This is so not cool! RANT!!

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chris0912
chris0912 Posts: 242 Member
in Chit-Chat
A little back story before I get to the heart of this issue. My hubs has a cousin by marriage who is in her mid-20s with a child of her own. The father is not in the picture (by his choice) and she has never pursued taking him to court for child support. She, and her child, still live at home, not paying rent/utilities/child care/etc to her mother and step-father (who have raised 3 other free-loaders).

So, she has finally decided to do something positive for herself and her child. She has gotten onto some sort of public assistance program that is allowing her to go to school, move into an apartment on campus (a few hours away from home) and have her child in day care or school. Great! Good for her!

Today we got an invitation in the mail for a going-away party for the two of them. And the last line of the invite says "REGISTERED AT TARGET!!!" Excuse me? You have made bad decisions your entire (albeit short) adult life and we are expected to help you finance this? You CHOSE to keep your child knowing that the father didn't want to be involved. You CHOSE to not go to college when you've had opportunities to do so. You CHOSE to not save the money you earned while you were living debt and obligation free with your parents. I could go on and on.

But I guess the bottom line is this... when I moved out of my mother's house, the only people who helped me furnish my new home was myself and my parents. I would never dream of asking other people to help me out with that. If she were buying a house I could understand it. But this? No way!
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Replies

  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    lol. that isn't cool, her expecting you all to furnish her new apartment.. maybe she should get a job, and add to the great new experience and second chance public assistance has given her.. Honestly if you need, and I MEAN NEED Gov't assistance, then good for you and whatever, but it really gets on my nerves when people abuse the system, and think they can just get everything spoon fed to them, because they made bad decisions... and then to make matters worse, pop out more babies just to get more assistance.. anywho.. back on topic, she's in the real world now, she doesn't need to be spoon fed, what she needs is a good swift kick and some tough love. she'll be all the better off for it. :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    I'm confused. Is she going out of state for school? Or, has she opted not to go and has chosen to move somewhere else? If she is doing something positive for herself and her child, despite her past bad decisions, why does it bother you that she is asking for more help? How do you even know that it was her idea to register at Target? Maybe her mother suggested it.
  • KimberSt
    KimberSt Posts: 62 Member
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    Why are you letting it get to you? Why not be the bigger person and offer a small gift and be done with her?
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    Just skip going.
  • acave9406
    acave9406 Posts: 124 Member
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    I had the same kind of issue with my husbands cousin except she doesn't have a kid, almost 30 has never paid a bill in her life, parties and gets drunk/high every night and when she decides to get her own place she has a "housewarming party" and had a list of things she needed.......my husband and I were just like uh excuse me?

    Annoying!!!!!
  • sthem5
    sthem5 Posts: 5 Member
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    You are right, this is pretty tacky! We do live in an age of "entitlement syndrome". My pastor talked about this in his sermon Sunday. Not sure how we should react to this kind of situation, but hopefully she will finally get her life together and raise a child with better judgement than herself. "Mom" is definitley not helping out the freeloaders though. She evidently wants them all to be her "friends" instead of her "children" and the way to get that is to buy their love.
  • christy_cross
    christy_cross Posts: 2
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    I figure, give the girl the benefit of the doubt.

    Since you moved out on your own, you know that it costs a pretty penny - perhaps she just doesn't know anyone who can give her hand-me-downs. If your that opposed to paying for some gift, maybe send her something you are no longer using that she might need (like a pot or some old glasses). I know when I moved out, my friends helped out a lot with the little things that add up - 4 years later and I still have 4 dining room chairs on loan from a friends mother as I haven't had the money to purchase my own yet.

    Maybe she only registered for stuff because people told her that's what she's supposed to do. Besides, if you don't think you should support her 'bad' decisions then don't go to the party.
  • Azuleelan
    Azuleelan Posts: 218
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    So don't give her anythiing. Geeez, leave the woman alone...
  • jnettiedotson
    jnettiedotson Posts: 163
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    As if no one has ever made bad decisions before and needed a little help to make things better. Isn't that why we are all here? Different story, but bottom line the same thing. We're all fat, trying to lose weight, because of bad decisions....and we're all here for support and help. Financial or not. You could support her move by just showing up and buy her a card. I'm sure she'd love that! I don't think it's fair to say it's "not cool" because she chose to keep her child, knowing the father wouldn't be there, etc. How many adopted or aborted kids would there be if everyone chose to get rid of someone because of Daddy? That's insane. Anyway, I honestly think that when people get so bent out of shape, LOL, about someone else's lives, they have got to be jealous of something!!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    If you don't want to help her out, that is your choice. All I'm saying is, I have been in her shoes, and it takes a long time to recover from a series of bad decisions. Sometimes we even judge ourselves even more than others do. Even after you adjust your decision-making, you are still very insecure about your future decisions. People like her need to see supportive attitudes from family and friends. You should reward her effort, and look forward to seeing her attain a brighter future. But, I don't have the priviledge of first hand knowledge of the situation. Maybe you have your reasons.
  • Azuleelan
    Azuleelan Posts: 218
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    As if no one has ever made bad decisions before and needed a little help to make things better. Isn't that why we are all here? Different story, but bottom line the same thing. We're all fat, trying to lose weight, because of bad decisions....and we're all here for support and help. Financial or not. You could support her move by just showing up and buy her a card. I'm sure she'd love that! I don't think it's fair to say it's "not cool" because she chose to keep her child, knowing the father wouldn't be there, etc. How many adopted or aborted kids would there be if everyone chose to get rid of someone because of Daddy? That's insane. Anyway, I honestly think that when people get so bent out of shape, LOL, about someone else's lives, they have got to be jealous of something!!

    Good one :)
  • MissJoy18
    MissJoy18 Posts: 45
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    This is a really frustrating situation. If I were in your shoes, I would still attend the gathering and instead of buying a present off of the Target registry, I would buy something for her child. The child did not choose to be born in his/her situation. Since your husband's cousin isn't the only one leaving, your present would be justified. In essence, you are helping the child, not her.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    Why are you letting it get to you? Why not be the bigger person and offer a small gift and be done with her?
    ^ empathy it's an incredible gift:flowerforyou:
  • BettyMargaret
    BettyMargaret Posts: 407 Member
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    As if no one has ever made bad decisions before and needed a little help to make things better. Isn't that why we are all here? Different story, but bottom line the same thing. We're all fat, trying to lose weight, because of bad decisions....and we're all here for support and help. Financial or not. You could support her move by just showing up and buy her a card. I'm sure she'd love that! I don't think it's fair to say it's "not cool" because she chose to keep her child, knowing the father wouldn't be there, etc. How many adopted or aborted kids would there be if everyone chose to get rid of someone because of Daddy? That's insane. Anyway, I honestly think that when people get so bent out of shape, LOL, about someone else's lives, they have got to be jealous of something!!

    Good one :)

    Excuse me but did you just call me fat!? LOL!!! j/k of course, but GREAT outlook!
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
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    i agree with you, but some others are right about letting it go. yes its frustrating. I had a child at 19 and my mother did not enable me. Because I had no one to give me hand outs I made a way for me and my child. No help from the father either. I eventually became a foster mom and watched many many girls make very bad decisions and watched their parents enable them. It is frustrating, but take the higher road, get her a card and wish her and her child luck. Hopefully she will make the right decisions and follow through with school and improve her life :)
  • AmesLee78
    AmesLee78 Posts: 111
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    What!?!? I have NEVER heard of something like this. That sounds really rude if you ask me. I wouldn't get her a damn thing.
  • reese66
    reese66 Posts: 2,920 Member
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    As if no one has ever made bad decisions before and needed a little help to make things better. Isn't that why we are all here? Different story, but bottom line the same thing. We're all fat, trying to lose weight, because of bad decisions....and we're all here for support and help. Financial or not. You could support her move by just showing up and buy her a card. I'm sure she'd love that! I don't think it's fair to say it's "not cool" because she chose to keep her child, knowing the father wouldn't be there, etc. How many adopted or aborted kids would there be if everyone chose to get rid of someone because of Daddy? That's insane. Anyway, I honestly think that when people get so bent out of shape, LOL, about someone else's lives, they have got to be jealous of something!!

    Good one :)


    I agree with this...

    I was down and and out and I had a child that the dad didn't want. I had people in my life that helped me in many ways and now my baby has graduated college and I am getting kisses from my grand baby. Relax help the kid out...
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    As if no one has ever made bad decisions before and needed a little help to make things better. Isn't that why we are all here? Different story, but bottom line the same thing. We're all fat, trying to lose weight, because of bad decisions....and we're all here for support and help. Financial or not. You could support her move by just showing up and buy her a card. I'm sure she'd love that! I don't think it's fair to say it's "not cool" because she chose to keep her child, knowing the father wouldn't be there, etc. How many adopted or aborted kids would there be if everyone chose to get rid of someone because of Daddy? That's insane. Anyway, I honestly think that when people get so bent out of shape, LOL, about someone else's lives, they have got to be jealous of something!!

    Good one :)


    I agree with this...

    I was down and and out and I had a child that the dad didn't want. I had people in my life that helped me in many ways and now my baby has graduated college and I am getting kisses from my grand baby. Relax help the kid out...
    ^:heart:
  • mendogirl
    mendogirl Posts: 87
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    the only thing that irks me about your post is the fact that you look down on the fact that she kept her baby. not something that should be looked at in a negative light.. at all. anyways.. just ignore the whole situation if it bugs you that bad.
  • Rowann
    Rowann Posts: 86
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    This is a really frustrating situation. If I were in your shoes, I would still attend the gathering and instead of buying a present off of the Target registry, I would buy something for her child. The child did not choose to be born in his/her situation. Since your husband's cousin isn't the only one leaving, your present would be justified. In essence, you are helping the child, not her.

    This is definitely what I'd do too... no reason to penalise the child for your personal opinions on their mother.

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