Building Self Esteem

Im a huge supporter of self-esteem building because I feel like that is the foundation of your life and attitude towards things in life. One problem is that self esteem comes from within. Insecurities are just anxiety sending negative thoughts in your head, making you feel trapped. In reality, there's nothing stopping you from being happy except you. You say your boyfriend is mean. No one is holding a gun up to your head and telling you to stay in that relationship. Fortunately, you understand youre staying out of fear of feeling lonely. However, being alone is not a bad thing. Youre born into this world alone, and in reality, youre alone your whole life because everyone is temporary. Life can take anyone of them away at any second. Instead of thinking of that as something scary, think of it as this means you should be grateful of whoever is in your life (like your family or loved ones) and who makes you happy. If your boyfriend is mean, your self esteem will suffer because youre allowing him to. Breaking off from the relationship will be extremely hard for you but it is for the best because a relationship based off of insecurities is not healthy. A good relationship is two secure people who are ready to share their life with another person and to support them. If your boyfriend isnt supporting you, he is hindering your progress to happiness. Building your self esteem takes a lot of consistency and training. I learned the hard way. When I was around 26% body fat, I felt disgusted with myself. But I got to the point where I hated that I hated myself. I began to literally sit in front of the mirror with my belly hanging over my legs and Any negative thought that came to my head like "Ew my stomach looks disgusting" I would rephrase to "I look beautiful, and I cant hate myself for liking food. I look just fine and having a belly doesnt make me ugly or disgusting." Of course I didnt believe anything I said but I practiced that anytime I said anything negative about myself. After a month, my perspective almost completely changed. Id occasionally get emotional about my physical appearance, but my mental training allowed me to pull myself out of my slumps and not allow myself to wallow in self pity. So I challenge you to mentally train yourself to change any negative thoughts you have towards yourself. Treat yourself like a princess. Because once you realize how valuable you are, you will not allow yourself to settle for any mistreatment, and I hope you can get to that point Im rooting for you!!

I found this quote a while ago that might help just a tiny bit..

"Your self-esteem won’t come from body parts. You need to step away from the mirror every once in a while, and look for another reflection, like the one in the eyes of the people who love you and admire you."

I'm not implying that you only look to your appearance for your self-esteem. It's the second part of the quote that may help. It's definitely true that self-esteem ultimately comes from within, but I think when you can't see your good qualities it's ok to look to the people who truly love you to find out what they like about you. I think if you have any close family or friends, other than your husband, you might consider talking to them about this stuff. Keep an open mind and really consider whether there's any truth in what they say. If you can't do that, I agree with the person who said to seek counseling. In addition to the resources she mentioned, grad schools sometimes offer counseling at reduced rates because your counselor would be a student. A counselor can also help you work out what you want to do about your relationship.

Only one person is in control of YOUR self esteem

Losing weight and improving my fitness level always ups my confidence. Hopefully it will work for you.

Not trying to be mean or rude, but I've dealt with self-esteem issues for years myself. You need to include people in your life that support you and your decisions. I find negativity spreads quickly, and that can make your esteem suffer as well. You don't have to be alone on your journey. Find people that you either work with, go to class with, or even in a workout class that can aid you in your goals and help you make yourself accountable for your decisions. Joining MFP is a great start as there are many people here with the same goals. In the end, "nothing changes if nothing changes".