Desperate for help, advice or just a kick up the bum! Grief & overeating.

purplebuttersunflower · November 2015

I started my weightloss journey in January and was doing really well. By July I had almost lost 25kgs/55 pounds. Then out of nowhere my dad got ill & died within 26hrs. He died from undiagnosed Actue Myeloid Leukemia. I never thought I'd have to deal with the things I have over the last few months at the age of 29! My life feels like its falling apart. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I feel so lost and the worst of it is that I can't control my eating. In the first week I could barely face food at all & lost way too much weight. Now I have no interest in cooking healthy or eating healthy like I was. I pick all day and occasionally eat so much junk that I almost feel sick. I can't seem to get out of this hole. I've been keeping an eye on my weight and watching it gradually creep up more and more. You'd think that would stop me but I seem to have lost my willpower. I've got no energy to exercise. We go walking everyday but that's all I seem to be able to manage. I think a part of me blames my exercising and dieting for the reason why I didn't notice he was ill. I know that's a ridiculous thing to say but it's how I feel.

I wanted to lose weight before we get married and at the moment that seems impossible! I need to lose weight before we can even consider having a child. I need to lose weight so I can be healthier. I just can't find the motivation in me. I am so desperate for help and advice.

tomtwoswans921 · November 2015

Hi, I understand grief, so I feel for your emotional state. One thing I can tell you is that cortisol , the stress hormone can stop you losing weight.
Losing someone suddenly can through you into a tailspin. ( I lost my grandmother , father and sister in 3 months)
I don't know where you live, don't feel you are week if you reach out for professional help for your grief. Trying to gut get over it doesn't work.
I found remembering the good things and determining to live an awesome life to Honor their memory helped me.

Check out the beyond blue website , it is set up to help people suffering depression. You are showing some classic simptoms. The may be temporary and not clinical .
Mate, get help, as your mental state improves you will find your energy and motivation returning. Talk openly with your partner , so they know where you are at and see you looking to move forward, not just the behaviours we exhibit when grieving and feeling depressed.

My son suffers from depression and anxiety triggered by the grief of losing a friend, with out professional help I would have lost him.

Think of being trim, and strong, holding your newborn , dedicate that amazing moment to Honoring your father. ( good goal I think)
I'm a father, and that's what I would want.
Hope this helps
Feel free to contact me any time,
Tom

azulvioleta6 · November 2015

For me, the best stress relief is exercise. In your position, I would force myself to walk for a half hour a day or at least go to the gym, even if you don't get much done.

Set small goals for yourself every day and try to move forward.

How long has it been?

jgnatca · November 2015

No kicking from me. You have suffered a sudden loss, and you haven't recovered from that. You had no chance to say good-bye to your dad.

Would you believe me that when you are in a better place, you can repeat your former success and lose that weight again?

Could you stay away from the scale for a month or two?

Rachface13 · November 2015

I am absolutely heartbroken for you. I'm so sorry for your loss and can't even imagine the kind of pain you and your family must be going through.

As far as the weight gain, first and foremost, be kind to yourself right now. You're going through something so devastating that you're turning to anything that will bring you comfort. But the junk food is IMMEDIATE comfort. And as good as it feels at the time, you end up feeling worse once you're done. This makes you more depressed so you eat more. It's a VERY viscous cycle and is extremely hard to break. You need to remember that in times like these, you need exercise and eat good food the most! You're body is under a lot of stress and you have to combat that stress with putting good things in or you'll get sick. It's so much easier said than done but try to remember that, even if it's for one out of your three meals. Just pick an apple with peanut butter for breakfast instead of the donut and then you'll feel that mini success. Hopefully that'll start allowing you to put one foot in front of the other and take baby steps to "recovery".

Good luck, my friend. I know you're hurting but be good to yourself. I'll be thinking about you.

purplebuttersunflower · November 2015

I'm sorry I've taken so long to reply. My head can be rather muddly at times these days. I just wanted to thank you all so much for your replies & support.

tomtwoswans921 Thank you so much for those beautiful words. Lately I've tried to force myself to think in the future & it has helped in ways. Sometimes it's scary though because before he passed I had a general idea of our future & I guess now I'm scared to plan anything, I'm scared to get excited about anything. You just never know what is around the corner.

azulvioleta6 I wish we had a gym near us or could even afford it but we do go walking daily no matter what. I've found its sometimes the only thing that pulls me out of the darkness on a bad day. It's been 3 1/2 months, going on 4. His birthday will be in December & I'm dreading it as we always did something special for him but Christmas will be even worse

jgnatca I so want to believe that. Thank you

I know I shouldn't be fussing with the scale but I got rid of my clothes as I started to lose & if I put on anymore weight I'll have nothing but pjs to wear. I sort of use them as a sign that I'm letting things get out of hand.

Rachface13 You are so right & that is exactly what has been happening. On days when I've tried to stay away from junk, I've felt low & then ended up having some & felt better briefly but then ended up feeling even worse. I miss my healthy food. I miss my fruit especially. My brain just doesn't seem to want to communicate with my body though. Thank you for your kindness.

Again, thank you all of you for the kind & caring replies. I've been trying off & on this week but struggled. It's dinner time thats the biggest issue. I just can't get myself to want to cook. It's all convenience stuff. Chuck in the oven kind of things. I just can't seem to think what to cook. I'm going to try planning in advance. We're going to sit down today & workout what to eat each day. Our budget is very tight. I did take advantage of some recent deals on high protein bars, muffins etc which I figured is a start. We've been having like half a muffin at snack time.

Would any of you know places I can go to find budget healthy meals? We've got a slow cooker, halogen, soup maker and cooker so I should really start using them. My dad would be sad to see them gathering dust. He taught me to cook & I know he'd be disappointed with how we're currently eating.

Nickle526 · November 2015

This will be one of the hardest times of your life, and it's important to be realistic right now about what you will be capable of.

Planning for me is a huge stumbling block with eating too. If I am having a night where I am exhausted, I definitely don't want to spend the time and energy putting together a healthy meal. I try to have healthy "instant" food on hand: tuna, salad stuff, canned soups, rotisserie chicken... stuff I can throw together in a few minutes. Having a slow cooker is a great asset, especially on a busy day.

I will give you a little piece of advice that works for me in tough times: move a muscle, change a thought. It doesn't have to be anything drastic either. Get up and sweep the floor. Get up and have a glass of water. Get up and wash your hands. Get up and touch your front door. Seriously. Just engaging in an activity for 30 seconds can be enough to give you little boost.

Take it easy, give yourself time to heal, and just keep a forward momentum, even if it is at a snails pace. Just keep moving in a forward direction. And reach out to us! Sending positive thoughts your way...

scolaris · November 2015

Yes, sending you love as you make your way through this. When I turned forty my adorable 'teen mom' who was 59 died of a rapid moving pancreatic cancer. It was a very dark time for me, and I later realized it was a classic case of 'complicated grief.' Even the most complicated of griefs resolve gradually with the healing passage of time. Try to find a few healthy rhythms for yourself & realize each day will be different. Your dad must have been an amazing man. You'll no doubt find everything you need deep in yourself on this journey. I began to view my memories of my mom as an elaborate 'scavenger hunt' wherein everything I might have needed from her in the future could be found in our shared past if I just looked closely enough & was willing to feel deeply & nonjudgementally all the emotions that were evoked. Best to you... xo

jgnatca · November 2015

Complicated grief. I like that.

Desperate for help, advice or just a kick up the bum! Grief & overeating.

Replies

Categories