Some people don't like you skinny.... Be prepared

JulieF11
JulieF11 Posts: 387 Member
edited September 28 in Motivation and Support
Most people are very supportive, but those who aren't perplex me and can sometimes be hurtful.

First off, one of my friends husband gave me a lot of attention (he hadn't seen me in about a year). He did say he thought I looked great more than once, but he didn't seem to be flirting or anything. She no longer wants to meet with me. We used to be close, I thought we were anyway.

Another lady made a comment, with her lips pursed in disapproval, at the Memorial Day Picnic, pointing out that I was wearing a sleeveless shirt. I've never worn a sleeveless shirt, so I'm sure it was a shocker, but it wasn't low cut or anything. My bra straps weren't showing or anything (I checked). It was in the 90's and very hot... and I think I look okay in a sleeveless, for the first time in my adult life. Why would she have said anything unless she wanted me to feel uncomfortable? I mean obviously I already knew I was wearing a sleeveless shirt. Also, I wasn't the only one in a sleeveless shirt there. It's just that it was "my" first appearance in public without covering every part of all four limbs.

Anyway, my brother in law made over my transformation and made a big deal about it when he saw me. My sister is pretty heavy, and I think her feelings were hurt when he was asking me all about it, and the next time he saw me he called out, "Hey, Skinny!" He by no way was flirting, he really loves her to death. Anyway, a little later, I told my sister that she looked great (she did) and she thought I was talking about her weight and snapped at me. If I was still heavy, she would never have snapped at me. My other sister pulled me aside later and said she didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable so she didn't want to say I looked good in front of them.... but she thought I did look good.

My 11 year old son said he was a little sad that I don't look jolly anymore. He didn't use the word "jolly", but that's what he meant. He said when I was heavy I always looked happy from far away, and all the kids in the neighborhood thought I was really nice. I am the same person, and smile just as much, wave at them just as much and talk with them just the same... I pointed that out to him but his response was that he knew I was still just as nice, but I just didn't look as nice from far away. Then he said he didn't want me to look like the divorced moms of his friends... the ones who wear short skirts and heels to school events, or one of those moms who go to the pool in a skimpy bathing suit. I was shocked. I would NEVER dress like I was trying to be "sexy". That's not me... never will be. I've never worn a bikini in my life, even when I was young and thin.

Well, I didn't expect having to deal with these type comments or any negative things from having lost weight. If you are on the path to losing weight, be prepared. Thankfully, my husband seems to be enjoying my weight loss. Even though my stomach still looks like a deflated balloon from my pregnancies years ago, he isn't bothered a bit. He tells me I look great and the change seems to have re-lit his fire for me... so to speak. Thank heavens for him.

Replies

  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    :) Mean people suck :)

    people sometimes get insecure when others succeed. It has nothing to do with you but with them.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
    You know, except for your son, they were acting like jerks. You've worked your back end off to accomplish something that a lot of people think they can't! Pat yourself on the back because you deserve every complement you're given and none of the negativity!
  • cjjohnson1
    cjjohnson1 Posts: 15 Member
    It's tough, but I believe there are true friends,and those who are not! Having gone thru two divorces, I have found that I don't have many true friends. Just stay focused, this is about you, and how U feel about yourself. You must be looking great, it's just sad that some people are so unhappy in their own lives, that they can't be happy for you. As far as your son, the more you interact, the more I think he will see the changes in you, and realize you are actually happier!
    CJ
  • Julezy2506
    Julezy2506 Posts: 1
    I think some people are intimidated by your success. But good for you! When I lost the weight, people started asking me how my anorexia was going, even though I was a healthy weight and by no means, anorexic. I just think sometimes people dont know what to say!
  • erinnicolette
    erinnicolette Posts: 22
    Just remember you are doing this for YOU, and nobody else. If you're not happy being heavy, then don't be! Congrats on your loss! You Look great!
  • mommyJto3
    mommyJto3 Posts: 139 Member
    yes and i hate it. I have lost about 25 pounds in my journey and i have had great response from a lot of people - except for my spouse. sure he supports me by watching our kids so i can workout, and eats what i cook. but he always jokes about how i am getting too skinny. i never get compliments about how i look, just about how i care too much about working out, etc. i did have a family member the other day say i look good, but i should not lose anymore weight because i will look 'too skinny'. i am only 5'3 and 130 is a healthy, normal weight for me. Its hard sometimes but i am doing this for myself and i need to remember that.
  • laceylovespink
    laceylovespink Posts: 138
    your post is so true, it almost made me cry :( I have to remind myself that I can't control what they say and think and just keep doing what's right..
  • paced2day
    paced2day Posts: 55
    I have a very body oriented family and they say hurtful things a lot. Wish there was a quick cure or a good way to respond to them. When you find it, let me know? I get comments when I gain and when I lose weight... not fun. I want a great come back- not rude but in your face enough to point out how rude it is to make body comments when its not your place.
  • jasonroeser
    jasonroeser Posts: 15 Member
    Keep it up, don't let negative people get to you. All these naysayers probably don't have the willpower to what you have done. You're doing this for YOU and your health, not for these other people. As long as you like what you see in the mirror, you've already won. Keep your eye on the prize...and if you want to wear sleeveless shirts...work it girl!!
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
    I dont understand it either. When I lost 80 pounds in the past some people would try to sabatoge me and it never worked. Then one time a friend of mine was so upset cause I was dating and getting hit on and she wasnt. She was always the skinny one and i was always the fat one who sat back and never dated. Then I lost weight started feeling good confident and finally was more outgoing. She got over it and stuff but it kinda just made m realize those people are not happy with them selves and need to put u down.

    marshallj86 -my friend sister told me i did not need to lose more i was 170 and healthy was 130 o 140 for me lol
  • HerbieSue
    HerbieSue Posts: 288
    Just don't understand why you can't be complimented in front of everyone!? You have obviously made a great transformation that SHOULD be acknowledged!
  • KayakAngel
    KayakAngel Posts: 397 Member
    I just try to remind myself that some people don't want to say anything about someone else losing weight because they don't want to address any poor lifestyle choices they're making for themselves. Also, some people really don't want to mention any weight loss because they don't want to get too personal. But those who flat out say negative things about how you look have ZERO excuse. I just take a deep breath and know that those comments are way more about how they see themselves.
  • amarie35
    amarie35 Posts: 333 Member
    I agree 100%!

    I've got a few comments about my weight as well. Some of my family have even went as far to say that they were worried about me becoming anorexic. As a matter of fact, I posted a forum about it the other day.

    It does hurt your feelings, especially when the comments are coming from your family. I try to not let it bother me but it's easier said than done.
  • draypeepers
    draypeepers Posts: 1
    I agree! I have always been a skinny girl so after my pregnancy I lost the baby weight in no time thanks to this page! But when I see people I haven't seen since the pregnancy I get a lot of disapproving and disappointed looks, sometimes even comments. For some reason people just get really jealous cause apparently after having a baby I was supposed to be fat. Is there some kind of Rule-Book I didn't read???
    Next time someone says something to u just remember, the meaner the comments, the better U look! ;)
  • JulieF11
    JulieF11 Posts: 387 Member
    Wow! I feel better already. Thank you for your support. :-)
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    My grandmother lost over 60 lbs last year (at age 69). There were some in our family who told her that she was "too skinny" at the end of her journey too, and truthfully, it took me a while to get used to seeing her thin.

    Some folks are jealous and incredibly insecure about themselves and their own issues. Don't let them get to you. They will get used to seeing you thin and healthy in time.
  • halobender
    halobender Posts: 780 Member
    People are weird. They like to hang out with folks who make them feel better about themselves. If you start hanging out with someone as an overweight person and then lose a bunch of weight you can, quite unfortunately, often expect to lose many of your friends, as part of what they liked about you is how you made them look and feel about themselves.

    It's all the law of relativity, man, energy exists in more than just science text books ;)

    As for your son, well, that's just him being afraid of the changes, and worrying that it will be more than surface. As I'm sure you know, kids get used to things and, when one thing changes, see everything else change as well. That one can only be combated by showing him that you're still the same you. My biggest word of advice in that respect is to smile a lot ;)
  • Melinda1987
    Melinda1987 Posts: 130
    Wow. Having been heavy all my life, I've never really experienced this. When I see people I know who've lost weight I am always THRILLED for them!! I know what the battle is like. I can't imagine my friends or family not being happy to see me healthier. But I guess it takes all kinds.. . :noway:
  • rbnray
    rbnray Posts: 2
    One of my many mottos in life is "SHAKE DEM HATERS OFF!" ....and that's in every aspect of your life!! Julie, you ARE a gem inside and out. WE all know that. You have to live your life for YOU and don't worry about everyone else. If the "new you" makes people uncomfortable? So be it! They can GET ON THE BUS OR GET LEFT BEHIND!!!!

    Cheer up baby!!! This is your day to shine!!!!!

    If they're trippin now...just wait until you complete your 1st triathlon!!!!!!!! LOL!!

    I say to them "BRING IT, HATERS!! The new, fabulous, sexy Julie is here to stay!!!!"
  • Mtsidad
    Mtsidad Posts: 242 Member
    Well, people are just weird, and some of them say ignorant things without thinking how they will affect you. Others say things because they need to hurt you so they feel better.

    I don't have anything nice or helpful to say other than - let it slide off your back. The only thing you can control is what you *do*.

    And remember you are doing this for *yourself*, to get healthy and to have a better lifestyle. So while I can't make you *need* or *unneed* anything, you really don't *need* these people to make you feel good.

    Good luck with your journey, and many props for your accomplishments.
  • xraychick77
    xraychick77 Posts: 1,775 Member
    its a case of jealousy and the fact that some people think because you are on a path to being healthy, then its like you are 'throwing it in their faces'. unfortunately people feel like this. its human.
  • dumb_blondes_rock
    dumb_blondes_rock Posts: 1,568 Member
    one time someone told my dad it looked like i was losing weight....and he told them :"no she just bought bigger clothes" totally as a joke, knowing my clothes weren't new at all....and then proceeds to tell me the "funny joke" he told them....but i can't think badly about it too much because my dad just doesn't get it....like he doesn't see that my weight bothers me because im a confident person, and jokes like that aren't really funny to somone who struggled with weight their whole life, unlike him, who was naturally thin growing up and now just has a little beer belly......but....i love him anyways.
  • dumb_blondes_rock
    dumb_blondes_rock Posts: 1,568 Member
    btw o.p......im TOTALLY JEALOUS!!! I can't wait til i have some haters!:p
  • powerpuffgirl66
    powerpuffgirl66 Posts: 143 Member
    Unfortunately, that is just the way the cookie crumbles. Like everyone here has said, not everyone reacts well to change. Jealousy is a huge factor sometimes. People wish they had your motivation. Although, it took me over a year to lose 27 lbs, and I'm just within the healthy range at 151 lbs (5'6" tall), my family seems convinced that I have an eating disorder. I eat very well and maintain a healthy, active lifestyle. I just don't get it sometimes. It is disheartening when the people who are supposed to love and support you turn into your worst critics.

    Just be happy with yourself and the rest will eventually iron itself out! :)
  • mosneakers
    mosneakers Posts: 343 Member
    Frist of all, GREAT job wearing a sleeveless shirt!! I know it can be hard, especially when you don't normally wear them and might have felt a little weird about wearing it in the first place.

    I'm sure it was jealously, but the only thing you did was lose weight - which is AWESOME!! You weren't flaunting, you weren't talking only about your weight loss, were you? If not, you should have nothing to feel bad about. You cannot control what other people say. I'm sure your brother in law meant to only make you feel good, and certainly not to hurt your sister, but that's how she took it. You should be a motivation to your sister. Who knows...maybe you are now!

    At the end of the day, you do you and keep up the great work!
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