Staying motivated after the loss of a loved one

LucieBear · June 2011

Hi, I have been dealing with a broken heart for the past two months. My nephew/godson, Remy. at the age of 23 took his own life on March 25th. Not having kids of my own, I was very close to him, he was the son I couldn't have. He was away from home in the army (he hadn't gone to war yet) The last time I saw him was last May at his graduation. The last time I spoke to him was on New Years and we cried. My last contact with him was through facebook at the beginning of March. I wish I would of know he as in trouble, I wish he would of confided in me, I wish...... I wish,..... I wish..... I feel so empty inside, a big hole in my heart, tears keep coming at least 3 to 4 times a week. So motivation for weight loss has been a constant struggle, luckily I have been doing o.k. so far

I feel I am emotionally exhausted. I feel that all my energy is dealing with the loss of Remy . I know it will be better with time, but meantime, there are days I wish I could stay in bed and lie there until the hurt goes away.

I know life will keep throwing very dfficult times at me and I can't eat my way through the pain, like I use to.

Now on top of grieving, I had to deal with my 77 year old father. Last week my father went in hospital for what the doctors thought was a broken knee cap. While in hospital they started treating him for a pneumonia, and the latest diagnosis is he needs a pace maker.... Really, what else next??? Oh yeah.. my husband has had a bad back for many years now and we have to drive 10 hours this week to see a specialist.

I am feeling overwhelmed - I keep saying it will all get better......

Thank you for letting me express myself (not that you had a choice)....... and because of MFP and logging in everyday, it gives me a reason to continue with my weight battle. Thank you to all my MFP friends who are there for me without knowing how much their words of encouragement meant so much to me.

Lucie

authson · June 2011

I will prayer that God can bring you some peace and comfort. Try and hang in there and allow yourself to grieve.

learnbygoing · June 2011

I am so, so sorry! It is so hard to lose someone you love so much. I lost my best friend 4 years ago...she was in a car accident and she and her unborn child were killed instantly. The thing that kept me going was knowing that she she loved me and always wanted the best for me...she wouldn't have wanted me to wallow, or grieve forever, or lose myself in missing her. She would have wanted me to pick myself up and LIVE even though she couldn't anymore.

I don't know if that helps. It's what someone told me when I felt lost without her, and it really helped me. I'll be praying for you!

ItsTerriC · June 2011

I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew. Losing any loved one is heartbreaking, but losing such a young one is shattering. Please take the time to grieve. It can't be rushed or put in to a time frame. With all the additional life-happening stress you are going through you need to take time for yourself. Don't think of your weight loss journey as an additional burden. Try to focus on being healthier right now, not so much about losing weight. Keep logging your food, keep making healthier choices and absolutely keep exercising. Not because you are trying to lose weight, you don't need that added pressure right now. Do it because you are trying to give your body the best you can so it is strong enough to get you through all that you have to deal with. Treat yourself kindly by being as strong and healthy as you can be.

PS - Suicide is perhaps the hardest death to deal with. My father committed suicide when I was 13, so I do understand all of the guilt, pain, anger and confusion. It will be a lifetime of dealing with it and grieving. It does get easier and counseling will help. I promise.

Mommawarrior · June 2011

I will be praying for you.

jennywrens · June 2011

I'm so so sorry. My brother took his own life in 2004 when he was 27. I still miss him every single day and that wont ever go away. I don't think it gets easier with time, I think we just adapt to the new situation and cope better with time!!

Keep logging, keep active and even if all you manage is to maintain until you're ready to pick it all back up again at least you'll not have gained!

Feel free to add me as a friend if you need support xx

melbhall · June 2011

I'm sorry you are dealing with so much right now. To have all that on your plate and continue caring about your weight loss efforts, you sound like one very strong woman, and you need to give yourself credit for that. Everyone deals with grief differently, but if you feel like it's consuming you, maybe you should talk to a grief counselor so you can figure out how to work through all this. Its not lame or like giving up, it could be the first step in figuring all this out. Either way, I hope you are able to find your peace. As for your dad and father, all you can do is continue to love them, pray for them and support them. And if you like exercising you should use that time as your little break from reality. Make it a ppart of your day when you soley focus on you...not grief or burdens, but the real you that may have gotten lost in the shuffle. I hope things turn around for you, and know that MFP is a community, so vent whenever you need to, we are all here for you!

Hugs!

penny5 · June 2011

Grief is so hard to deal with. I give you a lot of credit for talking about it. It's so easy to hole yourself up and shelter your emotions. I will be praying for you and your family. You are still doing a great job on here. *hugs*

LucieBear · June 2011

Thank you so much for your kind words.. I am talking myself into doing great cause me nephew would be proud of his aunt-godmother... so in addition of doing for me.. I am now doing it for my godson.. again thank you

Staying motivated after the loss of a loved one

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