Gaining self control and confidence

vbalchick_09
vbalchick_09 Posts: 33 Member
edited September 28 in Motivation and Support
Im in need of helping my mom who has no self control and never has and to teach her that she can have confidence!!!

Replies

  • liveforfit
    liveforfit Posts: 39
    Teach her by example - when you, her daughter, shows self control and confidence, perhaps she will too. I'm assuming you're talking about food and eating, so instead of having her go to Dominicks, go to Whole Foods Market. Buy new cookbooks. Get a gym membership. If you're just talking about it in general - well that's really hard. You can't give somebody else confidence, it has to come from within themselves.
  • menchi
    menchi Posts: 297 Member
    Confidence is usually context specific. For example, a person might be very confident at socializing with strangers but not at all confident in dealing with small children and animals. I'm in science education research and we see this all the time in students who are very confident in math in one context but not in another even though it's the exact same math. So here are some ideas:

    1. Figure out what context your mother is confident in and make connections from that to the less confident contexts. It's like starting by playing in the sprinklers in order to convince someone they would also enjoy swimming.

    2. The best way to build confidence is personal success, the next best way is to see someone else that you identify with succeed. So set your mom up for success with baby steps/goals to achieve. The more she is able to succeed, the better so don't set huge goals (chop them up into little goals). That doesn't mean don't ever fail. When she does fail (everyone does, it's no big deal), help her learn from it by not placing blame (don't ask "why did you mess up?" but suggest changes like "Next time we should bring some healthy snacks so we don't gorge on this buttery popcorn" get her thinking about things she can change). And share your success with her since that's the next best way. If you are worried about sounding like you are bragging, ask her to share her successes first so it's mutual.
  • vbalchick_09
    vbalchick_09 Posts: 33 Member
    Teach her by example - when you, her daughter, shows self control and confidence, perhaps she will too. I'm assuming you're talking about food and eating, so instead of having her go to Dominicks, go to Whole Foods Market. Buy new cookbooks. Get a gym membership. If you're just talking about it in general - well that's really hard. You can't give somebody else confidence, it has to come from within themselves.


    Ive lost weight and she just goes i wish i could do it.
  • vbalchick_09
    vbalchick_09 Posts: 33 Member
    Confidence is usually context specific. For example, a person might be very confident at socializing with strangers but not at all confident in dealing with small children and animals. I'm in science education research and we see this all the time in students who are very confident in math in one context but not in another even though it's the exact same math. So here are some ideas:

    1. Figure out what context your mother is confident in and make connections from that to the less confident contexts. It's like starting by playing in the sprinklers in order to convince someone they would also enjoy swimming.

    2. The best way to build confidence is personal success, the next best way is to see someone else that you identify with succeed. So set your mom up for success with baby steps/goals to achieve. The more she is able to succeed, the better so don't set huge goals (chop them up into little goals). That doesn't mean don't ever fail. When she does fail (everyone does, it's no big deal), help her learn from it by not placing blame (don't ask "why did you mess up?" but suggest changes like "Next time we should bring some healthy snacks so we don't gorge on this buttery popcorn" get her thinking about things she can change). And share your success with her since that's the next best way. If you are worried about sounding like you are bragging, ask her to share her successes first so it's mutual.


    I told her to do week at a time goals but she says i dont know when a good time is. I dont live at home so i cant encourage her 24/7 but we talk on the phone every day.
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