Fear of dating because of my size...

bigblueeyes1
bigblueeyes1 Posts: 52 Member
in Motivation and Support
Long story short, I haven't dated in over 5 years. I've recently re-connected with an old flame and I felt the need to tell him right away how much weight I've gained since he last saw me (3 years ago). Needless to say I was terrified of him seeing me for fear of what he would think. Well, he still calls me "gorgeous", but I still worry that he is not attracted to my size. And I know I'm jumping the gun here, but I'm already thinking about if things progress...how can I ever allow him to see me...NAKED?! I have sooooo much cellulite and I just feel gross about myself when I look in the mirror.

How do I get past this fear of being rejected for my size??

P.S-I wasn't really sure which category this question fell into so sorry if I chose the wrong one!

Replies

  • Achaila
    Achaila Posts: 264 Member
    Honestly if he cares about cellulite so much so that he's grossed out when he sees you naked - he's not worth your time. Value yourself more than that.
  • TheBeachgod
    TheBeachgod Posts: 825 Member
    edited November 2015
    That^ also you can use that fear of rejection as a beginning motivation to eat less and move more if you're wanting to get in shape.

    edit. notice I said beginning motivation. Dwelling on fear isn't ideal but if it helps get you moving in the right direction then all's good and the fear of rejection will pretty much go away on its own as you progress. (note to self: practice what you preach)
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 491 Member
    Don't let your own negative thoughts get in the way. If he liked you in the past, he will now. If he doesn't, then you don't need to be with a person like that. You have to learn to love yourself before you can let anyone else in. I know that is cheesy but so true.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Give the guy a little credit. You threw the number out there and he wasn't scared off. You have to love yourself first though if it's ever going to work. Otherwise you will spend forever feeling like you don't deserve to be loved. For the record I am not overweight but still have cellulite, and stretch marks, and scars and all kinds of things you wouldn't expect people to want to see.
  • believeit66
    believeit66 Posts: 9 Member
    He will either want to be with you, or he won't, and it may well have nothing to do with size (there is a reason, other than body size that you two split before, right?).

    The best thing for you to do is be the truest and best you that you can be, smile, and treat him with kindness and respect, and let the chips fall where they may. If he chooses not to continue, do your best not to take it hard, because it's everything to do with him. Move on.
  • bigblueeyes1
    bigblueeyes1 Posts: 52 Member
    Thank you all for the comments and support. Looks like I'll just need to with the flow on this one and try to love myself along the way. A tall order as I was never confident even when I was thin.
  • lmcginley02
    lmcginley02 Posts: 38 Member
    We are our own worst critics! A lot of people out there are not put off by someone's size and never notice cellulite or are bothered by it. I believe people are beautiful in every shape and size especially to those who are attracted to your personality and heart as well
  • julie2038
    julie2038 Posts: 142 Member
    bigblueeyes1 wrote: »
    Thank you all for the comments and support. Looks like I'll just need to with the flow on this one and try to love myself along the way. A tall order as I was never confident even when I was thin.

    You must like one thing about yourself. At least I think it's reflected in your user name! Start there. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth it! Be thankful for big blue eyes that can see! Hearing that works! Legs and arms that move, and if I move them a little more I may lose some weight. You get my point. This relationship or any other that you get into, you need to love yourself first before you could possibly love another. God Bless!
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    He won't be looking at the cellulite most likely. He will be looking at the fun parts. ;) Men pay far less attention to such issues than we do.
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
    gothchiq wrote: »
    He won't be looking at the cellulite most likely. He will be looking at the fun parts. ;) Men pay far less attention to such issues than we do.

    Very true.
    When I was 250lb at 5'3" I discovered a lot of men really don't care about size, and definitely not cellulite. They see us much differently than we see ourselves
  • KimberLinzey
    KimberLinzey Posts: 37 Member
    I agree with everything everyone said but also, be confident and smile- you have a beyond beautiful face as your MFP picture shows. Smile and have life in your eyes. People are attracted to happiness, love and kindness. And you seem to have that !!!
  • Shull_rachael
    Shull_rachael Posts: 430 Member
    I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! I'm so afraid I have to settle because of my size! Add me and we can support each other.
  • bigblueeyes1
    bigblueeyes1 Posts: 52 Member
    Can I just say how much I love this site?! You all have been so supportive and have had nothing but nice things to say. You have also given me very good advice. THANK YOU ALL!
  • headofphat
    headofphat Posts: 1,597 Member
    JenAndSome wrote: »
    Give the guy a little credit. You threw the number out there and he wasn't scared off. You have to love yourself first though if it's ever going to work. Otherwise you will spend forever feeling like you don't deserve to be loved. For the record I am not overweight but still have cellulite, and stretch marks, and scars and all kinds of things you wouldn't expect people to want to see.

    I agree.
    Confidence is everything! If you're not confident in yourself then you can NEVER expect someone else to be. Either *kitten* or get off the pot! If he doesn't like you when you meet it's more your lack of confidence than it might be him not being attracted to you anymore.
  • MsMaeFlowers
    MsMaeFlowers Posts: 261 Member
    If you don't have confidence, fake it. And eventually you won't be faking it anymore, because it will be real. Pick some fitness goals, beat them, and that will help you feel way better.

    And if this guy doesn't like you the way you are now, he's not worth it.
  • BigMikeP81
    BigMikeP81 Posts: 46 Member
    As a guy I can assure you cellulite is the last thing on a guys mind lol. I can't speak for all guys but I can say that the first thing I notice about a woman is what type of personality she has. Yeah the fun parts are nice don't get me wrong lol but if a woman doesn't have a good personality I'm not even going to waste my time.
  • bigblueeyes1
    bigblueeyes1 Posts: 52 Member
    painterm81 wrote: »
    As a guy I can assure you cellulite is the last thing on a guys mind lol. I can't speak for all guys but I can say that the first thing I notice about a woman is what type of personality she has. Yeah the fun parts are nice don't get me wrong lol but if a woman doesn't have a good personality I'm not even going to waste my time.

    Thank You. I would like to think that personality would win over looks, but we all know that is not always the case :neutral:
  • bigblueeyes1
    bigblueeyes1 Posts: 52 Member
    headofphat wrote: »
    JenAndSome wrote: »
    Give the guy a little credit. You threw the number out there and he wasn't scared off. You have to love yourself first though if it's ever going to work. Otherwise you will spend forever feeling like you don't deserve to be loved. For the record I am not overweight but still have cellulite, and stretch marks, and scars and all kinds of things you wouldn't expect people to want to see.

    I agree.
    Confidence is everything! If you're not confident in yourself then you can NEVER expect someone else to be. Either *kitten* or get off the pot! If he doesn't like you when you meet it's more your lack of confidence than it might be him not being attracted to you anymore.

    I agree about the confidence. I used to have it and to be honest, that was the best times of my life! I was going out, having fun, flirting, dating, and just loving life. I'm not sure if I'll ever get that back but I promise I'll try. Not just for this guy, but for myself! I miss that feeling.
  • bigblueeyes1
    bigblueeyes1 Posts: 52 Member
    BTW...incase anyone is wondering, I gained approximately 35-40 lbs since the last time he has seen me. I'm only 5'2 and now weigh between 210 and 215 :(
  • BigMikeP81
    BigMikeP81 Posts: 46 Member
    That's very true, but you should never let peoples opinions shake your confidence. You might not see it but there is always someone who notices it.

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