Family Members trying to drag me down

Jdismybug1
Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
edited September 28 in Motivation and Support
Where do I start... well I'm working really hard to lose weight, before I started on here I lost 5 lbs, so with my 1lb so far thats 6 total. One of my two older sisters, that lives with me is really becoming a pain. She's been trying to lose weight for 3 yrs, she's lost 40lbs so far and is looking good. I'm already smaller than her to begin with, and now that I'm trying so hard, she has these nit picky jealousy issues and they're driving me up the wall. I've been trying to ignore them, but it's getting to me.
I go to the gym and use the eliptical trainers, the weight equipment, and anything I can get my hands on, she whines that I burn more than her because the eliptical trainer hurts, because she's not fit enough to use it. Then at home I'm counting everything, ketchup, mayo, and I don't deprive myself, I just eat within my 1200 cal budget. She told me she stopped trying because she didn't see any changes.
The other day she told me there was only 200 cal in a turkey burger she made, well if you add up everything she added to it it was 450 cal. I told her that and she got mad.
Then she keeps whining that I am losing weight faster. She doesn't put in much effort at the gym, and picks on everything that I eat, but gets defensive when I talk to her about what she eats.
Then she told me there's no way to tell her BMR, yes there is. Then she told me I'm losing weight faster because she has a slow metabolism. Well I asked as gently as possible if she's had it checked and she said no. Then she said it's hormones, but she hasn't been checked for that either.
I love my sister to death, and when she's not nit picky she's a wonderful person. I'm just trying to figure out how to make her stop nit picking. Every time I say she is she thinks I'm mad. I'm worried because she's always either comparing herself to me or to my oldest sister that's bigger than her. I've tried thinking of ways, or trying to help motivate her and I've failed with that too. Anyone have any good advice?

Replies

  • sjkcarter
    sjkcarter Posts: 417 Member
    Is she on this website?
  • blessed9993
    blessed9993 Posts: 21 Member
    Wow, reading what you said makes me think about my two daughters who are the exact same way. There is nothing you can do for your sister, she has to want to do for herself. Its just easier for her to belittlle you to make herself feel good. Until she stops playing the victim there isn't much you can do. Just do not let it stop you from your goals and dreams. I tell my child this but she rather cry its always, marsha, marsha, marsha. If you know the "brady bunch" you know what I mean. Good luck to you.
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    No she's not on this website, she gave up on counting calories. I've suggested it to her, but she told me a food journal would just make her feel guilty. I'm clueless what to do.
  • Angela4Health
    Angela4Health Posts: 1,319 Member
    You can't control her behavior you can only be in control of your own reactions to her. It sucks that she's like this, but all you can do is have a serious talk with her and tell her how you feel. If that doesn't change anything, you just have to find a way to not let it bother you.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,223 Member
    She sounds petty & jealous....I wouldn't offer any more advice unless she asks for it.

    Seriously, she doesn't sound like she's taking her weight loss very seriously and is upset because you're doing well.

    Consider this...last year my sister (younger by 4 years) was selling her elliptical...when I offered her cash to buy it she changed her mind. LMAO!!! That's just the way she is - if it's something I want she wants it.

    Needless to say we don't communicate on any level.
  • caitlinclock
    caitlinclock Posts: 528 Member
    Unfortunately, as much as you want to help her, she is not going to receive your advice until she is ready. She has to be ready to give 100% or it is not going to happen. I know it is hard to be very motivated and seeing results and want the same for someone who you are very close with but unfortunately you are only in charge of yourself. You can only offer advice to someone who is ready to accept it.

    I would just keep doing what you are doing and just be a good example to her by doing it for yourself. Don't show off (not that you are) and don't offer her advice unless she specifically asks for it. Just let her do her own thing until she is ready, as painful as it is.

    Good luck to you and to your sister. Sometimes it just takes some people longer to get into it! :flowerforyou:
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
    Sounds like she's still in denial. She may be "trying" to lose weight, but it hasn't hit her what she really has to do. She's trying to blame everyone and everything else for her problems. There really isn't anything you can do, so I almost think the next time she does it, just be blunt and say, "Put up or shut up. This is working for me, you do what you want."
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    @blessed993 I'm starting to believe I need to leave her to her own devices on this one. If she wants to try harder she will. I know where she's coming from on the excuses, I used to feel that way too, but the truth kept hitting me too hard, so I decided to quit complaining about my weight and do something about it. :smile:
  • stangma
    stangma Posts: 211 Member
    The goals you set (& meet) are for YOU - not for competition. When she is ready to lose she will see that hard work will pay off in results for her also. Till then - just keep your chin up & take care of yourself.
  • jenh1101
    jenh1101 Posts: 45
    My sister in law is the exact same way. She's always been the pretty, skinny one in the family. She's now 6 months pregnant and has started making mean and rude comments about my weight loss.
    I'd say just ignore the nit picking but I know that's easier said than done. Keep doing what you're doing and don't let her bring you down.
  • mark03264
    mark03264 Posts: 334 Member
    Well, she can keep making excuses and stay fat and you can do what needs to be done and be healthy. You have what it takes, she doesn't.
  • blessed9993
    blessed9993 Posts: 21 Member
    Good for you, hun. I fully understand where your coming from. I'll say some prayers for your sister. I hope she come to realize she is only hurting herself in the long run. Best of luck to you both!
  • TriciaUlven
    TriciaUlven Posts: 3 Member
    Ask her nicely to read your post. Then if she still doesn't understand then just try to completely avoid the topic at all cost. Just do what you gotta do for you & eventually she'll get the point. I hope this works out for you sooner than later.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    Reminds me of a conversation with my cousin. I hadn't started losing weight yet, and my cousin was obese. She kept saying we were genetically predisposed to get big tummies as we got older, and I kept thinking, no we're not, we've just eaten too much, just like the older members of our families. It made me sad that she couldn't see the truth, but she needed the lie right then. If made me determined to prove her wrong, and I have :)

    Hopefully your sister will have an awakening some day. Maybe it will be off the back of something you say, but in the end it has to come from her.
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    I've stopped talking to her about it. Last night when I got home from the gym, she told me that they picked up ice cream for me from Fentons. I was like ok, thanks you didn't have to do that, and she just flipped out. She was like there are no calories in Fentons, (joking of course) and I didn't say anything then she told me she looked up her BMR and it was 1700 and she asked what mine was. I told her 1400, and she popped out with "It's because I'm a big fat *kitten*, is that why mines higher?" and then she walked away. I didnt say anything.
    She has this thing about trying to guilt people into saying she's not fat, or that she looks good. I'm sick of it. So I was like whatever.
    Then we were in the living room together and she started bringing it up again and I just exploded, I told her I think she's eating either too much or too little and she's not working to her full potential, that she isn't trying hard enough, and that's not my problem. I don't want to talk to her about weight loss, or calories, or the gym because no matter what I say she gets either offended, or tries to better herself by comparing herself to others and I'm sick of it.
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    I've stopped talking to her about it. Last night when I got home from the gym, she told me that they picked up ice cream for me from Fentons. I was like ok, thanks you didn't have to do that, and she just flipped out. She was like there are no calories in Fentons, (joking of course) and I didn't say anything then she told me she looked up her BMR and it was 1700 and she asked what mine was. I told her 1400, and she popped out with "It's because I'm a big fat *kitten*, is that why mines higher?" and then she walked away. I didnt say anything.
    She has this thing about trying to guilt people into saying she's not fat, or that she looks good. I'm sick of it. So I was like whatever.
    Then we were in the living room together and she started bringing it up again and I just exploded, I told her I think she's eating either too much or too little and she's not working to her full potential, that she isn't trying hard enough, and that's not my problem. I don't want to talk to her about weight loss, or calories, or the gym because no matter what I say she gets either offended, or tries to better herself by comparing herself to others and I'm sick of it.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
    That's probably the best thing you can do. Best of luck.
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