the other half

missie0611
missie0611 Posts: 29 Member
edited November 25 in Motivation and Support
Has anyone ever dealt with their other half NOT wanting them to lose weight?

Replies

  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    No, but I'm sure that is frustrating! Best of luck to you !
  • jaewow
    jaewow Posts: 18 Member
    Yes, my husband was very against at first but I pushed and pushed him to let me diet. One thing I did is stopped wearing nice clothes and told him I was to fat to fit anything I own, so I had to loss weight or buy a whole new wardrobe.
  • mikhnpaitsmum
    mikhnpaitsmum Posts: 119 Member
    Mine isn't against it so much as not support e of it. It is a challenge but I am doing it for me and no one else.
  • missie0611
    missie0611 Posts: 29 Member
    mikhnpaitsmum wrote: »
    Mine isn't against it so much as not support e of it. It is a challenge but I am doing it for me and no one else.

    Yes! Same here. But almost to the point where they tempt you so you fail as well.
    I'm doing this for me as well. Well, and for my daughter. But with the family history I have, I'm not doing myself any favors by NOT doing anything.
  • trbrmc
    trbrmc Posts: 8 Member
    It's doable; my wife hasn't changed a thing, still smokes and eats whatever she feels. I'll come home from work and there'll be a whataburger bag on the bar.
    I quit smoking in May of 2014 and there's still days where I feel I could eat a pack of cigarettes, but every time I walk past her ashtray and get that smell, I realize it's right.

    If she ever decides she wants to change her life, then I'll support it, but you simply cannot force people to change. I was personall over 400 lbs and sick of myself; she's nowhere near that! I'm 298 now! It's been hard, sure, but not impossible!
  • eep223
    eep223 Posts: 624 Member
    My husband isn't trying to lose weight, but he is supportive of me doing so. He still eats a lot of junk, and that's his prerogative. I just ask that he be mindful of my goals. For me, it's been a process of learning that I don't have to accept every time he offers me candy or cookies, and him learning not to push if I decline. Another change we made is that, even if he is the one cooking, I always plate my own dinner. He tends to give me him-sized portions, which is not what I want or need. We try to make sure we have A vegetable, ANY vegetable with our dinner, regardless of what else we're eating (even if it's hamburgers and french fries or something). I'll load up most of my plate with veggies (usually a quick salad from the salad bar at the grocery), and take a single portion of the main and a smaller portion of the other side if there is one. That's been working great for me!
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    trbrmc wrote: »
    It's doable; my wife hasn't changed a thing, still smokes and eats whatever she feels. I'll come home from work and there'll be a whataburger bag on the bar.
    I quit smoking in May of 2014 and there's still days where I feel I could eat a pack of cigarettes, but every time I walk past her ashtray and get that smell, I realize it's right.

    If she ever decides she wants to change her life, then I'll support it, but you simply cannot force people to change. I was personall over 400 lbs and sick of myself; she's nowhere near that! I'm 298 now! It's been hard, sure, but not impossible!

    Wow! Good for you! Quitting smoking AND losing 100+ pounds is fantastic. Very impressive. Keep it up! You'll have lots of support and encouragement here.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    jaewow wrote: »
    Yes, my husband was very against at first but I pushed and pushed him to let me diet. One thing I did is stopped wearing nice clothes and told him I was to fat to fit anything I own, so I had to loss weight or buy a whole new wardrobe.

    Um, what??? I hope that was just a poor choice of words because you don't need anyone's permission to improve your health. I wish you success and I really hope you aren't in a controlling marriage. Life's too short for that.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    Husband goes through stages of wanting to lose, will drop just a few pounds, then quit the process and gain them right back. He's always bingeing on something. Tried telling him no one needs 2 dinners. Sometimes he gets mad when I decline something he offers me, but, you know... too bad. My right to say no. I am having to stick to 1200 cals right now to get rid of 5 lbs I gained by temporarily living in a location not conducive to exercise/no gym or free floor space regularly available.... and there he is just stuffing his face all day. Kind of drives me nuts AND is bad for his health. But I can't do anything about it so... I just drink my coffee and tea and chew gum and do my best to ignore him eating everything he can find, purchasing junk and offering it to me, etc. rather frustrating and annoying.
  • tayloralanj
    tayloralanj Posts: 137 Member
    edited October 2015
    Yep, my wife tries to keep me fat because I'm so hot, she's so selfish.
  • Shanel0916
    Shanel0916 Posts: 586 Member
    I can defiantly identify I'm only 6lbs in and my SO says I shouldn't lose anymore weight. I've got 20-30lbs to go in my eyes. I am doing this for myself and no longer care how he feels. I want to feel good about myself and who I am. Once I lose the weight if he doesn't like it then he can get lost as well.
  • agreenid
    agreenid Posts: 218 Member
    My exboyfriend would actively try to stop me from being healthier. In the long run it's about your own willpower etc but it's crazy hard to have someone bringing in the wrong type of food or shoving treats you can't have under your nose. It turned out that he was very afraid that my losing weight would equal my leaving him (which in the end was related more tot he emotional abuse than the weightloss that never happened). If it's the right decision for you and this is something you want for yourself, find the support and help you can from friends or here at MFP. Hopefully it will help a little when there's no support from the home front!
  • sunandmoons
    sunandmoons Posts: 415 Member
    tayloralanj wrote: »
    Yep, my wife tries to keep me fat because I'm so hot, she's so selfish.

    ????
  • missie0611
    missie0611 Posts: 29 Member
    Shanel0916 wrote: »
    I can defiantly identify I'm only 6lbs in and my SO says I shouldn't lose anymore weight. I've got 20-30lbs to go in my eyes. I am doing this for myself and no longer care how he feels. I want to feel good about myself and who I am. Once I lose the weight if he doesn't like it then he can get lost as well.

    Good for you. I think they are scared of losing the person, when in fact its the fat that's being lost. The person changes, but for the positive. But the SO feels left out therefore wanting to sabotage the goal.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    sunandmoons wrote: »
    tayloralanj wrote: »
    Yep, my wife tries to keep me fat because I'm so hot, she's so selfish.

    ????

    @tayloralanj was being sarcastic! I enjoy his humorous comments, but I suppose they can be taken the wrong way if you're not familiar with the poster's style.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Shanel0916 wrote: »
    I can defiantly identify I'm only 6lbs in and my SO says I shouldn't lose anymore weight. I've got 20-30lbs to go in my eyes. I am doing this for myself and no longer care how he feels. I want to feel good about myself and who I am. Once I lose the weight if he doesn't like it then he can get lost as well.


    Good for you! No sense being bogged down by the insecurities of others. You do this for YOU. That's how to be successful long-term.

    And @missie0611, I agree with your assessment in your last comment. Spot on.
  • FatSwatter
    FatSwatter Posts: 175 Member
    agreenid wrote: »
    My exboyfriend would actively try to stop me from being healthier. In the long run it's about your own willpower etc but it's crazy hard to have someone bringing in the wrong type of food or shoving treats you can't have under your nose. It turned out that he was very afraid that my losing weight would equal my leaving him (which in the end was related more tot he emotional abuse than the weightloss that never happened). If it's the right decision for you and this is something you want for yourself, find the support and help you can from friends or here at MFP. Hopefully it will help a little when there's no support from the home front!

    I can relate to this at the beginning of my weight loss journey before my boyfriend realized I was serious. Food has always been used as a reward or treat when I'm depressed/angry/frustrated, but now that he knows I'm not kidding around anymore he doesn't do that nearly as much unless it's for a birthday or some special occasion. However, that said we've been walking nearly every day at least 2-3 miles, usually 6-8 miles on the weekends. I've found walking really has strengthened our relationship because we can talk about the day, our frustrations, or anything else we want to talk about.

    I don't have a dog, but if @missie0611 does, perhaps you two could go for a walk together? That's what really started things for my boyfriend and I. It's great that he's a lot more supportive now. He's lost about 20 pounds so far and I've lost 42. I've also noticed he's making healthier choices without me even saying anything. In fact, when we go out, he'll get whatever he wants which lately has been much healthier than he would have. His co-worker invited him to his favorite burger joint last week and they both ended up getting a chicken fiesta salad! That really shocked me. However, this takes time and won't happen overnight. Once you are consistent in doing things for your health, he'll eventually realize just like my boyfriend did, that you aren't playing around. Best of luck to you. :smile:
  • tayloralanj
    tayloralanj Posts: 137 Member
    Definitely sarcasm, sorry.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    There's a lot of SO disdain in this thread. Does anyone sit down and talk to their SO anymore? That kind of thing is crucial to successful relationships. If you are feeling like your SO isn't supportive of your weight loss efforts, your first move should be to sit down and have a discussion, not have an internet rant behind the person's back you are supposed to be in love with.
  • rats2010
    rats2010 Posts: 79 Member
    My husband is VERY supportive of my losing weight. He is willing to try nearly any new recipe I find and make, even if it's just a bite. He is mindful of where we go to eat out, and always asks "if you have the calories for it" before hand so he's not tempting me with something I can't afford. The biggest pitfall is his sweet tooth.. because he always offers me some of whatever it is, or straight up buys me my own without asking. Then it comes down to me to either turn it down or be able to eat just a portion.. bah! This is something I'm still working on, the self control of sweets lol. We talk a lot about my weight loss goals, he takes my progress pictures every few weeks and we compare them together. He celebrates with me over my measuring tape victories and offers to spot me working out... there is nothing he wouldn't do to help me. He just doesn't take part in actively wanting to lose weight himself, though he has lost a few pounds due to the change in what I bring into the house for groceries.
  • missie0611
    missie0611 Posts: 29 Member
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    There's a lot of SO disdain in this thread. Does anyone sit down and talk to their SO anymore? That kind of thing is crucial to successful relationships. If you are feeling like your SO isn't supportive of your weight loss efforts, your first move should be to sit down and have a discussion, not have an internet rant behind the person's back you are supposed to be in love with.

    This disdain that you're speaking of is part of the reason so many people stay fat. The begrudging of feelings tends to turn people to food. Therefore they stay fat. When one has "already" spoke with SO regarding the process of weight loss and getting healthy and they want nothing to do with it because they'd rather you stay fat so they have that control over you. If you've never been in that situation before, let me tell you, just a few words from the SO can send spiraling down a rabbit hole so quick and no way to climb out, because of the lack of support .
    My question wasn't to rag on anyone's SO, it was to find out how they may have coped with doing things all by themselves without any support from them.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    missie0611 wrote: »
    mccindy72 wrote: »
    There's a lot of SO disdain in this thread. Does anyone sit down and talk to their SO anymore? That kind of thing is crucial to successful relationships. If you are feeling like your SO isn't supportive of your weight loss efforts, your first move should be to sit down and have a discussion, not have an internet rant behind the person's back you are supposed to be in love with.

    This disdain that you're speaking of is part of the reason so many people stay fat. The begrudging of feelings tends to turn people to food. Therefore they stay fat. When one has "already" spoke with SO regarding the process of weight loss and getting healthy and they want nothing to do with it because they'd rather you stay fat so they have that control over you. If you've never been in that situation before, let me tell you, just a few words from the SO can send spiraling down a rabbit hole so quick and no way to climb out, because of the lack of support .
    My question wasn't to rag on anyone's SO, it was to find out how they may have coped with doing things all by themselves without any support from them.

    The few phrases I've bolded - those are all things that I was talking about when said this: If you are feeling like your SO isn't supportive of your weight loss efforts, your first move should be to sit down and have a discussion. But if that isn't working, if that isn't the kind of support you are getting, you have to question the relationship you have with the person who pledged to love and support you for the rest of your life when you took vows. Marriage is a complicated thing, but when it starts to fall apart, perhaps it's time to seek therapy and work through the reasons why your SO would rather control you, have you in a state of unhappiness, etc.
    I think it would be so hard to have to try to work through things alone when you are in a relationship with someone who is supposed to be your ultimate support and never leave you alone.
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