If you saw the person above in a coffee shop, what would you do?

touch the butt.

Show her my duck.

Make my duck quack.

Run inside from the storm brewing outside, for starters! "(Pant, pant) What a mess out there, huh?" Then, casually ask what the person behind me wants so I can buy it for him/her as a random act of kindness.

Start texting

Sit on her lap and take over doing all her work.

Tell him the nearest ballpark is Petco Park downtown and he can find his food and beverage of choice there.

I would order my coffee and then leave. After paying for his drink though, of course

Just sit back and watch the show.