How to help a self destructive co worker?
abetterluke
Posts: 625 Member
I have a co-worker who is determined to lose weight...which is fantastic. However her strategy is to not eat much of anything at all and live off of drinking red bull all day. She literally eats little to no food all day long (i once saw her eat the crust off the end of a slice of pizza...that was her entire lunch). She says at night for dinner she'll eat a little bit sometimes but most of the time she's not hungry.
Obviously I'm not a pro at losing weight but I know that this is incredibly unhealthy and flat out dangerous. I would guess she's taking in maybe 600 calories a day and at least 400 of them are from red bull. My other co-workers and I have tried to educate her about how this is dangerous and why she needs to eat but she just keeps saying this is the only way to lose weight. She's always tired and her solution for being tired is to have another red bull. I'm worried for her. Any ideas?
Obviously I'm not a pro at losing weight but I know that this is incredibly unhealthy and flat out dangerous. I would guess she's taking in maybe 600 calories a day and at least 400 of them are from red bull. My other co-workers and I have tried to educate her about how this is dangerous and why she needs to eat but she just keeps saying this is the only way to lose weight. She's always tired and her solution for being tired is to have another red bull. I'm worried for her. Any ideas?
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That's a tough one. You're concerned, but there's a fine line where you're getting in her business. It's difficult to know what the right thing is to say.
Have you mentioned MFP to her?0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »That's a tough one. You're concerned, but there's a fine line where you're getting in her business. It's difficult to know what the right thing is to say.
Have you mentioned MFP to her?
Actually no. I should try that. You're right there is a fine line which I normally would not cross as I don't like to be preachy with this stuff...but when it's just flat out dangerous I definitely feel like I need to say something.
I'll try mentioning MFP to her and see what she thinks. Thanks!
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Train wreck. Watch on in horror and keep your mouth shut.
I knew a colleague who existed on one Caesar salad a day to keep her figure. Her complexion was shot and I swear the lack of calories made her dumb. She made other lifestyle choices that made me shake my head, but who am I to interfere?
I said nothing.
The only time you can help in a situation like this is if the person reaches out and asks for it. That might be from a hospital bed. You're not family so you aren't picked for intervention either.
Maybe slip her the article of the woman gone blind, 28 red bulls a day.0 -
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The sad thing is, I mean besides the obvious, is she is probably consuming more calories w/ her Red Bull habit then she would if she ate regular low-cal meals.0
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Is she young... I did a lot of destructive things to my body in the quest to lose weight when I was younger. It didn't take until nearly 40 for me to realize I was hurting myself.0
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DoreenaV1975 wrote: »The sad thing is, I mean besides the obvious, is she is probably consuming more calories w/ her Red Bull habit then she would if she ate regular low-cal meals.
Yep that's entirely possible. I just don't want to see her end up in the hospital or worse.0 -
I would say and do absolutely nothing. She's an adult and, in my opinion, if she wants to follow a completely stupid diet plan, that's her prerogative. She'll fall off of it eventually and then she may or may not try something that is more reasonable. Either way, it's none of your business and not your responsibility.0
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Important question: did she ask you for help?0
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shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
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DoreenaV1975 wrote: »Is she young... I did a lot of destructive things to my body in the quest to lose weight when I was younger. It didn't take until nearly 40 for me to realize I was hurting myself.
Mid 30's
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Train wreck. Watch on in horror and keep your mouth shut.
I knew a colleague who existed on one Caesar salad a day to keep her figure. Her complexion was shot and I swear the lack of calories made her dumb. She made other lifestyle choices that made me shake my head, but who am I to interfere?
I said nothing.
The only time you can help in a situation like this is if the person reaches out and asks for it. That might be from a hospital bed. You're not family so you aren't picked for intervention either.
Maybe slip her the article of the woman gone blind, 28 red bulls a day.
this is about the only thing to be done.0 -
Not your circus, not your monkey.
Unless she specifically asks you for advice, say nothing.0 -
abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.0 -
shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I mean...it seems like by her coming to me and saying that she's asking for help...maybe i'm wrong? Either way I'd still feel bad if something did happen to her and I didn't at least try...
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abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I mean...it seems like by her coming to me and saying that she's asking for help...maybe i'm wrong? Either way I'd still feel bad if something did happen to her and I didn't at least try...
If she's not using some variation of "can you help me with ______" then yes, you are wrong.0 -
Tread carefully....This could be an individual with an eating disorder. Your heart is in the right place and I commend you for that. With that said .....she may need professional help. I recommend not saying anything unless she asks for help.0
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I respectfully disagree. I would take this as her opening the door for discussion. I would use it as an opportunity to offer some advice and gauge the reaction.shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
I respectfully disagree. I would take this as her opening the door for discussion. I would use it as an opportunity to offer some advice and gauge the reaction.shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I could concede to a middle ground. Next time this kind of interaction takes place, OP could use that opportunity to ask, explicitly, if she'd like some help or suggestions. He'd then have his answer.0 -
abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Oh, IMO that's when you can politely tell her that maybe it's the fact that she's not eating and drinking so many red bulls. And when she says it's the only way she can lose weight... Suggest MFP.
If after that she still insists that she needs to continue w/ her habit, then you should leave it alone.
Regardless of how destructive it is, it is her body and her choice.
BTW - w/ people like that I eventually just ignore them when they start complaining about something they've come to me for advice about. I take the tough-love approach and tell them, straight out... "look you asked my advice, I told you what I think you should do, if you don't wan to take it, fine, but don't complain to me any more about it!" I know it's mean... but it works (at least it has for me) I don't have people bitching to me about stuff I know damn well they will never do anything to change. I don't have time for people who constantly complain about the situations they are in that they make no effort to change.0 -
Good advice. OP, sound good?shrinkingletters wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
I respectfully disagree. I would take this as her opening the door for discussion. I would use it as an opportunity to offer some advice and gauge the reaction.shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I could concede to a middle ground. Next time this kind of interaction takes place, OP could use that opportunity to ask, explicitly, if she'd like some help or suggestions. He'd then have his answer.
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
Good advice. OP, sound good?shrinkingletters wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
I respectfully disagree. I would take this as her opening the door for discussion. I would use it as an opportunity to offer some advice and gauge the reaction.shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I could concede to a middle ground. Next time this kind of interaction takes place, OP could use that opportunity to ask, explicitly, if she'd like some help or suggestions. He'd then have his answer.
I can get behind this.0 -
Let us know how it goes.abetterluke wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
Good advice. OP, sound good?shrinkingletters wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
I respectfully disagree. I would take this as her opening the door for discussion. I would use it as an opportunity to offer some advice and gauge the reaction.shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I could concede to a middle ground. Next time this kind of interaction takes place, OP could use that opportunity to ask, explicitly, if she'd like some help or suggestions. He'd then have his answer.
I can get behind this.
And on another note, this is most sane and respectful thread I've seen on MFP in a long while
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
Let us know how it goes.abetterluke wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
Good advice. OP, sound good?shrinkingletters wrote: »SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »
I respectfully disagree. I would take this as her opening the door for discussion. I would use it as an opportunity to offer some advice and gauge the reaction.shrinkingletters wrote: »abetterluke wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »Important question: did she ask you for help?
Help losing weight? No. But she does regularly come to me and say things like "I'm always so tired and I never feel good and I don't know why?"
Okay, but did she ask for your help in making her feel less tired? I understand your concern, but unsolicited advice or 'help' is very rarely welcomed when not explicitly asked for.
I could concede to a middle ground. Next time this kind of interaction takes place, OP could use that opportunity to ask, explicitly, if she'd like some help or suggestions. He'd then have his answer.
I can get behind this.
And on another note, this is most sane and respectful thread I've seen on MFP in a long while
Lol -- i was thinking the same thing. Truth be told I was kind of on edge for the duration of this thread.0 -
On the other hand, I suggested vitamins to a co-worker who has Crohn's disease, that I found while I was reading up on mal-absorption issues. I did it out of the blue when I noticed how pale she's getting. When I offered the suggestion I told her she was free to do what she wanted with the information; I would not be offended. I debated sending anything but this lady I go get along with very well. She's smart, mature. (P.S. I did not mention how pale she's getting).0
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High five for rational problem-solving.0
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What about suggesting she check with her doctor the next time she's complaining about feeling constantly tired and run down? Since she's not entirely making the connection to her eating habits, she might go for that idea. And if so, it might also be possible to remind her to mention that even though she downs X redbulls a day, she's always tired.0
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