Bridal Shower Bummer, kind of hurt :(

cbratthauer
cbratthauer Posts: 228 Member
edited September 28 in Chit-Chat
So my MOH threw me a bridal shower where we live for all of my friends last weekend. I was totally excited because it was my first bridal shower and it was the one with all my girl friends so I just knew it was going to be a blast! Well about 5 of the girls invited were from my hometown (2 hours away) so I wasn't sure if they were going to show, but all of them except one said they were coming! I was so excited to see all of my friends from back home and get to hang out with them for the day because since I've moved we haven't gotten to really have a "girls" day. I don't have a whole lot of girl friends but those I do I'm really close to, and out of 15 invites only 4 said they wouldn't be able to make it. So Saturday comes around and all of a sudden my phone's blowing up with "I woke up sick this morning" and "I got in my car and it won't start".... Three people besides me and my MOH ended up coming and I'm not trying to come off as selfish or anything but my feelings were really hurt. Not because they didn't show up, but because they said they were coming and then cancelled last minute. I had built up all of this excitement at being able to hang out with all my girl friends and they all bailed last minute. I go to school and work two jobs so while we all talk all of the time we don't really get a chance to hang out much, so I was just really excited to hang out with them all.

On top of it, my MOH had bought a bunch of food and made up a bunch of games with prize bags. We played what we could with the girls who showed up but I just felt really bad that she spent all that time and money to do all of that and nobody showed. Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean I'm not mad and I'm not going to go off on the people who didn't show, it just kind of hurts that they all said they were coming then all cancelled the morning of, or just didn't show at all. I should also add, I don't care about the gift aspect at all, I just wanted to hang out and see everybody!!!

Replies

  • SheehyCFC
    SheehyCFC Posts: 529 Member
    You're not wrong at all to feel that way. it totally sucks! and BS reasons the day of, make it even worse.

    Sorry to hear it was a rough one - shake it off, and try to think of laughs you had while you were there!
  • mlagena
    mlagena Posts: 154 Member
    You're not wrong! It's a complete bummer when you live far away from home and then when something like this happens it's even more of a downer!
    I can relate on two levels, 1) my bridesmaids didn't even throw me a shower, and 2) I threw one for a friend and the same thing happened to her!
    I'm sure they'll find a way to make it up to you! Are you having a Bachelorette party? :drinker:
    Just keep focused on your special day!
    Cheers!
  • maryd4love
    maryd4love Posts: 164 Member
    No, you are not wrong about feeling that way. Your feelings are your feelings and they got hurt. Like you said....you were not mad at them just hurt. You wanted time with your friends....not gifts from your friends.
  • thor9424
    thor9424 Posts: 40 Member
    sorry, that is sort of sad. I would have come! :) And eaten tons of food, just kidding! :)
  • mrchantele123
    mrchantele123 Posts: 51
    I totally relate to how you're feeling.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    I would be hurt too, I notice people do this more often nowadays, and it's hard because you know the likelihood that all of them really had something going on like that is pretty unlikely. I hate to say it but when their time comes don't make them a priority when you aren't one to them.
  • KaciWood19
    KaciWood19 Posts: 396 Member
    I would be heart broken!!! Its not selfish of you to be hurt by this! its YOUR BRIDAL SHOWER. its a big deal!! your friends should have been there to celebrate with you. I'm so sorry! Try not to let it get you down and be grateful for the real friends that did come!!
  • sandyfeet10
    sandyfeet10 Posts: 280 Member
    You're not wrong to feel upset at all. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that.

    After the wedding drama is over, you'll realize who your real friends are and that you now have a best friend and lover for life.

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!:flowerforyou: :heart:
  • LeanneBlais
    LeanneBlais Posts: 5 Member
    This kind of stuff happens to me all the time....I wonder if they are my friends at all. :(
    Sorry. oxox
    During times like these, I reevaluate my "friends" and I don't make myself avail. whenever they have a party or get together. I don't think it's fair at all!!! It makes me feel less important. :(
    Congrats anyways!!! :)
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
    You're never wrong to feel the way you feel. Being hurt makes sense.

    But if you can, try not to let it tarnish your experience. You're at a great point in life - you DID get to share some great time with a few close friends and family.

    As for the others, it's their loss. NOT to defend them, but I'm one of those that would fall into this category. Although I wouldn't have accepted the invite to start... maybe they didn't know how to say no. I'm one of those selfish people that like 1:1 quality time. Big parties, baby showers, bridal showers are not my scene. And while I realize it's to celebrate YOU and not about ME, I'd rather take you to lunch and be able to connect on a personal level rather than showing up just to make numbers. I realize that isn't what you were saying, and I understand your excitement, but maybe it just wasn't their scene. It absolutely does NOT reflect the value they place on YOUR relationship.

    My best friend just had a baby shower - wasn't interested in going. But I did make time to spend with her that was convenient for both of us. Another gf - didn't go to her bachelorette party. But I did take her out for lunch and a quick drink just to chat and share her excitement.

    So, all in all - a long way to say - you're completely entitled to your feelings. And you should feel comfortable expressing them to those you love. And they are completely entitled to their feelings, and are responsible for their behavior. If it had just been 1 person canceling, it likely wouldn't have troubled you... but the unfortunate consequence of multiple cancellations had to have been tough.

    I hope you are able to focus on the excitement and the amazing place you are in your life!

    All my best,
    D.
  • MyJourney11
    MyJourney11 Posts: 97
    I would be upet also. I have the flakiest friends you could imagine. My husband says I shouldn't even consider them friends...but anyway. I'm sorry you didn't have the best shower but I'm sure you'll have a great wedding :flowerforyou:
  • Krys_T
    Krys_T Posts: 1,406 Member
    You are not wrong for feeling that way. I would have felt the same way about it. Heck, people did the same thing to me for my son's 1st birthday and I still had a lot of people show...but it was the fact that people cancelled at the last minute and just seemed like they had the worse excuses...but don't worry too much about it. See if these friends call you and apologize and then move on. There is no use crying over spilled milk and sometimes when we move away from friends and family it is like "Out of sight, out of mind" which I know sucks, but trust me...I experienced it when I moved 3 hours away for college and deal with it now that I moved from California to Georgia.

    I just see it as more opportunity to concentrate on the ones that really care about you and also to focus more on getting things done for yourself. You can't change people or a certain situation, but you can change how you choose to react to it. Chin up girl! It will be ok!
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    I just remembered this is what I wanted to say! Never make someone a priority when they only make you an option.
  • Rikki444
    Rikki444 Posts: 326 Member
    That sucks. I'm sorry.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Awww... I'm sorry. That's just really rude of them. I mean... sometimes things do come up, sure, but still. My sister in law was sick for our niece's shower last month, but she was still there. And if my car wouldn't start, I'd have hitched a ride with another guest.

    *hugs*
  • 44isthenew29
    44isthenew29 Posts: 141
    People are people - and people are flawed. What happened sucks and I understand completely why you might be feeling hurt. I would be feeling the same way - I think I would be angry, too! But, then, I would need to remember that I, too, am flawed. i'm sure I haven't been there 100% for my friends - although I have tried. For me, I would try to forgive and to move on. Maybe write each persons name on a piece of paper and stick it in a box. Consider it a box of resentments, and keep them there. This works for me. If the resentment keeps coming up, I write down their name again .. and again .. and again .. and stick it in the box. Eventually the hurt and resentment leave.
    I hope you have a wonderful wedding! :)
  • Jizes318
    Jizes318 Posts: 409 Member
    I would be pissed plain and simple. I feel bad for your MOH as well. A LOT of work goes into these. I know. Been apart of planning 2 and I had one myself. You cant change people, you cant change what happened. Be grateful for the ones who came and the time you had with them. But don't feel guilty for being upset.
  • jenhenning219
    jenhenning219 Posts: 385 Member
    you are not wrong but i know what you are going through, i had the same situation but only it was the day of my wedding at least 4 people said they were coming with someone else and they didnt come and that upset me because one of the people was my best friend she said she couldnt come because her bf had his son and it was after she rsvpd as yes she told me day before the others just didnt show
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
    I would be really pissed and I would not invite them to the wedding. Some of the excuses may be real, but I can guarantee some are not. If they call you again, apologize, and offer to spend time with you or buy you dinner than you know they are genunine. Otherwise...If you already invited them, uninvite them. If you can't do that, make the seating arrangements so that they will be miserable the whole night. You don't need friends like that in your life.
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Realy sorry to hear this and I hope you had a great time with the ones that did show.

    It really annoys me when people do this...actually it makes me want to tear my hair out. I spent 4 months arranging my best friends hen party with a Spa day in the day and a few drinks in the evening. I bought everyone in the evening loads of typical hen party things and spent a bomb! Only 4 out of the original 14 came, with one of them making up a seriously nasty lie that turned around and bit her on the bum. The bride had a lovely time, but it upset me to think that people could so easily let someone down they cared about. And your friends DO care about you, it just seems to be the norm these days to cancel on others.

    Can you not arrange for the friends that came to go and visit a spa day and have a massage and some girly time? If not, maybe treat your MOH to a nice meal out to say thank you...because I'm sure she's feeling a little upset about it all.

    Concentrate on the positives and look forward to your wedding day! Exciting times :flowerforyou:
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    I would be really pissed and I would not invite them to the wedding. Some of the excuses may be real, but I can guarantee some are not. If they call you again, apologize, and offer to spend time with you or buy you dinner than you know they are genunine. Otherwise...If you already invited them, uninvite them. If you can't do that, make the seating arrangements so that they will be miserable the whole night. You don't need friends like that in your life.

    Yep...sit them in the toilets! :laugh:
  • alliebe
    alliebe Posts: 21
    "Never make someone a priority that makes you an option" Great quote and so true! I like that.

    I try my hardest to be really hard to offend, it takes work but it also takes way more energy to be in conflict at someone than just to give them the benefit of the doubt. I agree it totally stinks and I know I would feel hurt too, but then I would try my hardest to not let it offend me by saying to myself, "Life is busy, things happen, I am sure they would not intentionally hurt me like that, I need to forgive them."

    With that all being said, I would tell each and everyone of them that they owe you big for your bachelorette night. ;)
  • brph26
    brph26 Posts: 207 Member
    I would be mad! Heck, at our wedding we had people back out from coming for dumb reasons. One of our good friends was going to a concert instead of our wedding....another one rsvp'd (one of my good girlfriends) that she would be coming. well, she never showed because her sister had a baby the same day. And you know, still to this day, I have never gotten a card or anything from her. It really hurt my feelings, not that I needed to get a gift from her, but when I am "planning" on going to a wedding, I have at least a card or some sort of gift ready to go at least a day before! That's what hurt my feelings the most. It was almost like they say they are coming, but really have no intention of ever showing...
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    I'm so sorry your day didn't go well. That really is bad that friends would do that to each other. I agree with others about concentrating on the positive - and I like the idea of treating your MOH because she surely does feel bad that the day she planned for you didn't meet expectations.
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