Families, do you eat every single meal together?
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Francl27
Posts: 26,372 Member
When my (French) mom is visiting, she's always complaining about how we eat the 'American way' for lunch, and don't all sit together to eat. I don't really remember how it was when I lived there, but she would make a new meal for lunch and we'd treat it like dinner and all eat together... which I have no desire to do considering how much of a pain it is to plan dinners as it is (plus husband and kids typically don't want 'dinner food' for lunch).
Here lunch is usually leftovers or sandwiches or something... Problem is we don't get up at the same time, we don't have breakfast (or second breakfast) at the same time, so we're not all hungry for lunch at the same time either. And it makes no sense to me to reheat every single thing and put it on the table when we could just make our own plate in the kitchen with whatever we want and reheat just that (plus it saves electricity, mom!). So yeah, we don't necessarily all eat together that one day a week when we're all at home for lunch. And she's giving me **** about it. That's coming from the woman who gets up at 6am and have breakfast alone before anyone else wakes up (yes I appreciate the irony).
We eat dinner together 80% of the time (except when hubby's late and/or the kids are starving at 5.30pm and we have leftovers to eat).
Just wondering, how is it for other families? I don't believe it's necessarily the 'American way' but she has those very close-minded opinions about what Americans do (she's clearly an expert as she comes here for a week 3x a year) and it's driving me up the wall. I mean, maybe we'll all have lunch together when the kids are older and stop asking for food every hour, and she hubby stops having breakfast at 10am, but we're not quite there yet.
ETA: we usually eat out for lunch once in the week end too so it's typically one meal a week.
Here lunch is usually leftovers or sandwiches or something... Problem is we don't get up at the same time, we don't have breakfast (or second breakfast) at the same time, so we're not all hungry for lunch at the same time either. And it makes no sense to me to reheat every single thing and put it on the table when we could just make our own plate in the kitchen with whatever we want and reheat just that (plus it saves electricity, mom!). So yeah, we don't necessarily all eat together that one day a week when we're all at home for lunch. And she's giving me **** about it. That's coming from the woman who gets up at 6am and have breakfast alone before anyone else wakes up (yes I appreciate the irony).
We eat dinner together 80% of the time (except when hubby's late and/or the kids are starving at 5.30pm and we have leftovers to eat).
Just wondering, how is it for other families? I don't believe it's necessarily the 'American way' but she has those very close-minded opinions about what Americans do (she's clearly an expert as she comes here for a week 3x a year) and it's driving me up the wall. I mean, maybe we'll all have lunch together when the kids are older and stop asking for food every hour, and she hubby stops having breakfast at 10am, but we're not quite there yet.
ETA: we usually eat out for lunch once in the week end too so it's typically one meal a week.
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We eat dinner together. Breakfast and lunch are largely whenever people are hungry. They get their own.0
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my kids are at school and we're at work during lunch...it would be impossible for us to have lunch together during the week.
my kids usually eat dinner earlier since they get out of school at 3:45 and my wife works 3/4 time...generally they have been fed by the time I roll in from work at 6:30 - 7:00 or so (sometimes later) and my wife an I eat later in the evening after they've gone to bed.
during the work week we spend time with them talking and playing and doing homework in the evenings but really, our schedules are not conducive to eating every meal together. we eat meals as a family on the weekends though.0 -
I don't put much stock in the 'eat together' stuff, unless if you don't do that together then you don't do anything together. Here, we spend so much time together that we don't have to make a focus on sitting down and eating together X times a day or week.
You mother-in-law's generation probably equates food prep and table time with 'good parenting'. My mother did. In my worldview, it's not that important.0 -
We all get together on a Wednesday and Sunday evening to eat. Other than that our schedules are so different it isn't possible.0
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billieljaime wrote: »the bottom line is YOU have to do what is right for YOUR family. Your mother no longer has a say. I do not agree with one portion of your story, the kids asking for food every hour, I dont think they should get it. I dont think that is a healthy habit, but revert to line one of this post.
Have a gentle talk with your mother, tell her you love her visits but you are doing the best you can for your family and maybe things will change in the future but this is how they are now and that her nagging ONLY make you feel badly and does not help anyone and you would love to spend her visits enjoying each other.
Well the kids are asking for food all the time but it doesn't mean that they actually get it, lol. But yeah they tend to eat little at meals and snack a lot, which drives me nuts... but when I let them have something it's usually fruit or cheese.0 -
Dinner -Together each evening 80% of the time. The 20% covers one of us working late, date night, etc.
Lunch - Rarely. Daughter is in school. Husband and I work. His weekends are during my work week and vice versa.
Breakfast - Daughter and I eat together about half the time. I'm often getting lunches ready in the morning while eating so I'll eat standing up at the counter while she's at the table. Husband leaves for work at 6 am so he's gone by the time we're eating. When he's home, he's not big on breakfast but we sometimes eat out.0 -
Dh is at work 5 days a week. He does not eat breakfast and can not come home for lunch. I pack him food to take with him.
I homeschool dd and we do not eat breakfast together because we wake up at different times but do eat lunch together during the week.
Theoretically we eat dinner together every night but sometimes dh doesn't come to the table until dd and I are finished or mostly finished. I make dinner at the same time every night but that doesn't mean everyone jumps up immediately when I say dinner is ready. I'm hungry and I don't wait for them. I do stay in the dining or kitchen area usually until everyone is finished.
On weekends we eat lunch together at least once.
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When family is visiting we eat our meals together. Mainly because most of our family members are too polite to raid the fridge themselves and would probably starve if we didn't make their meals into an event. I wish I were kidding. We're very relaxed, "front door is open let yourself in", kind of people. Our family members wouldn't come in unless we opened the door for them to let them in and pointed to exactly where they can sit or stand. It's ridiculous, and it takes just about all of their trip before they get how relaxed we are and how little we care if they eat all our food, put their feet up and make themselves at home. Nevertheless, next visit, they've forgotten and we've got to teach them all over again.
My husband and I in our day to day eat when we want, usually on our coffee table, and sometimes we eat dinner together there.
Our dining room is being turned into an office at the moment because as a dining room it was little more than for show and just collected dust. We've been married for 16 years and even on holidays going to the trouble of dining in a dining room feels stupid and unnatural to us. Neither of us wants to be there, though in theory it sounds like a good idea, like trying to live out some Martha Stuart fantasy of creating picture-perfect ideal of American family moments, in practice it's a lot of trouble and a lot of mess, and conversation feels forced and unnatural. If we had family close by or entertained it might have been more useful.
If we must dine or entertain we have a large breakfast nook in our kitchen bay window, which also works as more kitchen counter space if I need it or a place to dump our endless piles of mail.
I don't know if this is an American thing or not. Perhaps it's an effect of just the general American attitude of "I do what I want, when I want, Cuz America, that's why." I definitely don't feel it's as detrimental to not eat together as it is to force people to dine together who would rather be doing their own thing, though. There's an SNL sketch with Will Ferrell of a family eating dinner together and trying to talk to each other and every attempt at small talk would blow up into a huge fight. The resentment of the family members having to sit there and pretend they wouldn't rather be doing anything else I think captured the real experience and exaggerated it which is in contrast to the ideal fantasy that just doesn't exist except in people's minds.
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While we sometimes eat lunch together, it's not the norm. I prepare meals for dinner, lunch is typically leftovers and there's usually a couple of choices. Normally i try to make sure we eat together as a family at least 3 times a week, however the past two months I've had our dining table full of canning supplies and just barely cleaned it off, so we need to get in the habit of family dinners again!
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When I lived at home, dinner was a family affair most nights. But all of us kids had various after school activities (and later, college classes or evening shift at a job), so it would depend on who was gonna be where & when. The expectation, though, was if you're home and it's dinner, join everyone else and eat.
Breakfast on Sundays would be a family thing too since we all went to church.
Beyond that, meals were everyone for themselves. If you were making yourself something for breakfast/lunch and someone else was home, checking in to see if they wanted anything was kind of expected but that's it.
~Lyssa0 -
Ugh. Being an immigrant, I suddenly got an image in my mind where I feel like I know exactly how your Mom feels. Just watching my Mom eating lunch by herself at the dining table because everyone else in the house has either been grazing all day, or grabbed something quick and ate it while watching TV. Compare to visiting them at their home and everyone pauses for a half hour to eat the lovingly prepared lunch. Sits and smiles together, tells random stories and jokes and overall just makes everyone feel good. That was actually over a holiday period, though. Not sure how they really live when they're back to working 70 hour weeks (yes, the supposed retiree works more hours than all his kids)
OP, even if your kids aren't available, I suggest attempting a few lunches with just you and Mom (I'm assuming you're both available since she's there to nag you...lol)0 -
When I lived at home, we hardly ate any of our meals together. We all had different schedules so for the most part we ate breakfast at different times. We were never together for lunch due to work and school.
When I was younger, we did have dinner together most nights. But as my brother and I got older family dinners happened less and less, maybe only two or three times a week.0 -
In my family we always eat dinner together, unless one of us is out with friends/working really late, and the unspoken assumption is unless you tell someone you won't be home, a plate will be made for you and you'll be expected to be sitting down with everyone. It's fine to miss it and make yourself something else later in the evening; it's not cool to make a fuss about what's being cooked or to try and squeeze into the small kitchen at the same time as the person who is cooking the family meal to make yourself a sandwich.
Breakfasts are made and eaten independently as on weekday mornings we all leave at different times, and my dad has never eaten first thing. Lunches at the weekend are generally made whenever you fancy eating yours, although it is expected that you'll offer to make others a sandwich/eggs and bacon/a salad, if you're going out to the kitchen and they're hungry too, but it's common we all eat different things at different times.
When I've lived with flatmates we've always tried to share the cooking, so dinner was often eaten together unless it was really impractical to do so. I just think there's something nice about taking half an hour in the evening to sit down and eat together.0 -
I don't know how in the world my family would ever have been able to have meals all together. Growing up, my parents worked two jobs each, and my brother and I had school.
Now that I live with my bf, we try to have at least one meal together, but typically he works days and I'm nights so it's hard to do more than that.0 -
Ugh. Being an immigrant, I suddenly got an image in my mind where I feel like I know exactly how your Mom feels. Just watching my Mom eating lunch by herself at the dining table because everyone else in the house has either been grazing all day, or grabbed something quick and ate it while watching TV. Compare to visiting them at their home and everyone pauses for a half hour to eat the lovingly prepared lunch. Sits and smiles together, tells random stories and jokes and overall just makes everyone feel good. That was actually over a holiday period, though. Not sure how they really live when they're back to working 70 hour weeks (yes, the supposed retiree works more hours than all his kids)
OP, even if your kids aren't available, I suggest attempting a few lunches with just you and Mom (I'm assuming you're both available since she's there to nag you...lol)
Well when my mom is here we typically always have lunch together, but if I'm hungry and have a snack before lunch, or have an early lunch because I'm just starving but it's too early for lunch, there goes the nagging...0 -
Ugh. Being an immigrant, I suddenly got an image in my mind where I feel like I know exactly how your Mom feels. Just watching my Mom eating lunch by herself at the dining table because everyone else in the house has either been grazing all day, or grabbed something quick and ate it while watching TV. Compare to visiting them at their home and everyone pauses for a half hour to eat the lovingly prepared lunch. Sits and smiles together, tells random stories and jokes and overall just makes everyone feel good. That was actually over a holiday period, though. Not sure how they really live when they're back to working 70 hour weeks (yes, the supposed retiree works more hours than all his kids)
OP, even if your kids aren't available, I suggest attempting a few lunches with just you and Mom (I'm assuming you're both available since she's there to nag you...lol)
Well when my mom is here we typically always have lunch together, but if I'm hungry and have a snack before lunch, or have an early lunch because I'm just starving but it's too early for lunch, there goes the nagging...
Hmm. Sounds like a control issue. Shove a piece of the snack into her mouth the next time she starts nagging? I kid. I kid. Though if you're still alive after attempting that, I'd sure like to know how it went
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I have two teens with part-time jobs, a six-year-old, and a partner. I cook dinner every night for whomever is home--it's often just us and the little one, and I make plates for the older kids to eat when they get home or for lunch the next day.
We are usually all home for a few hours on Sunday afternoons, so I've started cooking one big Sunday meal to eat at about 3 or 4. Today I'm making a favorite recipe from Cooking Light: Greek-style burgers with feta aioli. I can hardly wait!
We're pretty food-centric around here; I cook a lot! Family members tend to wander into the kitchen when something's baking in the oven or simmering on the stove, and that gives us lots of chatting and sharing time no matter who's here. It's casual, but still effective at keeping the family connected.0 -
Ugh. Being an immigrant, I suddenly got an image in my mind where I feel like I know exactly how your Mom feels. Just watching my Mom eating lunch by herself at the dining table because everyone else in the house has either been grazing all day, or grabbed something quick and ate it while watching TV. Compare to visiting them at their home and everyone pauses for a half hour to eat the lovingly prepared lunch. Sits and smiles together, tells random stories and jokes and overall just makes everyone feel good. That was actually over a holiday period, though. Not sure how they really live when they're back to working 70 hour weeks (yes, the supposed retiree works more hours than all his kids)
OP, even if your kids aren't available, I suggest attempting a few lunches with just you and Mom (I'm assuming you're both available since she's there to nag you...lol)
Well when my mom is here we typically always have lunch together, but if I'm hungry and have a snack before lunch, or have an early lunch because I'm just starving but it's too early for lunch, there goes the nagging...
Well, you could announce to the household (her) that you have food and are eating now. If no one (her) chooses to join you at that particular time then it isn't your fault that everyone (her) isn't eating together. If she is so bothered then she should join you when you feel like eating. I think she just wants to complain that your family does things differently then she is used to doing. If you all ate together but it was an odd time to her then she wouldn't like that either I bet.
I prefer it when my family eats together at least once a day but I am not going to starve or nag if it doesn't happen.0 -
My husband is in the army, and is largely away most of the time. I always sit with my children to eat, and whenever my husband is home we all eat as a family. It is very important in teaching children table manners and controlling their eating habits to avoid childhood and adulthood obesity. We need to enforce these habits adulthood adulthood young age. Being a solo parent most of the time it would be easy as for me to give in and let my children park themselves in front of the TV or devices and eat but I need to be strong because it is a much bigger picture!0
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