similar behavior for the future. Then, came to trash them online for the joke? You might feel better if you engage in honest communication rather than assume everyone is a bully.0
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everyone has a valid view on it, need to build a thicker skin and just let it slide 0
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There was nothing in it, no need to be so oversensitive, it doesnt do you any good. Its good you are looking at the way you react to things.0
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Id let it go and come to the realization that every office has "that guy" and we all have to deal with them. You handled it nicely! So now you should start thinking of a comeback for when they comment on how much weight you've lost.0
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Easy to say because you're human but don't give them the power to impact how YOU feel.
It takes practice but take the high road. You're doing something great for yourself.0 -
ohmscheeks wrote: »Right, so... They made a joke and you joked back with them. By playing along, you signaled that the joke was "ok" and encouraged similar behavior for the future. Then, came to trash them online for the joke? You might feel better if you engage in honest communication rather than assume everyone is a bully.
Would be great to know how you would have handled it - I find it challenging to navigate how to respond when people make remarks that sting because often I find that any reaction apart from a joking one invites a pretty bad reaction.
So your thoughts would be great on that and I can always give that a try the next time0 -
Laugh at them.
What are they doing when you are working out hard at the gym? Probably nothing quite as productive. Good for you and don't let anyone try and make you feel inferior.0 -
You responded in the same fashion it was given. Without being a part of the dynamics involved in the office/work relationships, so not having enough information, it seems to me that you handled it pretty well. With that said, I think a slightly thicker skin would be of help to you. It's also possible that they are impressed with your commitment, dedication, and are starting to see the results of your efforts and don't know how to just say, "Good job, keep it up!". Regardless of the intent, if you can turn it into a compliment that helps keep you motivated, I think it would be a WIN for you!0
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So here is a question to everyone: what is the best way to react in a situation where you feel (rightly or wrongly) bad about some remarks people make?
1) make it into a joke
2) do not react and change the topic
3) let the person know (gently) that you are going to assume they meant the best but that it came across in a not so positive fashion?
And why do you think that is the best reaction? 1 is probably the most common reaction I see around me. 0 -
ohmscheeks wrote: »Right, so... They made a joke and you joked back with them. By playing along, you signaled that the joke was "ok" and encouraged similar behavior for the future. Then, came to trash them online for the joke? You might feel better if you engage in honest communication rather than assume everyone is a bully.
Would be great to know how you would have handled it - I find it challenging to navigate how to respond when people make remarks that sting because often I find that any reaction apart from a joking one invites a pretty bad reaction.
So your thoughts would be great on that and I can always give that a try the next time
I'm afraid I don't understand why that remark would sting. I personally don't see anything particularly insulting or anything about it. Of course I'm not in your situation, so maybe there's more to the story, but as I mentioned above people have made various comments when I'm getting dressed in cycling attire or other sports attire at work ... and it's just something people do when they see others looking different from "normal".
I'd probably just roll my eyes and groan. Maybe say something like "Yeah, right".
Or tell them what I am actually doing. "Ha ha, funny ... no really, I am going to the gym." ... "That's hilarious ... but what I am doing is cycling home. I commute by bicycle now." That sort of thing.
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So here is a question to everyone: what is the best way to react in a situation where you feel (rightly or wrongly) bad about some remarks people make?
1) make it into a joke
2) do not react and change the topic
3) let the person know (gently) that you are going to assume they meant the best but that it came across in a not so positive fashion?
And why do you think that is the best reaction? 1 is probably the most common reaction I see around me.
It depends on whether I realistically know that I'm being over sensitive or not. If I suspect I am, I go with number 1. If I think the joke is in poor taste I might just smile and move the conversation on. If it's quite offensive, and something I think would upset others too, I would go with number 3.0 -
are these guys jerks to begin with? if no then I think you're making a mountain out of a moll hill. they're just joking around...i don't see the big deal. i ride at work all of the time...people always make comments like, "what's up lance?" and stuff like that...they're joking around...
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I really don't understand why that remark was so hurtful to you. Heck I would kill to be a gladiator.:D But seriously,it doesn't really sound like they were out to hurt you.0
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So here is a question to everyone: what is the best way to react in a situation where you feel (rightly or wrongly) bad about some remarks people make?
1) make it into a joke
2) do not react and change the topic
3) let the person know (gently) that you are going to assume they meant the best but that it came across in a not so positive fashion?
And why do you think that is the best reaction? 1 is probably the most common reaction I see around me.
considering that about 99.9% of the time it is a joke, 1 would be appropriate I would think...
guess some people just can't take a joke...0 -
So here is a question to everyone: what is the best way to react in a situation where you feel (rightly or wrongly) bad about some remarks people make?
1) make it into a joke
2) do not react and change the topic
3) let the person know (gently) that you are going to assume they meant the best but that it came across in a not so positive fashion?
And why do you think that is the best reaction? 1 is probably the most common reaction I see around me.
4. Tell them to piss up a burning rope. Why would I do this? To let them know I don't like them and it's best that they don't even open their mouths at me unless it's work related. Then move on with my life.
Eta: going on op's past history with these individuals.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »are these guys jerks to begin with? if no then I think you're making a mountain out of a moll hill. they're just joking around...i don't see the big deal. i ride at work all of the time...people always make comments like, "what's up lance?" and stuff like that...they're joking around...
I get that sort of thing too ... and I'm a woman!
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Zippedydoodah wrote: »So here is a question to everyone: what is the best way to react in a situation where you feel (rightly or wrongly) bad about some remarks people make?
1) make it into a joke
2) do not react and change the topic
3) let the person know (gently) that you are going to assume they meant the best but that it came across in a not so positive fashion?
And why do you think that is the best reaction? 1 is probably the most common reaction I see around me.
Reading your post again, it just sticks out you are being hypersensitive over an innocuous comment. Have a look at why you are responding the way you are (feelung hurt, feeling you are being made fun of, feeling they are haters) when most people would let it fly by as a nothing because it is. The best way to react is for you to recognise its indeed harmless rather than struggling to smile it off, worry or think they could have meant something else. Maybe look at some confidence or assertiveness course, then these situations wont cause you so much fretting.0 -
Zippedydoodah wrote: »So here is a question to everyone: what is the best way to react in a situation where you feel (rightly or wrongly) bad about some remarks people make?
1) make it into a joke
2) do not react and change the topic
3) let the person know (gently) that you are going to assume they meant the best but that it came across in a not so positive fashion?
And why do you think that is the best reaction? 1 is probably the most common reaction I see around me.
Most people like that do not have much sense. For the first 50 times I completely ignore the comment and the person -- as if I do not hear the comment and sometimes as if I do not even see the person.
After fifty times and only if I am up to it, to be polite I ignore the comment but not the person by saying something politely like "Take care. See you tomorrow" or something about the weather or something else completely off topic.
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