My story.

feistymama21
feistymama21 Posts: 7
edited September 28 in Introduce Yourself
Hi my name is Amber, and I am 21 years old, and I have a three year old little girl. All my life I was slightly bigger, never actually obese. I was tormented through my school years, which didn't make me feel any better about myself, but whenever I used to try to do something about it, I would come up with every excuse why I couldn't right that minute. Then when I would turn for support at home, none was there between the name calling, and abusive upbringing. As I got older, I hid behind food. I didn't have many friends, still don't, because I pushed myself away from everyone because i was the "fat kid". When I was 16 I met someone I thought loved me, in turn all he did was compare me to girls he thought were beautiful. To him I was hideous, which only made me feel more worthless inside. Overtime I quit eating, and starving myself, and lost a lot of weight, the wrong way. Then I became pregnant with my beautiful baby girl Kylee, everything turned around it seemed. Until I was five months pregnant still the same size i was before I got pregnant and the name calling began again. Again, the fear of losing someone I cared about came back so I turned to my only friend, food. After I had my daughter the stress was still there and so was my comfort, and I gained a hundred lbs. Now I am currently 244, bouncing between 255. I got married to one of my best friends last year in May. We haven't been married a year and now are separated. I feel as ugly as ever, and once again can't even look at myself in the mirror. I hate my picture, I can't stand to look at my wedding pictures because of how horrible I look. Most of the time I question how I could find anyone to even care about me. I have very few friends, and I need support. I truly want to make myself feel better. I need to care about myself, and need to find my happy self once again. I am done putting a charade for people. It's time to bring myself back.

Replies

  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    Welcome!

    This place has changed my life! I'm only a couple of weeks in and am yet to lose my motivation - it normally happens about two hours after I decide to change... I lose my motivation and give up. Hopefully you'll find it amazing here, as I have. So much information, so many opinions and guiding hands. It's actually difficult to fail with this much support... and from strangers... The best kind of strangers too - the ones who have been where you are, want to be where you want to be, and know exactly what you're going through.

    xx
  • kater8er
    kater8er Posts: 364 Member
    Your story makes me sad...I'm sorry that you've had to go through all of that pain. But I am glad that you're here! That just means that you're sick of taking all the crap from people and you won't allow it anymore. Add me if you'd like a friend :)

    -Kate
  • LessMe2B
    LessMe2B Posts: 316
    You are 2 years younger than my daughter, and I want to hunt down everyone of those horrible people that hurt you and give them a knock on the head. I'm so sorry you endured that torment. The key is that you did endure and here you are. It's time for you, so quit letting those rotten people hurt you by dwelling on what they said and did. You've come to the right place for support and positive feedback. MF pals will cheer your successes and hold you up through the stumbles. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life (corny I know, but true). You can add me for support if you'd like. Take care of yourself.
  • prettybrownround
    prettybrownround Posts: 362 Member
    Welcome! U came to the right place. Today is a new day and new beginning. U will find an overwhelming amount of support, love and encouragement here.
  • dls06
    dls06 Posts: 6,774 Member
    Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You are a role model now and you owe it to your child to do everything you can to be best you can be. You need to find something positive to do with your life. Once you get you back on track everything else will fall into place. The first is to eat healthy to feel healthy. You can do it. Educate yourself and take it slow and steady. Make a plan and stick with it. Don't you give up on yourself. You will find as you get older there are not many people you can count on in life so don't expect anyone to do it for you. The one person you can count on is you. and remember it's better to be alone and happy then unhappy with someone.
  • feistymama21
    feistymama21 Posts: 7
    I am sorry if it makes you sad, I am just sharing what exactly has kind of help cause my problems. But Its the truth, and to get past it i have to let it out. Don't feel bad for me. I am just trying to get past it all. thanks.
  • gmkimby
    gmkimby Posts: 58 Member
    I'm glad you're here. Welcome. :smile:
  • sunyg
    sunyg Posts: 229
    Welcome! You will find much love and support here!
  • corncookie
    corncookie Posts: 7 Member
    Amber please dont hate yourself. You are Gods child and he made you just the way you are. He loves you no matter what anyone else ever says about you. That is the love you need, the love of your Father above. You have to love yourself for your little girl. Children pick up on the way we feel about ourselves. And pretty soon they began to believe that is the right way to feel about them selves. And you do not want that precious little one hate to look at herself in the mirror. You need to find counseling. I was where you are once. I hated myself so much. I always knew that God loved me, but I did not let him in, and it was lonely there by myself. When I finally got some counseling, and it took some time, but now I know that I am a valuable person. God loves me just the way I am. Please find some counseling, at the YWCA, or at a womans center, you are young and you dont want to waste all the years I did hating myself.
    You will be in my prayers tonight, as well as your little one.
    Brenda
  • darthgeg
    darthgeg Posts: 6 Member
    Welcome. Dont feel alone. I used to think that my only friend was food and for a long time I believed it to the point where i have to lose about 200 pounds. Your better than what you think and there are a lot of good people on here that will remind you of that every day and motivate you. If you like add me as a friend and I will help keep you motivated and encouraged. Good luck.

    Greg
  • mhadams2668
    mhadams2668 Posts: 25 Member
    welcome! you can freind me!
  • 37mom
    37mom Posts: 74
    Hi

    You sound as negative about life as I do. First of all you need to get all the negative thoughts out of your head. ( I know I tell the same thing to myself) Its hard ...but you have to love yourself before anyone else can. With the weight or without it I am sure your a beautiful girl. Dont ever let anyone make you think your not. Until you start loving yourself you will not be able to become healthy. You are never alone......and stop thinking nobody would ever love you. There are hundreds out there that will. You have obviously been around the wrong type of people. You and me both need to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and learn that we are worth it.
  • tishaloses
    tishaloses Posts: 234 Member
    welcome to Mfp!!! There are alot of great people around here!!! Friend request is on the way!!! I would love to help you get some confidence back in yourself!!!
  • demonNIИ
    demonNIИ Posts: 187
    Hi,
    My name is Diane, my weight bounced around all my life. I was close to 200 when I got married at 24. Switched to all sugar free foods, soda, candy, etc. Dropped about 50 lbs: no exercise. Crept back up , little by little . Winter of 2011 went on a metal cruise...saw pics some random person took of me in a hot tub with musicians/ fans etc and was absolutely HORRIFIED at what I saw...was weighed a week after I returned at my annual visit....realized I gained another 20 in less than ONE year!!! A month or so after my return from the cruise took a good hard look at myself in a swimsuit ashamed at what I saw and decided to do something about it...... started March 30th 2011 and it's going slow but I'm 14-15 lbs less now and have another30-40 to go...wish me luck. And I hope to do this by the next cruise in Jan 2012.
  • treez69
    treez69 Posts: 15 Member
    welcome, i've only been here for 5 days and have found it inspirational, everyone is so supportive ,add me as a friend, we can help each other through
  • TakuraHunt
    TakuraHunt Posts: 208
    First let me start by saying you are in the right place for support. I have been here for a little over a month now, and I think its just the best. I wish you the best on your journey. Just remember you won't have to go through it alone. I know how you feel... while I am here to lose weight and get healthier, I am also here to learn to love myself, until then I can't expect it from anyone else.

    :flowerforyou: Here's to our journey :flowerforyou:
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
    Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You are a role model now and you owe it to your child to do everything you can to be best you can be. You need to find something positive to do with your life. Once you get you back on track everything else will fall into place. The first is to eat healthy to feel healthy. You can do it. Educate yourself and take it slow and steady. Make a plan and stick with it. Don't you give up on yourself. You will find as you get older there are not many people you can count on in life so don't expect anyone to do it for you. The one person you can count on is you. and remember it's better to be alone and happy then unhappy with someone.


    Couldn't have said it better myself! No more feeling sorry or making excuses! There's a strong woman in there, now it's just time to let her shine. You have been through a lot at such a young age, but you have the rest of your life ahead of you--Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Good luck and add me as a friend if you like!
  • maggie4097
    maggie4097 Posts: 156
    Amber please dont hate yourself. You are Gods child and he made you just the way you are. He loves you no matter what anyone else ever says about you. That is the love you need, the love of your Father above. You have to love yourself for your little girl. Children pick up on the way we feel about ourselves. And pretty soon they began to believe that is the right way to feel about them selves. And you do not want that precious little one hate to look at herself in the mirror. You need to find counseling. I was where you are once. I hated myself so much. I always knew that God loved me, but I did not let him in, and it was lonely there by myself. When I finally got some counseling, and it took some time, but now I know that I am a valuable person. God loves me just the way I am. Please find some counseling, at the YWCA, or at a womans center, you are young and you dont want to waste all the years I did hating myself.
    You will be in my prayers tonight, as well as your little one.
    Brenda

    Well said!
  • LynnBirchfield
    LynnBirchfield Posts: 581 Member
    Welcome to MFP. The best decision you could have made. The website is super user friendly, the database of foods is huge -- so you can just click and add in your food diary, and the best part is the people. Everyone is so supportive. You need to be sure to log everything -- whether you go over or not and close your diary in the evenings. When you exercise and when you close your food dairy for the day, a status will pop up on the pages of your friends so they can make comments and cheer you on. Please feel free to add me as a friend, by clicking on my user name and requesting it.

    I wish you all the success in the world in your weight loss journey. You can do this!!

    Lynn
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