Advice for dieting in a relationship - specifically, living with someone
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laurenthecarts
Posts: 41 Member
This is my second time on MFP, I originally lost 30lbs in six months through becoming addicted to weighing and logging. One of the main reasons I fell off the bandwaggon and have had to refocus is that I got into a relationship and a year later I've braved the scales and discovered I've put on almost all of what I lost.
I've always struggled to maintain a strict diet when in a relationship, there has always been too many compromises and temptations, nights in front of the telly - with nibbles of course. Not to mention the lovely feeling of comfort and the diet-destroying-mentality of "he loves me the way I am"...
We now live together (awwwh) but that's put me in new territory of a) I don't want to break up with him to 'focus on myself' and b) how do I plan our meals to keep us both happy.
Amazingly he's agreed to join me on my weight loss venture; which has taken away any fears of dribbling on him if he tucks into a Big Mac. Unfortunately although I'm motivated enough to eat chicken breast and vegetables for most of my dinners he wants variety and isn't too keen on veg... Plus his calorie allowance is higher than mine and I look after the house whilst he works long hours (sometimes night shifts), I'm hoping some of you have advice for how I can plan our meals, or general stories of how you cope if you're dieting alone in a houseful of others.
My main pondries are things like,
How can I motivate him without sounding like I'm lecturing.
Success stories of how to maintain my own motivation when he reaches his lower goal or gives in to that bigmac.
Any people that started on here to support their other halves.
How do I keep him fueled for long shifts.
Any fun exercise suggestions for couples.
type o'thang..
Cheers!
(Edit)
Great comments so far but just wanted to that chicken breast isn't the huge deal that I must have made it sound as it's caught the most attention - (before we dieted I would use chicken a lot - he found that boring even then. And I make up my own recipes so that it's not as boring as it comes across, one day I'd have a chinese honey style dish, the next a chicken tandoori massala. The main reason I use chicken breast as one of the most common protein sources is that it's leaner and cheaper than other meats. Unfortunately living on one salary means I can't afford the lamb or fancy fish option)
I've always struggled to maintain a strict diet when in a relationship, there has always been too many compromises and temptations, nights in front of the telly - with nibbles of course. Not to mention the lovely feeling of comfort and the diet-destroying-mentality of "he loves me the way I am"...
We now live together (awwwh) but that's put me in new territory of a) I don't want to break up with him to 'focus on myself' and b) how do I plan our meals to keep us both happy.
Amazingly he's agreed to join me on my weight loss venture; which has taken away any fears of dribbling on him if he tucks into a Big Mac. Unfortunately although I'm motivated enough to eat chicken breast and vegetables for most of my dinners he wants variety and isn't too keen on veg... Plus his calorie allowance is higher than mine and I look after the house whilst he works long hours (sometimes night shifts), I'm hoping some of you have advice for how I can plan our meals, or general stories of how you cope if you're dieting alone in a houseful of others.
My main pondries are things like,
How can I motivate him without sounding like I'm lecturing.
Success stories of how to maintain my own motivation when he reaches his lower goal or gives in to that bigmac.
Any people that started on here to support their other halves.
How do I keep him fueled for long shifts.
Any fun exercise suggestions for couples.
type o'thang..
Cheers!
(Edit)
Great comments so far but just wanted to that chicken breast isn't the huge deal that I must have made it sound as it's caught the most attention - (before we dieted I would use chicken a lot - he found that boring even then. And I make up my own recipes so that it's not as boring as it comes across, one day I'd have a chinese honey style dish, the next a chicken tandoori massala. The main reason I use chicken breast as one of the most common protein sources is that it's leaner and cheaper than other meats. Unfortunately living on one salary means I can't afford the lamb or fancy fish option)
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Replies
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The exact same thing happened to me, but way worse. I gained 20kg (45lbs) after I met my boyfriend, making me the highest I'd ever been by a LOT. Then, once we moved in together, I told him, this is ridiculous, I'm focusing on me. So I do. And I'm back down almost 30lbs now.
A healthy meal doesn't have to be just chicken and vege. There are thousands of great recipes that will give you variety! You could have 20 different meals a month, and 10 days of left overs and eating out. I'm sure that would satisfy him, and you! If his calories are higher, just eat less than him, or eat differently during the day/night when you're apart. skinnytaste.com is great, so many good recipes that you can tweak!
If you have the time to cook, then it won't be a problem! Just plan out each week, or each few days, make what you need to and it should be fine. I normally make a serving of 4, and freeze what's left over for a few weeks time!
Good luck!0 -
There's no need to stick to chicken breast! We eat vegetarian a lot of the time. For things like chili and soup we will sub in ground turkey instead of beef. Fish is always an option (but not in my house--hubby won't touch it).
As for veggies, prep ones that keep well and you can always make a big batch of something that lasts multiple meals. For example, on the weekend we had roast beef with roasted squash as one of the sides. Now, it was enormous so we had straight up leftovers for two more meals, and also made homemade ravioli stuffed with the last of the squash. Omg was that good!
If your partner won't eat the veggie it just makes meal prep the rest of the week a bit easier for you. And you can always keep something on hand that he does like. For example my toddler is picky about which veg he will eat so we always have carrots, peppers and cucumber in the fridge as he will always eat those raw.0 -
I think the only eating chicken and vegetables here is what the issue is. Eat more other foods hahah. You're missing out on a lot of pleasure and a lot of nutrients if that's all you cook. Fish, beef, pork, shellfish, tofu, beans, turkey, bison, goat, lamb... all of these are perfectly healthy options that would give you a diverse nutrient profile and satisfy your husband.
Add in different sauces (just go light with them) and spices as well as, and pastas, and potatoes, etc. and you'll have a good time. Choose different vegetables often! Or make dishes that incorporate fruit!
Just because you're losing weight doesn't mean your food has to be boring.
Check out the recipes on www.skinnytaste.com, you'll find some interesting things that are designed to be lower cal!0 -
Being in a relationship doesn't change that you have to keep focusing on yourself, this should stay a priority no matter what!
Relationships may come and go, but if you arent working independently to be healthy person inside and out, what can you even bring to a relationship anyway?
OP, I am happy to hear you are back on the bandwagon and also getting support from your SO. Maybe also try and set it up so that is he stumbles, you've still got it!0 -
I pretty much eat what my dh and dd eat for dinner just in appropriate portion sizes for me. I do not just eat chicken breast and vegetables every day.
An example of my dinners planned from the end of September to mid-October:
chili
breakfast casserole
buffalo chicken blt
parmesan portobello orzo
black bean empanadas, Spanish rice
Big Salad
General Tso's Chicken, rice, stir fry vegetables
potato soup
baked oatmeal
hamburgers, baked french fries,corn salad
Roast chicken, mashed potatoes, spinach
macaroni and cheese, baked beans
beans and rice
creamy pesto pasta with chicken and broccoli
Philly cheesesteak soup
pancakes, fruit
bbq sandwiches, salad/baked potato
Tuscan white bean pasta
Railroad potatoes, cabbage salad
Pizza, salad
Chicken fried rice, egg rolls
lentil soup
egg in potato bowl
sloppy joes, baked french fries
roast beef
manicotti
tacos
tandoori style chicken, rice, naan
Sometimes I choose different foods or food combinations. I may just put more vegetables on my plate. I might skip the rice with a stir fry and just have meat and vegetables. I might pair my regular burger with a salad while dh and dd might have french fries with theirs. They might eat ice cream for a snack while I enjoy some popcorn.0 -
I'm in a somewhat similar boat. My BF is considering dieting with me, but even so, he'd have a lot (like six or seven hundred) more calories to work with each day. In the meantime, I've found some cooking strategies to make sure I stay on track. Sometimes we'll eat the same thing in different ways. For example, we'll make fajitas in the oven (recipe courtesy of Budget Bytes--so good!). He'll make normal fajitas, and I'll make fajita salad with beans, cheese, salsa, and a bit of sour cream. Other times we'll eat the same thing in the same way, but I'll weigh out one portion for myself and cook it in a little pan/pot. (This works well with something like a casserole or a roasted chicken/potato dish.) Sometimes we'll make pasta or something "bad" like that, and I'll just have one serving with a big salad on the side. For me, this has really been about cooking what we've always cooked but making sure I can find a way to tweak it slightly/log it accurately. I'm sure you guys can come up with a plan if you put your heads together!
Also, it's great that he loves you the way you are! I'm in the same boat. I bet things would be a lot harder for us if they didn't, but what really matters is whether we love ourselves the way we are. Remembering that has been helpful for me.
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I do all the cooking for me and my partner. Obviously his calorie allowance is much higher than mine. I just make the same base meal (chilli/stirfry/spagbol/etc but with his portion I make it bigger and he adds other things, like more cheese/bread/carbs. It means he gets the calories he wants, I get the calories I need, and I don't have to cook separate meals. There's plenty of interesting but reasonable things you can cook that are healthy for you both.0
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Great comments and I'll definitely check out that website for inspiration thanks!
But I do want to stress that chicken breast isn't the huge deal that I must have made it sound as it's caught the most attention - (before we dieted I would use chicken a lot - he found that boring even then. And I make up my own recipes so that it's not as boring as it comes across, one day I'd have a chinese honey style dish, the next a chicken tandoori massala. The main reason I use chicken breast as one of the most common protein sources is that it's leaner and cheaper than other meats.)
I think I'm planning on making two different meals a day, but he thinks that that is excessive. But for me I'd rather have a huge plate of veg and chicken (tasty, with sauces, don't worry I'm good in the kitchen) than a tiny portion of spag bol... Excessive or sensible?
My main pondries are things like,
How do I keep him fueled for long shifts
How can I motivate him without sounding like I'm lecturing
Success stories of how to maintain my own motivation when he reaches his lower goal or gives in to that bigmac.
Any people that started on here to support their other halves
type o'thang...0 -
I eat very healthfully...i eat way more than dried out, no seasoned chicken breast and steamed broccoli. I think your issue here is that you have a very narrow view of "healthy"
eating healthfully doesn't have to be bland and boring. i'm a pretty awesome cook, and none of my stuff is boring. Just last night I made a kick *kitten* curried halibut and served that over rice with some lightly wilted greens and lemon. it was absolutely delicious and my wife and I ate it in appropriate quantities for who we are. I also had a couple glasses of a nice white wine that paired very well with the fish.0 -
I'm in a somewhat similar boat. My BF is considering dieting with me, but even so, he'd have a lot (like six or seven hundred) more calories to work with each day. In the meantime, I've found some cooking strategies to make sure I stay on track. Sometimes we'll eat the same thing in different ways. For example, we'll make fajitas in the oven (recipe courtesy of Budget Bytes--so good!). He'll make normal fajitas, and I'll make fajita salad with beans, cheese, salsa, and a bit of sour cream. Other times we'll eat the same thing in the same way, but I'll weigh out one portion for myself and cook it in a little pan/pot. (This works well with something like a casserole or a roasted chicken/potato dish.) Sometimes we'll make pasta or something "bad" like that, and I'll just have one serving with a big salad on the side. For me, this has really been about cooking what we've always cooked but making sure I can find a way to tweak it slightly/log it accurately. I'm sure you guys can come up with a plan if you put your heads together!
Also, it's great that he loves you the way you are! I'm in the same boat. I bet things would be a lot harder for us if they didn't, but what really matters is whether we love ourselves the way we are. Remembering that has been helpful for me.
I like your strategies!
also, I really want fajitas now, might have to look up that recipe :P thanks!
We've got good'uns eh!
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That sounds excessive to me, but it might work for you. I got to my maintenance weight while eating the same food I was eating before, just in the correct portion sizes to fit my calories. Maybe you make spaghetti for dinner one night and have a lighter/more veggie filled lunch to make the calories fit. Or maybe you have a smaller serving of spaghetti and a huge serving of roasted veggies.laurenthecarts wrote: »I think I'm planning on making two different meals a day, but he thinks that that is excessive. But for me I'd rather have a huge plate of veg and chicken (tasty, with sauces, don't worry I'm good in the kitchen) than a tiny portion of spag bol... Excessive or sensible?
He has to motivate himself. Any external motivation really sounds like nagging/lecturing. If he wants to lose the weight, he will.laurenthecarts wrote: »My main pondries are things like,
How do I keep him fueled for long shifts
How can I motivate him without sounding like I'm lecturing
Success stories of how to maintain my own motivation when he reaches his lower goal or gives in to that bigmac.
Any people that started on here to support their other halves
type o'thang...
I started losing weight by myself and then my husband decided to join in. As it went on, he lost the motivation to keep tracking and working to lose weight, but I kept going. He is definitely my biggest supporter but his motivation to lose weight didn't impact my weight loss.
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When I cook (we don't live together yet), we eat the same foods. He has more rice, pasta, or potatoes, and I have proportionally more protein and veggies. I did stop making biscuits. Sometimes he wants a roll with his meal and picks one up on his way here.
When I make a high calorie dessert, he gets a bigger piece. Usually we just have one Ghiradelli square after dinner. I have a bedtime snack of about 200 calories after he goes home.0 -
So many people have told me they want to join me on this weight loss journey. None stick with it.
Most people would like to weigh less, but don't actually want to do the hard work of losing weight. There is a huge difference. If they find that they don't really want to, you cannot make them want it. If they aren't self-motivated, it won't happen.
As for dealing with watching other people enjoy things you'd like to eat...you just have to suck it up and deal. It gets easier as time goes on.
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My sister and I live together, and we are both counting calories. I have a higher allowance, with a larger deficit (more wiggle room). The way it usually works out is that we have the same dinner, but I have more snacks. Depending on supper, I often have several hundred calories to fill. Sometimes I just eat some more chicken (pre-cooked, kept around for convenience), or sometimes I eat a bunch of ice cream.
When I was still living at home with my parents, I would often just cook my own meals. So making two meals doesn't sound excessive to me. You don't use any more food than you otherwise would, so it isn't wasteful, just time consuming.
As far as motivating him, don't worry so much about it. If you prepare most of the meals, then unless he has a Big Mac every day, in addition to the other meals, then it probably won't hurt. If you find he needs more energy through the day, just try giving him calorie dense snacks, like peanut butter. Personally, I prefer fruits and veggies as a snack, but I like to graze.0 -
Q. How can I motivate him without sounding like I'm lecturing.
Me: I let him know what I'm planning and sometimes he comes along. He motivates himself.
Q. Success stories of how to maintain my own motivation when he reaches his lower goal or gives in to that bigmac.
Me: Pick a lighter item on the McDonald's menu. Men. Fat just drips off them if they even think about losing weight. Hubby compliments me on my healthy cooking then loses twice as much while taking seconds. I grin and tell him isn't he so lucky it comes so easy?
Q. How do I keep him fueled for long shifts.
Me: I've had long shifts. I add twice as many snacks and a protein shake for insurance. Here's my list.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/jgnatca/view/mid-day-snacks-722504
Q. Any fun exercise suggestions for couples.
Me: My guy is fussy. He doesn't like dirt, so outdoor runs are out. His idea of fitness is a round at the gym. So we have a gym membership and sometimes we do classes together, or I do one class and he does the other. I do Zumba, he likes the Power lifting class. Sometimes I'll do Power with him.
I think fun exercise for couples include ballroom dancing, bowling, and softball leagues. But that's me. I haven't managed to entice him for any of that. But he has gone swimming, skating and skiing with me. I suggest you try all kinds of things until you find something that clicks.
I've noticed that some men get a kick out of "competing" with their partners, like number of steps a day. Can you get him in to a fitbit?0 -
For different calorie goals, use different portions. Its not unusual for me to have 1 serving of whatever protein we're having while hubby has 2. And he typically has larger portions of veggies, bread, starch as well.
As to fast food and whatnot: its not verbotten. Just think about how the calories fit into your overall day, and if you have a smart phone: take MFP with you wherever you go. You'll ultimately learn calorie counts, but its easy enough to look them up. Unless there are reasons (medical I mean) for you to avoid certain foods, then you can have what you want. At McD's I'll typically have a small fry order and a Filet-o-fish w/ no cheese and light tartar sauce. (They put too much on - it just slides apart so I always asked for light sauce even when I was not counting calories.) Under 600 cals.
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I live with a man who would divorce me if I tried to feed him chicken more than once a week, and who wants savory, high calorie food. So I get you.
Here's what I do:- I prepare most of the same foods we used to eat, but I eat much smaller portions than before.
- I have a few dinners a week on my own, and make sure those days are lower calorie, so I guess technically I kind of zig zag calories.
- I have one meal a week (usually Sunday dinner) where I will let him pick whatever. And it's always pizza.
- If I want more food, I move more.
Willpower is going to be important in your situation. Good luck!
As for motivating him, I've found what works best is silently doing. I didn't try to push my husband, but I lost 55 pounds, and along the way he picked up some habits and lost 20. He's also more motivated to work out than I am, so if I show any interest in doing an exercise video with him, etc, he's always on board.0 -
Well good luck.. My GF and I do our calorie counting, meal prepping, shopping, and weight lifting together. It has been great fun and super motivation for us both.0
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I do the cooking. I cook a wide variety of foods and just portion it out. He eats larger portions than me, and more often then not goes back for seconds. So he is satisfied and I can stay within my limits. In your case I would cook/prepare a large portion of veggies, since you enjoy veggies, and eat of smaller portion of the main course. My issue is my guy has a major sweet tooth! Uuuugh that's when my willpower has to kick in. I personally wouldn't cook two separate meals. It seems time consuming and disconnecting, but if it works for you then do what works. For exercising together, we hike a lot during the weekends, and go for runs/walks during the week (just getting back into running now that it's finally cooling down!). We also do weight lifting together (5x5 stronglifts) 3 times a week
. Just create the good habits that you want and need, and if he wants to do the same he will. 0 -
I've gotten accustomed to cooking separate meals for my family and for myself. Sometimes there is some cross-over, which is nice, but most of the time, it's totally separate. This has taken a lot of planning to get it to a workable place. I try to plan meals well in advance and plan shopping trips, too. I don't cook every day at all, just about 3 times per week, and I make big batches, portion things out, freeze some stuff, etc., so I can keep variety, especially for my family. (I don't mind eating the same thing over-and-over for awhile, I get in moods for things.)
One neat and unexpected thing that has happened so far is that both my hubs and my kid have made some changes for themselves, on their own, based on seeing my results so far. My kid has drastically reduced his soda portions. He drinks one of those little mini-cans of Coke once or twice a week. My hubby, a "I'll have a side of meat with my meat entree" guy, has (on his own!) suddenly been into trying and even enjoying meat substitutes, something he never would have even considered. He also has started exercising at home sometimes, which is new. And now when I ask if he wants to come along with me to the park for a walk, he actually does tag along.
It takes time to see results, sometimes lots of time, but when that happens it can be a great motivator because it feels so worth it. That's a lot of motivation with no words necessary. Best wishes! ♥0
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