Weight loss, obsessive thoughts, and me

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lintilla42
lintilla42 Posts: 11 Member
edited September 2015 in Health and Weight Loss
So, I'm afraid of dieting.

A bit of my background: I've always been one of those people who would just eat until I was full and I would always stay the same (lower end of the BMI scale) weight. But over the past year, I've gone on medication that's been messing with my "full" indicator. As a result, I've gained 10kg (about 22 pounds) over the last year, most of which is probably fat.

I was also raised with a mother who had an eating disorder in her late teens-early 20s, before I was born. As a result, I grew up thinking of dieting/"watching what you eat"/whatever as a sign of dysfunction. Now as an adult, I'm a big fan of the "health at any size" movement because I truly believe that healthy habits are far more important than how much you weigh or what a pair of calipers says.

But now my healthy habits have been thrown out of whack through (needed! important!) medication, and dealing with that is terrifying.

I haven't told anyone that I am trying to restrict what I eat. Not even my wife. My bestie saw me entering my food intake on the MFP app and asked what I was doing, and even though she uses it herself (!!!) I was too ashamed to tell her. I feel like a failure and an idiot, and I'm terrified about this becoming my new obsession. (One of the reasons I went on medication was to treat OCD, so.)

Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you get past the fear?

Replies

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
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    You're taking needed medication that throws off your fullness indicator. You're using MFP as a work-around. Be proud you're being proactive, not ashamed :)

    Do tell your wife and your bestie.

    Are you getting some sort of talk therapy for your OCD as well? Talk about this there?
  • KateTii
    KateTii Posts: 886 Member
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    Don't view it as restricting what you eat but being proactive about what you eat! People always wonder why I bother weighing "healthy" foods. I weigh my "healthy" foods so I know how much room I have left for "unhealthy" foods!

    There is nothing disordered or "failure-worthy" about a healthy diet. Yes you might have to be careful the OCD doesn't take you too far but all you are doing is making sure you are fueling your body and not over-fueling.

    Get some support around you, if you explain it to them i'm sure they will understand and help :)
  • kiela64
    kiela64 Posts: 1,447 Member
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    I understand the trepidation, I was really worried about what my mom would say bc she struggled with disordered eating habits for a long time before she got married. But as long as I'm not in anyone's face about it, and no scales come in the house, it's okay.

    And I'm hyper vigilant about NOT being too obsessive. Guilt is a big issue for me, but I'm not finding it as big of a challenge with food as I thought it would be :)

    I created some "moderation rules" for myself - as long as measuring cups are working, I don't have to get a food scale. A main one is that I'm not allowed to feel guilty about social eating, as long as it isn't too often. I focus on health, so I have a food guide & I work with a dietician. But most importantly I'm in therapy :)
  • lintilla42
    lintilla42 Posts: 11 Member
    edited September 2015
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    Thank you all - great advice! :)

    @kshama2001 - yes, I am in talk therapy as well. I will bring this up with my therapist at our next session.
  • sandsofarabia
    sandsofarabia Posts: 95 Member
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    You may not want to tell anyone but its perfectly normal to be conscious about what you eat. And luckily, we have the technology to more accurately scale how much we are consuming. I think it's completely normal and tell everyone who sees me log what i'm doing (to be honest, its a lot easier telling them that I'm logging my calories than to have them see me "casually" read nutrition labels every time I pull out food).

    I think it's more than just losing weight... I've gotten to know so much about nutrition, calories, macros, and what is appropriate amounts for my body from counting all the time. I do think the "obsession" of counting calories dies away after a couple weeks.. its like a habit, it may take a while but eventually you'll be so used to doing this that you don't even realize how weird it is from other people's daily routines.

    Don't let the "embarassment" discourage you because its only you who is making this seem embarassing.

    However, what you're feeling is normal. I felt that way when I first started.. I just got tired of hiding what I was doing and decided to become unapologetic for my actions and do what I want without any shame. Perhaps the embarassing feeling just comes from how strange it seems to people who've never dealt with this before but I think it's a completely normal habit which teaches disicpline.
  • OsricTheKnight
    OsricTheKnight Posts: 340 Member
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    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Are you getting some sort of talk therapy for your OCD as well? Talk about this there?

    Talk therapy is not how you deal with OCD. The accepted therapy for OCD is CBT/ERP which means forcing yourself to endure a severely anxious situation until your anxiety level comes down. Bear in mind that this is very difficult for the individual with OCD, for whom that feared situation will feel life-threatening. The adrenaline eventually wears off and with repeated application your brain figures out there's no danger after all. Medications can be helpful in facing these fears and are typically applied to enable progress on exposures.

    But then @lintilla42 said they are in talk therapy as well, so maybe I'm mistaken in some way!

    Osric



  • OsricTheKnight
    OsricTheKnight Posts: 340 Member
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    OP - I presume you've asked your psychiatrist if there's a different med that won't mess with your appetite?

    Meanwhile I do agree with others that you should engage your support network in weight loss. Most everyone struggles with weight in some way, I don't think anyone could see you as a failure for needing to monitor.

    In fact, most people on this board would consider your former unmedicated self too lucky for words!

    Best of luck with your OCD,

    Osric
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
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    Let your support network know your hopes AND your fears, and they should, of course, support you.

    Let them know the worries you mention in your OP, but also let them know that, for example, one of the MFP mottos is "the person who eats closest to their calorie limit wins" - that it's not a competition to see how much you can deprive yourself.

    MFP is about eating sustainably, and in moderation, for life, with help from simple technology. Logging is not to be feared. We all use technology.

    Kind regards and best wishes for your health and happiness.
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
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    You aren't restricting - You're simply being aware of what you consume for health reasons. Please don't be ashamed of what you are doing. In the kindest way possible, it isn't anybodies business but yours.

    I too have grown up with extreme dysfunction regarding weight loss. My mum has always been an avid yo-yo dieter. I have seen her become underweight from 'juice' diet's, refusing to eat at ALL until weigh-day had passed and then gaining weight substantially. I have also been known to become obsessive about the process and I do believe it's from learnt behaviours.

    Having said that, it's totally up to me to do it the correct way and to educate myself and succeed. That's how I look at it. It's okay to be motivated. It's okay to be determined, focused and willing to put the work in - but remember, you are a human being with feelings and you need to treat yourself as such. Do this the right way. And do this for you.

    You can do it :)
  • lyndahh75
    lyndahh75 Posts: 124 Member
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    If the weight continues to pile on, talk about alternative meds. My daughter has OCD and a litany of other issues. The med she takes for her OCD actually decreases her appetite. She has to make a conscious effort to eat......she is below on the weight scale. This med is new, right? Perhaps giving your body a little more time to adjust to it- meanwhile don't look at it like a diet. Everyone has provided some pretty good feed back.....it is your perception and view point on it that can be adjusted. Look at the quality of food you are eating, allow for treats etc. I know that when I restrict things, I obsess over not being able to have it. It literally drives my thoughts all day.
    Allow all things, just moderation.
  • lintilla42
    lintilla42 Posts: 11 Member
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    Thank you thank you everyone for your feedback! It helps me see I'm really onto the right track.

    As an update - I talked to my wife and bestie about it yesterday, and they were both super supportive and understanding, as expected! I'm really blessed to have those two humans in my life.

    For the meds - what I'm taking is working so well in other ways, so I'm reluctant to go through the med-shopping process again! If, after tracking my intake, the weight continues to pile on, I'll re-evaluate. Plus I don't intend to stay on them forever - research shows they're best used as a splint of sorts while working through other cognitive interventions.

    As for the other therapy measures I'm taking - it's a mix of CBT, ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy, which is based on mindfulness and self-compassion), and good old talking it out with a friendly professional who knows where I'm at. I'm happy to round that down to "talk therapy" for simplicity's sake. Alas OCD is only a small corner of my mental health story...

    But thank you all again! I'm so happy to find a welcoming community here! <3
  • Orphia
    Orphia Posts: 7,097 Member
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    Awww, group hug! <3:)

    Happy for you!

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