I'm so hurt and in tears before I could even start writing this…

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  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
    If you're not over weight anymore people will still find something to insult you. After I lost a lot of weight years ago I no longer received the "overweight girl" insults, I started getting the "blonde bimbo" insults instead. Those hurt just as much, if not more :( Fat girls insult me when I'm thin and thin girls insult me when I'm fat. You only win when you finally realize it's their insecurities showing and it's not really about you.
  • CatherineHillin
    CatherineHillin Posts: 66 Member
    -hughughug- I'm so sorry!!! That is so awful, no one should ever talk to you like that! You have the worlds permission to *kitten* slap all of those people. If it makes you feel any better, I've had similar problems with my mother. My sister is a teeny little twig and she's always comparing us and making rude comments...I think she's taking her own weight issues out on me. That and genuine worry, I'm sure, but still. You be strong, and stand up for yourself, and know that you are doing a really good thing for yourself!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    MsJulesRenee wrote: »
    If you're not over weight anymore people will still find something to insult you. After I lost a lot of weight years ago I no longer received the "overweight girl" insults, I started getting the "blonde bimbo" insults instead. Those hurt just as much, if not more :( Fat girls insult me when I'm thin and thin girls insult me when I'm fat. You only win when you finally realize it's their insecurities showing and it's not really about you.

    Yeah. People I barely know have warned hubby that he has to "watch out", assuming now that I am "beautiful", I might "stray". Idiotic.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    F them. Seriously. The situation is 10% what was said and 90% of your attitude and reaction to it. That is well within your control. Obviously they are toxic, unhappy people themselves that need to deflect their self-shame to others.

    The only thing that matters moving forward is, what are you going to do about being unhappy with yourself?
  • d00dlefairy
    d00dlefairy Posts: 15 Member
    I know all about that! An uncle we hadn't seen for maybe 20 years or so walked in on my sister and the first thing he said, was wow! you've put on weight. You used to be so thin and attractive. Um what?! She was floored and didn't know what to say. Now she weighs maybe 158 pounds. A-hole. Upon seeing me he said and YOU'VE lost weight. You look just as good as you did when you were a teenager, your sister should take you as an example. Horrible. He wasn't interested in how we were doing after all that time! We talked about this afterwards and agreed that he should just be ignored seeing as we will only be seeing him twice a year. My mom on the other hand congratulates me constantly for losing but said twice now, I should get botox for the wrinkles underneath my eyes. My sister got annoyed with her and said that I laugh a lot and that's the way it is. If she says it one more time, I'm gonna have to have a talk with her.

    Can't imagine what it's like to hear crap like that constantly! Try to put it behind you. You're working on you for yourself. Not anyone else! It's the only way this weight loss thing works.
  • Lisa000000
    Lisa000000 Posts: 4 Member
    Oh, sweetie -HUGS-

    First of all, you're not overreacting. Your feelings are what they are. People are hurtful. People are thoughtless. Family hurts us the worst because we expect the most from them.

    But the thing is - and this is going to sound crazy and unbelievable, but hear me out - people can only hurt you as much as you allow them to. No, I don't mean that it's your fault - what I mean is that you have the power to decide how much you let these hurtful people get under your skin. Don't allow them to take your confidence, to lash at your beauty, because you ARE a beautiful person. You are a beautifully, sensitive person who has suffered many years of hurt and pain. It's perfectly normal to still carry those old wounds around, letting them be reopened by people who (really in the great scheme of things) don't matter. Let them think what they think. Let them say what they say. Who cares? You've lost the weight, but their teeth are still yellow and their breath still stinks. At least you've solved your problem! :smile: Yes, it will still hurt when they say these things, but at least KNOW who and what YOU ARE. Accept that you can't change the fact that people will always say stupid, hurtful things. Just be ready for it, and know how you will be prepared to react internally next time it happens. It's okay to feel hurt, but don't let it derail you. Only you, not them, can define who you are. You can't change the stupid things that people say, but you can change the way you internalize it. I know this is easier said than done (I myself work on this every day of my life - I have a mood disorder), but you can do it if you put your mind to it. It'll save you a whole lotta pain once you get good at it.

    You are a strong young woman - use your power to not let these stupid comments rattle you, and keep fighting the good fight. Congratulations on losing 40 pounds! You should be proud of yourself! You are an inspiration to me.

    Best of luck to you.
  • yangt41
    yangt41 Posts: 33 Member
    Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I feel a whole lot better venting it out. My immediate family has been very supportive and happy for me - even though they too said hurtful comments before I lost the weight. She's a distant relative that doesn't come around often so I really don't think I'll see her for at least another year or so. That gives me more time to lose more lbs and tone up! I still have about 30 lbs to lose and hopefully that'll solve my slight double chin problem but I'm sure hers will remain the same - protruding further than the tip of her nose. I'm not kidding when I say this too btw. Her double chin LITERALLY sticks out further than her nose.

    It still hurts thinking about it but I'm trying to let it go little by little. I'm sure I just need to give it time to get over it and my confidence and self esteem will recover.

    She really is a nasty and mean person towards everyone. I knew there must have been more to it as to why she's been married and divorced like 4 or 5 times in the past decade. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm pretty convinced it was her attitude that lead to her many failed marriages.

    Again, thank you all for your kind words and words of encouragement.
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