I'm so hurt and in tears before I could even start writing this…

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  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    edited October 2015
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    you did good not to go off on her at the funeral..........I have been to many a funerals and they can be intense

    I saw the brother of the deceased tell of his aunt right in front of the casket.......thats right, directly in front of the dead brother...........can you imagine . The aunt was just trying to be nice about the deceased as he layed in his casket, , so she said that " he has never looked better" to her nephew....

    WRONG

    The surviving brother goes off on her, cusses her out, calls her an " absent relative only looking to cash in when the will is read".............The deceased had lots of money and was single, so the blood suckers were out in force wanting what they thought they should receive
    then, it gets worse..........after the family leaves the cemetery, they have a dinner in honor of the rich nephew

    then, after a few hours of drinking alcohol and food, its a fee for all.........the cops had to be called in to separate the families..........the kids who attended were in shock from all the fighting

    the families all said that they should get their fair share to the other cousins, aunts and siblings........too much

    I forgot to add, that some of the out of town relatives wanted to go to his house, as they thought that the deceased would want them to have certain herilooms.............ie, the wide 60 inch television, the micro wave, several expensive pictures hanging on the wall, the lawnmower, etc..........get the picture?
    it was later discovered that while the funeral was taking place, other relatives helped themselves to some of the contents to his house..........how they broke in is beside everyone?

    I now WONT attend another funeral.........My blood pressure was high for days on in, and after hearing the hatred and vulgar language that the family used on each other, never will I attend another one...............

    you are smart not to have gone off on the old bag...........keeping it to yourself allowed your family member to have a nice funeral and allow people to have good memories of the deceased...............

    good luck ,I love this expression

    " where ever theres a will.............theres a relative"
  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member
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    My aunt told me at my mother's funeral...and i quote "I'm glad me and your mam weren't close".......cue I wouldn't now piss on them if they were on fire.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    People can be assh@les, sometimes...especially family; You are the better person here, as you already know, I'm sure..Stand tall and proud honey, you've lost a huge amount of weight, and what she or anyone else thinks isn't allowed to matter anymore. You wouldn't let anyone talk to your friends that way, don't let them talk to you that way either. You deserve the best xo
  • ohmyllama
    ohmyllama Posts: 161 Member
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    -hugs-
    You've just been around some really nasty people! You've made a huge accomplishment and should always feel proud of that!! You were the better person in this situation, so good for you.

    Just know you're not alone. I personally quit family events because of the rude comments. No parties, no weddings... not even funerals. I would rather set my hair on fire than to be around any of the nasty people in my family for a second. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat... now I have slight brain damage, so they call me a retard. They showed me that no matter what it's about, a miserable person will always try to make someone else (who is an easy target) miserable.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    ohmyllama wrote: »
    -hugs-
    You've just been around some really nasty people! You've made a huge accomplishment and should always feel proud of that!! You were the better person in this situation, so good for you.

    Just know you're not alone. I personally quit family events because of the rude comments. No parties, no weddings... not even funerals. I would rather set my hair on fire than to be around any of the nasty people in my family for a second. First I was too skinny, then I was too fat... now I have slight brain damage, so they call me a retard. They showed me that no matter what it's about, a miserable person will always try to make someone else (who is an easy target) miserable.

    This +1 Very well said!
  • BekahC1980
    BekahC1980 Posts: 474 Member
    edited October 2015
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    robertw486 wrote: »
    Some people are idiots. They probably got used to you being an "easy target" since weight is easy to see and identify. Now that you dropped the weight, they are just proving they are idiots.

    Don't surround yourself with idiots. Surround yourself for people who accept you for who you are, and will support you through thick and (your new) thin.

    OP : I have done this and now just have my husband to support me and my friends on here
    Congrats on the loss
  • momandmedaycare
    momandmedaycare Posts: 5 Member
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    Sounds to me like good old jeousy some people feel better about themselves when they put others down around them and she obviously knows that weight bothers you and she gained weight herself so she's trying to feel better about herself. Well and some people are just *kitten* you know what is good for you and you lost 40 pounds be proud of yourself
  • neetneet46
    neetneet46 Posts: 28 Member
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    yangt41 wrote: »
    Hi everyone, I need to rant. I do apologize for any grammar errors ahead of time before I start writing because I'm a mess right now.

    Apart from the obvious benefits to losing weight, one of the other reasons why I decided to lose weight was to quit getting the fat remarks from people. I always tried to avoid going to family events because somebody would ALWAYS make a nasty comment about my weight. It hurts me more than I can explain. The few times I worked up enough courage to stand up for myself, I’ve called people out on their rudeness towards me and all I get back would be a laugh and something like, “Why are you mad when it’s true?!” Yes, I know I’m fat. No need to point that out. Like come on, I don’t tell say to you in your face that you have yellow teeth and bad breath even when everyone knows it to be true. It’s rude and it’ll embarrass the other person. It’s just common courtesy. Every time someone said something hurtful to me, my confidence and self-esteem would get knocked down lower and lower. January 9, 2015 was the day I rolled up my sleeves and knew it was time to change, not only for my health but to stop the nasty comments from damaging me. Nine months later and nearly 40lbs lighter, I felt great.

    I was at a funeral for my aunt this past weekend minding my own business searching through one of the treat baskets (Because I deserved it after a long week and emotional day) when a relative who I haven’t seen in years saw me and said in a loud voice, “Oh my god, stop. You’re already big enough!” Thank goodness only a handful of people heard her. I was so mad and hurt.

    Just earlier that day I overheard her talking to some of my sister-in-laws saying that she needed to lose weight because was “fat and weigh 175lbs.” She has definitely gained a significant amount weight since the last time I saw her but I would never embarrass her and tell her she gained weight, because ya know, that would be mean and rude. I weigh 178lbs. So we’re pretty much identical in weight. I’m taller, more muscular and I carry my weight pretty evenly throughout my body. She on the other hand carries her weight mainly around her stomach and her face. I can't believe she had the audacity to say that to me even though she could lose a few pounds herself. Anyways, I was so mad I just walked away thinking, “At least MY double chin doesn’t protrude further out than my nose… BIT**!”

    After losing the weight, I would run into people who I haven’t seen in long periods of time and they’d tell me that I looked so much better and asked me to share with them my secret (I told them diet and exercise, of course). Nobody, since losing weight still told me I was fat. Every comment I received was generally very encouraging and boosted up my confidence and self-esteem. I seriously thought the nasty comments were over and done with. I was wrong. I’m trying to take back control of my life here and some bitter women that I barely know comes in to make one hurtful remark and knocks down my confidence that I’ve worked so hard to build up. I feel like I’m back to where I started just nine months ago... 40lbs heavier and having my confidence and self-esteem stomped into the ground. I’m in tears and I’m probably overreacting but I just need to rant.

  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Excuse me--you're a success story, and your "over weight aunt" blew you out of the water? You will always run into people like that so you can only work on yourself. A course to help your self confidence might help alot. You need to stand up for yourself and recognize your worth. I wish you good luck.
  • neetneet46
    neetneet46 Posts: 28 Member
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    You know family can be worse than friends ! My mother told me I was big and she hurt my feelings . She say you was always my small one. Ok mom . I gained weight since I got married . Don't criticize me when your oldest daughter living at home with you is overweight too. I told my mom about this. So I know, it hurts ! I can't wait till I lose this weight ! Stay encouraged! I am. It hurts when I think about it because it's my mother.
  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
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    If you're not over weight anymore people will still find something to insult you. After I lost a lot of weight years ago I no longer received the "overweight girl" insults, I started getting the "blonde bimbo" insults instead. Those hurt just as much, if not more :( Fat girls insult me when I'm thin and thin girls insult me when I'm fat. You only win when you finally realize it's their insecurities showing and it's not really about you.
  • CatherineHillin
    CatherineHillin Posts: 66 Member
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    -hughughug- I'm so sorry!!! That is so awful, no one should ever talk to you like that! You have the worlds permission to *kitten* slap all of those people. If it makes you feel any better, I've had similar problems with my mother. My sister is a teeny little twig and she's always comparing us and making rude comments...I think she's taking her own weight issues out on me. That and genuine worry, I'm sure, but still. You be strong, and stand up for yourself, and know that you are doing a really good thing for yourself!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    MsJulesRenee wrote: »
    If you're not over weight anymore people will still find something to insult you. After I lost a lot of weight years ago I no longer received the "overweight girl" insults, I started getting the "blonde bimbo" insults instead. Those hurt just as much, if not more :( Fat girls insult me when I'm thin and thin girls insult me when I'm fat. You only win when you finally realize it's their insecurities showing and it's not really about you.

    Yeah. People I barely know have warned hubby that he has to "watch out", assuming now that I am "beautiful", I might "stray". Idiotic.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    F them. Seriously. The situation is 10% what was said and 90% of your attitude and reaction to it. That is well within your control. Obviously they are toxic, unhappy people themselves that need to deflect their self-shame to others.

    The only thing that matters moving forward is, what are you going to do about being unhappy with yourself?
  • d00dlefairy
    d00dlefairy Posts: 15 Member
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    I know all about that! An uncle we hadn't seen for maybe 20 years or so walked in on my sister and the first thing he said, was wow! you've put on weight. You used to be so thin and attractive. Um what?! She was floored and didn't know what to say. Now she weighs maybe 158 pounds. A-hole. Upon seeing me he said and YOU'VE lost weight. You look just as good as you did when you were a teenager, your sister should take you as an example. Horrible. He wasn't interested in how we were doing after all that time! We talked about this afterwards and agreed that he should just be ignored seeing as we will only be seeing him twice a year. My mom on the other hand congratulates me constantly for losing but said twice now, I should get botox for the wrinkles underneath my eyes. My sister got annoyed with her and said that I laugh a lot and that's the way it is. If she says it one more time, I'm gonna have to have a talk with her.

    Can't imagine what it's like to hear crap like that constantly! Try to put it behind you. You're working on you for yourself. Not anyone else! It's the only way this weight loss thing works.
  • Lisa000000
    Lisa000000 Posts: 4 Member
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    Oh, sweetie -HUGS-

    First of all, you're not overreacting. Your feelings are what they are. People are hurtful. People are thoughtless. Family hurts us the worst because we expect the most from them.

    But the thing is - and this is going to sound crazy and unbelievable, but hear me out - people can only hurt you as much as you allow them to. No, I don't mean that it's your fault - what I mean is that you have the power to decide how much you let these hurtful people get under your skin. Don't allow them to take your confidence, to lash at your beauty, because you ARE a beautiful person. You are a beautifully, sensitive person who has suffered many years of hurt and pain. It's perfectly normal to still carry those old wounds around, letting them be reopened by people who (really in the great scheme of things) don't matter. Let them think what they think. Let them say what they say. Who cares? You've lost the weight, but their teeth are still yellow and their breath still stinks. At least you've solved your problem! :smile: Yes, it will still hurt when they say these things, but at least KNOW who and what YOU ARE. Accept that you can't change the fact that people will always say stupid, hurtful things. Just be ready for it, and know how you will be prepared to react internally next time it happens. It's okay to feel hurt, but don't let it derail you. Only you, not them, can define who you are. You can't change the stupid things that people say, but you can change the way you internalize it. I know this is easier said than done (I myself work on this every day of my life - I have a mood disorder), but you can do it if you put your mind to it. It'll save you a whole lotta pain once you get good at it.

    You are a strong young woman - use your power to not let these stupid comments rattle you, and keep fighting the good fight. Congratulations on losing 40 pounds! You should be proud of yourself! You are an inspiration to me.

    Best of luck to you.
  • yangt41
    yangt41 Posts: 33 Member
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    Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I feel a whole lot better venting it out. My immediate family has been very supportive and happy for me - even though they too said hurtful comments before I lost the weight. She's a distant relative that doesn't come around often so I really don't think I'll see her for at least another year or so. That gives me more time to lose more lbs and tone up! I still have about 30 lbs to lose and hopefully that'll solve my slight double chin problem but I'm sure hers will remain the same - protruding further than the tip of her nose. I'm not kidding when I say this too btw. Her double chin LITERALLY sticks out further than her nose.

    It still hurts thinking about it but I'm trying to let it go little by little. I'm sure I just need to give it time to get over it and my confidence and self esteem will recover.

    She really is a nasty and mean person towards everyone. I knew there must have been more to it as to why she's been married and divorced like 4 or 5 times in the past decade. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm pretty convinced it was her attitude that lead to her many failed marriages.

    Again, thank you all for your kind words and words of encouragement.

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