Dealing with life

catt952
catt952 Posts: 190 Member
edited November 24 in Motivation and Support
A bit unrelated to weight loss here. Right now i am having a hard time. Basically my mum is in care and about to pass away. I have been visiting her, rest of family has been too. I don't have a very close relationship with the rest of my family (two brothers, a dad). I am quite a quiet person, i think this is exaggerated due to depression, low self esteem and what's going on with my mum.I am working on improving my life by using myfitnesspal and eating healthy, exercising. It helps. I know when i reach my goal i will feel better. Right now i am really struggling with dealing with my family. They seem to want to talk about things and right now especially i REALLY don't feel like talking. I feel like i am seen as a freak or something by my family. truth be told i have found it difficult to deal with them over the years so i just keep to myself. I know there is help out there for me if i need it (to talk or whatever). Is it okay for me to carry on the way i am? focusing on my goals and just keeping to myself while i do it. i don't feel like talking to my family. I am an adult by the way, 21, even though i may sound like a child. I live with one older brother, basically his gf seems to have moved in. It's our mum's house but she is in care now.

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    I'm sorry and hugs across the web. Hang in there, it will be okay
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    take care of yourself. You are so young to lose a Mom. Hugs and do what you need to do and what you are comfortable with
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,213 Member
    edited September 2015
    Hugs from me too. As to your question "Is it okay for me to carry on the way I am?" Why would it not be? Looking after yourself at a time like this can be difficult, I'm glad to hear you want to. As to talking, or not talking, people handle grief in different ways.
  • RoseTheWarrior
    RoseTheWarrior Posts: 2,035 Member
    I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a stressful time in your life. Personally, I feel that you should look after yourself first and foremost. Everyone deals with stress in different ways. Some people need to talk about it. Some don't. I'm much like you in that I rarely talk about my private life with anyone in person. When I'm stressed I feel better when I can just be alone. I agree with @goldthistime, it is totally ok to "carry on" in whatever way makes you most comfortable.

    Losing a parent is difficult, especially at your age; even thinking about it is stressful. Give yourself time and space to process your feelings. You can even just let them know, in a nice way, that you can't talk about things right now. They should respect that.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    It's o.k. to keep to yourself. Carry on the way you are. Make your own decisions that work for you.
    Lots of hugs. <3
  • laurabegee
    laurabegee Posts: 19 Member
    RodaRose wrote: »
    It's o.k. to keep to yourself. Carry on the way you are. Make your own decisions that work for you.
    Lots of hugs. <3
    I agree with this. Do what you need to do to make your heart feel as peaceful as possible.
  • kjurassic
    kjurassic Posts: 571 Member
    Good advice here. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do for YOU... If others don't understand. ..that's their problem, not yours. Hugs to you...
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    hug
    (i bet some at the care center has information about support groups for people losing their parents. they will be able to understand)
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    Losing a loved one is tough regardless of family influence or age. I fully agree with the "do what works for you" approach. The stress and grieving processes are different from person to person, so nobody but you can figure out what is best for you.
  • alicat1974
    alicat1974 Posts: 12 Member
    I agree that you should whatever is best for you right now, and talking things out with family that you don't feel close to may never feel right or be right for you. That said, however, loss of a family member is tough and although 21 is an adult you are still very young. A support system might help you right now.

    You say your mom is in care now -- do they offer grief/transitional counseling services? You don't have to pursue this as a family, or in a group setting if that isn't right for you. A one-on-one session or two with a social worker or therapist might really be beneficial. Your family doesn't need to know anything about it unless you choose to share it with them.

    Take care of yourself.
  • morkiemama
    morkiemama Posts: 894 Member
    alicat1974 wrote: »
    I agree that you should whatever is best for you right now, and talking things out with family that you don't feel close to may never feel right or be right for you. That said, however, loss of a family member is tough and although 21 is an adult you are still very young. A support system might help you right now.

    You say your mom is in care now -- do they offer grief/transitional counseling services? You don't have to pursue this as a family, or in a group setting if that isn't right for you. A one-on-one session or two with a social worker or therapist might really be beneficial. Your family doesn't need to know anything about it unless you choose to share it with them.

    Take care of yourself.

    ^This.

    Support and hugs to you during this hard time OP.
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
    Seconding the advice to take care of yourself right now. I would continue to focus on your goals; this might give you a way to focus your grief as well.

    One thing I would advise, though - don't be too hard on yourself during this period. Our bodies are affected by grief and stress, more so than a lot of people realize. This can really impact your results, even if you're doing everything right.

    I'd been living with my grandmother for years when she died and we were very close. During the three months when she was deteriorating and the month or two after her death, I lost nothing. I remained focused on my goals, managed to keep my emotional eating under control (I had one binge), but I was only able to maintain. There came a point when I was content with this - because in the past, I would have gained, big time. Between the late nights in her hospice room, and the rush of trying to plan a funeral, my body didn't want to let go of fat, and that was okay. Once I processed her death, it started coming off again.
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