Getting my mother to join me..I need some serious advice

KierstyPants
KierstyPants Posts: 468 Member
edited September 28 in Motivation and Support
My mom is 5'3''-5'4''. She's 230 pounds.
Well, I've been overweight all of my life. I've been saying so many times. Yeah I'll lose weight. Yeah Yeah. So many times i've tried YO-YO dieting and failed miserably. My mother is 53.. I'm 20. So I've had way less time to try. She's been the same way. She eats sooo much it's crazy. Anyways. I've been trying to get her to go with me. I even said, okay let's have a competition to see who can lose more. She said okay! Well, she keeps gaining and i keep losing.. and my stepdad even said.. lose 30 pounds by october and you can get a tattoo. You'd think that'd motivate her cause shes always wanted one.
Nope. She puts it off constantly. I'm getting scared because she's reallllly unhealthy. and the other day.. i said mom you need to start.. it's getting sserious. and shes like WELL. YOU PUT IT OFF TOO, BLAH BLAH and attacked me.
So, what the heck do I do? How am I supposed to get her to start with me if she's in denial and eats bad. I said mom, you talk about how you feel terrible and fat, and you just eat more..
I just need help. my whole family needs it, and.. i don't know what to do.
She told me when she's ready.. but god knows when that will be.
Advice would be great... if not, I just neeeded to get this out.
Thanks mfp people.<3

Replies

  • janemartin02
    janemartin02 Posts: 2,653 Member
    I admire your concern for your mom.You can`t make her do it.You can lead by example,but she has to decide to do it.
    Good luck
    jane
    xoxox
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    I understand wanting her to join you and also your worry for her health. My mom's been more than 100 pounds overweight for nearly as long as I can remember and it's given her a host of health issues including high blood pressure, atrial fibrillation, sleep apnea, 2 strokes, horrific arthritis in her knees that makes even something as simple as grocery shopping unbearable for her, yeast infections in her skin rolls, etc., etc.

    But the sad fact is that no one can MAKE HER, or your mother, do a thing about it. They aren't stupid women-they know they need to lose weight. They won't do it until and if they are ready though.

    Just stay on your own journey and try not to comment on her path. If she asks you for any tips, great! If she doesn't, don't offer them. She has to decide that she wants this, and no amount of nagging, worrying, cajoling, etc. is going to make her ready.
  • ANeWcRe8N
    ANeWcRe8N Posts: 1,180 Member
    Honestly I dont think there is much to do but to keep encouraging her.. if a person isnt dedicated or motivated then its not going to happen. It has to come from her. My hubby is the same way.. I try to get him to join me and nope.. over the past couple of months he has mentioned wanting to change but his actions show otherwise. We cant make them do something they dont want to. Sorry wish I could say something more to help.. maybe someone else will have some great suggestions here. All we can do is pray for them that they gain the strength they need to overcome these habits and eating disorders. Good luck hun!! :)
  • ANeWcRe8N
    ANeWcRe8N Posts: 1,180 Member
    sorry double post...
  • staciekins
    staciekins Posts: 453 Member
    Don't nag at her. Best way to do it is go ahead and start your journey. When you have made some progress, just casually bring up how good you feel and how much easier it is once you get the hang of it. Most people don't believe in what they do not see thereflore she may benefit if she sees you are trying and succeeding. Then you can do it together. You can also try to sneak in some healthy food into her diet.
  • sbwood888
    sbwood888 Posts: 953 Member
    Lead by example and pray for her. That is about all you can do. If you keep nagging her, you will only drive her away. SHE has to be ready and willing to do the work. Sorry. :flowerforyou:
  • LJCannon
    LJCannon Posts: 3,636 Member

    But the sad fact is that no one can MAKE HER, or your mother, do a thing about it. They aren't stupid women-they know they need to lose weight. They won't do it until and if they are ready though.

    Just stay on your own journey and try not to comment on her path. If she asks you for any tips, great! If she doesn't, don't offer them. She has to decide that she wants this, and no amount of nagging, worrying, cajoling, etc. is going to make her ready.

    This is REALLY good advice. My Mother and Sister are the same as your Mom. But they are adults, and you have to let them make their own decisions.
    (if it helps, I am 53, too. And up until 2 years ago I was a LOT like your Mom.)
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
    Outside the realm of kidnapping her, tying her to a chair ( or exercise machine), and force feeding her the right foods daily, there is nothing you can do to make her want to do this. All you can do is lead by example. I have read many accounts where people initially lost weight and then their partner / family joined them after seeing the results.
  • KierstyPants
    KierstyPants Posts: 468 Member
    Outside the realm of kidnapping her, tying her to a chair ( or exercise machine), and force feeding her the right foods daily, there is nothing you can do to make her want to do this. All you can do is lead by example. I have read many accounts where people initially lost weight and then their partner / family joined them after seeing the results.

    Well, I've lost 43 pounds, and my family talks about it all the time.
    And my mom said it makes her want to change.
    Well.. you're right, just have to wait until she's ready.
    thanks guys.
  • LiciaHarry
    LiciaHarry Posts: 25 Member
    Hi - I'm 50, so maybe I can sort of give you an idea of what goes on in the thought process.

    It took me years. Seriously. People had been trying to help me lose weight pretty much all my life, sometimes by force. Over the last ten years I started enjoying my life - everything was how I'd always wanted it EXCEPT my weight, but I was happy.

    Until I got my Type 2 diabetes thing handed to me. And was told all the horrible things that go along with it. Especially that I would probably end up dying sooner than if I hadn't contracted it. So I decided to educate myself. When I started reading more about what the foods I eat are doing to my body, I thought maybe, just maybe, it would be a better idea to move away from being fat and happy. Maybe I could retain the happy somewhat in the process.

    Watch Fat Head - The Movie with her. That's what really got my mind set on doing this.

    I can't watch it with my mom, she's 78 and two states away... and also very overweight at 185 and needs to lose. I got her on MFP, but she's very reluctant to use it. All I can do is trust her to do what is best for her. I tell her all the time how important it is that she is around to see her youngest grandkids grow up and start families. Your mom needs to know that "ME time" means more than just indulgence - it means it's now time to get back to where her body can be healthy so she can live a long life.
  • rhodenizer
    rhodenizer Posts: 95 Member
    As a 50 something mom, my motavation came when my grandaughter came along and I realized if I wanted to keep up with her then the weight had to come off. The doctor telling me I had to or else helped also. Unfortunately there is more going on then the weight. We humans for some reason need to have other needs met in order to put our whole lives in order. She has to want to do it. The advice about show by example is great. My friend who was closing in on 300 pounds started exercising and eating better now 75 pounds lighter she has been mentoring a whole group of people and getting them to lose right along with her. Smile, eat right, execise and show her you love her every step of the way.....it will happen....believe.
  • lil_pulp
    lil_pulp Posts: 701 Member
    As everyone has said, you can't make her do anything she's not ready to do. Nagging often pushes people in the opposite direction. Instead, invite her to go on a short walk with you--no pressure, no guilt if she says no, no talk about weight or health, just a mother and a daughter spending time together on a lovely day. If she says no, just ask again another day. And let her determine how long/fast the walk is--the last thing you want to do is make her feel bad because she can't keep up! Good luck and nice job on your own path to health!
    -LP
  • Paintbynumb3rs
    Paintbynumb3rs Posts: 13 Member
    It's up to her to get motivated. If you keep telling her she needs to lose weight, she'll only get bitter and probably end up gaining more weight. Keep going the way your going and she'll notice it. Wait for her to ask you what your doing and be supportive of her when she does decide she wants to make a chance. The worst thing you can do to motivate someone is tell them what they need to do. If it will work at all it has to be her choice.
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
    Sounds like she can be motivated, just needs that little push, and/or help.
    Does she logon /use the internet?.. Would she come online on here? I think you need to share with her what you've learned.

    Did you basically have a competition, and both did your own thing to try to lose weight?? She gained, and probably thought she was a failure. I don't think you should make it a competition with each other. Your a lot younger and will lose your weight a lot easier than your mom.

    Share with her, how many calories she needs to eat daily. She'll find out like we all do, that we can eat so much more healthy food.
    Show her success stories of women maybe her size or her age on here. Show her it can be done.
    Take small steps, and go for walks with her.

    Good luck!:flowerforyou:
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