"Habit Relapse: What to Do If You Fall From Your Diet or Good Habits"
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Caitwn
Posts: 1,215 Member
I wanted to share this article from a website that I really enjoy (http://zenhabits.net/) in the hope that it can offer a practical and compassionate perspective for anyone who's feeling discouraged because you haven't achieved perfect consistency in healthy eating/fitness.
Habit Relapse: What To Do If You Fall From Your Diet or Good Habits
BY LEO BABAUTA
A few people have written me recently about falling off their good habits: a relapse after months of healthy eating, or getting derailed from good habits they’ve been forming like exercise or writing.
It’s discouraging to fall off your diet or good habits, and you an get to a point where you don’t even want to think about it.
So what to do? How do you deal with a relapse?
There’s no easy answer, to be honest. I’ve “failed” and restarted a number of habits, and I now think of relapsing as just another part of the process. We’re constantly learning about ourselves as we change our habits, which is the real point of habit change — it’s self learning, not self-improvement or self-discipline. We learn about our minds, about feelings of guilt and frustration, about coping with these feelings.
There are no easy answers, but I’m going to share some things you might try:
Pause to reflect. One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it. So the first step is to take a slight pause in your day, and reflect on where you are. You were doing great, then you slipped up. It could have been for a lot of different reasons, but just know that you’re not alone, that we all slip up, and that the forces that we’re facing can often be too great for us at our weakest points. That’s OK. Reflect on this, and know that it’s not the end of the world.
Acknowledge your feelings. It can be difficult to get off track, and we can feel like failures, feel discouraged, feel frustrated with ourselves, disappointed, sad, alone, tired, angry … sometimes multiple feelings at once. It’s OK to feel these things. We often try to avoid thinking about these feelings, but just for a minute, give yourself space to feel them, to really see them inside yourself, and accept these feelings as a part of your experience.
Give yourself compassion. If you’re experiencing some of these difficult feelings, after acknowledging them, try giving them some love. Imagine if a friend were feeling pain — wouldn’t you comfort your friend, give them a hug, listen to them, be compassionate? We deserve to treat ourselves with that same love and compassion. Listen to your mind’s difficulties, wish for your own happiness, give yourself a virtual (or real) hug, give yourself some love. It’s OK to feel these things, and it’s OK to wish for an end to your difficulties.
Focus on the intention. Why did you start the good habit in the first place? Was it to nurture yourself, give yourself the gift of good health, allow yourself creative expression through your writing (or painting, music, etc.), help others? These intentions are important to remember, to help yourself get back on track. You got derailed because you forgot your intention, or other priorities became more important. Now decide whether your intention for this habit is important enough to devote some time to. If so, keep your intention in mind as you get started again.
Take the smallest step. With this good intention in mind, what is the next step you can take? Can you make it even easier? For example, instead of overhauling your entire diet, can you eat one carrot? One apple? Instead of doing a weekly workout plan, can you go for a 5-minute walk? Do 1 pushup? Taking the smallest step helps you reaffirm your commitment to yourself and your intention. Then you focus on the next tiny step.
There is no past, only this step. All the relapses, all the failures, all the troubles … these now exist only in your head. Instead of dwelling on them, try focusing on the next tiny step. What is that like? Try to fully experience it, and see that in this moment, this small action is not difficult. In this small action, you are OK. Let go of everything else that’s happened, and be here with your intention and your current action.
Approach the learning with curiosity. We often think “Oh, I have no discipline” or “I suck at this” or some other thought about ourselves or about the new habit we would like to form. These are preconceived ideas about ourselves or the habits … instead, try going into the next small step with an open mind, not knowing how it will be. This new habit (or old one, revisited) is not a robotic action you’re trying to create in yourself, but rather a part of a learning process, where you learn more about yourself. In this spirit of learning, approach the process with curiosity, openness, not-knowing. See what it’s like! Try to appreciate every little detail about the habit that you can notice.
I don’t pretend that this is a quick-fix solution, but these elements often have very good effects for me. I am not perfect in doing these steps by any means, just as I’m not perfect at doing my habit. But in the process of learning about myself, in the failure and restarting and finding out … the habit I’m doing in all its messiness is absolutely perfect.
Habit Relapse: What To Do If You Fall From Your Diet or Good Habits
BY LEO BABAUTA
A few people have written me recently about falling off their good habits: a relapse after months of healthy eating, or getting derailed from good habits they’ve been forming like exercise or writing.
It’s discouraging to fall off your diet or good habits, and you an get to a point where you don’t even want to think about it.
So what to do? How do you deal with a relapse?
There’s no easy answer, to be honest. I’ve “failed” and restarted a number of habits, and I now think of relapsing as just another part of the process. We’re constantly learning about ourselves as we change our habits, which is the real point of habit change — it’s self learning, not self-improvement or self-discipline. We learn about our minds, about feelings of guilt and frustration, about coping with these feelings.
There are no easy answers, but I’m going to share some things you might try:
Pause to reflect. One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it. So the first step is to take a slight pause in your day, and reflect on where you are. You were doing great, then you slipped up. It could have been for a lot of different reasons, but just know that you’re not alone, that we all slip up, and that the forces that we’re facing can often be too great for us at our weakest points. That’s OK. Reflect on this, and know that it’s not the end of the world.
Acknowledge your feelings. It can be difficult to get off track, and we can feel like failures, feel discouraged, feel frustrated with ourselves, disappointed, sad, alone, tired, angry … sometimes multiple feelings at once. It’s OK to feel these things. We often try to avoid thinking about these feelings, but just for a minute, give yourself space to feel them, to really see them inside yourself, and accept these feelings as a part of your experience.
Give yourself compassion. If you’re experiencing some of these difficult feelings, after acknowledging them, try giving them some love. Imagine if a friend were feeling pain — wouldn’t you comfort your friend, give them a hug, listen to them, be compassionate? We deserve to treat ourselves with that same love and compassion. Listen to your mind’s difficulties, wish for your own happiness, give yourself a virtual (or real) hug, give yourself some love. It’s OK to feel these things, and it’s OK to wish for an end to your difficulties.
Focus on the intention. Why did you start the good habit in the first place? Was it to nurture yourself, give yourself the gift of good health, allow yourself creative expression through your writing (or painting, music, etc.), help others? These intentions are important to remember, to help yourself get back on track. You got derailed because you forgot your intention, or other priorities became more important. Now decide whether your intention for this habit is important enough to devote some time to. If so, keep your intention in mind as you get started again.
Take the smallest step. With this good intention in mind, what is the next step you can take? Can you make it even easier? For example, instead of overhauling your entire diet, can you eat one carrot? One apple? Instead of doing a weekly workout plan, can you go for a 5-minute walk? Do 1 pushup? Taking the smallest step helps you reaffirm your commitment to yourself and your intention. Then you focus on the next tiny step.
There is no past, only this step. All the relapses, all the failures, all the troubles … these now exist only in your head. Instead of dwelling on them, try focusing on the next tiny step. What is that like? Try to fully experience it, and see that in this moment, this small action is not difficult. In this small action, you are OK. Let go of everything else that’s happened, and be here with your intention and your current action.
Approach the learning with curiosity. We often think “Oh, I have no discipline” or “I suck at this” or some other thought about ourselves or about the new habit we would like to form. These are preconceived ideas about ourselves or the habits … instead, try going into the next small step with an open mind, not knowing how it will be. This new habit (or old one, revisited) is not a robotic action you’re trying to create in yourself, but rather a part of a learning process, where you learn more about yourself. In this spirit of learning, approach the process with curiosity, openness, not-knowing. See what it’s like! Try to appreciate every little detail about the habit that you can notice.
I don’t pretend that this is a quick-fix solution, but these elements often have very good effects for me. I am not perfect in doing these steps by any means, just as I’m not perfect at doing my habit. But in the process of learning about myself, in the failure and restarting and finding out … the habit I’m doing in all its messiness is absolutely perfect.
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Replies
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Good post.Approach the learning with curiosity. We often think “Oh, I have no discipline” or “I suck at this” or some other thought about ourselves or about the new habit we would like to form. These are preconceived ideas about ourselves or the habits … instead, try going into the next small step with an open mind, not knowing how it will be. This new habit (or old one, revisited) is not a robotic action you’re trying to create in yourself, but rather a part of a learning process, where you learn more about yourself. In this spirit of learning, approach the process with curiosity, openness, not-knowing. See what it’s like! Try to appreciate every little detail about the habit that you can notice.
This is the tactic that was most helpful for me. Instead of getting overly emotional about a pound or two (although I did sometimes get panicky
), I looked at my behaviour and tried to figure out why I went off track, and corrected it. Weight on the scale, your food diary, a tape measure - all those offer information that you can analyze and use to better support your goals. 0 -
I think this is the crux of so, so many poor situations, with relapsing being just one example.One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it.
Reality doesn't care about your feelings or your fear. Ignoring bills doesn't make them go away. Ignoring traffic tickets doesn't make them go away. Ignoring that term paper doesn't make it go away. Ignoring your weight situation doesn't make it go away.
Once (if) it sinks in that the temporary mental discomfort that accompanies thinking about and taking action on a thing is minuscule compared to the eventual manifestation of that ignored thing, it becomes pretty clear which is the better path.
Yeah, I can see how this works for some people. It doesn't work for me. I don't want a hug for screwing up.Give yourself compassion.
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Caitwn wrote:Approach the learning with curiosity. We often think “Oh, I have no discipline” or “I suck at this” or some other thought about ourselves or about the new habit we would like to form. These are preconceived ideas about ourselves or the habits … instead, try going into the next small step with an open mind, not knowing how it will be. This new habit (or old one, revisited) is not a robotic action you’re trying to create in yourself, but rather a part of a learning process, where you learn more about yourself. In this spirit of learning, approach the process with curiosity, openness, not-knowing. See what it’s like! Try to appreciate every little detail about the habit that you can notice.
As Tomatoey said, I've found this to be very true. Every failure is an opportunity to learn, not an opportunity to beat myself up. It's so much easier to continue on with that perspective.
As a perfectionist, it took me entirely too long in life to embrace this concept.
Last winter, I went through a spell where my migraines got the best of me and I fell out of the habit of exercising. At the time, I was only exercising 3 days a week. I had to work through beating myself up about it before I could get back to it, and learned a lot by letting go of my negative thoughts about myself. Now I'm exercising every day of the week.0 -
Thank you for this post. I was doing so well for almost a month then got derailed last week by quite a few issues. Today I am ready to get back to it.0
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I think a lot of these tips are great. I especially like the tip to take the smallest step. There were many years I thought I couldn't get fit because I didn't have an hour and a half everyday to spend at the gym (including commuting there). Now I tell myself it's okay, you don't need an hour and a half. 15 minutes walking at lunch. 30 minutes walking the dog after supper. 30 minute video in my living room. They all add up to make a difference.
I think one thing that also helps me is giving myself permission to eat what I want. I'm from Canada and we just had thanksgiving. I spent some much needed time with friends and family, but I also I indulged in wine, chocolate, pie, gravy, butter, bacon, chips, (the list goes on). Yes, I over-ate. But I don't want to call it failure. I made a choice to eat these things. I logged everything so that I am still accountable for these choices. Today is a new day, and I am back to my normal eating habits. I will be a lot more mindful of my choices in the next couple weeks to make up for it, but this is my life. I never want to turn down my grandmothers homemade biscuits, or my mom's delicious gravy that she only makes a few times a year because it's not in my "plan".
Every little baby step counts, as long as we keep doing them. No matter how useless we might think they are, they aren't. Thanks for the reminder.0 -
Love all of these. Thank you for sharing!0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
I think this is the crux of so, so many poor situations, with relapsing being just one example.One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it.
Reality doesn't care about your feelings or your fear. Ignoring bills doesn't make them go away. Ignoring traffic tickets doesn't make them go away. Ignoring that term paper doesn't make it go away. Ignoring your weight situation doesn't make it go away.
Once (if) it sinks in that the temporary mental discomfort that accompanies thinking about and taking action on a thing is minuscule compared to the eventual manifestation of that ignored thing, it becomes pretty clear which is the better path.
Yeah, I can see how this works for some people. It doesn't work for me. I don't want a hug for screwing up.Give yourself compassion.
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One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it.
Ya, every time I regained weight I was very busy not thinking about it.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »One of the biggest problems is that when we don’t even want to acknowledge our relapse. We avoid thinking about it.
Ya, every time I regained weight I was very busy not thinking about it.
Very much this.
Something that's become very important to my maintenance is putting an X on the calendar in blue highlighter anytime I eat off plan. (For me off plan would be take-out, junk or holiday foods regardless of calories.) That simple little reminder as much as anything has kept me from falling too far back into bad habits even when I'm not focused on weight loss -- when I see the X's piling up I know I need to reign it in and get back on track.
I try and weigh myself daily as well but for some reason the X's are easier to do and work better for me. Maybe because my husband marks the calendar if I don't so there's a bit of support there?0
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