The Emotional struggle

Going thru what some people call the binging stage of recovery. Really really struggling with it. Like 1 day I ate 5000 calories and I'm used to 1000, a literally lay in my bed and cried and then when I said I will make up for it a can't, every time a walk into the kitchen no matter when a eat. Right now it's cereal, like yesterday between 3-4 had 5 bowls and a just can't stop it. It's scaring me. Really hoping it doesn't last long. Hate not being in control however from all the things I've read everyone says it's different sometimes it can last for months others days hopefully am the latter. Docs yesterday and if s don't gain any weight in 2 weeks she's putting me in so need to gain weight l. It's not the food that's the issue well it is a little it's more the fact a just can't stop it. It's like autopilot and am scared to eat earlier in the day incase it happens at night. A end up crying myself to sleep and if am being honest am not an emotional person but this is getting to me