Support with a rotten relationship

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Katie_Y89
Katie_Y89 Posts: 330 Member
in Motivation and Support
Please no one judge me, I'm putting myself out here 100%.
I have been with the same guy for 2 years and our relationship isn't healthy. We have a daughter together who is 9 months and of course I gained alot of baby wt and have been struggling to lose it. My bf isn't supportive at ALL of my wt loss. He has called ne fat, says I'm "lazy", tries to tell me that I am wasting my time working out because it won't do any good because my diet is "crap" and I eat "like garbage" all the time (my diary is open to the public if you would like to peek). I am a sahm and I try my BEST to get workouts in and maintain a healthy diet. Yes, I have my downfalls and mess uo a day here or a day there but I don't give up whoch I feel like he wants me to do. He thinks he is always right and knows best. I need to lose this wt, I can't stand being this size anymore. I have over 30 lbs to lose and have barely lost anything. I am reaching out for support from the MFP community since I am clearly not receiving any at home.
Thank you all in advance. Gueas I wanted to vent but also find support from people out there and possibly women going through the same situation.

Replies

  • Justifier
    Justifier Posts: 336 Member
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    Don't stay in a relationship that is harmful to you. Start saving money on your own or ask for family support to get out of there. Don't allow ANYONE to talk to you like he does. You don't deserve it.

    If he calls you "fat" and "lazy," how much respect will he have for your daughter as she grows up? Don't let her grow up thinking this is an appropriate way for a man to treat a woman.
  • jendiaz9732
    jendiaz9732 Posts: 285 Member
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    He sounds like a Deutsche bag. Well, the obvious is obvious. You shouldn't surround yourself around negativity. Losing weight doesn't happen overnight. Yes, you have to eat healthy as well, not sure how your diary looks. But, main thing is ignoring him and continuing your journey to a healthy body. I can't say that I am in the same situation as you, but I am a single mother and I rather be single than be with someone who is going to put me down, emotionally. I learned that lesson with my daughter's father, or more like, sperm donor. Nine years ago was the last time I was with him. He physically and emotionally abused me. I vowed to never be with a "male" (notice he is biologically a male not a man, the word "man" is subjective...) who would abuse me whether it be emotionally or physically, they are both serious mechanisms people use to control and manipulate another person. You have to ask yourself, what's more important, your family (staying with your man) or your happiness (raising your baby girl happy), the faster you make healthier decisions the easier it will be to make a change within yourself, internally and externally. Good luck dear...
  • NoIdea101NoIdea
    NoIdea101NoIdea Posts: 659 Member
    edited September 2015
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    I understand how you feel. I weighed 112lbs at 5ft 3 and was with a guy for three years who was always telling me I was fat, tubby, worthless, blah, blah. I was so miserable about my weight and how fat I was (it's only looking at pictures now I realise how slim I was).

    Fast forward three years and I am 133lbs and the happiest I have ever been with my weight. Part of that comes from having a partner who doesn't berate me but tells me how gorgeous I am on a daily basis.

    I know we are not in the same situations-I was with my guy longer but no kids, but getting rid of him was the best thing I have ever done. Is it just with your weight he is like this about?

    I think your options are either leaving him (honestly in my opinion your best option), ignoring his crap and losing the weight, or ignoring his crap and not losing the weight. Add me if you want support on the losing weight bit!
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
    edited September 2015
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    Katie_Y89 wrote: »
    Please no one judge me, I'm putting myself out here 100%.
    I have been with the same guy for 2 years and our relationship isn't healthy. We have a daughter together who is 9 months and of course I gained alot of baby wt and have been struggling to lose it. My bf isn't supportive at ALL of my wt loss. He has called ne fat, says I'm "lazy", tries to tell me that I am wasting my time working out because it won't do any good because my diet is "crap" and I eat "like garbage" all the time (my diary is open to the public if you would like to peek). I am a sahm and I try my BEST to get workouts in and maintain a healthy diet. Yes, I have my downfalls and mess uo a day here or a day there but I don't give up whoch I feel like he wants me to do. He thinks he is always right and knows best. I need to lose this wt, I can't stand being this size anymore. I have over 30 lbs to lose and have barely lost anything. I am reaching out for support from the MFP community since I am clearly not receiving any at home.
    Thank you all in advance. Gueas I wanted to vent but also find support from people out there and possibly women going through the same situation.

    #1 --- Stop apologizing
    #2 -- Stop explaining/defending your self to us
    #3 - Start to walk with your head up high
    #3 -- Start to walk proud and loud

    Your boyfriend is an *kitten* and he dose it for control. He wants to control you.
    My advice to you, is take the control away from him. Don't tell him you are loosing weight.
    Tell him when you go to the gym that you want to be healthy.
    Try to get to the gym with friends. There is nothing better than support at the gym with friends. If you don't have friends that go to the gym, make friends at the gym, and be there when they are there.

    Once you have reached your goal, then get rid of the BF.

    If you can't get friends. let me know.
    I will let you know what I did for the day, and it will be your job to either match it, or beat it.


  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
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    If I can be a little forward, I looked at your pictures and what is your goal weight? Because if he's calling you fat, he has some seriously skewed ideas of what "fat" is. (Obviously, I don't mean this to say that you shouldn't lose weight if you want to for your own reasons -- you know your body better than any stranger on the internet. But I'd be surprised to see that you that 30 pounds to lose.)

    But more to the point: do not stay with this person. "You should leave him" is a joke on MFP, but I'm dead serious on this one. Like @Justifier said, there's no way that he's going to treat your daughter with any more respect than he does you, and staying just models a dysfunctional relationship for your daughter.

    While my ex-husband wasn't actively cruel to me, we were also dysfunctional -- and one of the benefits of splitting up became that our son saw us modeling a much better friendship than we ever had a relationship. He now has two parents who can cooperate on his care, spend time with him, and also model self-care and independence. Being a single mom is challenging as hell (and I even did it on easy mode), but it'll likely be a lot better for your mental health and for your daughter.

    I'm really sorry you're dealing with someone who abuses you like that. He sounds genuinely terrible.
  • katharineshalia
    katharineshalia Posts: 243 Member
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    Has he always been verbally abusive or is this something he has just started after the baby? Maybe go see a counselor if you think your relationship is worth saving. I say this because my husband had an adjustment phase when we started a family, pressure, and he got in the habit of bringing his work stress home to me. We went to counselling and he and I both learned a lot. We have now been married 9 years but were together 3 years before we got married and I quit work to stay at home. Hope this post makes sense, good luck.
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
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    Katie_Y89 wrote: »
    Please no one judge me, I'm putting myself out here 100%.
    I have been with the same guy for 2 years and our relationship isn't healthy. We have a daughter together who is 9 months and of course I gained alot of baby wt and have been struggling to lose it. My bf isn't supportive at ALL of my wt loss. He has called ne fat, says I'm "lazy", tries to tell me that I am wasting my time working out because it won't do any good because my diet is "crap" and I eat "like garbage" all the time (my diary is open to the public if you would like to peek). I am a sahm and I try my BEST to get workouts in and maintain a healthy diet. Yes, I have my downfalls and mess uo a day here or a day there but I don't give up whoch I feel like he wants me to do. He thinks he is always right and knows best. I need to lose this wt, I can't stand being this size anymore. I have over 30 lbs to lose and have barely lost anything. I am reaching out for support from the MFP community since I am clearly not receiving any at home.
    Thank you all in advance. Gueas I wanted to vent but also find support from people out there and possibly women going through the same situation.

    Occasionally, similar posts such as yours pop up in the forums, so firstly, know that you're not alone. A lot of people experience issues with their SOs when it comes to losing/gaining weight - because it means change - a change they can't control.

    It isn't possible for me to know the context of your life with your bf or everything he says, but from what you've volunteered, this sounds like verbal abuse. I would definitely second all those recommending counseling, if he's open to it. Abusers are capable of changing their behavior, if they want to.

    If he's not willing to accept counseling, then you've got a big decision on your hands. If what he says affects you to this extent, imagine what it'll do to your daughter when she becomes old enough to form an idea about how her body should look. And please, do not fool yourself into thinking it won't hurt her because it's directed at you. Verbal abuse is easy to overhear, and many children will internalize what they hear.

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