I'm finding it hard....

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hayley_m
hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
in Motivation and Support
ok so i need some advice!! i've lost 31lbs and i am entirely chuffed and proud of myself for that believe me! i'm still over weight at 172lbs (12stone 4lbs) and i still have about 20lbs to lose. What i'm finding hard is taking a compliment! and looking t myself in photos! i know ive lost a good amount of weight and its noticable, thats obviously what i want but when people comment on how great i look or how slim i am now i cant help but think 'i'm still fat my god i must have looked horrendous before!'
i look at pictures and i still see blubba, my *kitten* is still massive and my waist isnt as tight and dont get me started on the size of my arms with flappy bingo wings!!! and i know i'm on a journey but i cant help but think will i ever like the way i look??
Does anyone have any advice? advice on how to look t myself differently or how to take the compliments without feeling a bit stung? i have always been confident in the wy i look and who i am as a person but the more i hear 'wow you're looking great' the more i think 'i must have looked huge before!'
Its really upsetting me that i cant be more proud of my body shape and my acheivements and i keep looking to the past and not the future :(
any ideas?

Replies

  • notoriousgtt
    notoriousgtt Posts: 75 Member
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    Sometimes you just cant see it yourself.

    My mrs tells me she can see a big difference in how I look and my shoulders/arms, but I cant see it, and TBH I doubt I ever will be able to look at myself in a mirror and not see bits where I go "eeew, that needs work".

    Just trust your friends when they say you look great :)
  • rmsrws
    rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
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    You will still see yourself as big....I have lost 97 lbs. I look in the mirror and I see my big fat bloated face, my wide load behind and so fourth. But oddly I have noticed I lost my boobs, so if anyone finds them please return....Thanks!

    I still try to buy clothes to big for myself. It takes time for your mind to catch up with what your body has done! Best Wishes!
  • biged335
    biged335 Posts: 734
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    You need to look at it like this... They're not saying you looked bad before you lost weight, it's how much better you look now..
  • hayley_m
    hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
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    You will still see yourself as big....I have lost 97 lbs. I look in the mirror and I see my big fat bloated face, my wide load behind and so fourth. But oddly I have noticed I lost my boobs, so if anyone finds them please return....Thanks!

    I still try to buy clothes to big for myself. It takes time for your mind to catch up with what your body has done! Best Wishes!


    I'm glad im not the only one!! thank you! and i'll keep an eye out for your boobies....have you been to london lately? ;)
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    I think this is where before and after pictures are tremendously helpful! I have pics in my shorts and a sports bra of before and every 30 days (P90X tells you to do this and I actually followed the directions this time!) I have only lost 23 pounds so far and still have a LONG way to go. I don't feel any different. I get compliments all the time lately but I look in the mirror and don't register a change.

    But when I compare the day 1 pics with the day 90 pics it is obvious that there has been a tremendous change! I can't wait until I'm at goal and can compare those pics to my day 1 pics! I think the other thing is, it takes awhile for the brain to catch up to the body. We are used to thinking of ourselves a certain way and have to retrain our thinking in this area too. I have have negative self thinking for so long that changing it to positive is as much work as changing my diet and exercise habits! But if I want those to stick I need to have a more positive self perception so eliminating negative self talk is one of my new habits.

    I'm really trying to see the good things about myself but boy is that difficult! lol
  • 21katykat01
    21katykat01 Posts: 51
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    It's something that is really difficult, you're right.

    Why not compare a picture of you now with one before you lost any weight? I know you're not where you want to be yet and you still don't like looking at photos, sometimes you need the stark comparison to see the difference. Look at it every day, and even you'll start seeing the difference!

    As for the compliments... Well, I'm sure you did look great before, you just look even *greater* now, and isn't that what you're aiming for? Just say thanks, smile, and take it as proof you're doing a fantastic job - you are!

    Another thing I might suggest is a "rainy day letter". On a good day when you're feeling awesome about yourself and your progress, write yourself a letter with how that feels and just how amazing it is to feel like that. Then read it on days that aren't so good to cheer yourself up. Because you wrote it, you know exactly what to say to yourself and you know that if you'd felt that way before and can again.

    You can do it!

    xo
  • tlsegar
    tlsegar Posts: 185 Member
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    Stop focusing on the past. You can't do anything about it, you can't change it. Whether you looked absolutely hideous (which I don't believe for one second) or were the epitome of perfection, it was in the past and you can't do anything about it. So leave the past where it belongs - the past. Embrace and celebrate the fact that you have made a change in your life for the better. And your hard work and discipline is showing so much that people are moved to compliment you on it. Use the compliments as motivation to continue on your journey. Don't fall for the tricks your mind will try to play on you.

    Often times the transformation in your thinking takes awhile to catch up with the physical transformation. But push through it. YOU have to convince yourself that you are worth every kind and encouraging word that everyone extends to you. People don't compliment you to poke fun at what you used to look like. They compliment you for how great you look now.

    Accept it.
    Embrace it.
    Love it.
    You're worth it.
  • hayley_m
    hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
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    You need to look at it like this... They're not saying you looked bad before you lost weight, it's how much better you look now..

    i keep trying to tell myself this!! i've even made people feel bad i think with my reactions to their compliments! one guy said "you can see it in your face..you're cheek bones really show" i said " i had cheek bones before, i didnt realise my face was so big" he then obviously tried to back up and say "no no i didnt mean that you had fat face" etc etc. i felt so bad! i didnt mean it to sound like i was accusing him of calling me fat and he was being nice but telling me about my face and i felt so bad!!

    I'm quite obviously a massive *****!
  • jesilva80
    jesilva80 Posts: 287 Member
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    You should be so proud of yourself, 30 lbs is a big leap. I understand where your coming from. After I had my last baby i weighed 185. Ive made it to 165 now. I feel better , but just not good enough. I have never been this heavy and i get depressed about it. When people say oh your losing weight , I say" yes im entering a whole new life style" meanwhile im thinking, oh you did notice how heavy ive become. Im tired of having a round full face, i hate taking photos. I know these folks mean well. We have to look past the comments and thoughts. I have noticed friends of mine and family looking at food and exercise diff... since i have. So i think of myself as inspiring as well. I lost my boobs too, reported them missing with a reward, no takers though. :)
  • DiamondRubyMom
    DiamondRubyMom Posts: 147 Member
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    For me it helps to go clothes shopping. To put something on that would never have fit before and see that it looks good and is even flattering.
  • hayley_m
    hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
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    It's something that is really difficult, you're right.

    Why not compare a picture of you now with one before you lost any weight? I know you're not where you want to be yet and you still don't like looking at photos, sometimes you need the stark comparison to see the difference. Look at it every day, and even you'll start seeing the difference!

    As for the compliments... Well, I'm sure you did look great before, you just look even *greater* now, and isn't that what you're aiming for? Just say thanks, smile, and take it as proof you're doing a fantastic job - you are!

    Another thing I might suggest is a "rainy day letter". On a good day when you're feeling awesome about yourself and your progress, write yourself a letter with how that feels and just how amazing it is to feel like that. Then read it on days that aren't so good to cheer yourself up. Because you wrote it, you know exactly what to say to yourself and you know that if you'd felt that way before and can again.

    You can do it!

    xo

    that is a really great idea thankyou so much!!
  • trying2getslim
    trying2getslim Posts: 9
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    You took the words right out of my mouth . I have lost 40 pounds so far and it is hard as hell to take a compliment from anyone . I feel as big as I did the day I started dieting and working out . I still buy clothes too big and still picture myself as the BIG chick .. Hopefully 1 day our minds will catch up to our bodies ... Congrats on your weightloss....
  • hayley_m
    hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
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    You should be so proud of yourself, 30 lbs is a big leap. I understand where your coming from. After I had my last baby i weighed 185. Ive made it to 165 now. I feel better , but just not good enough. I have never been this heavy and i get depressed about it. When people say oh your losing weight , I say" yes im entering a whole new life style" meanwhile im thinking, oh you did notice how heavy ive become. Im tired of having a round full face, i hate taking photos. I know these folks mean well. We have to look past the comments and thoughts. I have noticed friends of mine and family looking at food and exercise diff... since i have. So i think of myself as inspiring as well. I lost my boobs too, reported them missing with a reward, no takers though. :)

    THAT is exactly it! to know others feel the same thoughts i do makes me feel a little less selfish if you know what i mean!
    i really hope my brain catches up quickly!
  • hayley_m
    hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
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    You took the words right out of my mouth . I have lost 40 pounds so far and it is hard as hell to take a compliment from anyone . I feel as big as I did the day I started dieting and working out . I still buy clothes too big and still picture myself as the BIG chick .. Hopefully 1 day our minds will catch up to our bodies ... Congrats on your weightloss....

    40lbs is brilliant!! congrats on yours too....maybe one day we can all reoice at having our photo taken and be able to say yes i am hot thank you :drinker:
  • hayley_m
    hayley_m Posts: 61 Member
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    thanks everyone, knowing im not alone makes it feel a bit better!! hopefully i can sort myself out and learn to take a compliment!!

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