Working on a relationship with food

ifyouonlylovedme · October 2015

I have been hesitant about posting on any boards on this website's due to the harshness everyone seems to have when someone asks a question. BUT

I keep seeing that people need to work on their relationship with food, what exactly does that mean?

How does one who doesn't know where to start just suspose to know what to eat, and where to start.

When I diet I do crave things and most of the time I am able to ignore a craving, but there are just some things I binge on without a thought crossing my mind (like pizza)

Does anyone have any HELPFUL or NON NEGATIVE advice on how to start fixing my relationship with food?

k2mexox · October 2015

Honestly I say try making the healthiest choices possible. Vegetables, fruit, lean meats. Use a food scale and learn proper measurements so that your calorie counts will be accurate. And once you understand calories and get the hang of eating better. You will know if you have the room on your diary to add a slice or two of pizza. Or French fries or whatever. I work my unhealthy food in moderation into my diary. I try to focus on healthier stuff. But let's be real. I crave French fries a lot lol. Feel free to add me! =] and good luck with your journey!

joannie92 · October 2015

I have the same problem as you, consciously able to say no to forbidden fruits when I think about it but if I'm distracted or eating socially I won't even think about it.

Of course it's easier said than done but try and eat only when you think about what passes your lips. Track everything you eat so you can look at your day and see where it's gone wrong and always be honest with your self.

It's distraction that sounds like your problem (as it is mine), think about everything before you eat it, it's a good habit to build into yourself and worth the effort.

Good luck! Xx

kshama2001 · October 2015

For me, improving my relationship with food means becoming more mindful and not self-medicating with it. So, now when I feel bad and would have gone for a pint of Ben & Jerry's, I exercise instead.

You may find this book helpful. It was available in my library system so maybe yours too: Eating Mindfully: How to End Mindless Eating and Enjoy a Balanced Relationship with Food.

vivmom2014 · October 2015

Unlearning old behaviors and getting comfortable with new ones can take a while. It's ideal not to cut out whole types of food or to think of food with "good" and "bad" labels. Food is fuel. Food is a blessing.

Set a reasonable calorie deficit. Use a food scale to properly weigh what you eat. Eat a variety of foods that you enjoy. Some folks have a lot of success by pre-planning their menus for the day. You could try that.

This is a process of behaving around food differently. We have a wealth of delicious foods surrounding us. Those foods do not wield power over us. We have favorite foods that we love, and losing weight is not a punitive matter of kissing those favorites goodbye. It is learning to eat them in moderation and taking control, which ultimately is very freeing.

yesimpson · October 2015

For me it meant to stop eating my feelings, or beating myself up because I ate more than planned. Now I can appreciate food does not cheer me up when I'm down, and eating a calorific pizza instead of a salad at a friend's birthday is not a sign of any major character faults.

shandy4487 · October 2015

vivmom2014 wrote: »

Unlearning old behaviors and getting comfortable with new ones can take a while. It's ideal not to cut out whole types of food or to think of food with "good" and "bad" labels. Food is fuel. Food is a blessing.

This, 100%. I know for me personally, I had to stop thinking I was being "good " if I ate a salad, or "bad" if I ate chocolate or something. The choices I make about what I eat should not be indicative of my morality, if that makes sense. It is really hard to change a lifetime of thoughts and ideas, but it can be done. Best of luck to you

tulips_and_tea · October 2015

shandy4487 wrote: »

vivmom2014 wrote: »

Unlearning old behaviors and getting comfortable with new ones can take a while. It's ideal not to cut out whole types of food or to think of food with "good" and "bad" labels. Food is fuel. Food is a blessing.

This, 100%. I know for me personally, I had to stop thinking I was being "good " if I ate a salad, or "bad" if I ate chocolate or something. The choices I make about what I eat should not be indicative of my morality, if that makes sense. It is really hard to change a lifetime of thoughts and ideas, but it can be done. Best of luck to you

Yes, I agree with both of these posts. As usual, words and terms can mean different things to different people, so to me having a healthy relationship with food means removing the emotion from it. It is fuel and it is to be enjoyed. Eating to soothe or bury emotions is unhealthy. Lots of people are handed down bad habits regarding food at a very young age, so it can be hard to change the thinking, but yes, it's possible to do so.

Emily3907 · October 2015

I am smack dab in the middle of figuring out this relationship with food and learning about myself to balance it all out. I used food for everything whether I was happy, sad, bored, excited, celebrations, the weekend, having lost weight and "rewarding" myself, etc. it would all revolve around food.

I would wake up and get excited about what I was going to eat that day and plan it all out. Everything revolved around food and my next meal. I was consumed with thoughts of food and it was bad. I am slowly starting to break some of these habits and finding other ways to enjoy life outside of my meals. It is a long and scary process to start confronting these habits and feelings that have been ingrained over the years, but I also think it has been the road block to my success.

One thing that has started making a difference is keeping a journal and before eating, I write down how I am feeling. I am starting to find trends in this and finding ways to cope with my "triggers". I also instituted a "rule" with my husband that we would handle celebrations with something active. Instead of celebrating our anniversary with a huge meal at a nice restaurant, we pick a place and go hiking for a day. For my b-day this past year, we went to a new bike trail I have been wanting to ride. I also have been working through a book about Cognitive Behavior Therapy and weight loss called "Beck Diet Solution". It is not a "diet" book, but more of a tool to help work through the behaviors involved with food.

zorahgail · October 2015

ifyouonlylovedme wrote: »

I keep seeing that people need to work on their relationship with food, what exactly does that mean?

Does anyone have any HELPFUL or NON NEGATIVE advice on how to start fixing my relationship with food?

@ifyouonlylovedme first I want to acknowledge you for being courageous and posting on the boards. Great job!

I've also had to change my relationship to food. Here are three tools that helped me. Let me know what you think!

- Be Kind. Being kind to myself is absolutely non-negotiable. No beating myself up. No judgment. Just lots of curiosity about what's happening and why, and what the ripple effect is.

- Hunger Scale. This is about getting to know what physical hunger feels like. I used a scale from -10 to +10 because I kind of only knew starving-not starving-full. A big range made it feel like I wasn't boxed in. When I first started checking in I'd have no idea what number I was at, so I just guessed.

- 4 Types of Eating. This is a concept I learned from Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School. The types are Fuel, Joy, Fog, Storm. Fuel is eating with awareness and supports your nutrition and performance goals. Joy is exactly that - because it's fun and pleasurable! Fog is eating mindlessly and unconsciously. Storm is eating when you're not physically hungry, are doing it anyway, feeling out of control, and/or using food to resist/numb/avoid emotions.

lorrpb · October 2015

I had to come to terms with the fact that I will always have to "watch what I eat".. That I cannot eat however I want to and have the health & life I want. Guidance from a personal trainer who reviewed my MFP logs was also extremely helpful to get going in the right direction. From there on, my mindset has been that the number on the scale is more important than the food. I don't know why my cravings and desire to eat stopped! They just did once I started following new habits.

FGTisme · October 2015

For me, it was learning how to allow each food to have its "place" in my life, if that makes any sense. I guess it's really about balance.

I focus most of my eating around lean meats, veggies, fruits, and low fat dairy. I try to plan one treat in each day as well.

If I am eating more calorie dense foods, like pasta, breads or rich desserts, I will plan the rest of my day around them, so I can stay within my calorie target. I also know that with more calorie dense foods, I need to be mindful of portion sizes.

If I know that I will be eating out, traveling, or having a pizza night, I might save 100 calories for a few days to use towards that.

Kalikel · October 2015

It's a complicated question and the answer is different for everyone. Some people would benefit a great deal from talking it out with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders because those therapists really get food issues. Other people can spot their issues and come up with a plan for themselves and make adjustments as they go and work through it themselves. You have to be able to take good, hard look at yourself and be willing to try new things if your original plan fails.

Pizza and chocolate are two huge things people talk about all the time, lol. I have never really liked pizza and don't get the whole chocoholic thing, but I did give up some things I liked a lot. Doughnuts would be very high up on that list. I had at least one a day. I cut them out and that was that. It was terribly hard at first. Even after a year, when if took a break I was all, "I'm going to eat doughnuts!" But when the time came, I didn't care.

I just don't care about them any longer. I get my sweetness from fruit and the doughnut really isn't better.

I no longer crave them or miss them because they aren't the forbidden fruit and they don't represent something I cannot have, but want desperately because IT IS SO GOOD. It's not that good. It really just isn't.

I don't have to work on keeping them out of my diet because I don't want them in my diet, they're just a different kind of sweet and not really better than the berries. The berries are sweet and flavorful and have a zip to them that the doughnuts really lack.

That took a long, long time to reach. Well over a year. But I got there. Before I got to, "Yeah, yeah, donuts, whatever." I was all, "Oh, donuts!" and having to restrain myself. Long process.

If I wanted one, I'd eat one. But I don't. I'm so glad I finally reached the point where it isn't a struggle. It took long enough!

That's how I did it. I zapped things out of my diet and struggled. Other people have more success by learning to eat just a little. The idea of zapping things from their diet is unappealing and too stressful. It leads them to a binge. So they learn to eat enough that stops them from binging, but doesn't make them gain weight.

You have to find the thing that works for you.

jgnatca · October 2015

I suggest doing some reading on willpower and habit. Duhigg has an excellent book out. Basically everyone has different triggers and different responses. You want to be aware of what you are putting in your mouth and why.

My triggers are anger and boredom so I have strategists to deal differently with those feelings.

Duhigg points out that it is much easier ti redirect a habit than to redirect it so once you find your triggers find a non food reward to satisfy. For instance, sometimes I will run instead of snack.

kshama2001 · October 2015

zorahgail wrote: »

ifyouonlylovedme wrote: »

I keep seeing that people need to work on their relationship with food, what exactly does that mean?

Does anyone have any HELPFUL or NON NEGATIVE advice on how to start fixing my relationship with food?

- 4 Types of Eating. This is a concept I learned from Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School. The types are Fuel, Joy, Fog, Storm. Fuel is eating with awareness and supports your nutrition and performance goals. Joy is exactly that - because it's fun and pleasurable! Fog is eating mindlessly and unconsciously. Storm is eating when you're not physically hungry, are doing it anyway, feeling out of control, and/or using food to resist/numb/avoid emotions.

@zorahgail - this is interesting! What do you do about Storm and Fog?

MarcyKirkton · October 2015

For me, it simply means that food needs to be to fuel my body. It isn't my companion (as I watch TV). It isn't my confidant (as I eat when feeling sorry for myself). It isn't my true love that I can't get enough of (as I eat portions intended for someone 3 times my size). It isn't validation for a job well done (as I celebrate some accomplishment by overindulging).

It's just food. Fun, pleasant part of life, and certainly can be quite a treat.....but nonetheless, it shouldn't be used for other reasons.

I'm just about there. It made me cranky at first to change. But I definitely find my new attitude benefits me more. I no longer suffer from "stomach flu," which turned out to be nothing more than overeating, probably fats. I no longer suffer from gas, bloating, and that feeling of heaviness after eating too much. My body appreciates the change.

That's all it means to me. What is my motivation when I eat? Am I eating because my body needs fuel......or other reasons?

kommodevaran · October 2015

I grew up with overeating as the norm, but it worked as long as I didn't have much of an appetite and the food available was ordinary food, not much junk. It got more difficult when I continued overeating alternating between junk and real food and even tried to stall my weight gain with diet food. In 2006, I managed, by counting calories and eating low-fat, to lose the excess weight, and maintained, for two whole days.

My next effort started in 2013, I started out filling my food diary (somewhere else, then here on MFP) loosely following the official guidelines. Then I worked with "the hunger scale", experimented with different macro splits, read a lot about nutrition, psychology, marketing, food production. I started to cook more from scratch, getting more varitey, to be kinder to myself, and allowing for more tasty food. Tried to keep a small stash of chocolate etc at home, but I find it too stressful to try to moderate, much better for me not to buy it in the first place.

Some resources that have been useful for me: Ellyn Satter Institute Mark Schatzker's The Dorito Effect and Allen Carr's Easyweigh to Lose Weight also because it became clear to me that I am not that emotional wreck I believed myself to be, eating my feelings, but that I need taste and that my cravings are food driven.

ifyouonlylovedme · October 2015

Thanks guys! I think knowing that others are struggling with the same issues makes me feel relieved and more confident

Unknown · October 2015

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UncaToddly · October 2015

For me, the "working on my relationship with food" is the exact phrase I have used before coming here. Smoking, drugs, alcohol, any of them I can just stop or have been able to use in moderation. Food. Food was different and I think that is largely because we HAVE to eat. But we don't HAVE to go to Burger King and spend $25 on yourself because you want to buy what sounds good and what you like all at once.... and 4000 calories later you are loathing that you let yourself eat all that and that you didn't even enjoy most of it and WHY do YOU do this when everyone else seems content to buy a Whopper Jr. or even a Chicken Sandwich Meal and be content?

I am working on it. It isn't easy but my plan is working for now. I am 51 pounds down from my peak weight at the beginning of the year with over 100 to go.

The start of working on that relationship was working on portion control. Things like not eating everything that the wife didn't eat every time she made dinner and making myself take the leftovers to work for my lunch (usually multiple days).

A few months ago I saw a bariatric specialist and the next step of working on that relationship was changing my diet and eating schedule to lose weight and better fit within body issues.

My hope is that there will come a day when I can eat a slice of a phenomenal chocolate cake with an amazing ice cream and be able to be completely happy with it..... rather than not being able to fathom how you could be satisfied with ONE PIECE when it is so good that I should want to eat the whole cake with a half gallon of ice cream.

Working on a relationship with food

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