My RL friend ignores me

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run_momma_run
run_momma_run Posts: 319
in Motivation and Support
OK, so one of my best friends and I get together every few weeks for a craft night. Last Friday, I was telling her about MFP and how great I had done in my first week, etc. Well it was like I hadn't even spoken. She didn't acknowledge it at all. Not a word.

And it's not the first time she's done it, either. Any time I talk diet or exercise she just shuts down. Seriously - no acknowledgement that words are coming out of my face... WTF?!?! But then when I change the subject she's back in and suddenly the conversation is two-way again.

It's not like I MUST discuss diet & exercise, but when I'm excited I like to share with my friends... It kinda hurts my feelings and kinda pisses me off. Anyway, I'm probably just going to have to suck it up and accept that she's not willing to discuss it. Take my conversations here instead.

OK, now I'm just rambling, so I'm gonna stop - but I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading. :grumble:

Replies

  • jennywrens
    jennywrens Posts: 208
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    Is she overweight? Maybe she's feeling like she can't participate in the conversation because she's not ready or doesn't feel able to lose the weight herself?

    Take it as an incentive! Because when she sees you doing so well and looking so great you might inspire her!
  • glampixxie
    glampixxie Posts: 85 Member
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    That's how I'm feeling, too. I like to share my progress, but people seem to ignore it or act like it doesn't matter. I figure it is better, as you said, to look to MFP for the encouragement we need.
    Don't worry about your friend, she is probably jealous she's not putting in the work like you are. Thank god for MFP!
  • glampixxie
    glampixxie Posts: 85 Member
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    oops, my comp froze and I double posted on accident >.<
  • adfranks
    adfranks Posts: 161 Member
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    remember that people feel judged all the time... you talking about working toward a healthier weight might make even friends who are not over weight feel judged.
  • MrsCB10
    MrsCB10 Posts: 17 Member
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    Is she overweight? Maybe she's feeling like she can't participate in the conversation because she's not ready or doesn't feel able to lose the weight herself?

    Take it as an incentive! Because when she sees you doing so well and looking so great you might inspire her!


    That's immediately what I thought. If your friend isn't happy with her body/weight, it could be why she shuts down.

    Try asking your friend a question about what SHE likes to do for excercise. Ask her for her favourite healthy recipe, or ask if she'd like to go for a bike-ride (or whatever) with you so that you can spend more time together (if you want to, that is! haha).

    Asking open-ended questions will either engage her or enrage her (bad joke -- too much cafeine for me this morning -- sorry)
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    You could ask her if she has an issue with you talking to her about it. Honesty is important for a real friendship, and maybe it will help her to understand why you feel she isn't being a very good friend. Plus it would be nice to know what her problem is, it's just weightloss for gods sake haha.
  • DonnaLFitz
    DonnaLFitz Posts: 270 Member
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    And if you are like most of us -- having walked this path in some form many times before! -- she might be afraid to encourage you because she'll believe it when she sees it. She doesn't want to sabotage, but doesn't want to get your hopes up either.
  • Quierstina
    Quierstina Posts: 201 Member
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    Is she overweight? Maybe she's feeling like she can't participate in the conversation because she's not ready or doesn't feel able to lose the weight herself?

    Take it as an incentive! Because when she sees you doing so well and looking so great you might inspire her!

    I agree totally! Sometime people make excuses for themselves and why they can't or don't want to lose weight and hearing about someone elses success and motivation doesn't help. Try not to take it too personally and find someone else in your life you can share this joy with.
  • DTRTinAZ
    DTRTinAZ Posts: 29
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    I think her lack of response is more about her than you. Don't get discouraged with her silence, she probably doesn't realize she is doing it. I get the same glazed look with others who say they want to get fit, it is usually the ones that have not made an honest committment. Stay the path...and we are here to support you and get excited with every milestone you reach!
  • kendrafallon
    kendrafallon Posts: 1,030 Member
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    And if you are like most of us -- having walked this path in some form many times before! -- she might be afraid to encourage you because she'll believe it when she sees it. She doesn't want to sabotage, but doesn't want to get your hopes up either.

    I agree with DonnalLFitz. I've been down the route of trying to lose weight and get fit many times. This time around it's been slow and steady and i've only gotten excited with real life friends when I've hit major milestones - be they weight or non-weight related, like dropping a dress size. While I can see how it hurts that she's not participating in your journey, you have all of us on MFP to share this with, and while we may not be your closest friend, you know we understand.
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
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    You could ask her if she has an issue with you talking to her about it. Honesty is important for a real friendship, and maybe it will help her to understand why you feel she isn't being a very good friend. Plus it would be nice to know what her problem is, it's just weightloss for gods sake haha.

    I agree. Everybody's all ready to jump on her because she kept quiet.
    (remember if you have nothing good to say keep quiet). I've heard MANY people on here say that.

    Just a thought.
    This is not to you personally, but what some friends have to put up with.
    Maybe this is the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 10th time you have brought up weight loss to her? Perhaps you haven't followed through in losing weight previously.

    Sometimes friends are tired of hearing the "new fad or the new way to lose weight"
  • capricorn144
    capricorn144 Posts: 335 Member
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    There are people who feel threatened when you change your habits and head in a positive direction.
    Either that or you are talking too much about how great this site is (I know how you feel :love: and you are so enthused you want to share the good news!) or ...she is over weight and is jealous your are improving your health and losing weight.

    Vent away...we MFP friends will cheer you on and support you.

    Maybe you will inspire her with your results and she will start asking you to help. :happy: Give her time.
  • run_momma_run
    run_momma_run Posts: 319
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    Yes she's overweight too. A little bigger than me, but not by much. We often share clothes for vacations & special occasions, but I can wear more of her stuff than she can of mine. So yes, I can see the jealousy thing. And I can see the feeling judged thing too. I'm saying that I'm sick of my weight, and she's in the same boat. (now that makes me feel like a jerk :embarassed:)

    And DonnaLFitz, you're right too - this is not the first time I've embarked on this journey. I've done it a few times. So you're right - she could be on the fence "Do I encourage her when I know she's just going to quit" or "Do I say nothing BECAUSE she's just going to quit"... I get that too.

    So I guess the best thing to do is just SHOW her that I'm "in it to win it". This time it's for real. This time everything has clicked. MFP is just the tool I've been missing those other times and I will cross the finish line. And I can hope that sometime between now and then she starts to acknowledge my success. :flowerforyou: And even more, I can hope that sometime between now and then I can inspire her to join me. :heart:
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
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    The first thing that came to mind is that either your friend is overweight and/or feeling ashamed that you are getting your lifestyle and healthy eating on track, and she isn't. I feel the same type of... What I feel is almost resentment towards me because I am losing weight and others who are not as healthy as I am becoming make me feel bad about it. Someone VERY close to me knows I am on a diet, yet keeps offering me pizza and asking me out to dinner. I know it's because she struggles with her weight and does not want to see me lose it so easily, but some people just need to learn to be supportive. You could ask her if there is a problem next time you bring it up and receive no acknowledgment whatsoever. Or just see the negative people in your life less, because now more than ever we need positivity and support!!!
  • saldridge
    saldridge Posts: 125 Member
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    Maybe it is just not a priority in her life right now, even if you feel it should be. Maybe she has other issues to deal with first.

    I think we - people changing their life style, trying to get healthy, trying to lose weight - can be perceived as very preachy to someone who is not on the same level. While you feel you are just trying to celebrate your success, she may feel like you are scolding her for not doing it, like you are criticizing her because it's not on her radar right now.

    It takes a lot of strength to start this journey, and just because she may not have it right now and doesn't want to talk about her problem either doesn't mean she is hating on you.
  • BethanieK
    BethanieK Posts: 201
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    I have a similar friend. Maybe the two of them should get together and have coffee? :)
    Weight is a tough issue for a lot of people, and maybe your friend is insecure about their own weight situation, and talking about it makes them uncomfortable. In any case, stay focused, and keep up the good work!
  • adfranks
    adfranks Posts: 161 Member
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    Maybe it is just not a priority in her life right now, even if you feel it should be. Maybe she has other issues to deal with first.

    I think we - people changing their life style, trying to get healthy, trying to lose weight - can be perceived as very preachy to someone who is not on the same level. While you feel you are just trying to celebrate your success, she may feel like you are scolding her for not doing it, like you are criticizing her because it's not on her radar right now.

    It takes a lot of strength to start this journey, and just because she may not have it right now and doesn't want to talk about her problem either doesn't mean she is hating on you.

    Yeah, I have a friend who has lost as much as I have and she likes to look down her nose at everyone now... It is the same with anyone who has stopped a bad behavior... it comes off as being "oh, look at me" to people who aren't in the mindset to stop whatever the behavior is. I never liked hearing about anyone dieting when I was at my largest... it was kinda painful because I knew I needed to but didn't feel like I was worth the effort.

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