I'm so hurt and in tears before I could even start writing this…
yangt41
Posts: 33 Member
Hi everyone, I need to rant. I do apologize for any grammar errors ahead of time before I start writing because I'm a mess right now.
Apart from the obvious benefits to losing weight, one of the other reasons why I decided to lose weight was to quit getting the fat remarks from people. I always tried to avoid going to family events because somebody would ALWAYS make a nasty comment about my weight. It hurts me more than I can explain. The few times I worked up enough courage to stand up for myself, I’ve called people out on their rudeness towards me and all I get back would be a laugh and something like, “Why are you mad when it’s true?!” Yes, I know I’m fat. No need to point that out. Like come on, I don’t tell say to you in your face that you have yellow teeth and bad breath even when everyone knows it to be true. It’s rude and it’ll embarrass the other person. It’s just common courtesy. Every time someone said something hurtful to me, my confidence and self-esteem would get knocked down lower and lower. January 9, 2015 was the day I rolled up my sleeves and knew it was time to change, not only for my health but to stop the nasty comments from damaging me. Nine months later and nearly 40lbs lighter, I felt great.
I was at a funeral for my aunt this past weekend minding my own business searching through one of the treat baskets (Because I deserved it after a long week and emotional day) when a relative who I haven’t seen in years saw me and said in a loud voice, “Oh my god, stop. You’re already big enough!” Thank goodness only a handful of people heard her. I was so mad and hurt.
Just earlier that day I overheard her talking to some of my sister-in-laws saying that she needed to lose weight because was “fat and weigh 175lbs.” She has definitely gained a significant amount weight since the last time I saw her but I would never embarrass her and tell her she gained weight, because ya know, that would be mean and rude. I weigh 178lbs. So we’re pretty much identical in weight. I’m taller, more muscular and I carry my weight pretty evenly throughout my body. She on the other hand carries her weight mainly around her stomach and her face. I can't believe she had the audacity to say that to me even though she could lose a few pounds herself. Anyways, I was so mad I just walked away thinking, “At least MY double chin doesn’t protrude further out than my nose… BIT**!”
After losing the weight, I would run into people who I haven’t seen in long periods of time and they’d tell me that I looked so much better and asked me to share with them my secret (I told them diet and exercise, of course). Nobody, since losing weight still told me I was fat. Every comment I received was generally very encouraging and boosted up my confidence and self-esteem. I seriously thought the nasty comments were over and done with. I was wrong. I’m trying to take back control of my life here and some bitter women that I barely know comes in to make one hurtful remark and knocks down my confidence that I’ve worked so hard to build up. I feel like I’m back to where I started just nine months ago... 40lbs heavier and having my confidence and self-esteem stomped into the ground. I’m in tears and I’m probably overreacting but I just need to rant.
Apart from the obvious benefits to losing weight, one of the other reasons why I decided to lose weight was to quit getting the fat remarks from people. I always tried to avoid going to family events because somebody would ALWAYS make a nasty comment about my weight. It hurts me more than I can explain. The few times I worked up enough courage to stand up for myself, I’ve called people out on their rudeness towards me and all I get back would be a laugh and something like, “Why are you mad when it’s true?!” Yes, I know I’m fat. No need to point that out. Like come on, I don’t tell say to you in your face that you have yellow teeth and bad breath even when everyone knows it to be true. It’s rude and it’ll embarrass the other person. It’s just common courtesy. Every time someone said something hurtful to me, my confidence and self-esteem would get knocked down lower and lower. January 9, 2015 was the day I rolled up my sleeves and knew it was time to change, not only for my health but to stop the nasty comments from damaging me. Nine months later and nearly 40lbs lighter, I felt great.
I was at a funeral for my aunt this past weekend minding my own business searching through one of the treat baskets (Because I deserved it after a long week and emotional day) when a relative who I haven’t seen in years saw me and said in a loud voice, “Oh my god, stop. You’re already big enough!” Thank goodness only a handful of people heard her. I was so mad and hurt.
Just earlier that day I overheard her talking to some of my sister-in-laws saying that she needed to lose weight because was “fat and weigh 175lbs.” She has definitely gained a significant amount weight since the last time I saw her but I would never embarrass her and tell her she gained weight, because ya know, that would be mean and rude. I weigh 178lbs. So we’re pretty much identical in weight. I’m taller, more muscular and I carry my weight pretty evenly throughout my body. She on the other hand carries her weight mainly around her stomach and her face. I can't believe she had the audacity to say that to me even though she could lose a few pounds herself. Anyways, I was so mad I just walked away thinking, “At least MY double chin doesn’t protrude further out than my nose… BIT**!”
After losing the weight, I would run into people who I haven’t seen in long periods of time and they’d tell me that I looked so much better and asked me to share with them my secret (I told them diet and exercise, of course). Nobody, since losing weight still told me I was fat. Every comment I received was generally very encouraging and boosted up my confidence and self-esteem. I seriously thought the nasty comments were over and done with. I was wrong. I’m trying to take back control of my life here and some bitter women that I barely know comes in to make one hurtful remark and knocks down my confidence that I’ve worked so hard to build up. I feel like I’m back to where I started just nine months ago... 40lbs heavier and having my confidence and self-esteem stomped into the ground. I’m in tears and I’m probably overreacting but I just need to rant.
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Replies
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First of all, sounds like alot of rude and mean people have been around you for some time. Let's make a big circle, the "Circle of Trust" to quote the Faukers. Push them out of it. They can come around the circumference of it, but dont allow them to penetrate it. Because they are not you, and they do not define who you are. You get to do that. And, if encouragement and acceptance of everyone's imperfections is the goal to self actualization, they wont make it hon. You've done an amazing job, just keep plugging away at it. Define yourself for you, not for anyone else. This is your goal, not theirs, you own it, you cant own their struggles, and they cant own yours. Look yourself in that mirror and say, "Yeah, I Rock!" I can always use encouraging friends on here as well! Feel free to friend. Flicka11, Missouri.....0
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(((Hugs))) people suck!!! To be continued.0
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OH My Gosh!!! Your Aunt was way out of line. She has to be a miserable b**** to say something like that to you. My first response would have been to put that blank blank in her place. But your nice and in the right. It's so hard to ignore the hurtful comments but if you think about it, who in the world makes such horrible, hurtful comments? Damaged people, right? You're on the right track. Don't let them continue to hurt your soul. It's your body and you've been doing great.0
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People make nasty comments in order to feel good about themselves. Just keep in mind that those comments are really about them and not you. I know it is hard not to feel hurt. Just keep doing what you are doing, this is all about how you feel about yourself and not about other people. Rant and rave all you want here, just don't let these people keep you down. You have a support system here that knows exactly what you are going through.0
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Friend me if you want to. I'm probably here for life.0
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Some people are idiots. They probably got used to you being an "easy target" since weight is easy to see and identify. Now that you dropped the weight, they are just proving they are idiots.
Don't surround yourself with idiots. Surround yourself for people who accept you for who you are, and will support you through thick and (your new) thin.0 -
Some people only know how to build themselves up by tearing others down. She's an *kitten*; that's all there is to it.
Be proud of your achievement and try to forget what she said.
She's the one who has to walk around being that small and negative in life, that's plenty punishment enough for her; don't let her pull you down too.0 -
People do what they can to make themselves feel better and add some attention to their otherwise uneventful life. They are beggars. Begging for attention and conflict to get the chance to stand up for their crappy selves. Truly the most accurate reason why most people do what they do when they are unhappy with themselves. Here's my take. Use it as fuel. Plain and simple. I love it when someone tells me I can't. I love it when someone says your wrong. I love it when someone's says you aren't the one. I have acne and people look at me like I should be less then what I am because I have acne? The people that say crap like you are so insecure that they build themselves up on your back with their insecurities. Fuel, use it as fuel.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act but a habit.
You got this. Create the habit and prove them all WRONG. After all, they are providing the fuel for free.0 -
...She's the one who has to walk around being that small and negative in life, that's plenty punishment enough for her...
That was my first thought too. A person like that is unlikely to have a happy marriage, or a good relationship with her kids (if she even has any). Obviously doesn't know how to behave in society. *kitten* that you were the target though. I know how crap like that can bounce around in your head. Is there a way to turn this into something you can use? Fuel for a workout for instance? I'd be tempted to spend a little money to look my best (clothes, hair whatever does it for you) before the next family event, beam with confidence and ignore her completely.
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I'm so sorry that you had this horrible experience, especially during a very emotional event. I'm stunned and you deserve to rant! If I'd have been there, I'd have supported you. You are a good person to have remained civil. Good luck and I'm glad that you shared with us.0
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Some people just have no tact at all! So awful. You're better than that, just keep telling yourself that. And at least you can lose weight. Not sure what can be done about that chin! Hehe..
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Feel free to add me.0
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Don't give her any power. Keep on your weight loss plan. Who knows. You might run into again at a family event when you're at your goal weight. Don't live for that, but it would be sweet ( yeah, in a mean spirited way....but still....
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Congratulations on your loss so far. When I get angry I tell myself that I am only in control of my thoughts and actions. I can't control other people be they lovely or complete idiots. You have the choice of how you react to these people, and hopefully her comments will help give you the determination to continue looking after your health rather than be your downfall. You have the choice in how you interact with her, if you choose to do so again. You can also choose how to see her now, as a spiteful person, someone you feel sorry for, or just see that we all are going through life on our own personal journey doing best we can.0
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When someone insults you say "my thank you very much" and walk away......confuses their tiny minds...and family....pah sadly you go to jail for murder.....0
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Keep your chin up. If not your weight then people will find something else horrible to say about you. Trust me. Keep working on it and don't give up.0
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First of all, funerals are always emotionally charged events and carry the double-whammy of always being remembered. All offenses are magnified and rehashed in memory year after year. At funerals I tread carefully and keep all nasty-grams to myself. You did keep it to yourself, so good for you.
Second of all, you can improve yourself but you can't cure stupid in others. You could carry a perfect body and stupid comments will still fly. Just look at the gossip mags. The most beautiful women on our planet are scrutinized in their bikinis, their awards ceremony gowns, how fast they lose the belly after the baby, gosh, everything. How do these accomplished women even get out of bed in the morning? Yet, they do. They must put the gossip aside as not worth their time.
I'd put the incident in context and not let it own you. It says a good deal more about your aunt than it does about your success.0 -
I've lost a bunch of weight and still have a bit to go. A total stranger and I got into a bit of an argument a few weeks ago, and his most brilliant response was, "shut up, fat *kitten*." I could have said a lot of things in response, but what I felt was most appropriate, "I may be overweight, but I can continue to lose weight; you'll always be a *kitten*." :-)0
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I feel your pain.
Im my family, it's my sister mostly who's the Passive aggressive b!t@h.
"Helpful" comments at the dinner table like, "you know, if you just ate less you'd look fine." -_-
Or she'd stand in fron of the mirror, tug at her stomach skin and say "see...even I have a teeny bit of fat"
Enter adulthood...She offers me health advice, yet she body builds and eats mostly powders and supplements, while smoking 1/2 pack of cigarettes daily. -_-
Add in my aunt's "Ah, see how thin Crystal is? That's perfect, no?" And home was hell.
Moral of the story is, they are no longer allowed in my life socially, I'm polite at family events, and have a much better, happier life. The end.
So Hugs!! Mentally, "kick" them out if they're not supporters, and practice whispering "go eff yourself" between clenched teeth and a smile because sometimes, that is just the right action.Lol0 -
Food police! I dont like it when they start waving their fake badge around. Great job on your success and keep it up!0
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you did good not to go off on her at the funeral..........I have been to many a funerals and they can be intense
I saw the brother of the deceased tell of his aunt right in front of the casket.......thats right, directly in front of the dead brother...........can you imagine . The aunt was just trying to be nice about the deceased as he layed in his casket, , so she said that " he has never looked better" to her nephew....
WRONG
The surviving brother goes off on her, cusses her out, calls her an " absent relative only looking to cash in when the will is read".............The deceased had lots of money and was single, so the blood suckers were out in force wanting what they thought they should receive
then, it gets worse..........after the family leaves the cemetery, they have a dinner in honor of the rich nephew
then, after a few hours of drinking alcohol and food, its a fee for all.........the cops had to be called in to separate the families..........the kids who attended were in shock from all the fighting
the families all said that they should get their fair share to the other cousins, aunts and siblings........too much
I forgot to add, that some of the out of town relatives wanted to go to his house, as they thought that the deceased would want them to have certain herilooms.............ie, the wide 60 inch television, the micro wave, several expensive pictures hanging on the wall, the lawnmower, etc..........get the picture?
it was later discovered that while the funeral was taking place, other relatives helped themselves to some of the contents to his house..........how they broke in is beside everyone?
I now WONT attend another funeral.........My blood pressure was high for days on in, and after hearing the hatred and vulgar language that the family used on each other, never will I attend another one...............
you are smart not to have gone off on the old bag...........keeping it to yourself allowed your family member to have a nice funeral and allow people to have good memories of the deceased...............
good luck ,I love this expression
" where ever theres a will.............theres a relative"0 -
My aunt told me at my mother's funeral...and i quote "I'm glad me and your mam weren't close".......cue I wouldn't now piss on them if they were on fire.0
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People can be assh@les, sometimes...especially family; You are the better person here, as you already know, I'm sure..Stand tall and proud honey, you've lost a huge amount of weight, and what she or anyone else thinks isn't allowed to matter anymore. You wouldn't let anyone talk to your friends that way, don't let them talk to you that way either. You deserve the best xo0
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-hugs-
You've just been around some really nasty people! You've made a huge accomplishment and should always feel proud of that!! You were the better person in this situation, so good for you.
Just know you're not alone. I personally quit family events because of the rude comments. No parties, no weddings... not even funerals. I would rather set my hair on fire than to be around any of the nasty people in my family for a second. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat... now I have slight brain damage, so they call me a retard. They showed me that no matter what it's about, a miserable person will always try to make someone else (who is an easy target) miserable.0 -
-hugs-
You've just been around some really nasty people! You've made a huge accomplishment and should always feel proud of that!! You were the better person in this situation, so good for you.
Just know you're not alone. I personally quit family events because of the rude comments. No parties, no weddings... not even funerals. I would rather set my hair on fire than to be around any of the nasty people in my family for a second. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat... now I have slight brain damage, so they call me a retard. They showed me that no matter what it's about, a miserable person will always try to make someone else (who is an easy target) miserable.
This +1 Very well said!0 -
robertw486 wrote: »Some people are idiots. They probably got used to you being an "easy target" since weight is easy to see and identify. Now that you dropped the weight, they are just proving they are idiots.
Don't surround yourself with idiots. Surround yourself for people who accept you for who you are, and will support you through thick and (your new) thin.
OP : I have done this and now just have my husband to support me and my friends on here
Congrats on the loss0 -
Sounds to me like good old jeousy some people feel better about themselves when they put others down around them and she obviously knows that weight bothers you and she gained weight herself so she's trying to feel better about herself. Well and some people are just *kitten* you know what is good for you and you lost 40 pounds be proud of yourself0
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Hi everyone, I need to rant. I do apologize for any grammar errors ahead of time before I start writing because I'm a mess right now.
Apart from the obvious benefits to losing weight, one of the other reasons why I decided to lose weight was to quit getting the fat remarks from people. I always tried to avoid going to family events because somebody would ALWAYS make a nasty comment about my weight. It hurts me more than I can explain. The few times I worked up enough courage to stand up for myself, I’ve called people out on their rudeness towards me and all I get back would be a laugh and something like, “Why are you mad when it’s true?!” Yes, I know I’m fat. No need to point that out. Like come on, I don’t tell say to you in your face that you have yellow teeth and bad breath even when everyone knows it to be true. It’s rude and it’ll embarrass the other person. It’s just common courtesy. Every time someone said something hurtful to me, my confidence and self-esteem would get knocked down lower and lower. January 9, 2015 was the day I rolled up my sleeves and knew it was time to change, not only for my health but to stop the nasty comments from damaging me. Nine months later and nearly 40lbs lighter, I felt great.
I was at a funeral for my aunt this past weekend minding my own business searching through one of the treat baskets (Because I deserved it after a long week and emotional day) when a relative who I haven’t seen in years saw me and said in a loud voice, “Oh my god, stop. You’re already big enough!” Thank goodness only a handful of people heard her. I was so mad and hurt.
Just earlier that day I overheard her talking to some of my sister-in-laws saying that she needed to lose weight because was “fat and weigh 175lbs.” She has definitely gained a significant amount weight since the last time I saw her but I would never embarrass her and tell her she gained weight, because ya know, that would be mean and rude. I weigh 178lbs. So we’re pretty much identical in weight. I’m taller, more muscular and I carry my weight pretty evenly throughout my body. She on the other hand carries her weight mainly around her stomach and her face. I can't believe she had the audacity to say that to me even though she could lose a few pounds herself. Anyways, I was so mad I just walked away thinking, “At least MY double chin doesn’t protrude further out than my nose… BIT**!”
After losing the weight, I would run into people who I haven’t seen in long periods of time and they’d tell me that I looked so much better and asked me to share with them my secret (I told them diet and exercise, of course). Nobody, since losing weight still told me I was fat. Every comment I received was generally very encouraging and boosted up my confidence and self-esteem. I seriously thought the nasty comments were over and done with. I was wrong. I’m trying to take back control of my life here and some bitter women that I barely know comes in to make one hurtful remark and knocks down my confidence that I’ve worked so hard to build up. I feel like I’m back to where I started just nine months ago... 40lbs heavier and having my confidence and self-esteem stomped into the ground. I’m in tears and I’m probably overreacting but I just need to rant.
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Excuse me--you're a success story, and your "over weight aunt" blew you out of the water? You will always run into people like that so you can only work on yourself. A course to help your self confidence might help alot. You need to stand up for yourself and recognize your worth. I wish you good luck.0
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You know family can be worse than friends ! My mother told me I was big and she hurt my feelings . She say you was always my small one. Ok mom . I gained weight since I got married . Don't criticize me when your oldest daughter living at home with you is overweight too. I told my mom about this. So I know, it hurts ! I can't wait till I lose this weight ! Stay encouraged! I am. It hurts when I think about it because it's my mother.0
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