Working Moms - How do you do it?

scookiemonster · October 2015

Hi all. I'm struggling and need some help.

I'm a new mom to an almost-6-month-old. I made the massive mistake of not exercising and eating like crap through my pregnancy and gained 60lbs by the time of delivery. I still have a minimum of 20lbs to lose to get back to where I was a year ago, and 30 - 40lbs to lose to get to where I'd actually like to be long term.

I've lost weight in the past so I understand the mechanics of it, but I can't seem to get myself in order, and it's so much harder to do it now with the baby. I work full time - I'm out of the house by 6:45 to get her to daycare, work all day, pick her up, come home, make dinner, put her to bed, do the dishes and clean up the kitchen, and by the time I'm done I'm totally spent and exhausted and I pretty much go straight to bed. I'm struggling to cook healthy meals because it takes time and there are a lot of days where I can't put her down long enough to really cook. Trying to find the time and energy to exercise feels impossible some days. I'm exhausted all the time as it is, and the only way to find time to exercise seems to be to get even less sleep, which frankly just doesn't feel like an option. Even logging my foods feels overwhelming a lot of days, so I haven't been doing it consistently.

I don't know how to get control of the situation, and how to parcel out time to take care of myself. I'm horribly out of shape, to the point where I find it a bit frightening how unhealthy I feel. My husband wants to help but his work schedule is totally insane so I really can't ever count on him being around. I just don't know how to manage it all.

I have a family wedding in June where I know I'll be in a zillion pictures. I've set that as my goal deadline for myself to be down at least the first 20lbs. It seems like that should be totally doable, until I think about the fact that I haven't been able to keep off a single ounce in the last 4 months.

I know this is long, but I could really use some help and advice on how to fit it all in. Advice on quick, simple foods, ways to work in some exercise, even just words of encouragement. This is really starting to feel overwhelming to me, so I'll take what I can get. Everyone just keeps telling me to give it time, but that's just not good enough for me anymore.

Biancabhi · October 2015

The way I do it is sit down weekly on the weekends. Planning is essential when you are a mom. Meal plan, which will help you create your grocery list along with Saving you money. Get a planner and write in all appointments, think of the things in your cleaning routine that are most important. Make a cleaning schedule if you have to so that you only clean one or two things each day. While you are in your planner you need to do a workout schedule and block out that specific time for exercise. Figure out what times are best for you. Aim to workout at least 3 times per week to start. It may be hard for you, however it is not impossible and no one can push you to get in shape or eat healthy but you in the end.

Owlfan88 · October 2015

Start small. Can you fit in a ten minute walk around your work a couple of times a day? Or walk up/down stairs when you go to the restroom at work. When you cook, cook enough for a couple of nights dinners and either freeze the extras or have it alternate nights. DH and I spent several years of cooking on the weekend and then alternating those meals during the week. That way fixing dinner during the week was heat up main dish and microwave some frozen veggies. Quick, easy, and not much cleanup either. When my kids were that age, I can remember many nights cooking dinner with the baby in a backpack on my back. He wasn't happy being put down, but somehow being on my back kept him content and not in my way when cooking. Good luck!

Liftng4Lis · October 2015

Remember, the only requirement for weight loss is a caloric deficit. BUT, it wouldn't hurt (helps the deficit), to strap the baby into a stroller and go.

LKArgh · October 2015

First, take a step back and figure out what you could be doing to save time in general. Plan things, even if it does not come natural to you: chores, shopping etc, whatever takes time, figure out if there is a way to be more efficient, do less of it, share with your husband, find someone to help.
Second, depending on what "work all day" means, reconsider whether this job is the best option on the long run. If "all day" means they typical 8 hours, it is doable of course, but if it is 12 hours, or there is a 3 hour commute in the plan, make sure you have exhausted all your options for finding a better schedule.
The two points above have to do with adapting to being a parent in general, not just weight loss. Believe it or not, kids actually become more demanding with your time as they get older (homework, afterschool activities, sports, playdates etc). So, making sure you are not wasting time and energy is needed to not lose your sanity on the long run.
As for the weight loss goal specifically.
First, again, plan. Every weekend, plan what you will eat the rest of the week. Meals and snacks, so you do not end up making calorie-dense last minute choices. Prepare a few meals over the weekend. Plan e.g. to eat the same thing on Monday and Tuesday, freeze the meals for the next days. Plan enough not just for dinner, but also for leftovers to take to work for lunch each day.
Make sure you have your kitchen stocked with simple things that do not take time to prepare, for when you are bored with what was planned, need a change, or the plan did not work out. Eggs for omelettes, frozen vegetables for an easy side dish, rice, pasta, salad ingredients. Some individually frozen things to grill or bake, like chicken or fish pieces, help too. Also look into one pot meal recipes, so you can prepare a fresh hot meal mid-week when you feel like it, and not spend time over it. Leave the more demanding recipes for the weekends and cook in bulk.
As for exercise, if the whether allows it, take your baby for a walk. If you can free even half an hour in early evening, it will be good for both of you. For something more intense, there are several workout videos for mothers with babies. For me, the best investement I made when I had babies was a treadmill, but I always loved running, so I do not know if it would be worth it for someone who does not plan to regularly use it. And of course you can dedicate time to exercise on weekends.

scolaris · October 2015

All good advice!
Like a poster said above, plan it out in advance. Be realistic.
1)Start with your food. You are not air ferns so I would imagine someone is buying some sort of groceries. Make yourself a bullet proof breakfast, lunch & one snack shopping plan to start for your 5 work days. Thats about 50% of the weeks eating! You can work on dinners next...
2)Do you take a lunch break at work? If you don't now is the time to start. It's called taking care of yourself, and you won't be a very effective mother unless you learn this. Do you pump at lunch? If you do, put your feet up and relax... If you don't, bring comfortable shoes and take a short walk for your own mental & physical health. Avoid kvetching with coworkers about how sleep deprived/ fat/lonely etc you feel. That just adds drama you don't need to this time. Cultivate some quiet in your mind when you have the chance.
3)How close is the nearest gym? Does it offer daycare? Can you afford a membership for just you? You say your husband has a crazy schedule that keeps him away all hours. I hope those hours translate into saving lives, winning torts, or grading papers because if he's enjoying hours of surf or golf or beer pong like a guy without a new baby NOW is when you need to reassert the shared nature of this whole parenting experiment. If he's doing his best, you've got to do for yourself. You can. Try to make one gym date a week and hold yourself to it. Use the day care. Hell, sit in the sauna & cry a little if you want. Just make one little date with yourself. You can build on that!
4) Where is your nearest park? Go there with your baby on foot this weekend. Watch the other children playing. You will be amazed how fast this baby reaches an age where it too will want to play there. Walk there. Walk around. Do a few lunges or deep knee bends. Smile at a few other slightly disheveled new mothers.
5) know that you've got this! Just add a new healthy practice or routine every week or so. Know there will be weeks where the best laid plans get blown out (literally blown out) by projectile vomiting or teething or in laws. Dust yourself off. Start again.

girlwithcurls2 · October 2015

I have to agree with the planners here. I meal plan down one side of a paper and make my list on the back. I plan around one daughter's work schedule, my husband's work schedule, another daughter's x-country practices/meets piano lessons, my exercise and work commitments...

Along with the planning, some good cookbooks helped me. I have found and bought many of the Cooking Light collections over the years and they are my go-to books right now. There's one for the slow cooker (yes, you need to deal with prepping another meal some evening, but then you get a free pass the next day when you walk in an dinner is ready). There is one called "Super Fast Suppers" that has few ingredients, but good food. Another that I swear by is called "Fresh Food Fast" (with breakfasts, lunches, dinners, weekend meals when you have a little more time). If you do a search, you can find their cookbooks or the magazine compilations. They use little processed foods in their recipes, they give you all of the nutritional information, and almost all of the fast and easy ones are just that: fast and easy.

Good luck. You can do this, but you're trying to do a lot at one time. Just getting used to a 6 month old in the house is challenging. Figure out some systems that work for you. These posters are right: efficiency and planning are everything. And be patient. Find a good groove and forget about "losing weight." Weigh yourself next around Dec 1. It will come off. You can do this! Many of us have been where you are.

Nanogg55 · October 2015

All of the above is great advice. I'd also suggest sitting down with your husband and figuring out how you guys can share the load a bit more. Surely he gets some time off each week? Put together a list of what needs to be done and have him pick some chores that will fit into his schedule.

scookiemonster · October 2015

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately, I think planning, efficiency, and organization are not at all my strong suits. My work day is pretty packed, so I do get a lunch break, but it's short and doesn't leave much time for things like taking walks, etc. I have tons of cookbooks (actually, I think I have both of the Cooking Light ones suggested above!), it's just a matter of actually finding the time and energy to do the cooking. I don't even want to think about how many hundreds of dollars worth of groceries I have thrown out in the last few months because I they went bad before I managed to cook what I intended to cook.

I have a gym membership, but there's no babysitting services there, so I have to find time to go when the baby is at daycare or with my husband. The only gym I know of with babysitting nearby is a bit out of the way and is stupidly expensive. When he can, my husband will take her so I can get in a workout, but it's just not consistent when he's around. He's actually trying to see if he can get a job with more regular hours, but that's easier said than done so it's not something I can count on. He's doing the best he can, so I really can't ask for more than that. When I first got clearance to exercise at my 6 month checkup, I was able to do so much more easily because my daughter was still sleeping for long stretches of time, so I could do things in the house while she slept nearby, but after a month or two that went out the window as she needed more and more of my attention. I think I gave up a little bit because I got so frustrated with having to stop every few minutes to care for her.

I want to try to do more prepwork on the weekends, I just have to figure out how to do it while also caring for the baby, since her naps are very unpredictable and don't always give me much time. I can try putting her on my back in the ergo, since the front-carry isn't really conducive for cooking. I think mostly I need to find a way to get excited again about cooking and being active. I was never much of an athlete, but I'm so far out of it now that working out has gotten really intimidating. As far as cooking, I used to absolutely love it, but with everything else, it now mostly just feels like a chore instead of something to be enjoyed. I think if I can get back to that, I'll be more motivated to actually take some control over my eating instead of defaulting to whatever is quickest and easiest (and sometimes delivered to my door).

I know sometimes I'm probably just making excuses for myself, but I really do feel immensely overwhelmed. Everybody told me not to worry about the weight while I was pregnant, that it would just come right off afterwards, but clearly that was a big fat lie, and now I'm dealing with the aftermath. I'm sure there are things that I could be doing and I'm not, but I think I'm in that spot right now where the whole thing just looks and feels so big that I don't even know where to start. I really appreciate all of the suggestions!

jaga13 · October 2015

Oh girl I understand! Here is what helped me lose weight while balancing kids and work:

- walk a lot. I don't mean formal exercise (although I do that when I can). I mean fit in small walk breaks throughout the work day. Every time I used the bathroom I tacked on a few minutes to loop around the building. I walked at lunch. I also marched in place all the time at home. While washing dishes, folding laundry, cooking, etc. it really adds up.

- I agree with the planning and prepping advice above. Also, I would cook dinner the night before. After baby goes to sleep. Yes it sucks to tack on another 30 minutes of work but you can do it in peace and quiet and really think about what and how much you should include and then enjoy it as soon as you get home and reheat it the next day.

- OR say hell with dinner. I don't mean don't eat. But just downgrade it's importance. Treat it like breakfast and lunch: scramble some eggs or make a turkey sandwich and call it a day. It may not be your time to do a lot of cooking and that's ok! This will change.

- take advantage of weekends and get active.

vivmom2014 · October 2015

Congratulations on your new addition!

All of the advice offered is good, but I will depart from the common wisdom and say forget about exercise for now. It sounds like an added pressure in your mind contributing to that overwhelmed feeling.

Choose a sensible calorie goal and stay with it. Please don't go too aggressive; you need enough calories to keep your energy up and keep yourself encouraged.

Use some core recipes that work and your family likes. Don't worry about getting fancy or creative - babyhood is very busy and demanding. Just get fed!! I agree with keeping staples on hand for omelets, quesadillas, frozen hash browns (breakfast for dinner), nachos etc. Crock-pot meals can be a lifesaver. Soups & stews can carry you through the week (or at least half of it.)

Things will fall into place. Give it some time, relax and enjoy your baby. You'll be looking great come next summer!

kg047 · October 2015

I agree with most of the previous posts about planning. Another thing to try is pressure cooker meals. Also, try to get the baby on a schedule/routine (at least at home). I know that it can be hard to do when in daycare. If you can do this...it will give you time to get a plan for working out, cooking and cleaning. Someone in the household needs to be on some type of schedule/routine (you and your husband are "out"). The demands on your time will not lessen in the near future. You have to take care of you!

MTmimi · October 2015

I hear you. When you get back to work- and you have a new baby- you face a new level of exhaustion that you've never had before. I've been there, and done that. 3 times now. The good new is that it gets easier (as you recuperate post-baby) and you adjust to your new life. Here's my top three suggestions: 1) Pay for help (cleaning, baby-sitting, food prep) whatever you need, or ask a friend or family member to help you out; 2) Learn some easy, healthy, 20 minute (max) recipes that you enjoy; and 3) Join a gym with a day care (they are a God send). You may face resistance from your SO re: getting help, but this is a battle worth fighting. You need to free up some time to take care of yourself. Best of luck, Mimi P.S. Please feel free to add me as a friend.

hekla90 · October 2015

I would forget the gym for now. Take the baby on a walk. I you truly can't organize and plan just Eat less of what you are already eating. The walking is even optional for weight loss. My mom always would meal prep on one day and then freeze extra meals or have them ready on the fridge depending on how much she made.

tamsingammie · October 2015

I have just returned to work for 1st time in 10 years having been stay at home mum. I was worried I'd put on weight. I have a porridge sachet with skimmed milk and banana for breakfast. I prep a salad with small amount of Feta or grilled chicken for lunch. That way I carefully track my calories and have plenty left over for evening meal, so I don't go to bed starving. I am very short 5ft and currently 11 stone on 1200 cals per day ideally, but average 1400. Have lost 14lbs in 7 weeks with no formal exercise. Need to be 9st 2lb (138lbs) to have Bmi of 25 and considered normal. Good luck.

ARC1603 · October 2015

If your baby is a rubbish napper get her in the pram/pushchair and get yourself out for walks at weekends. My eldest was a nightmare for naps, he just wouldn't settle at all in the day and he only slept if held or in his car seat. So I put the car seat on the pram and walked for three miles with him every single day until I went back to work.

I can't offer much advice, just sympathise with you. I lost all my baby weight quickly after my first, the walks helped! But when I went back to working full time shifts when he was six months old, I put it all back on very quickly. I then fell pregnant again when he was 18 months. My youngest was born in May and I'm under my pre pregnancy weight with him but I still have a stone to lose to get back to where I was before my eldest.

I have changed jobs so will be working part time evenings when I go back next month. I cannot begin to describe the difference this will have on our lives as family and my own life having time to focus on my own goals. Working full time with children is tough! It will get easier with time though. It's just about doing what you can during this time. Cooking etc will also start to become more of a priority too once your baby starts on solids and can eat what you eat. I eat the same meals as my toddler now, which is brilliant for portion control.

jdleanna · October 2015

Get a crock pot. They are life savers. You can easily find recipes online that involve, literally, just dumping the ingredients in the pot in the morning and coming back 10 hours later to a finished supper.

I'd forget the gym. Do you have a stroller or baby carrier? On nights you have the crock pot going, strap baby in and walk for 30 minutes. Or seriously just rest for a minute - you have so much on your plate it's okay to grab a few minutes where you can just to relax. You can lose weight without exercise.

entwife · October 2015

Losing weight when you have a baby and work is tough, kudos to you for even being able to think about it, honestly! I've been there, mine are older now and its easier but I can relate to what you write. 20lbs in 8 months is doable in normal circumstances BUT the first year with a new baby taxes you in ways you could never imagine until you experience it. Here's my tips that I learned over time, hope it helps.

Set *two* weightloss goals, A and B. Goal A is not to gain any more weight, goal B is to lose 20lbs by June. Aim for goal A to start with, and losing will be a bonus because you are really under the pump at the moment and you need to allow for that (for your sanity!). Its nice to look good in wedding photos but its a family wedding, they would rather see you happy than thin.
Your best bet is to work exercise around the baby, so walking with a stroller or exercising at home while she sleeps (youtube clips are great). Aim for twice a week, make it easy. Gym is hard because it involves getting changed, getting there, showering afterward and driving home again. A 30 minute workout can take 180 minutes of your day. Too hard. A fast 30 minute walk out your door, around the streets and home again takes 30 minutes and burns the same amount of calories.
Crock pot/slow cooker - find recipes you like and fill that thing up, then freeze the leftovers in portions to use on weeknights (cook once, make 6 meals). I cook spaghetti bolognaise, chicken casserole, chicken curry, and we have beans on toast one night a week. You can add veggies when you thaw it out, or some veggies freeze well (carrots, mushrooms come to mind)
Don't worry about weighing or measuring, use a medium size plate, or eat dinner from a breakfast bowl which should hold a reasonable serve.
Try not to eat junk/sugary stuff to keep you going
keep maximising your sleep like you are doing.
be kind to yourself, you have a lot on your plate, and you are still recovering and adjusting

willandjenlittig · October 2015

I would look into a protein shake you like. I've tried Arbonne and Advocare and like both. (I personally find Advocare's a little more appetizing.). I have 2 little ones and work full time and trying to plan 3 healthy meals every day was way too overwhelming. I can drink a protein shake while I'm driving to work, it's 200 calories and over 20grams of protein. Much better than driving through fast food! I try to cook too much for dinner so I can have healthy leftovers, but in a pinch, I'll have a second protein shake for lunch. Good luck!

zdyb23456 · October 2015

Great advice so far. I'd add find small ways to start simplifying your life. Your meals don't have to be fancy or company worthy - bake chicken breasts, steam rice and green beans. You have a quick easy dinner.

Try to find ways to streamline your morning routine... Program your coffee maker, eat a simple breakfast (cereal and milk), can you shower the night before?, wear your hair pulled back or in a bun, simplify your makeup, etc.

Can you hire a cleaning lady? When I was working full-time with a little baby, it was the best $100 a month I spent.

Finally, accept that it's ok to say no to things.

wearynurse · October 2015

I can totally sympathise. I gained a similar amount of weight when pregnant and really struggled with a full-time job doing shift work, a baby that never slept and just generally feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

7 years on, I have to agree with the others that planning and organisation is the only way. But keep it simple and don't over-think it.

I just accept that I'm going to be eating the same thing most nights and think of 2 or 3 options I can prepare over the weekend. Make it easy. A roast chicken can become a few meals - you can buy pre-packed salads or wraps and add bits of chicken to them for later meals.

You can roast a whole lot of veggies in one go and portion them out for dinners during the week.

When I know my week is going to be crazy, I buy a few pre-prepared meals from a salad bar near home to have in the fridge for dinner when I come home and am too tired to cook.

I find it helpful to make small achievable goals that aren't necessarily about weight loss: eg 'I will plan my weekly meals for the next 3 weeks", "I will pack lunch from home at least 3 days this week". This will be much more motivating and less overwhelming.

Good luck - I know how hard it is. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and be kind to yourself - easier said than done for most working mothers!

Working Moms - How do you do it?

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